I first met Harry in 3rd grade. We were in Cub Scouts together (same Den). Aside from slicked back dark hair and coke bottle glasses, he was as normal as any kid that age. So too were most of the kids that lived in Montvale. We marched in the Memorial Day parade, cleaned up litter in the park, and played baseball...again, like any kid, or someone's son, in a small town.
But - that all changed when we hit the 8th Grade. Puberty! That's when other kids gained more muscle, were taller, heavier, started to exert dominance and affinity groups were formed. That's when Harry started to become someone looking in from the outside and not part of the crowd. By his Freshman year in High School, he was one of several kids being targeted for being different. I saw it up close and personal.
As has been previously stated, it was a different time. Teachers didn't care to get involved if a student was being teased. Harry had his share of kids that would bully him. Michael and his older brother Jerry Balanco (sp), Russ, and Chuck T., to name a few. He was often the first one hit in gym class when playing Dodge Ball....kids would gang up on him.
Funny how a few years make such a difference. In third grade Harry would hang with the likes of Gary M. and Howard R., but they had moved on to run with a faster crowd...without them to defend him...Harry was on his own. High School can be a very lonely place without a friend there to stop the bully in the lunch room from taking your lunch money, knocking your books down, or pushing you around in the hallways...and the teachers did nothing! There was also a significant amount of anti-semitism being preached in a local church. There was one (1) token afro-american in our school. Preaching hate begets more hate and so it goes. PH was full of hate. But if you were one of the cool kids hanging with the in-crowd...you'd never have seen it or thought it existed. Some of us know better.
I was lucky. Despite the harrasement I took, and I took my share, I got to move out of town. A thousand miles away and what a difference it made. I discovered that not all high schools were like Pascack Hills. Say what you want about the football and wrestling teams being so great. They were and likely still are, but in '72 thru '74, the school was a house of horrors for kids like Harry.
Harry had no place to run, no place to escape. It came as no surprise to me when I opened a newspaper in Gainsville Florida that Thanksgiving in '76 and read of the murders. I don't know if Harry did it. It just didn't surprise me. Had I stayed in Montvale, it might have been me in cuffs. The drama and stress of High School, College, of reaching adulthood can make people commit all manner of acts. Some good, some bad, some evil.
Don't think that your film will affect impressionable young minds that watch the movie...you have to get them before they hit their teens...you have to get to the parents and the teachers and the school board, and yes, the preachers/ministers to ensure a policy of 'zero tollerance' for hate, bullies, teasing.
Ask the question all you want about what could have or should have been, there is no right or wrong answer...what happened is past. Horrific, tragic, sad, a loss of life for Harry's family, nearly a lifetime of pain and isolation for Harry.
Harry wasn't just anyone's son. He was somebody's son and 'we' made him what he is and then threw him away. Shame on all of us for not lifting him up, but rather putting him down.
If my former classmates and teachers should read this, to those that showed me friendship and left me with fond memories of fishing in the Saddle River, eating sherbet at Duff's, bowling, playing ball, and just being normal kids...I hope your lives have been well spent. To those that teased the likes of Harry and I, I feel sorry for you - no matter what material things you've accumulated over the years, you are lacking that which is most important - compassion and love.
To Harry, I wish you well.
And to you the film-maker: Don't start production unless you have the capital to finish your vision...don't cut corners or leave too much film on the cutting room floor. Do justice to Harry and to his family.
I was a Pascack Valley student in the late 80's, so this isn't really my battle. However, I did witness some students being picked in an abusive manner. I was neither the bully nor the abused, but in retrospect maybe I could have done something more to help these kids. I know this happens at schools all over the country and that Pascack Valley and Pascack Hills are not much different. It is a responsibility of the parents and administrations to deal with these situations, but also the other students. If students, especially those that are "popular", can let the bullys know that their actions are not cool and immature, then this could help make a difference. Hopefully, the kids of today will show more guts than I did in those days.
As far as those individuals not using their names with their messages---I don't blame you! For one, no one wants to label themselves as a victim or snitch and secondly I am appalled by some of the ridiculous, feeble-minded remarks made in some of these responses. Heck, it wouldnt even suprise me if one of these currently 40-something year olds sought out an actual confrontation with the accusors! Of course, this would be fine with half-witted, obtuse "Chicky", as this would be consistent with her stupid survival of the fittest logic. In case you missed it folks, among other moronic statements, Chicky compared bullys and their abuse of weaker students to participants in a football game. If you follow her logic, the deaths of those on September 11 are an example of survival of the fittest and is just part of natures course! Chicky, I hope you were hot when you were young and married well because I know you didn't accomplish anything on your own with your intelligence and creativity!
I lived close to Harry. His family was very strict and abusive. He was picked on and tormented by his classmates. I don't agree with what he did, but I believe he should temporarily insane and they courts should have seen it that way.
