I read an article today concerning discrimination. A man in California sued the state of California for the right to change his name to his wife's last name when they got married. Apparently it can cost $50 to $90 for women to change their name when they get married. However for men to change their last name they have to pay $300 and advertise in the paper for a number of weeks their intent to change their name. He won his case. He changed his name because his wife wanted to carry on her father's family name and they didn't have any other heirs.
So what do you ya'll think? Would you take your wife's last name? Why or why not?
Lark: Man, oh man, wouldn't THAT put all the Holdie geneology experts in heart fibrilation mode!!!!
Forreal, from the land where history repeats itself, over and over!
The Da Vinci Code. What's in a name? Are we a patriarchal or matriarchal society? I believe the guy had a case. What's the difference? I would take my wife's name but I prefer a good, solid German name over a Scotch/Irish one.
I would gladly change my name. In fact I offered when I got married but the woman in my life wanted to change hers. Of course I doubt very much if I speak for the majority of males. But it would have been interesting to have a last name that had been on the North American continent for over 300 years but still is not very popular.
Who cares? It's just a name- nothing morally wrong or right with which last name you carry.
I use my full name (first, maiden and husband's last name) professionally. does it matter that I haven't dropped my maiden name?
Why should it matter if a man chooses to respect his wife's family's legacy and carry her name for himself and their children?
I kept my original name (hate the term "maiden name"), and the husband has his original name. We're trying to figure out what to call the kids when they come. I hate the idea of hyphenating, so I'm probably going to stick my name in there as a secondary second name.
I found this thread about the subject kind of interesting, hopefully no one minds me linking to left-wing feminazi propaganda here.
feminazi? ha...haven't heard that term around here for a while. If you do a search you will find it was used only once on COG by a guy named ironworker. Thanks for reviving it Sharolyn!
BTW, it looks like our feminazi presidential candidate may be taking her last breaths in this race. Poor ole Hillary isn't looking very good today. BrentU, I'm starting to think we may escape this curse.
My mother married in 1936, and she kept her "original name" and handled it like April's. I think it may be an an old custom. ??
Some of my siblings, as well our son (one of four) and daughter-in-law added DIL's family name to their son's name; in order to preserve those family names. I like the ideas and have no problem with creative ways of using names.
I'm actually a bit surprised you're anti-Hillary though... I would've thought that given the choice between her and Obama you'd consider her the lesser of two evils. More experienced, more practical, etc.
Hank, I didn't know that! Very interesting... perhaps preserving the wife's name in some form or another is more prevalent than I was aware of. I should research this more.
My last name would not be Holdeman. Nor hers. Friesen would be much closer. And I was fed up with banks and others not being able to sort us out. However where I live now there is likely less than a dozen families with the name so it is not that bad. Her last name was Rusk (A little more rustic too.) Certainly less common than Smith eh.
Ah Sharolyn (btw, do you mind if I call you by your old nickname?) if you'd hung around here more you would have picked up that I have strong dislikes for all 3 candidates. It could well be that Hillary would do less damage than Obama...I don't know. McCain is the lesser of the three evils but in the long run I don't know that it will make much difference. He's going to seriously hurt the Republican party if he wins.
Brent, I thought your confidence in Hillary's ability to pull this out would be waning by now. You may be right tho....the Clinton's have an uncanny way of winning against the odds. But it's looking tougher for her...she will need a miracle.
Thanks Grasshopper For the good of the country I'd like someone similar to Ronald Reagan. I'd be happy with former Sen. George Allen, Sen. Jeff Sessions, Dyck Cheney, Alan Keyes...someone down that line. Fred Thompson and Romney would have been great too.
You sure you are the same Grasshopper from HS? What enticed you to come home?
I am the same Grasshopper, and I poked my head in on a day when I didn't have much to do and got sucked in. I doubt I'll be around for long, but it's interesting to see how the group has evolved over the last 5 years. There's something appealing as well about touching base with people who've come from the same place you have, even if they've ended up in a completely different place.
I gave myself a stern talking to before I did though not to talk to anyone about gay rights, abortion or feminism.
A generation ago, from me, it was the common thing for a woman to retain her maiden name as a middle name. Children were also given the mother's maiden name as a second name. My father is Stanley Reimer Giesbrecht.
Lark, I wouldn't know where to start -- it's been about 5 years! But as a quick summary, I'm still married, still in Vancouver, 19 weeks knocked up, and taking some time off of work as a result. (Probably why I ended up back here... too much time on my hands.) I've gone through a few years of reading which as brought me around to realizing that I don't dislike religion as much as I thought I did, although I still consider myself agnostic. I realized that most of what I hate about religion is the stuff that people have injected into it... but I think there's still a spiritual component to humanity that can't be denied. I'm also happier than I've ever been... the last 5 years have been incredible, although I'd have a hard time describing why. Must have something to do with being in my 30's, I guess? Things make more sense at this age. I wouldn't go back to my 20's for the world. What an obnoxious little jerk I was. Nothing like a couple of years of therapy and a good swift boot to the head from the Reality Fairy to make you grow up.
Brent, I have no regrets and very little embarrasment. I sort of see every phase of my past as being something I had to experience to get where I am now. That's part of what lets me deal with my past with the Holdemans with no bitterness (or at least less than what I might otherwise experience).
I think forgiving yourself for being young and stupid is a big part of what lets you grow to the next level.
According to Wikipedia Tom Hazlett, a professor of law and economics at George Mason University, coined the term and Rush popularized it on his radio show.
feminazi
1. (US, pejorative, derogatory) A radical or militant feminist, perceived to be intolerant of opposing views. Specifically, a feminist who opposes any restriction to abortion.
So perhaps we need a decidedly "holdy" term to describe the absolute strangle hold the preachers have over the members in the H?
"Holdenazi"
) A radical or militant religious, perceived to be intolerant of opposing views. Specifically, an h member who opposes any restriction to preacher control
May God richly Bless your day!
This message has been edited by bawar on May 12, 2008 7:30 AM
Grasshopper.. well.. things have changed quite a bit for me.. lol I have majorly cut down my time on the sites!!! Yay!!! (Even if it doesn't seem like it.) Changed jobs.. a couple of times since the HS days. Moved to a new house. Yay!!! Still have the same amount of children. YAY!!!! Been and being stretched majorly in dealing with church issues.
Grasshopper.. congrats on your baby!!! It sounds like your on a kind of bedrest. That can be REAL tough!! I hope it is helping.
I agree with you that a person needs to forgive themselves and it definitely helps in dealing with the past. We can't let the embarassment of our past rule our futures.
Janelle - I should know your mother since I was raised in Abbotsford. I think there were three different families of Giesbrechts there. My father and one of his brothers, Wilbert represented one of the families. Then, I believe they had cousins in Abbotsford, and unfortunately I can't remember their names. One had a daughter my age - Sharon, who I went to school with until grade 3, and another cousin had a son my age called Melvin. (I'm 51) Then there was a Giesbrecht we called Hilltop Giesbrecht since he lived on top of a hill on Mt. Lehman Rd. I think that one had a son called Wayne who would be in his 60s. Which family would you be from?
I look back at myself and have the same opinion of myself then that you have of yourself at 20. I think that's the case of anyone who is introspective. A person is very young at 20 something, and we only mature with adversity and selfexamining ourselves. I've softened my opinion of my young self as I watch my children make the same mistakes and have the same attitudes, though overall I think they're better people than I was. Anyway the mistakes of youth seem very similar generation to generation so don't be too hard on yourself.
Do/will your parents have any other grandchildren from your brother? They must be very excited.
Arm - yes, my bro and sis-in-law had their first child in November... an amazing and beautiful little girl. I can't get enough of her... she looks incredibly like my dad. And yes, the grandparents are head over heels in love with her! Re: the mistakes of youth, I don't know... I think I look back on most of my "mistakes" and am glad I made them. Maybe I wouldn't make the same decisions again, but I feel like a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it. If that makes sense. That's what I'm hoping to impart to my child as s/he starts doing all the same stupid things that I did.
Lark - not bedrest, but I found dealing with my job and pregnancy to be utterly exhausting. I had a miscarriage in December, and trying to deal with my unusual work hours in the first pregnancy was really challenging, so we decided to do it differently this time around. We were fortunate enough to be able to do that from an economic perspective, so we figured why not? So far it seems to be working out well. The kid had me sick as a dog for 2-3 months, which they tell me is a good sign.
"Brent, I have no regrets and very little embarrasment. I sort of see every phase of my past as being something I had to experience to get where I am now. That's part of what lets me deal with my past with the Holdemans with no bitterness (or at least less than what I might otherwise experience).
I think forgiving yourself for being young and stupid is a big part of what lets you grow to the next level."
Grasshopper,
I still blush sometimes when I think of my stupid things, but this don't hinder me in a negative way. I do remind myself that the same thing may still be going on and that a few years down the road some things of my life now will make me blush. So I try to be vigilant with this and live a sound and smart life.
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