Yeah,I'm a little tired of this. Members,please. Read and try not to.

Ten things you should never ask/say to a woman whose husband is expelled:

1. Does he still treat you good?
2. When is he "coming back"?
3. I fear for your children.
4. You aren't going to leave,are you?
5. At least MY husband is spiritual.
6. May I say this? We really weren't surprised.
7. Is he interested in porn?
8. You do realize that you have to be an example to him.
9. He doesn't SEEM like a bad man.
10.I feel SO sorry for you.

I have more but I digress. I also have answers for all of these I am thinking of incorporating instead of the knee jerk ones I've been giving. I have heard these personally,by the way.



(edited to name thread)

All I can say is if I were a woman and I really loved my man, I would follow him right out.

Answers:

1. No,he turned into a total monster the night he was exed. He beats me and has numerous affairs going.
2. I hope never. Why would he? Duh.
3. Oh,why? Because they might not turn out self righteous like yours?
4. Yes, I am leaving even as we speak. Jealous, aren't you?
5. Maybe,but he's also very ugly and I bet we have better ***.
6. May I say this? The only reason your husband stays in is for the social.
7. All the time. Hard core and he's even got me into it. You should try it sometime.
8. He's my husband,not my puppy.
9. Oh,you should get to know him. The things he does would blow your mind,sistuh.
10.I feel really sorry for you,too. You don't know how good I have it,sweetie.

Cupcake, you need to avoid those people. I wouldn't mind, though, being there to see their responses.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Cupcake, seriously, how much longer do you think you can stay there? It's not good to be bitter.

Actually,that was posted somewhat in fun but I think people could learn a LOT about being tactful! I truly think I'm over the bitter part. Give me time,man,give me time...

Cupcake,

Due to the business I’m in, I deal with a lot of women (none of them are H). In order to effectively work with them, I have done some study on what it takes to effectively deal with them (although the principles usually apply to people in general, not just women).

I have also been excommunicated, with a wife in the church, my dad was also excommunicated for a couple years +, and I do know what you are saying.

With that in mind, let me make a stab at these…

1. Yes, but I’m curious, why do you ask?
2. I really truly am not sure. Maybe you and I could sit down together with him, and you could ask him personally.
3. Could I ask why?
4. Why do you ask?
5. Good, I’m really glad he is (only if, of course, you are truly glad)
6. Now that’s interesting. Could I ask why not?
7. Why do you ask?
8. Of course, being a good example is always a good thing, isn’t it?
9. Well, he is a great husband, that’s for sure.
10. We do need your prayers, as we sort out the meaning of life. Will you pray for us?


A big hint... it is really easy to answer from the emotions, but not from the heart...

Cupcake, I cracked up at your answers, but have to agree with tr, it does seem more charitable his way, but maybe not as fun.

TR,I know those are the right things to say..and I have been respectful all along but I will never understand what motivates some people. Sometimes I think they WANT to hear something bad. I'm sure my attitude wasn't good here but I had a couple dumb questions lately and I wanted to air it. Some do NOT think beyond expecting that being expelled immediately sends you into overdrive on the way to hell. What would make them think that a good established marriage built on trust and experience would automatically go to the dogs? I had one lady tell me this last week that she just couldn't understand why my husband and I had always seemed like best friends and my husband is out and she said hers wouldn't CONSIDER leaving but they fight a lot. Go figure

Fred,did you pull big boy and name my thread? Freaked me out for a little bit when I saw a name on it! I had to look and see if something else was added!

Cupcake I alway name threads when they have more than a couple hits, go ahead and change it if you want to, I just like it not to be "untitled"

>>Give me time,man,give me time…<<

Stay strong, cupcake. Hopefully, years down the road, you’ll look back on this time in your life and be thankful that you decided to leave the people of your youth.

I hope you find peace, cupcake.

Cupcake
What is important that you and your husband are right with God! I well remember when my Mother told me that, I may have said it on here before, At that time I somehow just concluded getting right with God and with the Holdeman Church was one and the same thing. Although she was always in the Church and never expelled I do think that she did see things diffeently at that time than i did. Spend time in prayer and earnestly seeking the scriptures and i have no doubt that you will find peace and comfort in this world.
Howie7

cupcake, keep on keepin on girl. You are so right, and TR you had some not too bad answers too.

I want to add my own lists here this is a good place.
Things to never say to children of exed parents, no matter how old they are.
1. It's just so sad how things are at your house.
2. How is your mom doing by now(MY disgusted daughter finally started answering,"She's standing right there, why don't you go ask her?")
3. What's keeping your folks out so long?
4. Why can't they just find their way back?
5. How come your dad just doesn't want to come around any more?
6. I heard your folks were going to join another church instead of ours.
7. Is your parent having an affair with someone or what's their problem?
8. It's too bad you can't have the youth over to your house cause your folks/dad/mom are/is exed.
9.why can't they just give in and be just like us?
10. You poor thing, you have had such a terrible upbringing.


Things to never say to Expelled in person

1. When are you coming back to God? (especially if you have never met them before in your life and have no idea of what God has even done for them)
2. Why can't you just give it all up to God and let him have it? (Do you really think that the person standing there just wants to live life like a jerk and is going out of his way to go to hell?)
3. Don't you want your children to go to Heaven, too? (Of course, don't you?)
4. What do you think it will take for you to give in? (Has it ever crossed your mind that if I knew the answer to that question, I'd a done it years ago?)
5. You know it hurts us just as much as it does you?
(Really, when was the last time you tried it?)
6. I'm sorry but you have to sit here. (Why'd you invite me if you're so sorry, it's really a choice you made, not one I did.)
7. You know that every one in the church deserves to be expelled at one time or another. (OH really, then how come it hasn't happened to everyone, do you just pick and choose or what?)



I have to agree with ya Cupcake, sometimes the things that are said and asked just make a person want to RUN, SCREAM, DECK someone, WALK away and never return, SAY something you know you'll regret, OR SAY SOMETHING REAL SARCASTIC. Worst part is half the time, no matter what answer you give the answer goes right over the speakers head and they just never get it anyway.

I had a sweet little old lady come up to me today and tell me to ask some of them just what Bible they are reading cause hers don't tell people to act like that. She has come from one of the roughest lives of anyone I know and has read her Bible thru about 48 times now since she became a christian while living with a very abusive husband and raising 6 children.

One thing that is always good to say to someone who says something bizarre to you, is to act a little confused as though you aren't sure you heard correctly, lean in a little bit closer for a better version and say, "Could you please repeat that?" The implication being that you could not possibly have heard correctly. Questions like these begin to sound strange in the ears of the speaker when they are repeated again, louder. Sometimes they just say, oh, forget it.

Cammie, you're too bright for you're own britches. I better be careful lest you lean into me--------

I have to think of things people say after a person has lost a loved one! Often they have never experienced it themselves and sometimes say things that are way out of place.

I remember quite well 30 years ago being in the hospital and learning that my First wife had not survived.
And elderly gentleman trying to comfort me told me that "I would find someone else and get married again"
I was angry frustrated and mad all at once. Yet when I look back he was trying to help and comfort.

So sometimes we just have to grin and bear it and realize that they are trying to help and that they definitly do not see the same picture that we do.

Mutterlode, you are too kind. I give them scriptures. calledoutPTL