Building your child's self esteem
by Emmanuel SEGUI
© 2006 Emmanuel SEGUI - All rights reserved
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It's one of those things that all parents want to provide
for their children and one of those things that many feel
they do not know how to do: raise a self-confident child.
Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a fragile, distant thing
that we all know what it is but don't know how to develop.
Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about
yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in
relationships, to your body image, to your work life.
So how do you foster this "thing" in your children?
We teach our children "honesty is the best policy." This
applies to how we deal with our children as much as it does
expecting them to be honest with us. When it comes to your
child's self-esteem, he or she will know or be able to sense
if you are not being honest.
For example, if art is not your child's top skill, don't say
that his or her drawing is the best you've ever seen.
Your child will know it's not, and will not
believe you the next time you say something meant
to be positive, no matter how honest it is. Instead, tell
your child something genuine about the piece or the effort.
Make non-judgmental statements such as, "You really used
your imagination in making the flowers many different
colors." This simply states your observation, rather than a
false statement.
Also, understand that your child and your child's behavior
are two separate things. This can be very hard to remember,
particularly when your child is acting out in ways that make
you crazy or that are unsafe.
However, when you discipline your child for the behavior
rather than the person, you can positively influence
and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels
that you are mad, because of who he or she is as
a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively
affect your child's self-esteem.
Using "I" statements helpswith this.
Say something like, "I don't like it when you
leave your toys scattered all over the floor," which also
addresses the behavior, rather than, "You are a slob," which
attacks their character.
Let your child make some decisions. Children are in a
situation where everyone else is constantly telling them
what to do, when to do it, where to go, and more. When
children are allowed to make some choices, even if it's
something small, they learn to be self-reliant.
You don't want your children growing up feeling dependent on others
for direction. Simple choices such as what to wear (you can
offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item
will foster your child's being able to think independently.
Encourage your children to try new things. While there's
nothing wrong with encouraging your child's talents--this
will help build self-confidence as well--it's also important
that your children learn to experiment.
Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown
and helps us learn to deal with success and failure.
If a child never learns to try new things, this can create
problems later in life.
After all, most people do not live in world where
everything is the same day after day. Life is constantly
changing, whether it's a move to a new city or starting a
new career.
If children are experienced at trying new
things, even if small, life's bigger transitions will be
much easier--such as leaving for college and starting a
career.
These are, of course, only a few things you can do to help
develop your child's self-confidence. The important thing to
remember is that it is an ongoing process. The little things
do add up, even if they seem unimportant.
This can be helpful to keep in mind, particularly when something as
important as developing your child's self esteem feels like
a monumental task. It doesn't have to be!
Taking time to recognize your child for the wonderful person he or she is,
combined with a few techniques and consistency will go a
long way toward raising a healthy, confident adult.
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Learn proven techniques to reinforce self-esteem and self-
confidence to design and live an extraordinary life; for
you, your family, your children and teens.
Discover keys, tips and secrets to raise your own self-esteem
by promoting self-esteem in others.
Check out at
http://www.confidenceonlinetoolsforlife.com
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