I lost my partner to lung cancer on 9th Oct 2005. He was diagnosed in June 05 and everything just happened so quickly afterwards. I was with him 24/7 in the hospital and at home where he died. I have some family and friends who are trying really hard to help me but I feel like I should not bore them with my feelings as they all have a life to themselves. I don't know how I feel to be honest. He was my world. We did everything together. Everything I liked was what we liked. It feels so empthy without him. I am looking for a job and trying to do things. Everyone saying that I am too young and it will get better with time but they don't know how much we loved eachother and what's like to be without him! Evenings ar the worst1 I just don't knoww how to cope ?

Hi San...Sometimes it's such a cruel world isn't...I'm so sorry to hear about the loss that has brought you to this site. I have no magic cure for the pain you are feeling at the moment. I do know that writing down your feelings does seem to help somehow. The nights will seem long and full of memories both happy and sad. With each day you will sometimes feel you are getting a little stronger only to have a bad day that seems to take you back to square one again. This is all part of your healing San. Have a think about joining the group, then you will never have to feel alone art any time, because you will most certainly feel you have life line there.

Best wishes Dave (Site creator)

Hi San
My partner Dave died of lung cancer in February this year and I don't know what to do either. He was diagnosed in March 2004 and battled the disease for two years. Life's not fair as he was a non-smoker and was a really fit guy and was only in his mid-fifties. I can't do anything at the moment except cry and feel so anquished all the time. I can't concentrate on anything except thinking about him and I feel so alone. My family have been a great support, but at the end of the day they have got their own lives to lead and the phone calls from friends aren't as frequent as they were. I too was with him 24/7, looking after him for 18 months and its such a big empty hole in my life. I've lost my best friend and will never be able to replace him.

Does the pain get any easier with time then as it was Movember last year when you posted your message. How are you coping now?

Hi Wendy,
Thank you for your response and apologies for the late reply. It will be 1 yr on 9th Oct since Geoff left me and its his birthday on the 18th Sept. Does it get easier? No i dont think it does. I am back to work, have some social life but when i am on my own like now, I am still in tears sometime. Fed up hearing about this "move on" ! I don't want to move on. why should i? He was my life, my love, the reason i breath. He was and still is part of me. So no, i don't wanna move on.I loved him, he loved me. What i had was special. Have no regrets at all. He's gone and I am here. He suffered for 4 months and in peace now. I died with him every day since the day he was diagnosed and still do. There is nothing i can do. But with time i think we learn to live with it and control the emotions. Now I don't mind the tears now and then. Infact, i need them to be able to get through but at least i can control it now and not let it out at unsuitable places ike a job interview! I still have the counselling. Talk about him all the time. Everyone at work now know what happened and I am happy with that because i don't have to hide anything in this way. Everyday is a different day. Not necesserely good or bad but just different. I don't expect anything from anyone. Everyone has their way of dealing with things. I stopped thinking about what other people think or trying to explain myself. Everyone does things to make themselves feel better. No one can feel the way you do because they are not you. I miss Geoff more than anything and I would have given up anything to have him back. But I can't. And as long as I breath, I have to get out of the bed every morning, get through the day, even have some laugh and cry and deal with things as it appears. I must admit i nearly given up when I broken my collar bone 2 months ago and was taken to same hospital that we were in. The worse was when they asked me in the ambulance the question " Next of Kin!!!". All i could say was that he was dead. I feel lonely, sad, abondened, angry, all... But again, i have no choice but get on with life no matter how good or bad it is. Thats the reality. Hope sharing this helps and hope you find your way of coping soon.

take care.

Your messages strike such a chord-it's so good to know that others are feeling as I do and that I'm not really going mad. I lost my husband in April this year from Lung Cancer. He gave up smoking 11 years ago! We were so happy for 40 years sharing everything, even the bad times. We have 3 lovely children and 5 grandchildren but although supportive they have their own lives. I too like to talk and talk about Brian and must get totally boring. I'm so glad this site is here

Hi Wendy
I am just writing to see how you are you doing now. I feel so lost and empty since I lost my husband of 29 years called Paul. He died on 15th September of pancreatic cancer in Leicester Hospital. We were with him at the end I have two daughters Emmas 17 and Lisa who lives away who is 22.
Emma was so close to her Dad they were best friends evenings are the worst the house seems so empty without him.
He was the character of the house and I know how hard it must be for you too losing your husband Brian.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Kind Regards
Heather

I too have just lost my husband Paul to Pancreatic Cancer on 15 September I was with him 30 years I too feel so empty without him what I found will maybe help you too try and do things different eat out a bit talk it out over and over again. And the main thing is we all want them back but I did not want someone who I loved deeply, as my daughters think too, to suffer so much pain. We must try and live again it is tough and we must cry but we must go on also. Take care.

Hi San

This is my first time on this site and I have just read your message. My fiance Neil died in september of this year, he was 24 and had bowel cancer. The feelings you describe are how I am feeling at the moment. I feel lost, lonely and angry. I'm angry that someone so young, kind, caring and wonderful could have been taken away. Like you and your partner, Neil was the love of my life who I trusted without doubt. The thought of having to face the rest of my life without him with me terrifies me. I'm 28 and everybody says that I'm young, things will get easier, but none of that feels of any relivance when I haven't got Neil. Like you I have been through the diagnosis the hospitals the appointments and the short time between being told whats happening and losing them. Being with your partner 24/7 and dealing with what they are going through and what you are going through truly has to be one of the worst experiences ever, you feel so helpless as you can't make them better. I'm so sorry for what you have been through I know the pain and sadness that you must have felt all the way through. I hope that you do find a way of dealing with it all, and if you do could you please let me know how.

take care

Louise
xx