Hello

Have just found this forum. I have just lost my dad he passed away on 8th December 2005, he was 68 yrs old. He died from pnemonia, but he had Dementia and Parkinsons. He is at peace now.

It just all feels very surreal. This is my first immediate family loss, and I just dont know how to feel.

I think I am in denial. I havent cried since he died, other than a little at the funeral.

When I start to feel sad and tearful, it feels wrong, and a little voice inside, tells me to stop and be strong for my mum.

When in January 2001 my friend died, I sobbed and sobbed. Why dont I feel that same grief this time?

Thank you for listening

love Jane x

Hi Jane, i am sorry to hear what you are going through, i to lost my Dad 7 months ago, and my Mum is in care with Dementia - i am able to cry a lot to get rid of my emotion but honestly it does not really help - i am just a total wreck..............in time though you may be able to cry a bit everybody deals with Bereavement different - some people dont cry and carry on with there lifes and are able to handle death well, some cant like me - in time though you will b able to greive - my thoughts are with you.

Jane,
I'm sorry that you have lost your dad, you will I'm sure be a great comfort to your mum. Grief is a dreadful thing and hits us all in different ways, although you had time to get used to your dads illness you must still feel a great loss. I still cry quite a lot although it is now nearly nine months since I lost my husband. I hope you find the strength to comfort your mum and look after yourself during this very hard time.
Kind regards,
Elizabeth

Hi. I just wanted to say I lost my Dad in April 2005, and I understand what you are going through the pain that is so great it makes you feel numb in a way, The exxpectation that you will still be able to visit. Like you said it's surreal. A year on sometimes I still can;t beleive it, but in other way life has moved on. My dad died of asbestos related lung cancer, mentally he was fine, I don't know which is best. Your Dad may not have had to face the fear of death, bt you have probably had to grieve twice once for the way you lost him to his illness and once now. There are others out there, who will talk to you on the good days and the bad. I've joined the chatroom to this site and find a lot of support there. I wish I could make you feel better, know your in my thoughts, be kind to yourself..take care
Love Verena

I so understand how you feel. My dad died on 29th of December. Myself, my son, brother and Mum all watched him die over the space of just a few weeks. He had terminal cancer.

I thought I was weird. I cried a little when he first died, and at the funeral I cried half a dozen tears if that. Like you, everytime something triggers my grief I tell myself Dad wouldnt want this, pull yourself together. My brother cracked up so I had to be strong for him. My mum is coping reasonably well but puts it down to the support from me and my brother. How can I tell her I'm cracking up now? My son who is 13 has been incredibly strong and supportive. I dont want to let him down by cracking up in front of him.

I was fine til this weekend. You see, one of my best friends died of cancer a year ago and there was a bit of a memorial for her. This seems to have triggered everything. I have hardly stopped crying since Saturday night. I suppose it had to hit me eventually.

I have just emailed Cruse because I figure its time i faced this but i cant face this alone. I dont want to put this on my family, they have enough to deal with. Nor do i want to be a burden to friends. Crazy thoughts I know but its how I feel. Reading your message made me realise I'm not alone in this. Thank you. I wish you all the very best. Take care of yourself xx