Hi
I am just after some words of encouragement really. Back in Decemeber 2002 i lost my dad to lung cancer. He had the dreaded illness for 9 months and it was soul distroying to see him suffer the way he did. I was there on the 22nd december when he sadly passed away, and it was the hardest thing i have ever gone through. I was 27 at the time with a 18 month old daughter whom he adored. I don't really think i ever got over the fact that i was there when he took his last breath and it really messed with my head for a long time. Just when i thought i was finally getting there, the dreaded C word came back to haunt me. This time it was with my mother, just 2 years after my dad. This time it took us all by surpise and without boring you with the details of what happened, she was diagnosed also with lung cancer in January and died 4 weeks later in hospital. The cancer had already spread to her bones and lymph and then to her bowels and liver all in this short space of time. No treatment was offered, except 1 dose of radiotherapy, which resulted in her death 4 days later. I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time and my mum was so exited at the news. I am now left feeling robbed and lonley. I wasn't there when my mum passed away and i don't know if that is a good or bad thing, as i found it difficult with my dad, but also felt guilty for not being there for mum, when i feel she needed me.
Its been a few weeks now but things seem to be getting harder each day not easier and the people i would normally turn to for help and support are no longer here.
To make matters worse my uncle died on good friday also of lung cancer, i am starting to think i will have no family left at all soon and belive me there are only a few now. My husband and friends think i am coping well and think that i have put things behind me. I miss mum and dad so much, it has really took the edge off me having this baby as i feel that i have no one who will be there for me, no one to get exited for ME. My other daughter is being bullied at school and that is really upsetting me too.
Sorry its been such a long post, hope i didn't go on too much!! any advice would be welcome.
email me jamlinz@aol.com
|