I lost my mum last November to Alzheimers Disease.She'd had this cruel illness since she was 49 and passed away aged 63.Watching the person I loved so much waste away in front of me was soul destroying.I mourned her during her illness and then again when she passed away.
Three months later my wonderful dad died from pneumonia aged 64.He'd been torchered by guilt when we had to place mum in a nursing home 4 years ago.He felt he'd let her down and that he should of coped till the end which is just not possible for anyone.
He smoked but would not give up even though he'd been in hospital twice before with chest infections.He just lost the will.I tryed and tryed to get him to stop as I just knew what would happen.It made me ill with worry.I just did not want to loss him too.Sometimes I felt so angry towards him because he could help himself but mum had no choice.I tryed everything in the book.
I could see what was happening but unable to prevent it.It drove me crazy with frustration.
With mum I was very upset,sad,at her passing but though this may sound strange a feeling of relief for her at being set free from a troubled mind.Sad but I could smile thinking of her happy again as she was many years ago.
With dad's passing it's nothing like the same.I'm devastated.Lost,numb,angry,going through the motions if you like.I looked after my dad for the last 2 years,housework etc and have time on my hands which seems alien to me.I don't know what to do.I so wish he was here.I'd give anything to have him back.
Does anyone have these feelings?
I never knew you could have such deep feelings of sadness.
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