Darkness fell upon my journey
Destroying my direction,stealing my resolve
Self-pity took me in it's arms
And took me to it's aimless world
Voices crept into my head
'NEVER COMING BACK!!'they screamed
'NEVER COMING BACK!!','NEVER COMING BACK!!'
.....THEN THE SILENCE........
And how i hate the long silent moments
The cold,tearfilled moments of despair
.....THEN HOPE.........
The wet nose of reality touched my hand
It's wagging tail telling me i was needed
I am here,i am loved,life goes on.

I wrote the above when i was at my lowest having accepted
that my beautiful wife,Mary,was truly gone. I told myself that i can live with the beautiful memories of 32 years but not in them. Those who are left are needed and loved and although life seems impossible immediately after losing a loved one the morning light still shines on you as it does everybody else. The day is yours,the rest of your and my life is ours. We are here and life does go on.

mick

Your words are so true, but although I know I have to move on in my head, in my heart I just can't. My husband took 3 years to die from cancer, we'd been together for 30 years - since I was 15. He died in December 2002. We have 2 grown up sons, the eldest (24) has just bought his own flat and moved out last Friday, the youngest (20) is still living with me. Today, people I work with asked if I'm OK and say I seem down and disinterested whereas I'm normally so positive. Then they seemed surprised that I feel down about my sons moving out. But it's not really about his moving out, it's about being more and more redundant. I used to be part of a loving and very close family unit - now there's only me & my youngest left & no-one to talk to who has any idea of how it feels. How do you live in the present when all your happy times are in the past? How did you cope with the pain that never really goes away so you learn to bury it and pretend to everyone that you're fine? Because, let's face it, no-one really wants to get involved, we're all afraid of death - it just might be catching. I can chat and laugh with my sons and we do things together and I try so hard not to be down when I'm with them, but when I'm on my own - which is pretty much 90% of my free time - it's hard not to compare my life now to the one I used to have. My husband & I were still very much in love when he died. I have my dogs who I know love me and I love them but even they are growing old and won't be here forever. How do you begin to separate the past and present?

I lost my husband nearly 16 weeks ago and like you I find it difficult to separate past and present. Our 3 children have already left home so there's just me and the dogs. I was so strong when he died that I'm sure people thought I was very hard hearted. My oldest daughter went to pieces whilst my son and youngest daughter coped quite well. Since his funeral we've had his birthday, our 40th wedding anniversary. Fathers Day and my birthday so everything has happened in the space of a few short weeks. its only now that reality is beginning to hit me. When I sit here and see his photos and realise that I'm never going to see him again, never going to feel his presence then it seems so unbearable. He had been ill for many years with emphysema but he was diagnosed with lung cancer at the beginning of March and died at the beginning of April. It was so quick we never discussed things properly or said our goodbyes. Our love was very strong but I feel such tremendous guilt at how he suffered in his last few weeks.
my kids are a great source of help but dont really understand how I feel. They've lost their dad whom they loved dearly and imagine my loss is the same but its not. My loss is the empty yearning, stomach churning, breath catching loss which is unbeatable. I even feel guilty when I occassionally try to glimpse into the future-a future without him.
I think you're very brave now that your sons are leaving home. My youngest daughter is in the RAF and comes home occassionally at weekends so I get some company and my oldest daughter shops with me at least twice a week so I'm fairly close to all of them
wendy

I lost my husband nearly 16 weeks ago and like you I find it difficult to separate past and present. Our 3 children have already left home so there's just me and the dogs. I was so strong when he died that I'm sure people thought I was very hard hearted. My oldest daughter went to pieces whilst my son and youngest daughter coped quite well. Since his funeral we've had his birthday, our 40th wedding anniversary. Fathers Day and my birthday so everything has happened in the space of a few short weeks. its only now that reality is beginning to hit me. When I sit here and see his photos and realise that I'm never going to see him again, never going to feel his presence then it seems so unbearable. He had been ill for many years with emphysema but he was diagnosed with lung cancer at the beginning of March and died at the beginning of April. It was so quick we never discussed things properly or said our goodbyes. Our love was very strong but I feel such tremendous guilt at how he suffered in his last few weeks.
my kids are a great source of help but dont really understand how I feel. They've lost their dad whom they loved dearly and imagine my loss is the same but its not. My loss is the empty yearning, stomach churning, breath catching loss which is unbeatable. I even feel guilty when I occassionally try to glimpse into the future-a future without him.
I think you're very brave now that your sons are leaving home. My youngest daughter is in the RAF and comes home occassionally at weekends so I get some company and my oldest daughter shops with me at least twice a week so I'm fairly close to all of them
wendy