I'm slightly different from the normal poster here. I am an only child who lost my Mother in Aug 2004 but thats not my primary concern...
The affect on my father has been profound. In short when mum died I researched and expected the grieving process to run exactly the way it does as described in many web sites. I persuaded my father to go to counselling which he did reluctantly. Join a bereavement group which he described as a waste of time etc etc.
For background info my Dad is 73, disabled (osteoporosis, an amputee) so mobility is a problem. He attends the pain clinic at the local hospital who have basically reached an impasse on his treatment. He says pain is not a problem, his state of mind is.....His routine every day is to get up bathe, clothe and feed himself, which is a trial in itself. mooch around the house, visit the grave and pray then come round to our house virtually every night for dinner and company.
I have seen massive mood swings in him, no day is a good day there is only a very bad day and a day where he copes and gets by. Things came to a head yesterday when for the first time he talked in terms of seeking an end to his mental anguish. Although not mentioned this is him saying he doesn't want to go on any more. This is shocking for me, more so because he is deeply religious (Catholic). For him to state such a thing was devastating and reveals the depths to which he has fallen. It led to a long discussion on his way of life. We have talked before about bringing change into his life gradually to try a break routine and monotony but all urgings have failed so far. He is resisting attempts to make changes around the house (nothings really changed since Mums death) wardrobes are still full of her clothes. The root of the problem appears to be his loneliness and the fact he sees absolutely no future, no point in carrying on. He is in the depths of despair and sees absolutely no way out.
Obviously this is distressing for me, I see this as my failure, my inability nto urge, persuade cajole him into seeking a new sense of purpose that would not replace his loss but at least give him something to latch on to.
I'm rambling and although there is much more to tell, this in essence is where we are. I am at a loss to know what to do next. I got angry for the first time last night, i have always listened to Dad, been there for him to talk to, a shoulder to cry on and to let him and time do their healing but listening to him last night he has reached his lowest point and I became very negative myself for the first time.
Has anyone on this forum experienced this? What can i do to help him?
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