I lost my brother suddenly on 6 December 06 and i cannot acknowledge a new year of 2007 without him in it, its like i am stuck in 2006 because he was alive in this year, it sounds mad like i am stuck in time. I am so very very sad its so difficult to realise he has gone so quickly, I certainly dont believe in a god anymore thats for sure, so no one to get angry with just have to look at like sometimes the body gets too sick to go on more scientifically than the religious thing - I would rather deal in reality finding it difficult. sorry for rambling.
Cx

Hi Chrissie,
Firstly , Iam so sorry regarding the sad passing of your beloved brother. It must have been such a terrible shock for you. I myself lost my sister on the 15th Dec 2002 and my much loved Dad died on the 19th Dece 2006.
The loss i feel for the two of them is immense and especially for my Dad who just Died. The grieving process is very strange Chrissie as you know. We go through a whole range of crazy emotions and feel very disjointed from the world. I truly believe that our grief seems worse when a loved one passes at a time when everyone is gearing up for Xmas and all we want to do is cry and shout and grieve.I certainly found that to be the case as my sister and died both died close to Xmas and i truly hate it now, despite having two young children and having to put a brave face on for them.!!!
It is normal to think back to times when they were there and say oh this time last year we were doing such and such ,i do it allthe time Chrissie and believe me it is normal and is part of the long journey of healing the huge wound left by our loved one's dying. The only advice i can give is to take on day at a time and be aware that you will have good days and bad. I myself am still badly grieving but with support of great friends and especially family i am slowly trying to put things into perspective and constantly think to myself that i have to look forward to the day when i am reunited with them again as i know ii will be.
Please don't be hard on yourself, you are very mch entitled to grieve for as long as you need to, the strange thing is if we broke our leg and had crutches ,no one would expect us to run a marathonthe next week so grief should be no different. People just don't know sometimes how to react to other's grief.
Please email me Chrissie if you want to talk, i am always more than willing to listen.
Take care of yourself ,
Jennnifer.x

Hi Jennifer,
thank you so much for taking time to reply to my message, I am beside my self with grief at the moment. My brother had not been ill you see went to bed and never woke up brain hemorrahage they said at 59, its still so hard because i loved him so much and he probably never knew that. I lost my sister on 5 March 03 and really had not gotten over that and she was only 42, all that grief i have, lost both my parents over 20 years ago so you think i would be used to the grief, but I am not and each time is just as painful as the last.
And i have not been feeling well myself lately and now am worried if I died in my sleep no one would find me as i live alone and no one would probably know for weeks, also who would pay for the funeral etc as i am alone so many strange and worrying thoughts going thro my head at the mo, also thinking i might go to bed one night and not wake up! sorry for rambling again sound like i am losing it prob am.

Cx

Hi Chrissie,
I felt so so sad when i read your response, and felt the pain you were in coming through in the text. I wish i could write some words to you and make it all better, but alas that is never the case. It seems that you never seem to get over losing one loved one and then another person dies and then we wonder .. why us?
I think the fact that you live alone might make your grief worse by not having someone to just talk to in your times of need throughout your bad days.Loneliness is another emotion we feel when we are grieving, i know that i certainly felt lonely and yet i had lots of people around me, i think that when we lose people we love it somehow brings all our suppressed insecurities to the surface , so these thoughts you are feeling about your own health are to be expected under the circumstances and are by no means unusual. Do you have any body you could talk to at all Chrissie? Have you been to the Doctor? i know that some people don't want to do that beacause it might make us seem needy but they might be able to help and afterall we are "needy" within ourselves at this time and rightly so, from your letter it seems that you might benefit from a friend or sympathetic ear to talk your grief through with to get all that pent up emotion out of your system. My apologies in advance Chrissie if you have already done that and it hasn't worked. Maybe this site will help you.
Chrissie, iam not a very spiritual person but i do firmly believe that our loved one's never really leave us and that we Will see them again. Don't ask me to explain that,i just firmly think that it is true and that in itself brings me some sort of comfort.We will all die one day and our relatives who have died would definately not want us to sit around crying for the rest of our lives. It might sound that i have my grief under control, i haven't and i am still heartbroken but i know that somehow we have to get up in the morning and get on with it, it's so terribly hard though.
Thinking of you at this time Chrissie, Speak soon,
Love Jennifer.

Thank you so much for your messages and I realise your grief is still so new over losing your dad, and your words have helped me. You see I live in London and my brother lived in Lancashire which is where I am from so being here alone has been hard as I have no one and this city is such a lonely place, I retreated and isolated myself when I lost my sister 3 years ago so its like I am anonymous here. The place where I work is not friendly and there is no commardie here its quite an hostile environment so that doesnt help either, but I need a job and there are worse places to work I guess.
I am going up north at the weekend to see my neice my brothers daughter as she is also upset too and there are so many family dysfunctions like my other brother who I hadnt spoke to for 3 years because he was so horrible to me when my sister passed on but I have had to speak to him now with another tradegy altho i dont trust him ...thats familieis for you nothing seems easy does it. and i feel so weak with this grief, usually i consider myself strong and in charge but not any more, feel so weak and my strength seems to have disappeared just when i need it the most.
Sorry for going on I sound so depressing thats because at the moment I am.
Peace to you Jennifer and your words have helped me in your own time of grief and I thank you for that
xxxx

CHRISSIE ,
YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS IT'S jyoney@aol.com.
Jx

CHRISSIE ,
YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS IT'S jyoney@aol.com.
Jx

Hi There, I was drawn to your message immediately as you lost your brother (aged 59) I lost my little sister (23) in July 06, she went in for a routine Op, and ended up in intensive care.

I feel so similar that I can't acknowledge 2007 even this far into the year, I cry all the time