I lost my little brother Andy on 14 March 2002 to a gastric heamorrhage ... he was only 38 and then I lost my son-in-law Steve on 4 February 2003 when he shot himself ( he was in the R.A.F Police Flight ) and it devastated me.
I dont know how my daughter got through that year, widowed at 23.
That year I ended up attending more funerals than there were months and it horrified me when I realised that my youngest daughter at just 17 had been at more funerals than weddings.
We are all very close and open with each other so have had good support but I still at times feel so much raw grief ... a song, a photo can still reduce me to floods of tears and the pain is still there and I miss them both so much ... maybe its because they were still so young and their deaths werent peacable ... I dont know if that makes any sense ?
It is coming up to Steves anniversary and I always plant some snowdrops in the woods in rememberance ... but it devastates me still to think of his loss and what it has done to his family ( I am only his mother-in-law so the pain I feel can only be a fraction of his mums ) ... he has also left behind a twin brother who must have to live every day looking at himself and seeing how his brother would look were he still here.
I also lost my beautiful Samoyed Iona just before Christmas to cancer ... she would have been 14 and I miss her heaps ...
I know that loss is part of living ...
I want to remain strong for everbody else but feel a little adrift at times ...
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