Feels wiered this. Like i'm invading peoples personal space.
Its strange u think ur the only person in the world going through this, but reading peoples messages makes me feel ... i cant explain.
I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, when theres so many others that need support.
Had a bit of a bad run really, over the space of 5 years i lost both my grandparents and my parents.
I was very close to my mother and my grandpa, and tonight i just cant stop thinking about them asking myself impossible questions.
Some of u say it gets better with time, on a good day i may agree. but right now, this very minute i'd have to disagree. This minute it feels like it just happened, and i want the world to open and swollow me up.
Its been 8 years since my mum died. I was 18 and didnt think i could live 1 day without her, and look at me now still here - well done i'm told. But it just not alright, its not fair and its not ok. I have no choice u cant stop - or i cant. I feel like I'm on over drive, cant let myself stop even if i wanted to.
Sometimes i wish there'd been more support, that someone would just look at me and see the pain and scoop me up and say it'll be ok. But there wasn't and now i'm an independant, stubburn bugger who wont ask for help and cant accept it even if i wanted to.

There's nothing stupid about writing to this group as you will know that there are others going through the same. I lost my son(I should say our son) 11 years ago, and it has taken me so long to get anywhere near over it, but I found it the most helpful thing to do was to talk to absolutely anyone about him, even complete strangers, and I found that they were very helpful. Not that they could do anything, but just talking about him helped me to absorb the pain, and then I found I was able to help other people who had been through similar experiences. Now that my wife has died (we were married 46 years) I am finding it just as hard, and I haven't got round to moving outside my steady routine, of long walks wnenever I feel I can't stsand the loneliness. At least I can cry in the open air, and not just sit looking at her empty chair.
You'll get through it, because there are all the people on this group reading your email, and although they may not reply to you they will be sharing your pain, and thinking of you, just as I am.
Keeping telling us about it, and don't feel alone. Drop me an email if you want to.
Best wishes, Derry