I know many of us (particularly the widowe(er)d, feel we would like to understand where our partner has gone. Are they still with us? Have they disappeared forever?Will we ever see them again? I know that we can never be sure, but I felt very happy this morning to realise something quite amazing.
As some of you know, as am alone,I am living what is a bit of a "monastic" life. I stick to my fairly predictable routine, and have ample time for reflection, includcing my regular meditation, which I have been doing for 17 years no, so it is part of my life. (I know this sort of thing is difficult for family people, but I am fortunate in this respect, if that is the word.)
I have realised, as result of this, that we are not really separated from our loved ones. We were separated when they were alive, because despite intense social, physical, mental , and sexual relationship, we never got totally into the loved one's self. The things of this world blocked out the spiritual self. As I also believe that "there is that of God within of us" as the Quakers say, (I dont' like the word "God" as it has too many associations for many of us), but also that it is more than "that of God", it is the whole of the spirit, not just a part. this means that in my case, now Pat is no longer physically with me, she is in fact now part of me, and goes with me wherever I am! So I don't have to wonder where she is. She is here, with me and in me, and the only thing that prevents me knowing her fully, is my own situation, still ploughing thrtough the world of matter and thought.. ultimately an illusion.
So, if I feel lonely and inadequate, I just have to recall that Pat is with me, not as a physical entity, but spiritually lifting me up, encouraging me, making me laugh, straightening me out, just as she always did. So life is not so bad, and I can face all the horrible moments knowing that one day we will be fully together again in joy and laughter, not separated by ilness and pain. That is a wonderful thought, and I feel better for having worked it out. i hope it does the same for you.
If you can't follow my argument, email me and I will try to explain it to you.
Or better still, work you own solution out!
Thanks for listening to my ramblings. It's great to know you are all there.
Love ,
Derry

Hi Derry and all,

So much of what you write makes a lot of sense. I lost my husband February 2006, he died very unexpectedly, no warning nothing. He had an aneurysm on the brain and it ruptured. I was told by the doctor it was like a light being switched off, it was that instant.
We were laughing and joking at the time, then he was gone.
I know it's now over one year, but I still can't come to terms with what happened. I still expect him to walk in the door. Everyday I re-live what happened. I miss him so much.
I had some counselling to help me and it did, but just recently it's like I have been going backwards.
I had to move house recently because although he was pronounced dead at the hospital, I know in my heart of hearts he died at home if it was that instant. But it hasn't helped.
What you say Derry about your wife now being part of you, she is with you always really made me think. You are so right, Steve is always with me everywhere I go. He is always in my mind.
I know I need to get back to a normal life, get back to work because I lost my job through not coping. I have two great sons who have been a fantastic support, I have to be here for them.

Thanks Derry

My thoughts are with you all.
Carole

Hi Carole and Derry and all friends
It certainly makes sense what you are saying as we think about them all the time they are with us but I think much more than that their spirit is with us. I often hear Paul calling my name in a quiet moment or hear him talking and that helps me so much I wish I could turn back time and cuddle hime and tell him face to face how much I really love him and how we just want to be with them always.
My daughters feel the same and it is such a yearning is this what they mean by a broken heart?
I think we have to believe until it is our time to go that we have got them around us otherwise I could not cope and I know that there is something. Love is so strong and mind blowing now I never could have believed someone could take over my mind completely.
Still we must live for them and tell them our experiences when we meet again. Enough of my rambling glad you are all here to listen and help.
Love to you all stay strong.

Love Heather