Hi I've stumbled across this site, I feel a bit of a fraud as I've not lost someone close. I have been seeing a guy who was widowed just on a year ago and I'm at loss really. He gets so cross at me, I didn't know him before his loss but it seems like we get close and he wants to push me away, he doesn't know why he is like this and is totally mixed up - I don't want to loose him but don't know what to do and how to be (i feel so bad saying it is getting me down,it is so hard) it must be so tough for him though. I wondered if any guys would say how they were, he is young.
Thanks
J

I was very interested in your posting. I am aged 72 and lost my wife in April after a long and painful illness. I won't describe the pain and grief I have felt, as I sure you have read all the postings on this site. however, you question touched me, as at the moment I have developed a friendship with a vey congenial and attractive lady, who has been widowed for twenty years. We get on extremely well, and she has been very understanding and supportive. Hoever, I feel very ambivalent about this relationship. I would love to develop it further, but it is so long since I was in an "unmarried" relationship that I don't know how to proceed. (I feel like a teenager going out with a girl for the first time!)
MY friend is very sensible though, and she told me that I was going through a stage of grieving during which I should be very careful not to strectch my emotions too far. I have to agree that what she says makes sense, although it frustrated my desire to press the thing forward. I think that people in our situation are going through something that totally disorentates us, and I am sure your friend is undergoing the same thing. Also, if he is fairly young it must be worse. At my age I suppose it is not too unexpected, and I had a long time to prepare for it, after nursing Pat for so long.
I don't know if this has been at all helpful, but if you want to discuss it further by all means email me if you like.
regards,
dDrry

Derry, thank you so much for responding to me, I have read a few of your posts and am totally moved by your kind and very sensible words. My boyfriend is 31 and lost his wife very suddenly in a car crash, it is a year tomorrow. He seems to love me very much but then will cut me off and be spiteful to me - and yet he can be kind and gentle. He talks about his wife- but he doesn't talk about his grief I am happy for him to talk about both I hasten to add. Its almost as if at first he pretented nothing had happended and met me way too soon I guess. God I'm babbling on now I'm sorry, my friend lost her brother last year but men seem to deal (or not sometimess!) with their emotions so much differently to women and keep it all in. Most of my friends think I'm bonkers as its been tough times so now I don't tell anyone if it's getting bad, now I'm a mess. My mum and dad have disabilities, my dad will be 80 next year and I am scared now they are getting older.
I'm not a kid,I'm 39 and do a tough nut job, but I am a total softy and a sponge with it...
I don't really know what I'm saying here, you are all so brave.
J