I bet you lot are fed up with me continually sounding off on here! Tha's probably because I have more time on my hands than some of you. It does give me time to think, though, and here's a thought.
I met my dear wife about 51 years ago, and we were married for nearly 47 years. During that time, we gave each other tremendous amounts of love, expressed in a million different ways, with which you can all identify. Now she is no longer here, I am totally frustrated in that I want to give out that same amount of love and support, but I am limited in the people to whom I can give it. I have a surviving daughter, and several granchildren, and a few moderately close friends, but that is not enough. I think those of you who still have growing families, (and surviving spouses) should be grateful that you have the opportunity to express the love which you all possess.
I know from reading these postings that all of you are full of love, and it hurts to be unable to express that love, since the main object of your love has been taken away. This looks to me like an opportunity to look outwards and generate love to other people .
I have read recently that while the whole nature of life is to move towards death, and what is called entropy, the final running down of everything into disintegration, there is another power which works against this, and this is love, which is defined as the will to act for the spiritual benefit of yourself and other people. That sometimes takes a big effort particularly when you are weakened by a traumatic event such as the death of a loved one. But it can be done.
This sounds like a sermon, but I do feel it most sincerely. If you can look outward, choose to love yourself, and try to act for the spiritual benefit of other people whoever they may be , you will grow through this grief and pain, and life can go upwards, against the natural tendency to head towards death. Then, as we reach the end of our lives, we will be spiritually stronger and ready for the next stage, where our loved ones have already gone.
Since I read this idea, I have found that I am doing better myself, and trying to make contact with people who I know are in trouble, and need that love, and that is certainly helping me.
Keep on keeping, everyone, and I love to hear from you all particularly those who write to me direct.
Love,
Derry
P.S. My email address is muslin1, because I am a musician and my wife dealt in antique linen and lace, and we were the best at both!

Hi Derry and all,
I lost my father-in-law in October 2001, my father suddenly in January 2002, my husband, my soulmate, in February 2006 as you are aware.

I feel I never properly grieved for my dad as my two sisters left the majority of helping my mum to me, I had to deal with the estate etc and to give her all the support she needed.
My mum is now quite ill and I am now taking care of her.

I have a lot of love to give which is mainly directed towards my two sons now, 23 and 21. But I don't know if I am overdoing it as I get so afraid of losing them too and with my mum being ill I find myself clinging to them more and more.

I can't face losing my mum, I so badly need Steve here at my side to help me through. I keep crying and thinking that I can't cope anymore.

Sorry, maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself today. Thanks for listening.

Carole

Thanks for replying to my long screed! You are entitled to feel sorry for yourself, as you have such burdens to bear. I feel a bit of a fraud as I have no one to worry about but myself, which I why I wrote the other thing. You have plenty of opportunities to give love to other people, and I am sure you will find the strength inside you to carry on. I am normally one of those people who always fears the worst. My mother always used to say "Lucky are those who expect the worst, for they will neve be disappointed!" That made me a pessimist for many years, but I read a book called "the Power of Now" which teaches that you should live in the present moment, not regretting the past, and not worrying about the future. If you look at yourself now, and say "I am O.K at this moment",that is the way to get through troubles.
Anyway, I'm sure you know we are all thinking of you, and those that pray are doing that, so there is a lot of support winging its way to you. Keep on keeping on.
Love,
Derry

Hi Derry and Carole and all friends
I was touched by your messages I too feel like I have a lot of love to give and there is no-one except my two daughters, Mum and Dad and family to give it to. I feel for you Carole you are going through a massive transition period and you are very brave I am thinking of you and I wish I was there to give you a cuddle.
Steve and Paul sounded very alike and I know how you feel to have lost your soul mate. It is like the end of the world.
I hope things will get better for us both in the future although it is very hard for us without Steve and Paul.
My stepdad is dying at the moment of lung cancer so every day he lives is a bonus. But it is like going down the same path as this time last year with Paul.
Derry what is your full email address you said Muslin1 is there anymore to it?
Your screed was good you have a lot of wisdom to give and it helps me a lot. You too have survived tragedy and can help us all.
Keep on caring thinking of you all
Take care

Love Heather

my email address is muslin1@tiderunner.co.uk and always love to hear from any friends. Thanks for your kind remarks. I'm not that wise...just old -ish, but getting younger every day!
Love to all,
Derry