It happens, doesn't it? I had the people from the auctioneers here yesterday to decide which items of furniture I'm going to get rid of, as we had so much stuff. After a night's worrying aobut it I just sat down and cried, as so many things have associations. It's just that I can't stand what I call clutter, and Pat loved to collect things.. My daughter says I can always think again, but I do want to change things round. The tears just hit me this morning. Stupid, isn't it? I know it will pass but it is horrible at the moment. What a wimp i am.
Sorry,
Derry

Hi Derry,

I don't think you're a wimp at all. All the items will have sentimental value and believe me I shed many a tear when it came to getting rid of some of Steve's things. I felt I was throwing part of him away, but I know that's not true.

I had to move after Steve died because I just couldn't bear being in the home without him any more. He had a loft space where he loved to fix computers or just about anything. There was so much stuff that I had to sort through. Things that meant a lot to him, but really were rubbish to me plus I had no room for them in the new home. It broke my heart to let them go.

Fortunately all the furniture items came with me, but I do understand how you are feeling, honestly.

Take care, thinking of you.
Carole

Hi Derry
Hope you are OK. I have emailed you on your other line too.
It is hard to get rid of things and many memories are attached to many things.
It does you good to cry you are definitely no wimp do not ever think that it is quite normal to let things out.
Hope you feel better this morning it must be a wrench to get rid of your familiar furniture and the lifestyle you had.
Take care I am thinking of you

Love Heather

Hay derry,

I can understand that feeling. I had to move home just a month after my mums death being young and moving from a 3 bedroomed place to a 1 bedroom flat, people came to help me. They kept putting things in bin bags and i would follow them and take things back out. I was told 'you dont need that' but they didn't seem to understand that i did. It was one of the hardest things i ever had to do.

I managed to fit alot into my small flat and as each year goes by i feel torn but have to sort out a few items. It took me 2 years before i could call this place my home, but as it became my home, as i added my essence to it those items i treasure became lost - not in a physical sense but in a emotional one - its hard to explain, sorry if it makes no sense.

I have one big item which doesn't match it isn't in the best of nic but i always remember my mum saying never get rid of it. so i cant take it to the tip - it is to nice to take there anyway, but furniture shops dont want it. so i'm stuck and torn.

Its so hard its like if you get rid of those items that ment so much to them that you'll loose the memory that goes with it, that scares me - the tought that i'll loose that memory and forget her, though logic says i wont.

Derry if you think ur a wimp then we all are, if you think ur stupid then we're all stupid. Lets all be sentimental stupid wimps together, because you know we all understand and know that its ok to feel like that.

Take care....
Daisy xxx

I love that "sentimental wimp" phrase! (Make a good song title?)Of course we aren't but we can all hug and cry together here, and thank goodness for that as we don't have to be a burden for those sad people who have not had the privilege of undergoing one of the toughest experiences that this wonderful journey through life has given us. I knew within a few years of our son's death, when I had almost come to terms with it, that in fact I was having an experience which would be of immense help to other people. I can tell you all without any shadow of doubt, that if you move on, you will conquer this pain. Of course you will cry, and go through the valley of the shadow, but that is one of the things we are here for. I don't know why people have to suffer physical pain, but I am certain that the emotional pain we suffer will make us stronger, if we can only hang on and get on with our lives. I don't think it matters whether we throw symbolic things away or hang on to them, but we must move on, and outward, or we will never get on to the next stage.
My own inclination is to ditch lots of things but fortunately my daughter has put a brake on me! But then I always did like to clear ou, whilst Pat always collected things. I know she would forgive me for what I am doing, as she has gone on to the next stage of the journey, and I am still struggling with this stage. I think we must learn to accept that they have gone, gone, gone, and we must live our lives. that doesn't mean they are dead in a spiritual; sense, but merely that they are not with us any more, so we must stand up for ourselves. That is hard for me, because Pat was always the wind beneath my somewhat floppy wings. But now I am learning to fly again, and it's difficult..but I'm doing it!
Keep on keeping on, everyuone, and thanks for writing. It certainly helps me. (And don't take too much notice of what I have said today..I am writing without my sense filter switched on!)
Love,
Derry