My mum died of hodgkins lymphoma in 94 when i was just 12 years old, i am now a fully grown woman with a husband and son yet i seem to grieve more now then i have ever done.

I miss her so much every day that goes by without her in my life just gets harder and harder, i find myself sat in tears clutching onto the only item i have of hers, a watch , i only have one picture of her aswell, as all the others got left behind , the more time that passes the more it feels like she was never here.

I have been to several "psychic" nights and never got a message from anyone in my family i have lost, they always seem to skip me which gets me very frustrated and leaves me wondering if any of them are actually looking down and watching over me.

i have lost

My mum to cancer
my uncle to cancer
one auntie to cancer
another to lupus
a cousin to lukemia
all my grandparents
my parent in laws
a close family friend to cancer
i also have had 2 miscarriages

I just feel cursed and scared that i will be next or that everyone that is close to me will leave me behind i think its actually driving me insane lol

i have been on anti depressants but found they wasnt working so came off them and just take each day as it comes, i would appreciate any advice and or support anyone can give me it would be very much appreciated

Hi Kirsty,
I read ur message and it just called to me - hit a few cords with me. just wanted you to now that i can understand some of what ur feeling.

I understand that feeling - the one where you feel curst. I've lost several very close memebers of my family including my mum and dad in a short amount of time, when i was young not as young as you, but still nieve and oblivious to life.
I cant help but think - i link these poeple together - am i the reason why? am i cursed? i think of my brother and my best friends and think what if? i couldn't bear to loose anyone else. i just couldn't.

I'm older now too, i have bad and good days, but overall i feel like i'm griving more today than i did back then. its ment to get easier, but its like i've grown up and understand it more, so understand its true meaning. its like its just hit me whats happened and i've to start all over again. All that pain all over again.

Ur very brave going to the pshychic nights, i've wanted to go but never had anyone to go with and worry that its just not the right time for me too hear from them. but i have found my faith hard to cope with lately. cant help but question it. it would for me open up too big-a-can of worms.

I think of my mum all the time, but dont often truely see/feel her - i mean the way u do somtimes when u get a sudden chystal clear image thats so real i can truly remember her face, her skim, her smile as if i could touch her, as if she where next to me. When they happen less often you cant help but think your loosing her all over again.


I just wanted you to know your not alone, a term i'm finding hard but starting to realise too myself is true.
I have writen more on here than i have ever told anyone i know. (which does oddly scare me).

Take care Kirsty.....
Luv Daisy xxx

Hi Kirsty and Daisy
I just wanted to say I understand how you feel too.
I have lost a husband, auntie, uncle and now a step-dad is dying of lung cancer, all to some form of cancer.
I feel lost without my husband Paul and he seems so very far away. I too would like to go to a psychic meeting but have not plucked up the courage as yet.
Perhaps Kirsty you could have a one to one with a medium you may get some messages then.
My husband told me not to go to one as he would prove it himself that there was something after which he has in various ways.
My heart goes out to you both and I wish you some peace in the days ahead. It does get harder I agree with you on that and life is hard to deal with.
So many people touched by some tragedy it seems hard to believe but I expect with one anothers help we will get there in the end.
Take care thinking of you all.

Love Heather

Hey guys thank you so much for your kind words

I try my best to take each day as it comes n some days im fine others im a total mess, n its nice to talk to ppl who really know in their hearts how i feel

thanks for ur support xx

its not,not, not your fault. we can carry round guilt for many many years, but its usually 'what did i do?' or 'what could i have done differently?' that haunts. you did neither of those. stay on web, i can chat sometime if you want, ive been there x