Hi Everyone,

After a very tearful day yesterday I woke with the intention of going through my husband's clothes and getting rid of most of it. My son and son-in-law had already had what they wanted and now the time has come to move along and get this all sorted out. I need to do this myself but it is so painful. The only good thing is that I do not believe what I am doing is at all related to Colin,does that make sense?

I want most of his clothes to go to the Heart Foundation then at least they should be able to raise some much needed money for themselves. They are good clothes and lots of them, he was a fanatic about buying clothes, talk about women and spending on clothes, he had no comparison I can tell you.

My neighbour and his friends wanted a few things but now I have very neatly folded everything and put it in the charity sacks and it will be collected later today. I have shut the drawers and the wardrobe doors, I can't face cleaning them, that will have to be done another day. The next task is his toiletries, there are loads of them, many still in gift boxes from Christmas, but it all has to go. The boys will have this too I expect so I will pack this separately.

Now I feel empty as I walk around the bedroom and the bathroom, but I feel calmer too. Perhaps I should have waited a longer time before doing this but I am an organised person and Colin was a hoarder. I hope and pray that he will understand that I am not washing him out of the house, I just need neatness and order around me or I am unable to relax. He knew what I was like and his favourite words about me to our friends were....'don't nod your head around Lynn or she will have it in the bin'.....ha-ha, I can actually see him saying that with his wicked little smile!

Oh well, another job done and without too many tears today. The day I dread most is Friday, it will be 4 weeks Friday that my world turned upside down.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings and I hope that I haven't bored you to tears!!

I hope you are all well and coping as best you can.

Take care,
luv Lynn. xxx

Dear Lynn and everyone else,
I do hope you are all having a reasonable day under the circumstances.
Lynn, you do seem very organised! I took a lot of my mum's things to the charity shop after she passed away. Fortunately she was able to sort a lot of her things out on the Easter Saturday for me to take away but I still have clothes of hers at my house that I can't bear to part with, but don't think it's really a good idea to hang on to them. Part of me feels guilty to remove them from my place so I'm not getting anywhere really. I also have a lot of her toiletries and medicines here, which again isn't a good thing. I still can't believe my mum has gone and think I must tell her something that's happened and then remember that I can't. I try and keep busy but the loss hits me and it's awful.
Love to everyone.
Louise x

Hi Louise,

If it had been my mother then there is a lot that I would have kept but my husband's clothes and toiletries are no good to me. I did feel guilty and horrible giving his things away but most of it was new, as I said he loved new clothes so I wasn't attached to anything in particular except for the clothes that I had him in for his funeral, they were favourites of both of us.

I do know how you feel Louise but I need to keep busy. My doctor told me off today as I have lost so much weight and she said that I am uncomfortable and the stitches from the wound are pulling because I am doing too much. I prefer it this way though as I could quite easily take to my bed and just cry and cry for what I have lost. It takes a lot of effort to keep myself going as I usually do. It helps that I am a very organised person.

Why don't you pick a few of your favorite things from your mother's and keep them, then give the rest to the charity that she supported, she would like that and would not expect you to keep everything of hers. It isn't easy but I feel that you have to do this before you can move on a little from this sad time in your life.

Take care and take one day at a time...small steps will work, or so they say. We are all here for you so just shout when it all begins to get unbearable again.

luv Lynn. xxx

Hi Lynn and all others,
I took your advice and took some more of my mum's clothes to the charity shop today. I still have some clothes of hers that I don't think I can part with at this time, but I'm sure I will do so at a later stage. I know when my dad died, aged 53, 17 years ago that my mum and sister gave his things away and know that she wouldn't want me to hang onto anything that was of no use.
Like you and JW mentioned I still count the weeks that my mum passed away and find Saturdays difficult as that was the day she died.
It's been good to read your postings and also from JW and Heather and everyone else's.
Love and strength to you all.
Love,
Louise x

I'm glad I'm 'back in touch' on the board, although I didn't post for a while I often thought of everyone and wondered how you were all doing. It's strange isn't it how we know so very little about each other, our ages, where we're from etc, yet we are all connected through grief, and certainly for me, being 'here' is a great help to know whatever I'm feeling I'm not alone. The thing is, although everyone loses someone at some point in their life, nothing, absolutely nothing, can prepare you for it, the enormity of our losses.....but as I said, being with those going through similar emotions is a help.

Hugs to everyone reading tonight!

JW x x

Hi Louise and JW,

First Louise, I am so glad that you managed to part with a few more things of your mother's that you knew you could not use or keep, the rest will happen when you are ready.

I dread Friday and you dread Saturday, I bet every day of the week is covered by someone who has lost someone dear. I know some people say don't count the days but it is still too early for me not too just yet. I am not doing it on perpose it is just so indelibly etched in my mind that it will happen whether I want to remember or not.

JW, I agree with what you say, we are all grieving and this board brings us all together. Without it I would be an absolute wreck, there is no doubt about that, it has helped me so much by reading the stories and suffering of others.

I also agree that we know nothing of one another at all so I will start the ball rolling. I am 60 and my Colin was 60 when he died. We live in Bristol in the South West of England and enjoy quite clement weather down here, ha-ha. We had celebrated our Ruby wedding, 40 years, in March. I have two children, Christopher, (Chris), who is 35 and Nikkie,( Nicola), who will be 38 on Monday. They have two boys each. Nikkies are the eldest with Lewis at the age of 13 and Matthew now 9. Chris's two are Aiden 7 and Connor 5. Chris lives 5 minutes away from me and Nikkie lives across town about ten miles away. We are a close family and I have lots of friends around me and my neighbours are great. I love reading, mostly thrillers, cross stitch, gardening and emailing my pals all around the globe.......that's about it from me. Oh yes, I am a retired on ill health, ex nurse, ha-ha.

Come on guys, its your turn now!!!

Take care, back tomorrow.

luv Lynn. xxx

I live in the South East with my husband and 3 kids. My heart goes out to you that your husband was only 60. My dad was 68 and we feel 'robbed' because we expected so much more time with him. We have pictures all over the house of my dad and of him with the kids. My children adored their grandad but kids adapt, and although there were of course many many tears in the early days (in the scheme of things we are still in the early days I know) but now we talk about 'grandad' most days in a normal sense and mention the fun stuff in the course of our day to day doings. Although you are younger than my mum when I read your posts you sound very alike - like you she doesn't drive and wishes to god that she did so she could pop round for a coffee whenever she feels like it - she's about 45 mins away from us, so when we meet it's usually for a whole day or she comes up and stays for the weekend. She says the grandchildren are her 'lifeline' at the moment and I'm sure yours are to you.

Anyways, it's late and I really shouldn't be here!

JW x x

I expect most of you know about me, because several of you have written to me direct, which is wonderful, but I'll just fill anyone who cares to know about me. Age 71 and 1/2. Wife Pat died April 8th after long and very painful ilnees. We would have been married for 47 years on the 6th June, but she didn't quite make it, although she celebrated her 73rd birthday last November 29th with 12 of our friends at a little cafe near Harrogate, where we have lived for many years. Pat was many things in her life, medical student, laboratory assistant, supervisor in a steel pressing plant, assistant to a psychologist, entertainment agent, teacher in primary school, and finally until shortly before her death a very successful dealer in antique linen and lace. How she stuck me I'll never know, as when we met I was an articled clerk studying to be a solicitor..I passed the Final at the third attempt, and swore never to look at another law book as long as I lived, a pledge I have faithfully kept. After various vicissitudes (?)I finally became what I should have aolways been, a professional musician, which I have been since I was 45. I beleive that at that age one should always seriously consider what you are going to do with the rest of your life, or you could end up stuck in a terrible rut.
As many of you know, we lost our son 11 years ago, suddenly, as he died in his sleep. We both got over that grief fairly well after about ten years, and I have to say the experience helped me greatly in dealing with Pat's death, because I knew that it was possible to survive the most savage and bitter pain. I tell everyone to be of good heart, because death is not the end. I don't know what happens afterwards, but I believe everything will turn our well in the long run.
I am fortunate indeed that I now have a good relationship with a lady, Barbara, who I have known as a friend for about fiteen years, but now I am "free" we have developed our friendship, and it s working wonders for me. I can't believe I am so lucky, but everyone must take their own time in these things. Sorry to rabbit on so much, but you did ask!
Please keep on keeping on, and above all , keeping in touch.
Love and strengtht to you all.

Hi JW, thanks for the update on YOU, it is nice to know something about the person I have got to know slightly on this lovely web site. I wish my children would let me have photo's of Colin around but although they have their own homes they say they can't bear it just yet...it brings me comfort though so I am looking for the right frame to display one of Colin on his 60th birthday in February...as you say JW, 60 is so young to die so suddenly and he looks so alive on that photo, I will try and upload some photo's of both of us soon, then you can see the old lady that you have been talking to, ha-ha.

I am glad that you can spend a lot of time with your Mother, as you say, neither of us like driving so we have to rely on our children, me at any rate until my tummy has healed, then I can catch a bus as I have my bus pass...there are advantages to being 60, ha-ha.

Derry, I cannot believe that you are 71, you look so young you must take great care of yourself to keep looking like that, well done to you and please let us all into the secret.

Your wife certainly had an interesting life so that should be a great comfort to you after the sadness of losing your son first and then Pat too. I am so glad that you have met someone new and that it is working out for you both, you deserve some happyness.

Take care and lets hope more people write in with some details of their lives.


luv Lynn. xx