I walked to town this morning feeling pretty Ok and then I walked back across the (Harrogate) Stray, I suddenly remembered the times Pat and I had walked across together. suddenly the tears just came. Just when you think things are getting a bit better, then it hits you. I was watching couples in Bettys Cafe . all ages, holding hands, talking, laughing, just like we used to to and I almost hated them, because I thought, why have they got someone and I have lost the one I loved. I know I have found someone who is a wonderful friend, but it just isn't the same, either for her or for me.It is the unfairness of it that hurts. why was such a kind loving person like Pat put through all that pain and suffering, and then I am left feeling like this. I heard some music the other day, and the words talked about Paradiso. I thought maybe Pat is in paradise, as she certainly deserved to be, but then how could it be paradise if I wasn't with her? Who knows, maybe one day, but life has to go on. Sorry for rabbiting on but you all know how it is. no one really understands unless they have had a similar experience. Thanks to you all for your help, and let's all keep on doing that for each other.
Love,
Derry

Hi Derry
I am so sad you feel so down but I know how you feel in a different way obviously. I still feel that way about Paul and I feel so jealous and sad. I could scream when I see other couples so in love and think like you why did my kind and caring husband have to go through so much pain and I could not help him in any way to survive.
I think of Paul every moment of the day and it does not seem to be getting any easier yes the fierce pain at the beginning fades but the loss is always there. You love someone so much and everything is going so fine and bam it is all gone in a flash. Hard to believe.
I really feel for you Derry and send you a big hug
Keep on keeping on
Take care
Love Heather

Hi to you both
Derry, I am so sorry to hear you had what I call a "down" day, you always give me a boost with your advise and positive outlook on life, even after everthing you have been through, big hug from me too x.
I can honestly say I too have found myself feel envy when I see a happy couple, its even worse when they are older then me & Bob because I keep thinking of the future we have lost, its bad enough having all of these wonderful memories which keep popping into my head, I am not yet at a stage where they give me as much comfort as maybe one day they will, but when I think of the future we should have had it breaks my heart all over again.
Sorry to be negative this is the only place I find I can be, if I talk like this to friends / family they seem to get upset for me and it dosen't help.
Hope everyone else is doing as best they can x

Thanks for your prompt replies. It is so nice to have friends like you, and everyone else on here. Thank goodness I feel better now, as one does (it is a switchback!) becasue I have had a visit from a friend I met over the internet a good few years ago. He lives in Florida and this is the first time we have actually met, although we have co written several really good songs together, mainly my words and his music but truly joint efforts. So when he said he was coming over I was nervous as I didn't know if we would get on, But get on we did, and we spent ten minutes jaumming on piano and guitar..I think we could yet make it big! So I have the pleasure of his company, together with his new lady friend, (I think his wife either died or left him, not sure yet) and we all seem to share same sense of humour. So, as I say it's up and down, and life does get better at least for a while. Take each day, each hour, each minute one at a time and we can get through the bad patches. I do try to be positive on here, but you all know that sometimes we have to give way, so thanks for helping me when I gave way this morning. There's still an invitation to have a coffee with me when I am playing at Bettys Cafe in Harrogate if ever you are up this way, or indeed at my somewhat spartan bachelor (widower) place.It does get dusted occasionally!

Love to you all.
Derry

Hi Derry

i live in Harewood although i lived in Harrogate for twenty years.Three years on the Leeds Road side and seventeen years down at Woodlands.I walk my dog on the stray every week when i look after my grandaughter on a Thursday she lives with my son and his partner in Hookstone Avenue.

One of the hardest things i am coming to terms with is loss of love in my life.The love betwen husband and wife the being someones other half,always having someone to do things with and to go places with,to share and laugh with,and the knowledge that i will never be in that sort of a relationship agin.I am a daughter,a mother and recently a twice over grandmother, but never again will i be Liz the woman .It sucks,and i dont know if it will ever get any better.
Like you i hate seeing other couples.I recently went to Portugal to stay with my husbands sister,and on the plane i sat next to a lovely couple about my age.They were talking and touching and laughing and sharing things together and i sat by myself hiding my face in a book because i started to cry and i couldnt stop.its very hard ,but i suppose it will get better some time.

take care
liz