I was out playing the piano, as I do, last night and some
well meaning person said,"I expect it will be hard for you at Christmas". I responded courteously, but I thought, my God this ? (I have been having bad times just recently, no idea why). With me it is just the loneliness, even though I meet dozens of people in my job, which is a social one, but when I get home and see all the nice things Pat collected, I feel so sad.Also, having to make decisions about the simplest things is so hard..we always made decisions jointly even about tiny little problems (and Pat always dealt with spiders and moths...I'm a wimp where that sort of thing is concerned!)
Folks who havent been tnrough all this have not the slightest idea, have they?I thought I did before, but how wrong I was. Still, we have to be tolerant and hope that they never undergo the same thing.
So I felt really bad this morning, having spent half the night reliving all the tramua of the last couple of years, the nursing of Pat at home, watching her decline into someone hardly recognisable, and all the rest.
However, I did the best thing I could, and went for a long walk. The sun was shining and I felt a lot better, so I suppose it possible to get through the day by taking action.
OK, thanks to you all for being there. It's great to have someone to talk to who understands.
Take care, everyone, and do keep in touch.
Love, Derry

Hi Derry, good to see your post and everyone else's too.
I've not had much time just lately what with one thing or another and work too.
I so much relate to you in particular with how you live, I'm sure we're very similar.
I to am active with the public, mainly social events and such in the music business like I've mentioned before. It really does look as if there's nothing wrong with us doesn't it? Amongst many people. All the people in the world don't make it any better does it? All it does is pass time on at that particular time and that's it really. Like you've mentioned before though quite regular, every day we get through is one better to make it easier long term.
Christmas means nothing at all for me as Pam passed away just after 16/01/06 the day after my birthday neither will my birthday anymore.
We would always spend these times quiet anyhow; they'll be much quieter now.
I can't imagine allowing anyone into my misery world I live in today, full time anyhow. How can I give anyone happiness when I'm not happy myself? Million dollar question hey?
I have all the Christmas decorations and two trees in boxes where Pam used to put them in the cupboard where they'll be stopping as long as I can imagine. Would love positive answers as to when they may return on display one day but just can't see it. If they were to see light, how upsetting it would be to sit around them. Oh dear, what tasks we have to deal with.
I think you do a fine job Derry in going the walks, I was doing in the summer months taking in the lovely mild fresh warm air in the country, it does like you say, help.
My house is also like a shrine of the past, hardly daring to disturb certain items and frightened to break or damage things.
I've had my net curtains down a few times to wash them, ripped a couple of them whilst handling them and sewed them up with white cotton just like Pam would have done, but nowhere as good.
What a learning curve we all have on our plates, all in the same boat in a very rough sea.
Things WILL get better though, I believe you Derry and for you to my friend and everyone else too.
I thank you for quoting on numerous accessions that it will and does get better for us ALL.
All the best Derry...

Hello to every else also and wish you all well...

John