I feel like the best way for me to cope with my fathers death and because I live in another country is to deal with things my self in my head and on sites like this rather than involving family because they are grieving themselves. I feel like I want my friends but don't think they understand and am petrified of getting close to anyone because its just another person to lose. Am i right to exclude family and friends from my grief or should I involve them? I feel so alone but i also feel like pushing people away because i can cope with loneliness but not sure i could cope with losing a person close to me. I'm getting angry with my mum because I want her to take care of her self, eat properly and show me that she can survive and be happy while I'm away from her.Why do I hurt the people I love more than anything?

Hi,

I Lost my Mum 7 weeks ago & I have to say I don't know if I would be in the place I am today without my family (brother) & friends I have 2 very close friends, they have helped me so much!! Even if I just send a text saying "having a hard day"

From my experience albeit limited thankfully, you need your family & friends, surly it's just to hard without them.

Michelle

I feel the same way you do...
my Dad died 7 weeks ago in Australia and I'm over here in the UK. I went back for the funeral but since being back in the I find it really difficult to reach out to my family. Especially my Mum as I want her to be ok. She always asks me how I'm doing and I find myself always telling her that I'm doing fine as I don't want to add to her grief. my friends over here are doing the best they can but they don't really understand what I'm going through and I don't want to be the one ringing up saying 'Hi I'm really rubbish today, how are you?'
I try and keep my grief to myself but I'm sure that is seen as the 'wrong' thing to do...
I think it's just so hard as well I just miss him so much, it's as simple as that...
I hear you in what your saying though...
your post helped me, so thank you,
Kaye

I respond to your mail. Because I am many years away from immediate loss.
But here I am.
I would say let people in to yourself.your thoughts.
Talk about your father and your loss- and I mean your loss.
Because it is your loss too.

I pushed people away- because I thought they too were greiving- because they were in more pain than me. I was strong - I could cope.........
It led to a whole new start in life. courage that I never thought possible in me. I am so proud of what I did - that I didnt collapse into grief. That I built a new life- turned it into a positive.
I was so strong.

But now - I cant remember my partner- and I mean anything- and I can't confide in anyone. Can't let anyone know it hurts still.
which brought me here.
So I'd say follow your heart.
If you want to talk- do!
if thats what brought you to this site.....because you can't hold it all inside.
then talk---- to anyone -the man at the bus stop--- your partner or others who share the loss of your father....
Don't lock it away......
Because-you- the strong one- will have a very long time to be strong.....at this time it is important to share -not only grief... but the stories, and the love, and the history of the one you all miss.

Hi,

I've felt the same too. Angry at mum and I didn't want to be. That happened just a few weeks after I lost my dad. It's not so intense feeling. I felt bad at feeling that way. I have never felt so angry in my life and not just at mum but because of the circumstances in which my dad lost his life and the fact that nobody listened or cared. Only now he lost his life is something being done but it's all too little too late.

Right now it's strong emotions going around and believe me it's not easy. It puts strain on relationships between family/friends. It's hard everyone is different.

At least I found out it was normal to feel that way. It doesn't feel normal, it feels awful but it's a normal reaction in grief. You can control it though.

Don't feel too bad. Once you realise it's normal part of it all and that so many emotions will go around.

Really feel for you - it's a really horrible time.