Bereavement: loss of my dear brother

Hello Everyone

God, how do you start a letter that involves great pain..how hard can it be? On the 18th July 2007 my Beautiful Brother Tony was killed by a Man who was driving a Artic Lorry(please don't refer to it as an accident) Our Tony was riding his bicycle, on his way to see my Mam. He was killed at 10am and I found out 13 hours later by my eldest brother John..I will never forget our John's trembling voice has he said " oh Jane, something terible has happened, our Tony's been killed". It was from then on that my body went into shut down mode..A numbness takes over you..I suppose this is shock , your body going into survival mode. As you can imagine the days that followed only got worse, police,coroners reports, etc..Because of the nature of my Brother's injuries, we couldn't say goodbye to him..3 weeks later, we were allowed to sit in a room where I watched my Mother hug his coffin.
We are a close family and the pain is unbearable, even now 6 months on,we are still in shock. I'm sure you will all understand that 6 months to a lucky non greaver, is 6 days to us. 1 month =1 day. On the morning my brother was killed, my eldest brother had sent him a text to ask if he fancied going to see Shostokovich symphany No5 concert which the Warsaw Philhamonic Orchestra were playng in Scarborough. To which our Tony replied "definitely" ( Both my brothers shared a passion for classical music).Half an hour later our Tony was dead.
The loss of a sibling is the most horrific experience I have had to cope with, our family life will never be the same again. I can't believe it...I have three brothers and a sister, I will never allow myself to say "I had three brothers". I can't believe he's gone...Today has been a particular bad day for me . A day of crying, saying the only words that come out " I can't believe it, I just can't believe it,oh Tony, I wish it was me"

loss of my dear brother

Re: loss of my dear brother