My darling Angie my heart has been in pain since you left on the 2nd April 2008 although I was there when you went I still cannot grasp that I will never be able to hold and kiss you again, you were more than just a wife you were my best friend, my lover, my partner and what you have given me is something no else in this world will ever be able to do.

Instead of us celebrating your 54 th birthday on the 9th April 2008 I was in pain and grief saying goodbye to you and as the songs that played that day you were UNFORGETABLE and that when I FALL IN LOVE with you it would be forever. Just remember you'll never walk alone I will be there and I know that you are now busy getting our place ready for the day that I will be reunited with you.


I will alway love you my beautiful Angie

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. Not a lot I can say except to wish you strengt. My wife died on the 8th April last year, and a year is such a short itme to get over this pain. I do know it will ease with time. I have learnt that from experience, but it doesn't make it much easier when yuou are going through it. Please keep in touch. I'm sure we are all thinking about you.
Take care,
Derry

Derry,

Thank you for the response and kind words but I do not know how I am going to cope, every day when I return from work I expect my Angie to be where she always was in front of the telly but now the lounge is empty.

I know it is still such a short time since my Angie left but it does not seem to be easing but only getting harder everything is reminding me of her and it is breaking my heart so much that i have a dull ache 24/7 I never thought that I could hurt like this.

My Angie was everything in my life and now that she is no longer here I am so lost and do not seem to have ambition anymore I am like a robot the only thing that is keeping me going is our two dogs who i have to look after as Angie would be very angered if I did not.

I love Angie and miss her very much and can only hope that its not long before we are together again.

I have not overcome my loss and it is not getting any easier and although I pray that god will let me join my Angie so farI have not been heard and no one knows how much I want to join my Angie who I love more than life.

Terry,I know your heart is breaking and every day just seems so pointless and trivial now.Don't think of giving up on life-I'm sure it's not what Angie would have wanted.Impossible though it seems, people do survive this terrible time and go on to live with their loss.You never forget but the ache becomes less and Angie wouldn't want to see you being so unhappy.
Keep looking after those dogs,they need you,and you may have others who do to.You're not alone,take heart and keep posting here to let some of that grief out.We're all with you,
B.x

Trevor

My heart goes out to you in your pain. I know exactly what you are going through though in my case it was my sister who died on the 14th March 2008. To me she was everything, my sister, my best friend, my confidante - we did everything together - we lived together for 64 years - all my life - and I am lost now without her. We went on holiday together, shopped together - did absolutely everything together. Like you I beg God to take me to be with her. I am pleading with him to let me die because I don't want to go on without her. But unfortunately it doesn't work that way. People say Angie wouldn't want you to be like that - she would want you to be happy etc. but how can you be happy when you are going through grief like this. The way I feel is that Sheila knew me inside out and knows exactly what I am going through and will try to make it bearable, though sometimes - like this morning - it is not. Angie is there with you though you can't see her - just as Sheila is with me. I know I will see her again - I just pray to God it is very soon. It's just trying to get through each day that's the problem. Going to bed each night saying Thank God, another day over. I am so sorry for your grief and I can help at all please tell me.

Audrey and barrowgirl,

Thank you for the support and kind words anjd Audrey I am sorry for your loss as I know only too well what you are going through, I am not coping and I know it has only been 7 weeks but I miss my soul mate more than life as to live like I am at present is not worth it.

When you have cared for some one who has been ill the past 2 years and loved them since the day you met it is very difficult to adjust when they leave and like your sister my Angie knew me inside out my every moods and how to make me laugh and I know that Angie would not want to see me like this but it is hard to be otherwise.

I also know that my Angie is here with me and this does not make me feel better as I want he in the flesh and I pray everyday for her happiness but I am selfish and want Angie with me and if can not be the case then I ask God to let me join her as he is the only one who can grant me this wish.

I love my Angie like I said more than life and can't wait to be able to join her.

Hi Trevor

I agree with you - life the way we are living it at the moment is not worth it. I have all Sheilas tablets and more than once I have contemplated taking them. Like you, the only thing keeping me going at all normally are my two dogs. They still have to be fed and walked and when I am walking them I can pretend everything is OK. I don't know whether it gets easier as time goes on. People tell me it does. It is 10 weeks tomorrow since my precious Sheila died and like you, I loved her more than anything in the world. I hate the empty house. I put on the TV and watch mindless programmes. I am trying to do different things. I work one day a week doing the coffee shop in our local Cruelty to animals shelter. I am doing some courses also - just to make things a bit different.

Have you had any counselling? Do you have any other family? Have you friends you can talk to and cry to? That is important. I have no other family but my friends have been very good to me.

I hope to hear from you again. If you need to talk please email me

Regards

Audrey

Hi Trevor,sorry I called you Terry before.
I haven't lost a partner-thankfully.I imagine it must be unbearable.I joined the board when my daughter lost her boyfriend to suicide.The guilt-even now coming up to 2 years is still awful.I just wish I could transport myself back in time so I could stop him, but sadly,I can't.

Like you,I pray daily that our loved ones are in a better place and that one day we'll meet up again and be happy,and things will be as they should.Until then the only way we can live with it, is to try to lead better productive lives for them.I try harder at work and in the family to look after everyone.Like Derry says,you do become more compassionate and give out more yourself.
My daughter has met a very different young man,a simple guy who has embraced her and her grief.He's an amazing support to her,and he goes at her pace and respects her grief.

It gives me hope that there are ways past these incredibly difficult dark days that you find yourself in.You're not alone, it just feels like you're cut off now.

I hope you feel a little better soon,please keep writing and stay in touch with the world,theres lots of caring people who've been where you've been and they'll support you through.

best wishes
Lola.

Hi Audrey and Barrowgirl thank you once again for your kind words and I appreciate them sp much but yesterday was a very bad day for me and I almost joined my Angie if it were not for my little dog I would not be here now, she must have sensed that I was distressed and kept on climbing onto my lap and the more I pushed her away so that I could get to the tablets that I have in a bottle for this specific purpose she just would not let me.

I know that I am not the only one grieving in the world but I am just not coping with it I am finding it harder everyday and it is not even 2 months since my Angie left and it does not look like it is going to get any better. My appetite is gone I am not eating properly and I have started drinking to ease the pain this is not a route my Angie would want me to go down but its the only thing that helps me short term.

Dear Trevor

I'm so sorry for you because I know the pain you are going through. As I said to you I have all Sheilas heart tablets and I have said I plan to take them if the pain gets too bad. But I know, at the end of the day, that Sheila would hate me to do that and that she would be so angry with me if I did. Sheila was, to me, what Angie was to you, except, obviously a lover, but we did every single thing together - holidays, shopping and just sitting watching TV or reading. I feel 90% of me is dead so I do know the pain and emptiness you are going through. Have you talked to anyone? Do you have any family to help you? Would you go to counselling, though it is too soon for that I think? Everyone tells me it will get better. So far it hasn't but after 64 years of living with her I don't expect it to have got easier after 11 weeks without her. My heart goes out to you because I know exactly the awful pain. It is unbearable. I am including you in my prayers each night. I know words don't help - all the words in the world aren't going to bring her back which is what you want. I was given this article after Sheila died and as much as anything could help the words of this consoled me a bit. It's called a "Letter from Heaven" To my dearest family - some things I'd like to say, but first of all to let you know that I've arrived OK. I am writing this from heaven where I dwell with God above, where there's no more tears or sadness, there's just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy because I'm out of sight - remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you, when life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me and said "I really welcome you. It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone - as for your dearest family - they'll be here much later on. I need you here so badly as part of my big plan. There's so much that we have to do to help our fellow man." Then God gave me a list of things he wished for me to do, and foremost on that list of mine is to watch and care for you. And I will be beside you every day and week and year, and when you're sad I'm standing there to wipe away the tear. When you think of my life on earth and all those living years, because you're only human they are bound to bring some tears. Do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain - remember there would be no flowers if there wasn't any rain. But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth's no more, I am closer to you now than I ever was before. When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind, I am walking in your footsteps but a half a step behind. and when you feel a gently breeze or the wind upon your face, that's me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace. And when it's time for you to go - from that body to be free - remember that you're not going away, you are coming home to me. And I will always love you from this happy land above. I'll be in touch again with you - PS God sends His love.

This helped me a tiny bit - I hope it helps you

Regards

Audrey

Dear Trevor, I wish I could say something to ease the dreadful pain you're experiencing - it's so so hard. What's kept me going through the really bad times is imagining your loved one watching over (I hope they really are of course) and thinking what they would be saying as they watch us grieve. I tell myself that by falling apart I am making it all the worse for her and I should try and be strong. At the same time you do need to let your emotions out. My sister is no longer with us as a result of keeping it all in so I'm glad your sharing your feelings on this site.
At the risk of sounding like I'm preaching please don't see drink as the answer. Let Angie be your reason to leave it alone as I have seen the devastating misery it causes when it gets out of hand and I know she would hate to see you like that. It will not help you believe me and it's awful to think that what should have helped you in the short term might be controlling you in the long term. Sorry to go on but I can't bear to think of you going down that road.

Always here when you need a friend, Ali x

So sorry to read your sad message. You were truly blessed with a loving partner and that shines through in your message. warmest thoughts and big gentle hugs at this very sad time. I hope all the wonderful memories you have will keep you strong.
Quartz x

Hi All just an update I am no better now than I was when my Angie left the heart ache and burning sensation in my stomach my sleepless night are still here witj me and although I won't do anything stupid I do wish that something would happen to me so that I may join my Angie.

I do not know why God is punishing me all I did was idolised,worshiped and loved my Angie more than life and he took her away and this has left me a very miserable person with no future as my Angie was my life and when she left my life died as well.

How much longer is he planning on making me suffer.

love trevor

Hang in there Trevor.You will get through this ,even though it seems unbearable now.Other people can come through this and come out the other side,you will too.Angie wouldn't want you to be tortured like this.Thinking of you,
B.