My name is mary and I have only just found this site. My husband died of cancer on 25th July 2007. He was diagnosed on 4th May '07, just 4 days before our 25th wedding anniversary. He is now dead just over 9 months and I miss him so much. My 18yr old daughter is very good but she is now at university and I feel as if I have lost all of my family in one go. I do not believe in god and I find the futility of Michael's death hard to bear. He was only 54yrs old, a bright intelligent gentle man who had a bright future ahead of him. We thought we were approaching our golden age when we could please ourselves and do all the things we had put on hold to bring our daughter up and we had such plans for the future. I find it difficult to go on but I know that is what he would have wanted. I now need to find a purpose for my life and hope that I will learn to live with my loss. To all those out there who are going through this, believe me it is tough but it helps to share.
Mary

Hello Mary....Thanks for posting and although some posts don't get answered, lots of people read them and it does help them know they are not alone in there suffering. You must feel robbed as like you said so many things to do that were on hold.

I wish you some peace back into your life again Mary, please keep looking in.

Dave

Site owner http://bereavementuk.co.uk

Hi Mary

I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. I lost my beloved sister 9 weeks ago. We lived together, went on holiday together, shopped together and just read and watched TV together. We didn't need anyone else - we were so close we could read each others minds. Now, like you I am on my own. Unlike you though I don't have any other close family so all my support is coming from my friends. Have you close friends you can talk to or cry on? I feel so lonely - I feel as if most of me has died and I am just getting through the days till I can join my sister which is what I want to do more than anything. I hope you have found this site to be of some help to you. I know you don't believe in God, but He believes in you and He is helping you. He helped me to do things I would never have dreamt I was capable of - like going down for my sisters ashes, registering her death etc. Strength came from somewhere to do these things and I believe it can only come from God. If there is anything you want to talk about please email me if I can help

Regards

Audrey

All I can say to you is what I say so many times...it will ger better. Never all right, but better. It is just over a year since my wife died and I still cry nearly every day, but life is going on. I do find it helps me to read all these messages of pain and grief, in the knowledge that sometimes I can write back and perhaps it may help someone. Do keep in touch, and remember all those here who share your sorrow and will do anything to help. No magic remedies, except to keep on living and looking outward if you can. You still have so much to give to the world, and the love you gave previously still exists in you and can be used . That will help you too.
A bit confused, but I hope you see what I mean. Write to me direct if you neeed to.
Love, Derry

Dear Derry,
I have read many of your postings since finding this site and I have taken strength and solice from them. thank-you for taking the time to respond to me. I am only back from a holiday with my brother and sister-in-law who live in USA. I had a wonderful time and they made such an effort to care for me. But it was hard coming home to an empty house and today I'm feeling low. Michael was diagnosed with cancer on 4th May last year, 4 days before our 25th wedding anniversary which was on the 8th May. I am so glad that I went away this year for these dates, however the 12 weeks from diagnosis to death were eventful ones and I find myself reliving each day. This week-end last year was a difficult one and Michael was very ill. think of me as I try to get through it.
Mary X

Dear Audrey,
Thank-you so much for your kind thoughts. I am so sorry about your sister and I know how difficult it is but believe me it does get easier. I too didn't want to live after Michael died and I still have days where I'm angry when I wake because I want to die. But I no-longer think about doing it myself. I do have family and indeed I'm only back from USA having spent 2 weeks with my brother and sister-in-law. I notice that you live in Dublin, I'm from the North of Ireland, a little place called Downpatrick. I am here if you want to talk.
Thinking of you.
Mary.