Hi all. I came across this site after goggling for answers such as; "what happens after death?”, “bereavement support”, “dealing with death”, etc etc.

I am not sure what I will get out of this post but maybe someone will understand me?, Help me? Advise me?

Here is my story….

My father passed away in April. He was in hospital for 6 months prior. He had numerous problems all relating to his diabetes. When he got admitted to hospital no one knew he would never come out.

Me and my family saw him everyday for 6 months giving him support, trying to feed him, making him laugh and telling him it wouldn’t be long before he comes out. We got told about a week before his death that he only had weeks to live. This was a very big shock!

Me and my family were around him when he passed away - he went peacefully. I was holding his hand as his grip softened and his hands went cold.

Me and my dad had a best friend relationship - we were very close - we used to wind each other up- make each other laugh - he was a best friend not a father. I miss him so much, I just want to see him for one last time, I want to hear his voice, I want to tell him im sorry for things I did wrong, I wish I could rewind back time.

I keep thinking of the funeral/ his body lying there motionless - he used to be a big personality never standing still. I feel sorry for him because just before his passing he told me never to loose faith and to be strong –in his time of pain he still thought of me. Why would he say that? Did he know I was going to be hit hard?.

I have such a loving family who I do talk to but I just want to know from other people who have been through loosing loved ones - how they cope?. I know you will all say "times a healer" but at this time I am finding it hard. I have to cry alone so I don’t upset any of my other family members especially my mum.

Enough of my rambling, if anyone does read this; I thank you from the bottom of my heart. xx

Many thanks
Harvey

Dear Harvey - I'm truly sorry for your terrible loss and I know the pain seems intolerable. This site has given me comfort too because sometimes talking to people who understand what you're going through is the only thing that seems to help.

The awful thoughts you have are the same as mine - my sister's cold body and the dreadful regret that I couldn't do anything to help her amongst many others. The only thing I can say is now that 5 weeks have passed I have started to remember happier times and although I still feel extreme sadness, I don't dissolve into tears quite as often. I imagine that this is indeed the cliche "time is a healer" doing its work and I hope that little by little my life (and my family's life) will become more bearable.

It sounds as though your father was truly loved and he would have known that. I'm sure he was trying to reassure you because he didn't want you to suffer and you should think of that when times are bad. Try to think of positive things and stay strong for his sake. I imagine if my sister is looking down on me that she would hate to think of me so unhappy so I try not to be - easier said than done though.

My thoughts are with you and please do keep posting whenever you need to. You'll always find a friend here - take care, Ali.

thank you Ali for your kind words and understanding. Have you got an MSN address i can chat to you on maybe?

Hello Harvey - Please do e-mail me anytime on alisondough@hotmail.co.uk. I don't get to the computer constantly but I will always reply. I hope you're coping ok. I'm actually going backwards at the moment it seems, but I keep hoping for brighter days. It's really tough I know but I'm sure in time we'll learn to live with our loss as others have.
Stay in touch, Ali

Harvey - I can't tell you how much your post spoke to me. I lost my beloved dad this morning - he and I enjoyed the same sort of relationship you did with yours, by the sound of it...it hurts me immeasurably to think that he's never going to make fun of my taste in films, or tell me that it beats him how someone with my obvious intelligence can watch Eastenders.

Know that you're in my thoughts, and if you'd like to talk please let me know.

Hi its Harvey again.

Sorry i have not responded to my own post, i had to go abroad to scatter my fathers ashes. Apart from him passing away and the funeral - scattering his ashes was very hard too.

Its coming up to 3 months now since he passed away - i dont think its getting any easier but you just have to carry on?...

I still randomly start crying uncontrollably, like today.

My Msn/E-mail address is: mr_amorous@hotmail.com - If anybody wants to talk or share some pain please get in touch.

Many Thanks ALI + RUTH

XX