I havent been here for a few months, been trying not to realise the very real fact that it's been nearly a year since my dad died.
As it's Fathers Day this sunday i'm finding it especially hard as it was the last time i ever saw my dad - alive anyway. I remember telling him how much i loved him and needed him here, that he had to fight but he wasnt strong enough or he just didnt want to. It was the last time he hugged me, told me he loved me. It was the last time i smelt his smell, heard his laugh, looked into his eyes. No-one tells you when u lose someone that its those small things that you take for granted that you miss the most.
For the most part it seems like i have picked myself up and just got on with things, i go to work, meet up with friends and have even met someone who i can see spending the rest of my life with. But inwardly i'm still struggling to deal with losing him, the pains still there, although not as raw. When i met my partner i wanted so much to be able to pick up the phone as i always did and tell dad all about our first date and keeping him posted on the developments - i could tell my dad anything - he was my very best friend - but i suddenly found myself in a position so alien to me i admit, i struggled to know how to cope. who did i have to tell it all to now? me and my mum just dont work the same way as me and my dad did. I tried but it just felt wrong. Meeting the parents was a weird one aswell. I'd always been so nervous introducing someone to my dad but i didnt have that this time and this man is someone i REALLY want my dad to meet coz i feel so much for him. Its been the little things that have floored me.
So, dad, i've met someone! i know you always wished that i would meet someone who would treat me nicely and love me for me, make me smile every day......i've met him! Im so happy with him, i know you would like him.
I miss you so much....Happy Fathers Day on sunday. You were an amazing dad. You moulded me into the woman i am today and you didnt do such a bad job! Thankyou.
REST IN PEACE.xxxxxx
Dawn.xx
sorry to waffle on...just needed to get it all out. I hope everyone is finding solice on here....best wishes to you all. xx
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