how did you encounter kabbalah

I'm not sure how the rest of you discovered its validity but i had a very personal and confusing relationship with it.

Thing is, I have psychosis, and have been diagnosed with it for about 2 months now. I am clearly suceptable to visual stimulation so much so that i physically become part of what i see. My thought patterns and such are dictated by this live feed of visuals.

I didn't know it then but i have experienced many aspects of the tree of life. I went through a week of judgement by (as was then) god. As most seem to think of, a being who created everything. I went through the whole condition of boundaries and creative response to boundaries. So much so that i noticed that this continues on forever, which is earth shattering, resulting in what i called then ( the time before i knew about kabbalah ) I experienced extreme beauty, mercy etc.

I vivdly remember actually feeling the slinky effect. I was on a constant downwards spiral and then reach a division then would feel a constant push and pull between sides, both of which were terrifying. I could feel a line passing over my bosy as i made the concious effort to move from one side to another. (this is all happening with a head full of acid however.) something told me to calm myself down. I did this by focusing on the breathing patterns of these 2 iguanas which were in the room. I believe i discovered merkaba then. However the worst part os this whole thing is that the visuals are so intense and take so much of my computing power i cannot remember most of it. I'll retain bits and pieces of it all. I am still in a constant state of confusion. especially when it comes to the giant X i see when i close my eyes (anytime).

I only discopvered kaballah by chance. My drummer had a strange geometrical shape over his light switch. I knew it was on danny carrey's website ( drummer for tool) i investgated and then discovered Kabbalah.

so now i have a choice. keep tripping and ride my psychosis into eternity, or take my meds.

I've done quite a bit of searching for the meaning of the giant X that i see. I want to know more. the thing is that i am very concerned what to believe. If i read it somewhere how do i know that it was written by someone who has no clue what they are talking about. Does every kabbalist see things? i dont know. so comments please!!