Hi ladies, sorry to bug everyone but this time I REALLY need a prayer for my best friend/cousin. Shes been obese her whole life, due to emotional trauma. Yesterday she confided in me she wants gastric bypass which I REALLY don't agree with. There are too many complications and its the easy way out.

She has struggled her whole life with weight and has tried every diet, pill and exercise routine, but what she really needs is to control her emotional eating and work on her will power.

I love her to death and will support her in whatever she decides, but I need her to see that surgery is NOT the answer for her. There are just too many risks involved.

Please pray that she can find a healthy way to lose the weight that she has struggled with her whole life and please pray that I can support her in the best way she needs. I myself am thin, only struggled once during puberty with weight issues, so I think she finds it hard to open up to me, she might think I have no idea what its like to 'be the fat girl'.

I just feel horrible for her and want the best for her.

Thanks.

1c/Nii
12/22/26 Growing since Aug '07
Using Live Clean shampoo and Redkens All Soft Conditioner and Giovanni Direct Leave In Conditioner.

I will pray that she makes the best decision and that you can be there for her.






1BFii
Hair: All natural dark brown and silver.
Washing: Twice a week, scalp wash, with letting shampoo run through length. Condition from ears on down. Cold as I can stand it final rinse.
Shampoo/Conditioner: I have switched to organic. Aubrey's Honeysuckle Rose Shampoo and Conditioner. Nature's Gate Organics Biotin Shampoo and Conditioner.
Comb, never brush.
Kind Regards,
lacemitts

are definately with her. while it may seem like the "easy" way out to you, the surgery may be the best option for her. there are a lot of programs that work with the candidates for the surgery not only to prepare them psychologically for the surgery and the aftermath, but also can help deal with the underlying issues that caused the issue in the first place. is it possible your family member is doing this not to take the easy way out but sees this as the only option for her that will help not only lose the weight but change the habits and psychoses that feed into them? I'm not saying that permanently changing the digestive tract is ever a good idea (I've been witness to some of the "nicer" side effects through friends who have gone through it) but if she's tried everything else, this may just save her life. before judging please try to see her side of it. to you it may be giving up and taking the easy road, but for her this is a truly life changing decision and isn't one that anyone I've known to do it take lightly or frivolously and if she is seriously considering it then to her this is life or death, not just comfort and self image.

---

Bree the HobbityCostumer


Dry: 20/25/27.5" mid-back (33"waist & 43"tailbone)
Wet/Damp: 21.5/26/29 (34.5 & 44.5)



Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like. ~Author Unknown
"Never shall a young man, Thrown into despair By those great udulating Ramparts at your ear, Love you for yourself alone And not your curly hair."
"But I can get a flat iron And make such tresses there, Tame, or smooth, or stick-straight That young men in despair
May love me for myself alone And not my curly hair."
"I heard an old religious man But yesternight declare That he had found a text to prove That only God, my dear, Could love you for yourself alone And not your curly hair."
-edited by Melinda Lavorante from the 0riginal by W.B. Yeats called "For Anne Gregory"
"Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself."
-Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

online journal with some hair stuff: http://www.livejournal.com/users/hobbitycostumer/

the problem for her is shes lonely. She needs to work on her willpower to say no, I'm NOT hungry after all, just bored/depressed. I've seen her lose weight before, so I KNOW she can do it. Shes just frustrated with herself. She needs to eat more, more often as opposed to one LARGE meal at 10 at night. She knows this. She just needs to get her act together and TRY.

We spoke last night and we are going to go to the gym together. I will be her support and we'll start with 3x a week, an hour each time. We did this in highschool and she lost a lot of weight. She just needs a support buddy, but she was afraid to ask for my help. She knows she can call me if she feels like shes about to binge. We'll go for a walk together instead, or play a game of cards (remember, its boredom for her, this is the problem).

Now she knows I"m there for her, through thick and thin and WE will get her through this slump.

Thanks guys
xoxo

1c/Nii
12/22/26 Growing since Aug '07
Using Live Clean shampoo and Redkens All Soft Conditioner and Giovanni Direct Leave In Conditioner.

it's awesome that she's got a friend who will help her through then! Sometimes folks just need that wakeup call to realize how bad they've gotten. been there done that with food issues.

Bree

Sometimes the bypass can change a life, though:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbiONXdOYAM

I am really sorry to hear about your cousins choice to have that kind of surgery. I also disagree with it as it does not teach a person how to deal with their problems through other means than food. The sad thing is that some people who have had the surgery will seek other negative means to deal with their emotions. The best bet for her is to get some sort of therapy and seek a trainer to help her with exercise and good eating habits. The surgery will help her lose weight; however, when a person does not exercise to build up their atrophied muscles, then that person will not only feel weak, but will have a lot of hanging loose skin that will need to be grafted off.

I pray that things will go well for your cousin and that you will be great support to her.


Leah
Age: 45
3bFii
23.5/27/Waist-goal reached: 9/1/08
23.5/29.5/Hips (new goal)
CO only every 3 day. Baking Soda washes with Sauve Coconut conditioner about once a week.
Hebal tea rinses 3 times a week: chamomile, thyme, rosemary, sage and ACV.
Jojba & EVOO with lavendar EO daily.
Deep oil treatments using cocount oil the night before wash day. Honey rinses.
Sleep with scrunchies down length of pony tail or up in a high bun or braid.
"Happiness depends on ourselves." -Aristotle

"There are times when only a dog will do for a friend: when you're beaten, sick and blue, and the world's all wrong; for he won't care. If you break and cry, or grouch and swear; for he'll let you know as he licks your hands that he's downright sorry and understands." -Don Blanding (1894-1957)

Of course it doesn't "teach" them how to live a healthier life, but you know... I think if you have reached a certain point where you are really heavy you kind of lose hope... Losing weight seems to get harder and harder and the obstacle gets really huge. Those poor people start to feel terrible about themselves, even hate themselves. So I think this kind of surgery can give them new hope and motivation they need to start learning. Make sense?

However, these people still need to address the psychological issues of why they eat the way they do and find more positive outlets in dealing with their negative emotions. That is why I said that they need therapy as well.


Leah
Age: 45
3bFii
23.5/27/Waist-goal reached: 9/1/08
23.5/29.5/Hips (new goal)
CO only every 3 day. Baking Soda washes with Sauve Coconut conditioner about once a week.
Hebal tea rinses 3 times a week: chamomile, thyme, rosemary, sage and ACV.
Jojba & EVOO with lavendar EO daily.
Deep oil treatments using cocount oil the night before wash day. Honey rinses.
Sleep with scrunchies down length of pony tail or up in a high bun or braid.
"Happiness depends on ourselves." -Aristotle

"There are times when only a dog will do for a friend: when you're beaten, sick and blue, and the world's all wrong; for he won't care. If you break and cry, or grouch and swear; for he'll let you know as he licks your hands that he's downright sorry and understands." -Don Blanding (1894-1957)

quite 300 lbs (close though). I always thought gastro was for 300+.

And yes, she has seen a doctor and has had a lot of counselling in her past. This is why I say she needs to get her act together and WANT to get better. I understand how it can be frustrating to want something so bad and try and have not much happen, BUT you can't give up, and thats what she does.

I'm not saying gastro is bad, as some of you are right, it CAN be good for some. I just don't think its right for her. I KNOW she can do this, she just needs support and friends.

Thanks ladies

1c/Nii
12/22/26 Growing since Aug '07
Using Live Clean shampoo and Redkens All Soft Conditioner and Giovanni Direct Leave In Conditioner.

make arrangement for gastric bypass surgery or liposuction to help them lose weight, but they have absolutely no intention of changing their attitudes toward food or maintain a healthy lifestyle. I had one coworker actually tell me that she had made arrangements with a doctor to get the gastric surgery to get "skinny" quickly. Her exact words after that was "Then I can eat whatever I want and not have to workout, but look like a model."

While for some people this may completely work out for them, but it is not for everyone. Losing weight and maintaining that is a life long commitment to living a healthy lifestyle. Like you have stated, your cousin has proven in the past that she can lose weight on her own I think she just needs to support from family and friends to get her back on track to doing so. These type of surgeries is more of masking the real problem rather than solving it. KWIM?

In any case, I pray that things go well for her.


Leah
Age: 45
3bFii
23.5/27/Waist-goal reached: 9/1/08
23.5/29.5/Hips (new goal)
CO only every 3 day. Baking Soda washes with Sauve Coconut conditioner about once a week.
Hebal tea rinses 3 times a week: chamomile, thyme, rosemary, sage and ACV.
Jojba & EVOO with lavendar EO daily.
Deep oil treatments using cocount oil the night before wash day. Honey rinses.
Sleep with scrunchies down length of pony tail or up in a high bun or braid.
"Happiness depends on ourselves." -Aristotle

"There are times when only a dog will do for a friend: when you're beaten, sick and blue, and the world's all wrong; for he won't care. If you break and cry, or grouch and swear; for he'll let you know as he licks your hands that he's downright sorry and understands." -Don Blanding (1894-1957)

And Sarah, it sounds like she does have at least one very sweet and caring friend - you!

she just might need some support and encouragement. Losing weight and then putting it on again and then having to lose it again is pretty depressing. When I lost weight several years ago I told myself that I would never let myself get back to the weight I had been before, but now I'm almost at that weight again and I hate myself for it. I'm sick of battling my weight. I've been doing it all my adult life and there are times when I wish I could just stop fighting it. But to do that means to keep getting even bigger.

I don't eat cakes or cookies, ice-cream, fast foods, chippies or other snack foods, butter or margarine, foods high in fat or sugar, and only occasionally have a treat such as chocolate. I try and exercise regularly but I still struggle with my weight. My sister on the other hand, eats whatever she likes and is underweight!

There are times when I think I'll have to stop eating all together if I want to get slim. Perhaps your friend is just feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated that the operation seems an easy way out. Give her lots of encouragement and support but also let her see that she is beautiful the way she is. I think deep down that's what we all need to hear.

Just my 2c.






Progress from June 2006 - July 2009

2a/M/ii
Mid-Dark brown with natural red and silver highights; fringe/bangs.
Starting length 25"/62.5cm
Current length 36"/90cm (Original goal and was reached July 2009)
New Goal 44"/112cm

Current routine: (Trying to keep it as simple as possible): WC on the weekend; scalp washes every second day; oiling 2-3 nights per week; S&D when I think of it; and dusting every 8-12 weeks.

Shampoo: Organic Instincts diluted with herbal tea (rosemary and chamomile).
Conditioners: A'Kin Protein or Moisturising Conditioner mixed with honey (1 tablespoon of each).
Oils: Favourite is almond oil. Occasionally will use a blend of coconut, almond, olive in the ratio 2:1:1 in summer or as a deep oiling treatment.
Other: ACV infused with herbs (depending upon availability I use a selection of lavender, rosemary, cinnamon, sage, and thyme); BBB; wooden comb; Mason Pearson comb; Logona herbal henna.

'Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfailing beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.' 1 Peter 3:3-4

On Eagles' Wings (My Blog)

The Quilt Room (My Quilting Blog)

pics of you are recent, you do NOT look like a large girl at all hugs.

Keep your chin up, have faith in yourself, believe you can do it and so will eveyone else!

Sarah

1c/Nii
12/22/26 Growing since Aug '07
Using Live Clean shampoo and Redkens All Soft Conditioner and Giovanni Direct Leave In Conditioner.

Jules, you look great to me. You don't look overweight at all!


Leah
Age: 45
3bFii
23.5/27/Waist-goal reached: 9/1/08
23.5/29.5/Hips (new goal)
CO only every 3 day. Baking Soda washes with Sauve Coconut conditioner about once a week.
Hebal tea rinses 3 times a week: chamomile, thyme, rosemary, sage and ACV.
Jojba & EVOO with lavendar EO daily.
Deep oil treatments using cocount oil the night before wash day. Honey rinses.
Sleep with scrunchies down length of pony tail or up in a high bun or braid.
"Happiness depends on ourselves." -Aristotle

"There are times when only a dog will do for a friend: when you're beaten, sick and blue, and the world's all wrong; for he won't care. If you break and cry, or grouch and swear; for he'll let you know as he licks your hands that he's downright sorry and understands." -Don Blanding (1894-1957)

between the early pics and the latest one (and I chose the one that made me look slimmest). Plus all my weight goes to my legs and my tummy (which these pics don't show). I am overweight for my height but I do appreciate your comments.

The point I was trying to make is that it can be really depressing to always be battling your weight. I can never relax and just have an ice cream or treat without feeling guilty. Any treat like that and I put on weight and then I'm struggling for weeks to lose it. I have friends that eat a lot more than me and never put weight on. It's just the way we're made.

But when you're overweight - as your friend is - and hating yourself for being big and having to face the prospect of another diet -which is hard work - it can be really depressing and surgery can seem like an easy way out. Perhaps she's thinking she'll have the surgery and then 'be good' after that.

Just give her all the encouragement that you can and help her to get back up on her feet when she slips up and don't let her give up. And lots of compliments are good. Notice when she has lost weight so that she'll feel inspired to lose even more.






Progress from June 2006 - July 2009

2a/M/ii
Mid-Dark brown with natural red and silver highights; fringe/bangs.
Starting length 25"/62.5cm
Current length 36"/90cm (Original goal and was reached July 2009)
New Goal 44"/112cm

Current routine: (Trying to keep it as simple as possible): WC on the weekend; scalp washes every second day; oiling 2-3 nights per week; S&D when I think of it; and dusting every 8-12 weeks.

Shampoo: Organic Instincts diluted with herbal tea (rosemary and chamomile).
Conditioners: A'Kin Protein or Moisturising Conditioner mixed with honey (1 tablespoon of each).
Oils: Favourite is almond oil. Occasionally will use a blend of coconut, almond, olive in the ratio 2:1:1 in summer or as a deep oiling treatment.
Other: ACV infused with herbs (depending upon availability I use a selection of lavender, rosemary, cinnamon, sage, and thyme); BBB; wooden comb; Mason Pearson comb; Logona herbal henna.

'Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfailing beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.' 1 Peter 3:3-4

On Eagles' Wings (My Blog)

The Quilt Room (My Quilting Blog)