I too have a gifted and sensitive DD. We went through MANY different bullying incidents and franky the school was little if any help. I volunteered nearly every day at the school (not in my DDs classroom everyday) and was able to ascertain through observation and investigations (older kids, teachers, special ed advisor and principal) that this learning environment was not optimal for my child. The principal was supportive and encouraging when I approched him about finding alternative learning for her. He even helped weed out the choices.
We spent about 6 months surveying the various other options from switching schools to unschooling and finally settled on Virtual Education.
Keep in mind I have a highly demanding perfectionistic, sensitive, gifted (yes we have had the testing though it didn't tell us anything we didn't already know), and strong willed child. She is very critical of herself and her surroundings...when she didn't fit in, it was easy for her to immediately turn onherself. Additionally, she was doing extremely well in her classroom work which led the teacher to hold her up as an example and for kids to want to level the playing field so to speak at the recess and lunchtimes. So even if it doesn't appear to be classic bullying, the taunting, teasing, ostracising, being held to a different standard by the adults in charge, and feeling already like you don't fit in and can't find yourself reflected in the sea of faces around you, her perception may be her only reality.
For my DD, the first month of virtual school was difficult. We had her placed in a gifted online program - but that was not the issue. Her confidence was so undermined that she was overthinking every scenario just to prove she wasn't up to par. Once we broke through the barrier and helped her see her academic ability again she has relaxed and thrived. She is thrilled to go to school every day and meet up with other kids who share her level of intensity and interest and ability in the subject matter.
As for her ability to interact with other kids IRL that too has improved since altering her active learning environment. She is much more relaxed and confident in herself and therefor much less critical of her peers whether they be age or interest related peers. We found a way to feed her mind which was sorely needed and in doing so the rest of her life has improved immensely.
Last year it was suggested that she too had issues, but I donated the book Dreamers, Discoverers and Dynamos to the teacher and the conversations immediately turned for the better. The subtitle for that book is Bright, Bored and Having Trouble in School.
Ironically, her younger sibling was seen as merely average but a likable kid - not high strung at all, not overly intelligent. And yet, I was the one who saw her hidden abilities and potential masked under her easy-going personality. DD#2 classroom teacher did not recommend her for any gifted curriculae and discouraged me from placing her or testing her in/for that stream. But I just had a feeling this would really pull her out as well - albeit in a different way. She has advanced at a rate surpassing her sister and because she had been in a less than optimal environment for a shorter period of time, didn't have so much to "un-learn" about herself and about school. I tell you this so that you too trust your instincts when it comes to your child and only bring in the specialists as you see fit. If I would have listened to the teacher instead of my own gut, my DD would have missed this awesome opportunity.
They are both working 3-4 grade levels above their age, love the learning environment, have retained all their friends from other learning situations and have made more IRL and OL.
While I do value the involvement of specialists and professionals, I also think it is to your family's advantage to have asked a lot of questions and to seek information from a variety of sources. The most important connection you can make right now is with your DD. Have you had conversations with her about this subject? Does she trust you enough to talk to you about how she is feeling? Are there areas of agreement you can start with? Is there a way you can build her confidence at home through successful participation with the family? I have found that when kids feel like part of the family team where they all contribute to the success of the team/family, they are more confident in other areas.
Just something to chew on over the holidays. If you or your DD would like resources for Virtual programs let me know...if you have other questions or want more background information please ask.
KC
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