| Original Message |
gilberto (no login)
Posted Jan 9, 2006 8:24 AM
I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, don't much see the point in making promises you don't plan on keeping. So instead of outlining a load of crap to do that I'm never going to get around to, I'm going to stick with my solid system of don'ts. I've always worked better as a negative example, anyway.
10. I will not start a fight with a midget.
Never fight a little guy. Little guys aren't sure if they can take a hit or not, so they don't go toe to toe and blow for blow, they go straight for the nuts.
09. I will not taunt a circus gorilla.
This seems like a funny idea, but believe me, it really isn't.
08. I will not call upon the power of the Devil.
Here's another good rule of thumb. You'd think this one would be common sense, but oh well.
07. I will not make personal grooming decisions while drunk.
Or re-decorate. Or cook. Or use the phone.
06. I will not buy illegal fireworks when I don't know what they do.
If the label is only printed in Spanish, this is not a good sign. But hey, who doesn't have a funny skin graft story these days?
05. I will not neglect to keep my fire extinguisher charged.
Or forget to put batteries in the smoke detectors. See above.
04. I will not fall asleep in an Eastern European Hostel.
I mean, have you seen "Hostel"? Oh my GOD!
03. I will not declare my apartment "an independent sovereign nation".
Gilbertonia - Population: 2. Capital City: My Room. Chief Rival: Switzerland.
Now, nothing bad came of this. It's just, well, dumb.
02. I will not date twin strippers named after spices, pastries, or cartoon animals.
Yeah, who am I kidding? I never did that. And if I got the chance, I totally would.
01. I will not complain about things that don't matter and don't affect me.
Yes I will. What else am I gonna do?
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