I believe it was James Kolchaka who first posed the burning question of who would win the eternal battle of Monkey vs. Robot, and I'll allow there are many variables to consider. Robots are perfectly constructed killing machines who eat old people's medication for fuel, but monkeys fling poo, so, that's pretty cool, too. Robots are metal, but that would only slow them down in the rain forest climes that monkeys are accustomed to. Robots can sometimes fly and often have access to laser weapons which would give them a distinct advantage over lower primates. Monkeys, on the other hand, are reportedly responsible for most of the great catastrophic plagues that have wrought havoc on mankind, and, while the robots would be immune to such diseases, their human programmers would not be. So it could really go either way.

The compromise I propose is a simple one, and one we're no strangers to, if only we'd take the time to remember. It's time to bring back the grand tradition of the Robot Monkey. It was the Japanese who first looked at King Kong and said "giant gorilla! Big Deal! Now, giant robot gorilla…" and the Mecha-King Kong was born. Now, maybe I'm the only one who saw that as a marriage made in Heaven, but with all the work and all the progress we've made both with monkeys and robots, isn't it time we re-visited the idea of bringing this beautiful dream to life?

And as usual, just when I think I've come up with something so absurd that it's ridiculous even in a fictional sense, I Google it and found out that actual people are doing it in real life. According to BBC news, a team of researchers has developed a Robo-Monkey capable of swinging from tree branches like a gibbon, and they're incorporating artificial intelligence in its design so it will be able to figure out how to climb trees on its own, I guess. In an article on PCmag.com, there are some folks making a robot that actually looks like a chimp, but this is more of an animatronic than a functioning automaton, so that's no good to me. As far as monkeys using tools, there's an article on wired.com about how the neurobiology lab at the University of Pittsburg got a monkey to feed itself with a prosthetic arm, which suggests the possibility of a cyborg monkey, which might be the best of both worlds! Just imagine it, the raw killing power of a robot with the limited mental capacity of a monkey. Brilliant!

But, while the Japanese have been working hard to develop robots with military applications (including some pretty Robotech-looking ED209's), they haven't yet evolved to the point of constructing a giant robot. So strides have been made to make my robot monkey dream a reality, but I fear I won't live to see the day when giant robot monkeys roam the Earth.

you know i guess theyre right...monkeys, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose.

just imagine if they had been the Robott Monkees, they'd still be around today. And if he were a robot, Mickey Dolenz couldn't reproduce, and there'd be no Amy Dolenz. Then maybe I wouldn't have to sit through Pumpkinhead 2.

and if there was no moon, there wouldnt be a soleil moon frye, therefore i hold the moon partly responsible for pumpkinhead 2.

thanks moon.

what?