I think the world would be better if you could begin the day with a musical number. It would certainly contribute to my getting told to "shut up" less at work. I can't help it, somewhere in my mind, when I burst through the door belting out my best rendition of "Would You Like to Swing on a Star?" there's still a part of me that holds out hope some unseen big band will back me up and before you know it there will be singing and dancing, and some kind of synchronized swimming routine...
But no. I just get told to "shut up". Or worse, the looks. Nothing's worse than when they just look at you, because then you know that they've decided you can't be reasoned with.
People assume I'm drunk a lot more often than I really am. I accidentally encourage this by being drunk at times that people think I shouldn't be. But I'm never drunk at work. I just want the day to be different, and if it could start off differently, with a little song and dance, then it would have to be a better day. That's the real reason we sing in the shower, besides the fact that we're already wet and naked and a little singing wouldn't make us look any more ridiculous. We want to start the day feeling good. So why don't people just break out singing in public? When I used to sing to people on River Street they thought it was charming, but at the office everyone is pretty much in agreement that it isn't.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't really like musicals. But in my defense, it's not the concept that bothers me, it's that most musicals are profoundly stupid. And, let's be honest, a little frilly. But I like it when TV shows that are otherwise not musicals suddenly just have a musical episode, and I liked Cop Rock, which was this cop show years and years ago that was in all other ways a regular police drama, but then people would just bust out singing for no reason. It was awesome. Maybe it’s just a matter of juxtaposition. A musical number would be cool because it’s something that could never happen in this world.
Or maybe (more likely even) it’s a matter of noise. I require a soundtrack to my life. I want songs and an incidental score to go along with the events of my day. Even when I sleep I have the fan and the TV on, with the window open. I can’t operate in complete quiet. If music were playing I probably wouldn’t talk as much or act out.
I was talking to a co-worker when she just interrupted me to ask a question on a completely different topic, and I suddenly realized that this happened all the time. I asked her: “Do I talk constantly or do you just interrupt a lot?”
She said: “You talk constantly.” So there you have it.
It’s not that I’m obsessed with the sound of my own voice, I just can’t stand the quiet. I’d actually prefer to hear something else, but in the absence of an alternative, I’ll fill the void myself. When I meet new people, especially talkative people, I tend to be quiet, which somehow gives them the impression that I’m nice, or even shy. Is it possible to be an introverted narcissist? I’m not exactly in love with the sound of my own voice, but I think it’s preferable to silence. I’m not really a comfortable silence kind of guy.
So bring the noise, people. Turn up the radio, turn on the TV, or get a lively conversation going. Because there’s always an asshole like me that’ll howl at the moon to kill the quiet, and I have a broad range of songs in my repertoire…
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