I know I haven't participated on this board for quite a while. So, if you think I'm out of line to try to get advice, tell me now. I do read posts quite often - just haven't had anything to write lately.
Brief Rundown - I was molested by my brothers and their friends for years when I was young. I've fought a long, hard battle to get where I'm at. I've lived my life worrying what others would think, I've been in and out of hospitals. My one brother has apologized and begged for my forgiveness some years ago. The other continues to go about life like nothing happened. Ironically, this is the one who threw out all the threats such as, "If you tell, mom will hate you." "If you tell, I'll kill you." You know, all the pleasant stuff a child should hear. Even years later he has told me that HE doesn't like ME because of what I did to our mother. I moved out and went and lived with my dad when he moved in to my moms.
The problem - my family still insists on inviting him to parties, etc. I hate the man, with a passion. If he died tomorrow I'd go dance on his grave. I've always gone to these parties to show him that he has no control over me anymore. Well, I'm tired of sitting alone at tables while he sits with my sisters and mom and has a grand ole time. Two out of the three sisters know about this and my mother and step-dad do also. They also know how I feel about him. I went to a party on Saturday and sat by the pool - alone to eat. No one ever came over to say hi or anything. He sat in there joking around and having a good ole time while I suffered another blow to my self esteem and self worth. My beau refuses to go to these functions and says that my family is only turning a blind eye in his favor. And also says that my family is deranged. My mother and I have gotten in to very heated arguments about this subject and she comes back with the comment of "He's still my son." To which I finally told her that that's great, but he's not my brother!
I'm at an impass. I'm torn between seeing those that I do love vs. seeing "him" and relapsing every time. Should I stop attending these family functions and tell them that if he's there, I will not be there? If I do, I risk losing that part of my life, but then will it be for the good or the bad?
Any input any of you can give would be wonderfully appreciated (if that makes any sense).
Posted on Oct 1, 2001, 3:08 PM from IP address 63.161.12.129