Hi, Terry. I read all the posts before I replied. I'm happy to hear that you have made plans for you and not for everyone else. The cycle is so very hard to break and I hope that it brings some peace in knowing that it can be done. I use to dread every holiday. About two weeks prior to holidays I would start in on my panic attacks and start planning what my day would be like on that particular holiday. From when I would arrive down to the time I would leave. I could handle no more than 3 hours with that pervert my mother calls her son. I always wanted to please my mother - at my emotional expense, of course. Even though I have made it clear that I will not attend any function that he may be at, they just asked last night what my plans were for Christmas. My step-dad says, "Let us know as soon as possible if you'll be at Christmas or not." I said, "Probably not." It comes out sooooooooooo easy now. I don't even hesitate. I have made the decision that I am not carrying this burden anymore. And seeing him every holiday only put me backwards. I'm growing and I'm leaving and if they chose him, so be it. I don't have to live with the guilt anymore.
I hope that one day you will be able to do the same. I know I never thought that I would. But, I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year - for the first time in my life. My family and my kids are starting our own traditions. Unfortunately, it doesn't involve water balloons because, where I live, they would become ice ballons - lol.
Peace to you and I will pray that you find the courage you need to do what needs to be done for you and your family.
Dibella
Posted on Dec 9, 2001, 11:50 AM from IP address 63.231.227.204