Sorry I know I already posted in the Memory place but I had to write here too. I hope that's ok. I don't want to do too many posts.
I'm having a hard time right now and I feel so alone too. I have come off my anti-depressants, and I'm nearly out of anti-psychotics so I don't know what I'll do when they run out. I can barely sleep at all and I haven't got a psychiatrist anymore because I stopped going because I got too scared everytime and I just couldn't get myself to go. I'd talked about it with the psychiatrist, and we tried ways of making it less scary but nothing worked so I just stopped going.
She's the 8th in a long line of psych's, therapists, doctors and counsellors - None of which have helped at all. I think that maybe we're doomed to live like this forever.
Now that we're not seeing the psych, it means we can't get meds because the dose that we're supposed to be on is higher than that which normal GP doctors can prescribe so the only way to get meds is to go back to the psychiatrist, or to go into hospital, which isn't an option right now because I'm supposed to be doing "really well".
That's what everyone thinks. They think we're doing great. They think we've been coping with things using the right coping mechanisms. They don't realise how wrong they are - and that's my fault too. I should win an Oscar coz my acting ability must be real good.
But that's just it - I can't let them see that I'm doing badly. They mustn't know. They've been through way too much and it would brake her heart. My mum, that is.
Sorry this is so long. I could write more but I won't.
Love,
Nikki
Posted on Dec 5, 2003, 9:52 PM from IP address 203.217.78.45