About coping mechanisms. Well I really don't know how "normal" people cope with anything, even just regular everyday life. I can't get through a day without resorting to my way of coping. The doctors say it's unhealthy and I suppose it is, but I don't know what else to do. Even when nothing's happened to upset me I still can't seem to cope with normal stuff. If I had it my way, I'd lock myself in a dark room and stay there on my own for the rest of my life, but people won't let me do that.
As for meds, I was on Effexor (300mg per day) and 1000mg of Seroquel a day. They don't help. I think I've tried most of the anti-depressants, and quite afew anti-psychotics too and all of them have had no positive effects (but alot of negative ones). I stayed on each med for a long period of time, so I certainly gave them a chance to work.
I tried corresponding with the psychiatrist by email, but I still got too scared to be honest with her. I'd say whatever I thought she wanted to hear, rather than actually say the truth because I didn't want her to hate me or to think I was too difficult to treat (which I think is true) and I really didn't want her to get angry with me. (she's never gotten angry with me before, but there's always a first time, right?)
I just feel so alone and there's NO ONE at all that I can turn too because I've isolated myself from the world. I've never had a friend, Terrie - I'm serious. Even at school I was always the freak, the odd one out who got picked on for being different and fat.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, because that honestly is not the case. I just wish the world would swallow me up and let me hide away forever, but that's just not going to happen.
I'm sorry this is so long.
Thank you for taking the time to reply Terrie. You are a wonderful person.
Love,
Nikki
Posted on Dec 11, 2003, 3:44 AM from IP address 203.217.77.132