Sounds like you could benefit from having some better boundaries.... I'm wondering why your heart condition won't let you do anything about people walking all over you....because it sounds like you are feeling upset about it and that's not any better for your heart than standing up for yourself....
As for how to let the crap float by....good question. One thing I find is that many of us get upset when someone does something different than what we want them to do. I know I do, sometimes, anyway. The thing is, though.....that whenever we are creating expectations of what someone else "should" do, we are basically trying to make their rules of living for them....and that doesn't work, because they're going to do what they choose to do, regardless of if it's what we think they should do or not. And then when they do their own thing, we (or at least I) get upset at them for not doing what I thought they should have done. Basically, that's just setting myself up to get mad.
As an example....let's say that someone has asked me to drive them to the store, and I said ok. In my mind I may have decided that this won't take more than an hour, and they should offer me some money for gas. Then, when they can't find what they want/need at the first store, and it ends up taking 2 hours, I get upset. When I drop them back off at home and they just say "See ya later." and don't even thank me, much less offer me gas money, I get upset about that too. I start thinking, "They are so inconsiderate...they took up two whole hours of my time and not only didn't give me any gas money, but didn't even thank me!" Well, the thing is, first of all, we didn't say how long it would take....I assumed it would not take more than an hour. If I really only had an hour to offer, I could have told them that up front, or told them that after the first store and said that I didn't have time to go to the second store today and that I'm sorry they didn't find what they were looking for but that I have to take them back home. Also, if I really expected to get some gas money, I could have said something up front about that as well, rather than assuming that they would offer and then getting mad when they didn't. As for the thank you...while it's true that the polite thing to do is to thank someone for helping you, the fact is that many people don't always think to be polite, and to expect them to do so is again assuming that they will do something that I'm not guaranteed they will do. So in the end, I have set myself up to feel used and taken advantage of by not communicating clearly and my having unspoken expectations. Make sense?
You weren't real specific about how people step all over you or about what kind of crap you are encountering...but if you would like to share more details I would be happy to help you try to figure out how to deal with whatever is going on with you.
As always, I'm so glad to hear from you. I do hope you are feeling better soon.
Caringly,
Terrie
Posted on Jun 12, 2006, 3:22 PM from IP address 64.128.131.72