Sorry I haven't been around much this week but I've had a horrid week and its not looking any brighter yet.
Life just shouldn't be so hard, I miss my old t terribly, my heart feels like its breaking. I miss her kindness, her gentleness and her reassurance that life will get better.
The new t is going to take some getting use to, I'm sure shes ok but her "style" is so different and so confronting though this week she seemed a little "softer". The worst of it was that she will have to refer me on to someone else when the depression is under control. I felt that I was going to die on the spot when she told me that, to have to tell yet another person. The reason for her not going the distance is because I will need a long term committment from a t and as she is a contract employee for the agency she can't offer me that level of care.
I didn't die on the spot but I did take an overdose that night I just couldn't do it anymore but I can't even do that right cos I'm still here!! Wont do it again though have promised, will ask for help (if I can) and am trying (though not very successfully) to only focus on one day at a time. It amazes me how you can still "function", run the home, care for the kids, go to work etc but be so numb inside. More amazing still is that no-one sees that you are not really there.
I hope I haven't distressed anyone with this post but I needed to tell someone.
Terry
Posted on Sep 7, 2000, 10:26 PM from IP address 202.139.59.131