My whole world has just fallen apart as I've just finished my friendship with my best friend. She means everything to me, she's the family I never had and the best friend I never thought I'd have. The problem is it's too painful to be around her when you're so in love with someone to see them so happy with someone else. Seeing them together knowing you can never make them that happy, convinced you no longer have a role to play, that you've been replaced completely, you know longer belong there. I love her so much it hurts and there are times when it's best to let someone go. The pain is immense, I cried all last night in the car back to London, then cried myself to sleep knowing I had to say goodbye to someone so important and my whole support network. I didn't explain why I wouldn't be seeing her anymore but I could feel her pain when I told her and now I know she's hurting and my pain has only got worse but I know I can't see her anymore. All because I'm too inadequate to cope with my own feelings and be happy for her. It's all my own doing I do nothing but cause pain, whether it's my own or to someone else. I know she's better off without me, who needs a friend who's constantly depressed bringing everyone down with them. She's got a great partner, new job and a nice house, hopefully now she can make the most of it. I never thought I could feel even worse or hate myself even more but I do. Someone I knew once said "life's a bitch, then you die", I've had the bitch part now I want the second.
Posted on Oct 8, 2000, 4:44 PM from IP address 193.114.209.147