I sure understand how you feel about family and holidays, I could have written most of what you did myself! I have no answers to give that would ever solve this situation. What I did learn is that I could not change them and so I had to take care of my own holidays, just like you did yesterday. I think that the more times you do that, the more you make a fun gathering through your own efforts, spent time with people you really love, the better it will in time become. I don't think I will ever have a "Target commercial Chrismas", but I don't have to be miserable either. I think that when the family lets a child down, that child is allowed to try their best to find people who will care for them and friends and new family that will not instill guilt, shame and anger.
I had that kind of Mother too, guilt is my heaviest burden. Whatever burden it is you carry, how about if we walk together for awhile and share the load? Maybe in time we will realize just how much of that burden we still need to carry and in the course of the journey, cast aside a little at a time until we are free.
JJ
Posted on Nov 24, 2000, 2:07 PM from IP address 216.160.16.190