Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

The Key to Forgiveness-Long but Important

by (no login)

First of all, there is a problem with internet posts and it is this: You cannot always read the tone of a letter correctly. Therefore, I am telling you in advance that this letter is not meant to sound preachy or self-righteous and I pray that it does not come off that way. My intentions are not to offend anyone but to give hope. So, please, take this letter in all the kindness in which it is meant. it is very long, but there are some important points that I attempt to make. Please, read through it all. Thank you.

I read all the responses to my post in which I told that when I confronted my brother, he broke down and cried. I do think that this is not a common response. I am no professional about this, but my opinion is this: Abuse was not a way of life for my brother. He was a teenager who was curious and handled his curiosity in the wrong way. For many perpetrators, I think it is a "way of life". For these (three of my other perpetrators), I think a common reaction would be denial.

I will explain what I believe the KEY TO FORGIVENESS to be in a moment. But first let me say this:

We are all at different points on the healing spectrum. Some of us may still be in the middle of our abuse screaming for it to stop and wondering if it ever will.

Others of us are at the beginning of our "recovery" facing the ugly giant and wondering if it is worth it; wondering if we should just turn the other way and leave it alone or face it head on and attempt to conquer it. It is much easier to turn the other way allowing the giant to triumph in our lives. Other than Goliath in the Bible, I believe giants are not killed in one day.

Others of us are in the middle of our recovery, almost ready to throw in the towel because we don't think it is worth all the pain and heartache of remembering. We don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. We look back at the long road behind us and wonder what progress we have made. We are getting discouraged! Hang in there! You're halfway there!

Others, like me, are at the end of the of the road. We can look back, wipe our brows, and say, "Wow! Look where I've been, and look where I am now!" How did I ever make it through that maze?" Occasionally, a thought or an emotion will enter our mind and trigger a memory, but instead of dwelling on it, we shake our heads and say, "No more! I am my own person now."

How do you get to this final stage? Lots of tears and heartache. You have to come to the point, as I did, that you say, "I am not going to allow these perpetrators to still have control over my life. I am taking control." As long as we allow them to rule our life by limiting what we do, they are winning. I became determined to not let them do that any more. They ruined enough of my life. I was ready to live a life full of vigor not defeat.

When you get to the point of saying, "Enough's enough." It doesn't matter what their reaction is. Let them deny it. It doesn't change that it happened. It doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't take away the fact that they need help.

The key to forgiveness--When you get to the point where it doesn't matter what their response is, you know you have truly reached the point where you are ready to forgive. Make sure it really doesn't matter, though. To do this prematurely, I think would be devastating.

Perpetrators and other people who commit heineous crimes thrive on one thing--seeing their victims suffer. Imagine with me---We walk into the room where our perpetrators are and we smile, we laugh, we move about as though we are not hindered by their presence. They are watching. They see that they are no longer holding us back. They are shocked. They have lost. They have lost their hold on you. Who is defeated now?

Perhaps this is the reaction that would bring them to the point of breaking down and realizing what they have done. As long as they have us pinned to the floor, they can gloat in their victory.

I don't know about you, but I rather carry the trophy in my hand!

Sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 8:36 AM
from IP address 205.188.199.152

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Hmmmmm....

by NP (no login)

I do not feel that forgiving the perp is necessary to find healing in my life. But I do understand and have held fast to several of the points you made to get me this far.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 11:46 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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test.....

by NP (no login)

just trying to see if I really posted here or if it was invisible. Maybe I just said the wrong thing. My feelings are all wrong. I hate myself.

Maybe that long post is the key to an answer for the person who wrote it, but not the key for everyone. Just talking to myself here.

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 7:02 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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That's deep...

by Mary (no login)

and you make some very good points. Truth be told, they are not points, but facts.

I have forgiven most of my perpetrators. However, the one I cannot forgive I refuse to see. I carry the torch in my hand each and every day. Family gatherings use to bring on anxiety attacks two weeks prior to the event and panic attacks and sleepless nights the night before. No more. I refuse to be in the presence of that man. To have to go to these functions and face him is too much. I think that's where your thought of forgiveness too soon would be bad. I will never forgive him. Ever. I will never forgive what he took from me. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I did try for many years to prove that he has no power over me by still attending functions, but it's too much for me. He deserves to be behind bars, he deserves to rot in hell.

I hope that some day I will be able to forgive all as you have. Your post is very moving and full of truth.

Thank you.

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 12:02 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Forgiving

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Mary, you wrote, "He does not deserve my forgiveness." It is my opinion, however, that forgiveness is not for them, it is for us. As I once read, it is a door to peace and happiness. Consider this:

Lack of forgiveness makes us continually feel angry when we think about the person and the pain they caused. It therefore allows them to continue to hurt us, even years after they have stopped actively abusing us. To forgive someone is not to say "what you did was ok". It does not mean we put ourselves in danger by being around unsafe people. It does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrong that was done. It means, rather, that we do not allow our abuser to continue to control our feelings, our actions. It means that we let go of the hatred that keeps our hearts so hardened. It is often a conscious decision, though sometimes it seems to just happen. It is bringing a sense of peace and serenity into our hearts, to replace the bitterness and hatred. I read in a book, "Forgiveness is power. It frees us of every constraint of the past, and helps us overcome every obstacle....We hold the keys to forgiveness in our hands. And we must choose whether or not to use them every day."

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 6:07 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.158

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I agree

by (no login)

Very well put! I agree. It isnt for them, but for us.

Sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 8:09 PM
from IP address 152.163.195.176

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I should think...

by NP (no login)

...that it would be easier to accomplish if the behaviors were not ongoing and the efforts to continue to hurt and harrass were over. In the cases where the whole family has taken the side of the abuser, as is very common (this came to me via my therapist), it is a struggle to get anywhere at all. You think you are getting a grip and then another event occurs. I am going through a series of these events right now. I can't even forgive myself say anything about them.

I don't think my nonforgiveness is hurting me any, it is the continuing treatment of distain, the uncaring that hurts. I have a right to my feelings and I am outraged at what he was able to do to me. It was not only the brother, it was the foster father. I have then suffered a series of snubs during my life that make me feel like I am less than sh*t. That is what I am fighting, trying to feel like I am as worthy as a human although to tell you the truth by now I don't really feel much like one. I just don't have the same rights as other people. For instance, 2 and a half months ago I was driving on the freeway and was rammed from behind by a woman speeding up to pass. She was looking behind and trying to beat the car coming up behind her. She ran and just happened to take my exit in an effort to hide. I pulled up behind her where she was trapped behind a red light and took all info. The cops are saying that the address, phone number, description of driver do not match the owners on record. So sorry, they aren't looking any more. I have been in T for whiplash forever, my car is damaged but so sorry, they don't care.

My son and I were beaten up in a park to the tune of 3,000 in medical bills a few years back. Because the juvinile involved was a "regular", the park "lost" the records. (We were regulars too....) Couple years ago a car chased me down because of road rage, I was on foot. He hit me in the leg and caused 2,000 in medical bills. The city refused to prosecute.

Mother never stopped the perp. She LOVES him because he is the one who can pretend all is well. See a pattern here? Another forum owner decides she doesn't like me, gets attitude and says a few well chosen words so they all trash me and tell lies about me.....

I am tired and fed up and by now I'm barely worth knowing. Don't give me any pity, just think next time around about how it hurts to hear that there is forgiveness for anyone in this world, because I have been held apart and been forced into this "differentness", not because of the way I am or was, but because of circumstance.

Maybe I can learn to forgive if I ever once felt forgiven. Yeah I know there is an edge to my posts that wasn't there before. Guess you CAN push a person too far. Eventually even the quietest loving dog will growl if you kick long and hard enough. But my need is never quite great enough for anyone to give a sh*t. I have given and given in life and in these forums but when I need it's just not there. I'm bad, I weird, I'm a rotten person. Bitterness was never there before, but I'm finally dealing with all this heavy sh*t from long ago and it is making 3D a living hell. It has to do with forgiving yourself. But how can you do that if nobody else can?

Nobody Perfect

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 6:34 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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I don't think..

by dawni (no login)

that you're any of those bad things, for what its worth. I think you're a beautiful person who doesn't deserve what people have thrown at you.

I care.

~dawni

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 5:29 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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You know what Dawni?

by NP (no login)

I spoke too soon. I'm sorry for saying those things here without the qualifier that you have shown that you care about me. And Terrie has too. I apologize.

NP

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 6:58 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Let Me Add....

by (no login)

Let me add this to my previous post....

I do not want you to think that I feel that it is best to be able to walk into the presence of your perpetrator and have no qualms about it. In some cases that would be unwise and unsafe. My little imagination at the end of my other post was just to illustrate the kind of power and control we could have over the situation and how awesome it would be to see them squirm rather than being the squirmer.

I also did not mean to insinuate that in order to heal you had to forgive. In some cases, I can see this being very very difficult. I feel that forgiveness is a part of healing, though. Of course this is my personal opinion and I am not sure how possible it would have been for me to accept this "thorn" in my life without forgiveness. For me, it was what allowed me to attend family functions without seeing the words "I ABUSED YOU" written all over my brother's forehead which always led to me spending the holiday in a room in the back of the house. People who did not know what took place in our family, and even those who did (my parents), did not understand why i "hibernated". It started many rumors about me in my family. People were tired of me getting angry and retreating. I am the one that ended up with the bad reputation and being the talk of the family. I was tired of it. I was tired of having to spend my holidays cooped up when he was out there having a great time and acting as though nothing ever happened. Through forgiveness, I was able to take back that part of my life and was able to enjoy famiy gatherings.

Just my thoughts....

sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 1:06 PM
from IP address 64.12.107.28

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part one of what i think of forgiving

by Jamie-lee (no login)

i could not get through all of your post cause i cant consentrate all that great but i think its good that you feel good about forgiving. I dont get it but if its good for you thats great. I have more of things to say about this but am saying it on the other board cause i dont think it will be allowed on this one.

Hope ya have a nice day
Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 9:12 PM
from IP address 203.54.111.89

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Maybe I wrote that wrong....

by Mary (no login)

I have forgiven my one brother because he knew it was wrong. To forgive my other brother (Seussism?) would only enable him. He has the type of personality that for me to say, "I forgive you", he would jump on it and say, "See, see!!! It was you all along. I was right." So, I guess my point is that certain "personalities" take forgiveness in a different way. To tell him I forgive him would only feed in to his acceptance that what he did was ok.

But, I do see everyone's point. I do. I'm just not ready yet to give him that satisfaction.

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 10:50 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Yeah

by NP (no login)

I really understood what you meant, but this post makes it a lot clearer. That is a lot how I feel too, like if I forgive him it will be taken as an admission of guilt on my part. Is that what you mean?

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 4:10 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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That's EXACTLY what I mean.....

by Mary (no login)

he use to have my email address a few years back and he would never send me anything but sexual things. Drove me nuts... I finally blocked him out.

But, yes, that's what I meant. If I forgive him, he and my mother, will take that as an admission of my guilt and that I was wrong all along.

He can live with the fact that I detest him for the rest of his life.

Posted on Apr 5, 2002, 12:00 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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I understand

by sandy (no login)

Yep, I understand completely what you are saying. Sometimes we can forgive though without telling them. Forgiveness is a hard subject to discuss. So many different cases. I have enjoyed reading the opinions though.

sAndy

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 6:44 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.159

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I understand

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I understand exactly what you (and NP) are saying. Fortunately, it is quite possible to forgive someone without ever letting them know you have done so...cuz the thing is, it really is just for you anyway.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 8:14 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.158

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yes,

by Mary (no login)

this is true. Maybe I'm just not ready to forgive him yet. Maybe I never will be ready.

Posted on Apr 5, 2002, 12:01 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Poetry Contest for Survivors

by (no login)

I am a survivor and wanted to invite your readers to enter this poetry contest. April is not only Child Abuse Awareness/Prevention Month but also Poetry Appreciation Month. Get your creative juices flowing and write a poem. You may submit them from April 1st-June 1st, 2002 at:

The Sacred Circle

Prize list and guidelines at the above link. No entry fee.

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 7:20 AM
from IP address 166.102.93.95

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good news

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Just wanted to tell everyone, well as many people as possible that i was once born to someone who did NOT deserve me. I AM a GOOD person and I WILL NOT EVER be like her. I HATE her and I WILL ALWAYS HATE her. I now have a REAL mum who does deserve me and who i deserve to have look after me.

Good night
from Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 7:33 AM
from IP address 203.54.175.47

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Yayayayyaya!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I couldn't agree more! I'm so glad you believe this, cuz it sure is true.

Love ya,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 5:47 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.58

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jamie-lee

by Teerie (no login)

love ya 2. an i just wanted to say that. im am it a bit drunk today but i wanted to say thanks and that i think u r real kool ok. terri i am glad i met ya even judt though the net cause i think u r real kool . well i gotta go. i think u rock

love from Jamie-l;ee

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 11:22 PM
from IP address 203.54.111.69

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yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

by lisa (no login)

am so glad....and your so funni jaimee-lee....i guess funni drunk huh??
is kool anm te yungest frin yu hav....hope yu don tink am too yung....
i do care so much an lots bout yu.i got skard but now am appi yur hom with real mum who desrv yu...cuz u are a VERY VEERY GOOD PERSON an i luv yu like yu are....ok..
Max is real kool....she is a frind.......inside with me.i think i tol you about her...
you can talk to her if you want.......is ok..
byby for now..
and am soooo HAPPY

FOR YOU....YOUr safe..safe...and you DESERV it .....

bybyb lisa

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 11:39 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

by Jamie-lee (no login)

hello hello hoello ......... ya know im soooooooooooooooooooooo bored right now....... bored right outta my stupid mind. but i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to see ya name.......

. Nah i dont think ya 2 young...hell nah i think ya kool and i dont care how young or old you are. I like you not your age... Yeah ya did tell me about Max and ill say hi to her and i hope she is ok and hi to mickey to(remember thats my fav name:).... mickey rocks... haha... My head kinda is hurting but ill get over it huh, supppose thats what happens when your stupid and drink hey...
luv ya 2 lisa, and max and mickey and all others coz ya all real kool, even the ones i dunno, if they are your friends then they must be kool

better go my (real mum)wil be home any minute an im in big troubles so better hide or run or something................i cant let her see me like this..

luv jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 3:55 AM
from IP address 203.54.184.37

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Jamie-Lee

by dawni (no login)

I just wanted to say I saw that you were back at your "mum"'s place and I hope things are going good for you. I know its been said already but please do make veryvery sure to report if he comes near you or tries anything. Even if you just reported to Terrie or something if you were a little scared to go to a different adult. (I'd offer my services as someone you could go to if you felt comfortable but [a] I've barely ever written to you on here so you probably wouldn't be that comfy with it and [b] they might not take me seriously since I'm in Australia and I don't think you are).

Also, I hope you had a very happy Easter (it's Easter Monday here now) with lots of yummy chocolate.

And if you believe in the Easter Bunny (which you quite possibly don't which is okay too.. it's just that I still do, hehe) I hope he bought you plenty because you deserve a lot of nice things.

~dawni

Posted on Mar 31, 2002, 7:46 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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thanks

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Thanks
Im back home with my real mum(thats what i call my foster mum now cause that is what she is-she is awesome). Things didnt work out with the person who gave birth to me and thats GREAT.
I think it is kool that you believe in the Easter Bunny and i hope u enjoyed your yummy chocolate

I'm an aussie kid 2

but i hate vegemite haha

J-L

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 7:21 AM
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Yay!

by dawni (no login)

Another Aussie? Woohoo! We're taking over.. grin

And I'm very glad you're back with your mum.

That definately makes me smile a lot!!

And thank you for the lovely wishes.. unfortunately no chocolate this way

Supposed to be getting healthy.. eww. Would much rather have chocolate sometimes!!

~dawni

Posted on Apr 1, 2002, 7:43 AM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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hi

by Jamie-lee (no login)

were takin over,,,,,haha that did make m laugh lots...

glad i aint the only one who dont likee chocholate or who is on being healthy. me 2.
hope ya have a good day or maybe night now hey

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 3:44 AM
from IP address 203.54.184.37

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for Terrie

by Jamie-lee (no login)

I suck at writing poems but i wanted to find one for you that could speak of what you do, kinda like a poem for you from me and a reckon everyone who comes here would agree with me too. This is kind of hard to put into words but what you do here like how you created this place in the beggining, and always from what i see help others and encourage people like you do, i think that is awesome. Well i could only find one poem that seemed good enough, its not quite what i was after but it is about volunteers and in a way that is what you are, apart from being a survivor yourself. Here it is.....

A Volunteer Appreciation Poem

What is a Volunteer?

A volunteer is someone who:
Used to have a little time to spare.
Saw something that needed to be done, and couldn't persuade his conscience to let someone else do it.
Cheerfully endures inroads on her own work and convenience because she is beckoned by an overshadowing goal.
Is young at heart because youth comes, not from a fountain, but from exposure to those who have it.
Gives to fill inner needs, be it with hamburgers, hugs or encouragement.
Has a pet conservation project: our young people, because he considers them to be our greatest natural resource.
Sees the beauty in the budding personality of a child and wants to preserve and enhance it as it comes to full bloom.
Is willing to give of her time, patience, and herself to leave the world better than she found it.
Is the living fulfillment of the phrase "...to help where I am needed."

I think you rock and hope ya have a happy Easter

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 6:26 AM
from IP address 144.134.241.223

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forgot to write

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Author unknown..to the poem.....

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 6:30 AM
from IP address 144.134.241.223

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Thank you...

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Thank you so very much, Jamie-lee. That touched my heart. I would like for you to e-mail me, if you would, cuz I want to send you my toll-free number in case you need it.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 7:38 AM
from IP address 64.12.101.167

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.

by NP (no login)

You have a toll free number?

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 9:08 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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for Lisa :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Do ya like the Easter Bunny? and does he visit your house? I just want to say to you, that if you do like the Easter Bunny and you do like Easter well i hope that ya have the ABSOLUTE BEST Easter cause ya deserve the best. AND........
If you hate Easter and if you hate the Easter Bunny then i hope that your okay, i hope that your Rabbit can give you some comfort to help you get through your easter. AND.........
I will think of ya lots and hope that i can come back here. when i go to mums home i might not be able to get online, but im thinkin i still got school so might be able to sneak on from there.

bye for now

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 6:08 AM
from IP address 144.134.241.223

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jamee-lee..... :(

by lisa (no login)

jamie - lee..
i reed other poost....why you dont run away? it be more safe..please go..i can get money ..an i send iit tu yu....pleas...be safe....please....
i hate to loose yu as afriend...i wan yu to be at least safe....please...goo .gooo....i hate what they do to yu...is not fair...tell the F-mom to hyd yu....or try to com to my home.....i wan help yu..please go awai....is better.....
yur my freind....wan yu be safe....
am sad ..and angry for yu..and i undertsnad yu don wan go..and your a good person...very good person jaimee...he is the sick in the head person...if i was big i kill him....

yur a good friend,...lisa

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 10:31 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Its ok lisa

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Awwww Lisa i am sorry for hurting you. I did not mean to and ya know im at my mums now and its ok. It is kool that you care and i care for you too, everything will be ok ok so please don't worry about me. I think it is soooooooooooooo kool that we are friends. I cant run away but cause i will get caught and sent back again. I think it is kool that you want to get money and send it to me but it is not needed but i do say thanks for saying that cause that made me cry and it made me cry happy tears cause you are my friend and you care

. You are sooooooooooooo sweet and you are just 9 and i am happy to know you, hey guess what you are my youngest friend and thats so kool. I gotta ask ya something now but i want to say that i dont mean to offend you ok with what i say. I am just asking cause your my friend and im a bit confused. I read a message from somebody named Max at the memory meadow and he/she told me you said goodluck and you luv me, well i luv ya 2 and thanx for sayin that. But who is Max? My foster mum told me a bit about something when i first came here, and she gave me some big huge word, and i didnt really listen to good. But it was something like to do with people sometimes haveing friends that help them with their pain, and that they can be different all from each other. Is that what you have, like is Max a friend of yours who helps you out? If so, hope so cause thats kool too

Well i better go, its like past 1 in the morning here and i should not be on here but had to sneak to check my email which was empty anyway

just kidding im not sad cause i got no mail.. haha. Hey if ya wanna write to me ever my addy is: jamie_lee2000au@yahoo.com.au
and i probebly will only be on at about this time from now on cause i sneak on, hahaha

when i was at my F-mums i could go on whenever i wanted to. She was soooooooo kool, you would like her.
Ok will go now but dont worry ok cause everything is ok and im happy

luv from your friend,
Jamie-lee

Posted on Mar 30, 2002, 8:11 AM
from IP address 203.26.23.10

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I am scared...a bit

by Jamie-lee (no login)

I dont like whining cause people dont like you if you do that, but i have to go home tomorrow and i'm real mad. My mum wants me back and i have to go and i want to stay with my foster mum. My step-dad is out of jail, they had a hearing last week and he got bail until our bigger court hearing. He is not allowed to come near me but i know my mum and i know what they are both like, i just know he will go to my mums plus he will want to get me back for telling in the first place. You know what really sucks is NOBODY listens, oh they all say they do but they just dont. They say they care, they say to trust them but why should i, nobody cares and i would rather trust a fly. Why did they let him out and why do i have to go back home. IT IS NOT FAIR. Sorry peeps im just angry and a bit worried, not much just that well you know, i just dont want to do that stuff again. Anyway i like to be a happy and when i came here to the board i was real down but then i saw Lisa asking where i was and i got a real buzz from that, thank you so so much Lisa, you really dont know what your asking where i was did for me today

im stoked.........
Also i want to say thank you to the people who wrote what they wrote to my question below, that was a huge help too and i related to allot of what ya guys said to me.. Thanks heaps peeps.
I feel kinda sad ya know cause i might not be able to come back here again and this place is kool, no its not kool because we were all hurt, that sucks but its kool cause we are all real kool and good decent people who have heaps of guts and are real strong hey.

Hope ya all have a happy day, happy Easter. here are some smiles for everyone

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 5:50 AM
from IP address 144.134.241.223

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Jamie-lee

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Oh, man...that really sux huge time! I would encourage you to spend some time at the library if you can, so you can still come here. And if you have any problems at all with your step-dad, please report it! You deserve to be safe. I'm here for you, Jamie-lee. I care.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 7:36 AM
from IP address 64.12.101.167

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Introducing myself

by (no login)

Hello all! I am a 32 year old woman who is a survivor of sexual abuse. As I was growing up i had five perpetrators. I am at the stage of acceptance and forgiveness of my perpetrators. Took me a long time to get here, but have been in this phase for about 4 years now. The freedom of forgiveness is awesome! The abuse no longer controls my life, but I control it. I wish for all of you to reach this point in your life.

I am now a student working on my masters in counseling. I took a class this semester entitled, "Special topics in Counseling." I had no idea the topic was abuse. So many emotions and feelings are returning, but I still have control over them.

i am doing research on the effects of chidhood abuse on marriage for a report that I am doing. My own abusse was not a real problem until after I was married. It momentarily caused problems but fortunately I have a strong Christian husband who was patient. I sought counseling immediately and worked through the problems. We have now been married for almost 13 years.

If you are interested in helping me in my research, please read my other post about research or e mail me. Some day, i plan on writing a book including this information. Of course, it will be done in confidentiality and you will have a choice of whether or not you want to be included.

sandy

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 10:38 AM
from IP address 64.12.107.24

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Hi, Sandy

by Mary (no login)

It's nice to have you here. Sounds like you are doing wonderful in your healing process.

I hope you don't mind me asking - I only ask for personal reasons - were your perps related to you and, if so, do you still see them?

I may email you with my information later. I'm glad you joined us.

Peace,
Mary

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 10:56 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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perpetrators

by sandy (no login)

One out of the five perpetrators was a family member who I continue to see on a regular basis. He was the one that was the hardest to forgive because he was always the favored child and protected by our parents and the favorite Grandchild. It was hard to see him receive such preferential treatment when my grandparents did not care for me at all. If they only knew....

Anyway, it was not until about four years ago when I finally was able to confront him that I was able to forgive him. I just basically told him i remembered it and described the details, ready for any reaction. At first he denied it, but I did not relent and then he broke down into tears. He said, "I am so glad you brought it up because I have been carrying this around like a load on my back my entire life." I said, "Well you don't have to anymore because I forgive you."

I am now able to sit in the same room with him and do not see the word "abuse" written on his forehead. Was a very freeing experience.

Sandy

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 12:18 PM
from IP address 64.12.101.153

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That's nice to hear

by Mary (no login)

I have done that with one of my relatives that was the perp. He broke down too. I have a pretty good relationship with that one.

The other one: He doesn't deserve my forgiveness and probably wouldn't care anyway. He still blames me for everything. Therefore, I will refuse to step foot in any room that he may be in. I've often thought of sending him an email, but figure what the heck? Why? He'll deny it. Turn it around and blame me and I would rather be burnt over and over again with a branding iron than have him think he's got one up on me. My life is my party and he's not invited to it anymore. :0 )

It's so nice to hear that you can forgive. I see I have more work to do on myself.

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 3:19 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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May I butt in here?

by NP (no login)

I find it amazing that both of you say the perps broke down when confronted. I have never experienced that. In our family the number one word is denial. Do you think that is a usual thing? And if so what is the dynamic that drives them to abuse if it tortures them so?

If you don't mind my asking.....

Nobody Perfect

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 4:38 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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My thoughts....

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I think that denial is very common, but I also think that there are some perps who do break down and see their past behavior as a terrible thing. From what I know, abuse of all kinds is driven from a need to feel powerful, and stems from feelings of powerlessness. I would welcome any other views or opinions on this, and think it could be a very good discussion.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 5:52 PM
from IP address 152.163.206.181

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I have to agree...

by Mary (no login)

in my family that's the number one word also. My mother is the Queen of Denial!!! ;0 )

My oldest brother did break down when he was confronted and admitted that he couldn't even look at his daughter he felt so horrible about what he did. I told him that I forgave him.

My other brother (they are only 1 year apart) INSISTS that I am to blame for everything. He has told me that he blames me for my mothers hurt. Because I told of course. This was when I confronted him when I was 14 and asked him why he hated me so much.

My mother thinks I'm living in the past and need to move on. She doesn't understand that I CANNOT move on when I am constantly confronted with HIM and his accusations when he is the one that hurt me so badly. HE is the one who told me my mother would hate me if I told. HE is the one that told me he would kill me if I said something. HE is the one who said no one would believe me anyway if I did tell. HE is the one who ignores me at family functions like I'm some piece of crap on the bottom of his shoe. And HE blames ME for what I have done to our mother. LOL LOL LOL I refuse to be in the same room as that perverted sh*thead and my mother doesn't understand that. The only way I can move on with my life is to keep HIM out of it.

So, shew! I feel better now that I have that off my chest. Thanks for listening. I got a bit upset there. Easter's here and I'm still being hounded as to if I'm coming or not. Apparently "NO" doesn't mean anything to my mother either.

I often times think of writting him a letter or sending him an email. Not that I know either addresses. But I often times think of doing it. Maybe one day I will sit down and do some thinking.

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 11:11 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Yeah like I said

by NP (no login)

Your story is my story. Right down to the present day thing and trying to force us together at occations so why do ya think we reacted so differently?

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 4:38 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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I'm not sure why

by Mary (no login)

I have just recently broken the bonds with my mother. I use to be a people-pleaser. If it went against anyone, I wouldn't do it. I lived to make others happy because that's what I thought I was suppose to do. It wasn't until about 4 years ago, I started to change that. I live to make myself happy now. No one else. Life's much better.

However, my mother needs to understand that she needs to deal with it and she needs to figure out for herself how to come to terms with it and she refuses to do so. She asked the other day if I was coming over for Easter... only like 2 weeks AFTER I found out from my sisters. And 5 days before Easter. I told her no, I don't have the kids anyway. With my daughter standing there, she says, "Oh, well, I guess you'll just miss the easter egg hunt then." My daughter looked at me with those, "We're going to miss that" look. I was so mad. You know, don't go draggin my kids in to your world, lady, is what I wanted to say. And my oldest daughter knows why I won't go to her gramma's functions and I've explained it to her. Not in detail, but she still knows I do not want to see, nor hear her son's name mentioned in my house or anywhere else. I hate seeing the man and refuse to go where ever he is.

My mother will have to take that to her grave with her. He hurt me beyond imagine and would continue to do so if I had let him now (mentally), but I won't.

I'm not sure why we acted so differently. I really didn't care when I was a teen ager. I hated life and was just "surviving". I prayed every day that God would have mercy on me and take me out of this world. Thankfully, my prayers were not answered.

Posted on Mar 30, 2002, 9:44 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Jeeeez

by NP (no login)

This is just like I wrote it.... right down to the Easter thing. I refuse to be in the same house with him, etc.

Posted on Mar 31, 2002, 1:26 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Welcome Sandy

by Nobody Perfect (no login)

I can't really add anything to your study as my marriage never fell apart, still going strong after 22 years. But it is nice to meet you and you are welcome here any time.

Nobody Perfect

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 4:35 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Marriage in General

by (no login)

I wasnt looking for info about marriages that have fallen apart. I just wanted to know how it has affected the marriage. That is great that your marriage has lasted 22 years!! You are obviously doing something right! You could share with me what you have been doing right that has made a difference. You have a lot you can say to help others who's marriages are not doing so hot.

thank you
sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 8:42 AM
from IP address 205.188.199.152

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My marriage.

by Mary (no login)

My marriage ended. He had no clue how to support me emotionally. So, I went on alone.

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 12:04 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Sorry to hear that

by (no login)

That is sad! Is there any advice you could give me that I might pass onto married couples? How could he have supported you better? What kinds of things did he do right? Wrong? What mistakes did you make, if any?

Sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 1:07 PM
from IP address 64.12.107.28

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Right vs Wrong

by Mary (no login)

He was far from being supportive in the matter. He ignored it like everyone else in the family did.

I'm not sure what he could have done differently. Maybe even nothing at that time in my life. I'll have to think about that.

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 10:51 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Welcome!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Hi Sandy. I am Terrie, and I am the moderator of this board. I am so glad you are here! I know how freeing the ability to forgive feels, for I have done so as well. I cannot contribute to your study, however, because I have never been married. I wish you luck with it and hope you get all the information you need. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 5:50 PM
from IP address 152.163.206.181

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first hug.....real safe one....to my daughter.....she is almost 11.

by Paule (no login)

I know am suppose to be in bed..thought I d share this before...

This afternoon,I had a long...big ...full of feeling (new to me) with
my oldest daughter...

IT started out by....my girl asking me if i loved her!!!.....that
hurt..a lot...

I was able to explain few things..no detail to her,told her, about
the difficulty i had with my past.....that i need help,that i see a
person who is helping me...i aslo was able to tell her i need her
help....at home....when i dont feel good...even if i do feel
good.....i just told her i need her to...be a good kid...
she cried..and told me she undertsood..and said she would
help...guess what.....I had tears..and she saw them..and she didnt
laugh.....SHE took me in her arms...and held me tight..until i did
to...and you know what it felt good and safe.....we held for a good
10 mins....none of us wanted to let go....
it was first time....we did this...

i cant all say how i felt...but it was good.....other this was
said....but i cnat rememebr all....now too exited.....have to go to
bed...and..dont want to....

thanx for listening....

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 7:48 AM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Oh, Paule!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so so happy that you and your daughter shared a good safe hug, and that you had good talk too. I know how special that must all feel for you. I'm so happy for you.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 5:45 PM
from IP address 152.163.206.181

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jaimee-lee were ar you???

by lisa (no login)

am worried about yu ...were ar you....ar you ok??
lisa

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 12:23 AM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Wish I could say here but I can't

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

So suffice it to say that I am very happy tonight. Be happy for me but don't ask why.

Enjoying the glow, if only momentarily.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 9:41 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Glad.

by dawni (no login)

smile
I'm gladyou are happy.

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 11:32 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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Glad, also

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm happy for you that you are feeling happy...hope it lasts a while.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 5:44 PM
from IP address 152.163.206.181

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Tues. night chat

by (no login)

Sorry I didn't make it to chat tonight...I hope a few of you did and got to talk to each other. Take care, and hopefuly I can make it next week.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 26, 2002, 10:04 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.71

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Research: How has abuse effected your marriage?

by (no login)

Hello, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (five perpetrators from ages 4-14)and now I am working on my masters in counseling. I am taking a class in which I need to do a research project. I have chosen to do a project on how childhood abuse effects marriages.

My abuse resurfaced in ways I did not know possible shortly after I was married and I am curious and interested in other's stories.

If you are interested in taking part in my research, please e-mail me or post here. I will check periodically for responses. If you e-mail me please put in subject line: Abuse Research so I know it is regarding this.

In your posts or e-mails, please respond to the following:

1. Age you were at the time of the abuse

2. Any details about the abuse you would like to share regarding the severity of it and prolongation. You do not have to go into detail about the actual abuse, and I honestly prefer that you don't unless you really feel the need to it.

3. How has the abuse effected your marriage and relations with your husband?

4. Anything else you would think pertinent to my subject.

I might have more questions after reading your story.

Thank you in advance for all your help.

Sandy

Posted on Mar 26, 2002, 9:02 AM
from IP address 152.163.197.193

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ok

by (no login)

i was abused from thee time i was born...actually, before until i was 32...involving my parents and others pertinent to them

sra, porn, sexual, physical, emotional, verbal

when married and found out, our marriage ended pretty quickly...he wasn't denied anything, but he chose my best friend
i wanted to be the best wife, the best mom and i ended being a doormat
i also found myself lying at first because i was afraid of how to answer and we didn't understand any triggers and there were so many...bugged him like crazy
i was married to him for 17 years
when he found out, he would call out alters for his benefit

2nd husband was financially and physically abusive and wanted a mommy...left pretty quickly
he was sympathetic to DID, but never cared to find out more and while at t with me, he often fell asleep

doing better now...have 3 very healthy and happy daughters, each very individual and independent
they are grown and live in the same city as their dad, yet one is moving soon and the youngest does come out and visit...at this time, will probably come out for the whole summer and possibly move in with me again...she's 16

anymore ?'s....i left my email
glad to help
hopey

Posted on Mar 26, 2002, 7:17 PM
from IP address 198.76.188.4

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Thank You

by Sandy (no login)

Thank you for sharing with me. So from what I understand, your marriage didnt necessarily end because of the childhood abuse you experienced, but due to the fact that he chose someone else?? Am I correct?

What kind of triggers did you experience? And tell me more about your DID. How severe is that? How long do you go without memory during a day?

Thanks
Sandy

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 10:22 AM
from IP address 64.12.107.24

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actually

by Hope... (no login)

I think my marriage would have eventually ended for even other reasons
As far as the DID, it did terribly effect both my marriages...my first joined a group of false memory syndrome people.
That hurt very much and it really confused my girls.
My abuse was extremely severe, and well hidden as the alters were compliant and I was an extremely shy and "goodie two shoes" kind of child. I was also got very high grades in school, so why bother with me? I do know that 2 of my teachers at least were aware of my abuse. My father was an officer in the Army and we moved LOTS!
As far as losing time, I didn't think that I actually lost time and I have found that I often have short bouts of it, depending on circumstances.
For instance, it takes me 4 hours to go shopping at Target...go figure.
The other thing is that I don't sleep at night and I'm not always sure what happens at night.
good luck
Hope...
who is different than hopey...

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 7:14 PM
from IP address 198.76.188.4

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Thank you

by (no login)

Thank you for sharing! I appreciate it! Hey, I can shop for four hours too!

sandy

Posted on Apr 2, 2002, 8:44 AM
from IP address 205.188.199.152

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looking for answers - maybe

by Jamie-lee (no login)

I would like to try to find out something, or somethings if that is ok.
I'd like to know if some feelings i have are because of what happened or if there is just something wrong with me.
Ok the first thing is if someone gives me somthing like a gift i get real embarressed and dont feel that good about it. But if i give them something i actually enjoy doing that and dont think that the other person should be imbarressed. This one really bothers me alot cos someone a friend wants to give me something but i cant accept it and i cant explain to her why and thats real hard because i have gave her stuff, i think she will think im crazy.
The other thing is i sometimes be nasty to people who are nice to me, like friends and they dont even have to do or say anything wrong for me to just be real nasty mainly just with words but its still not nice. I always feel real bad afterwords, and the worse part is i know what im doing is wrong.
Also i simply dont understand why i feel the ways i do sometimes which is real hard to explain what i mean but like it's like i don't get it with my feelings. Sometimes i can cry or laugh or be angry and not even know why. Other times i can really like someone one day and not like them the next and not understand why.
Does anyone else feel like any of this? if you dont thats kool or if you do and dont wanna say thats kool too i just thought this is a good place to ask.
Thanx.

Posted on Mar 22, 2002, 7:40 AM
from IP address 203.54.111.35

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you're not the only one

by (no login)

HI Jamie-Lee,

I'm the same in a lot of ways. I too get uncomfortable when I get given gifts or have compliments paid as I never know how to react or what to say. I always feel a little guilty too thinking my friend could have spent that money on themselves instead.

There have been times when I have also been very horrible to those closest to me and I think it's just me letting loose, not necessarily understanding why, and I took my friends for granted assuming they'd keep coming back. Luckily one or two have stayed and now i don't thrash out at them because I don't want to lose them. While I was being horrible to them though I felt guilty all time but never felt I could explain it to them either.

Again there are times when I feel very tearful and have no idea why. I try not to analyse it so much now as I think it's just my body still healing itself so I just let it run it's course.

I hope some of that makes sense. Just remeber that whatever your feelings are whether you can explain them or not you should never feel strange or ashamed of them. We all have our own ways of dealing with life.

Take care

Em

Posted on Mar 22, 2002, 7:14 PM
from IP address 80.225.21.215

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jamie-lee...is ok to ask questionz

by lisa (no login)

hi jamie - lee
i am lik yu,i didnt like geting gifs...but you kno things changed a litle bit.I alwys thinkin that gifs meens i have to do someting to deserv them....meaning doing someting bad....but terrie an lucie an max an gaile showd me is not rue..real frinds an real caring pepl will not wnt anythin from yu.
i am not saing to take the friends gifs...is jut thik about what she meen tu yu...maibe it help yu??

for me it is still hard..but i am starting to enjoi geting gif as much as to giv them.....

the feeling yu hav...well i have them too..i think it is from the memories and it means someting but i dont kno wat...sory i canno help yu more...

take care frind...have a good day,yur a good person

lisa

Posted on Mar 22, 2002, 10:21 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Jamie-lee

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I think your embarrassment with getting a gift is fairly common. I have a question for you...how is your self-esteem? I ask because I know that many people with low self-esteem do not feel worthy of getting gifts. That is common among survivors and other people too. People with low self-esteem just don't feel like they are good enough to deserve to get a gift. Does that make sense?
Also, the various feelings is very common. I know when people have anger stored up inside of them, as most all survivors do, they sometimes channel this anger outward toward the people they love, because those people are "safe". And the fluctuating feelings are very common as well. We were not taught about healthy feelings when we were young, so we must learn about them as we heal. It can be very confusing for a while, but eventually we learn, and you will too. I know it's hard in the meantime, but you are not "weird" or anything like that...you are simply someone who is still learning, and there is nothing wrong with that...

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 25, 2002, 7:33 AM
from IP address 64.12.107.43

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maybe..

by Silentstar (no login)

Hey Jamie-Lee...about what you said, say nasty things to friends/family etc, I used to do that to some people, sometimes still...mostly happen if whoever is being extra sweet, say something like love me etc...then I would be rude to them, anyrhing rude or mean to make them stop that...maybe is something like that? Just afraid of someone who cares about you.., try make them quit it?? Or even just continue rude and push it to see how far it will go, if they will leave or not love you ever..?
Two ideas anyway...

Good luck:):)

Posted on Mar 25, 2002, 3:54 PM
from IP address 24.69.255.204

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Emotions

by (no login)

I do not think you are crazy at all Jamie Lee. I believe you are experiencing what the rest of us are experiencing.

Emotionally wise...i can be there all smiling and happy and all of a sudden a strong sense of sadness will fall over me. I have no idea why. It also happens with frustration and then I end up in a rage and my husband will ask why I am so angry. I cannot tell him why. I am better at this because I have taught myself to sit back and go back one moment at a time and pinpoint when it actually started. I am now able to identify the source.

This aspect of my life (the emotional roller coaster) is the one area of my life that makes me feel like I am crazy. I am at the point of acceptance and forgiveness of my perpetrators, but this is one effect that continues to reign in my life.

Jamie Lee and others, you are not crazy...you are normal as normal we can be as victims.

As for compliments, I do not accept them well either. I tend to tell them they are wrong or laugh at them. I feel guilty when others do things for me. I do not feel worthy of their kindness.

Sandy

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 10:29 AM
from IP address 64.12.107.24

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Is my face ever <i>red</i>!

by dawni (no login)

So we went shopping today. For easter stuff. Only.. we went by ourselves. Okay, I realise this sounds probably totally pathetic.. I'm nineteen and the idea of shopping without fiance or mother terrifies me.

We had to get on the bus, go to the shops, get some easter stuff for family, get back on the bus and go home. Simple, right? Well.. not when I'm involved I guess.. LOL.
First of all, I miscalculated and had to go back to one of the shops to get something else. I nearly forgot three people entirely (we only had 6 in all to worry about)!!! And later, at the checkout the second time.. we LEFT our ID!! Eeeeeee. Thank goodness we don't keep money and ID together!!!!! Went back for it and luckily it was still there.

Talk about stupidity huh? Hightailed it outa there as soon as we could, practically ran out of the shopping centre (mall).

The bus was another sotry entirely when I couldn't find where it left from (they changed it on us!!) and then nearly missed our stop when we eventually made it onto it.

All I have to say is where were the confidenters when I needed 'em?! Heh.

~dawni

Posted on Mar 20, 2002, 9:15 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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Whew!

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Glad to see ya made it back. BTW, I have done that shopping/panic thing myself. Thank goodness that is much better these days!

Posted on Mar 20, 2002, 9:37 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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{{{{{{{dawni}}}}}}}}

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Sounds like you had a horrible time! I remember once I went shopping and I left my entire purse in the shopping cart when I went to my car to leave. Already had my keys in my hand, so didn't notice that I didn't have my purse until later...and by then it was gone. did end up getting it back the next week when some woman found it in her trash, but I had to cancel my credit cards cuz they were gone. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I can relate to leaving something important behind. And I know the bus can be lots of hassle, too. Glad you got home safely and that it's over with.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 21, 2002, 7:29 AM
from IP address 205.188.197.169

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WoW

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Oh man, Terrie, that had to be awful!

Well if it makes you feel any better... when my last son was born he was in intensive care for almost a month so by the time we actually got him home we were used to running around without him. Well, you guessed it, I packed the other four in the car to go to the park and got a couple of blocks away before realizing that I had left him sleeping in a basket on the dining room table at home! Thankfully I noticed it right away, and you can bet I NEVER forgot any of them anywhere again.

NobodyPerfect, and boy is THAT an understatement!

Posted on Mar 21, 2002, 9:47 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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jaimee-lee

by lisa (no login)

yur not silli...is har to find somtin safe to do.
i like to color....draw...paint..an writ a litl.I like to play putr games....and chat with frinds....on puter.
if yu wan maibe we can talk? we have aol an yahoo messenger...teel me if yur intrested...ok?

i am lonly sometimes...
and yur right Shrek is a funy crazy movie..i mai see it agin...

byby for now...

it is snoing here..but rainin too???

lisa

Posted on Mar 20, 2002, 4:15 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Kool :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

kool i like to draw sometimes too

About us talking i reckon that would be great and i have AOL too.
my screen name is "crazyismyname123" so if ya ever online when i am and you would like to chat then just say hey

Hey i hope that the snow and rain isnt too aweful for ya, i know some peeps hate it but i know some love it too

Posted on Mar 22, 2002, 7:47 AM
from IP address 203.54.111.35

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:)))))))

by lisa (no login)

our name is on AOL....capuexpresso
woud be great if we tak...

it snowd more..and we almost got an accident..wel we did..but had no damage to the car..but i was soooo sckard

bibi lisa

Posted on Mar 22, 2002, 10:23 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Tues. Night Chat

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

On my way there now....will be doing other stuff until I see people in the room, so if you enter and I don't answer right away, just be patient for a few. Thanks.

Terrie

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 6:22 PM
from IP address 64.12.102.162

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my heart is heavy - VERY ANGRY

by Mary (no login)

Received an email from my sister today.... saying that mom was having her usual Easter get together....

She's not said anything to me. I actually emailed my sister and asked her.

Why does my mother choose to ride the fence? She would rather not say anything to HIM than invite me... GOD FORBID that woman actually has to deal with it...

Told my sister that I find it very hypocritical of my mother to celebrate Easter when the last time she even stepped foot in a church was when she was married 20 years ago.

My brother has always treated her like dirt. He stole from her, he lied to her........ GOD!!! I'm beginning to really HATE that woman!

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 12:16 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Well

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

it looks like you are exactly right where I am. Mother still denying, brother still the favoured one. For a minute I almost thought one of us wrote this post, she is famous for her Easter thing though.....

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 2:27 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}}

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

So sorry your mother is so hypocritical...you don't deserve that.

Love
Terrie

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 5:28 PM
from IP address 64.12.102.162

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Hi, first time here.

by (no login)

I was emotionally and sexually abused. The counselor says it could have started before age two. My grandparents lived next door. My brothers and I were there alot. I was also abused sex. by my brothers. My childhood was stolen from me. That makes me sad. I'm learning to connect with my emotions. Anyway-hi. I probably said to much already. Kerry

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 7:13 PM
from IP address 209.244.111.135

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Welcome

by dawni (no login)

Hi Kerry, it's nice to meet you.
Welcome to here, we're glad you found your way.

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 7:59 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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Hi Kerry

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Welcome to Healing Our Lives. I am so glad you are here. I hope that you will be able to find some peace in having an outlet to talk about the abuse and your feelings with people who have been there, are possibly there now, and can relate to what you are talking about. Feel free to utilize the Angry Expressions board and the Memory Meadow board for stronger feelings/memories/dreams if you want. I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 8:25 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.23

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Welcome Kerry :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

I'm kinda knew here too and just want to say welcome to you. Hope ya find this place helpful.

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 8:54 PM
from IP address 203.54.204.89

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welcom heer

by lisa (no login)

am litls...but nise tu meet yu....
lisa

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 10:59 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Welcome

by Mary (no login)

Welcome, Kerry. You are always welcome here.......

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 12:12 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Introducing me :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Hello everyone. I'm knew here and i have only ever posted at the memory meadow
but did want to say hi to peeps here too. I have "met" three
peeps named Silentstar, Terrie and Lisa already and they sound pretty kool.
My name is Jamie-lee (Doh huh:) and i am 13
and i am a survivor like everyone else here. My step-dad who was the one that made me
like i am now is in Jail and is going to trial later this year. And thats it. I hope every
body is well and having a good day-night.
Bye for now

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 4:30 AM
from IP address 144.134.237.44

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Hi Jamie-lee!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Welcome! I'm glad you're here. How are you doing?

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 7:33 AM
from IP address 152.163.195.176

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Terrie :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Hey Terrie, well ive written enough here today and i think i kinda answered you already on the other board but i just wanted to say hi here too and tell you that i hope you have a happy day.

Later, Jamie-lee

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 3:35 AM
from IP address 203.54.112.161

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Hiya!

by dawni (co with Misty) (no login)

Hi Jamie-Lee. We read some of your posts on the other board, but never wrote back because we had nothing of value to say.
It's lovely to meet you.

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 6:14 PM
from IP address 210.49.58.44

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Thanks

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Thank you for the welcome and it's lovely to meet you too.

Hope you have a happy day.

Later, Jamie-lee

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 3:36 AM
from IP address 203.54.112.161

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so happi yur heer.....

by lisa (no login)

i think ur kool..and am sorry yur step dad hyrt yu..but appi is in jail...
hw u doing?
Waht yu do for fun? yu had 3d frins?

lisa

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 10:57 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Lisa :)

by Jamie-lee (no login)

Already wrote to ya at the other place but did want tell ya some things here too.

What i do for fun. hmmmm thats a taugh one, not sure really (silly huh), guess i like surfin the net and watchin tele. Um 3d friends ive basically ive not ever met someone on the net and become friends with them, never was allowed to be online without my step-dad or mum watching when i was living with them so didnt bother getting online unless i really had to find info on something. I've chatted with some peeps on the IM since i moved in with my foster mum and it's kinda kool ya know. How about you, do you have 3d friends and also what do u do for fun?

Bye for now, Jamie-lee

Posted on Mar 19, 2002, 3:26 AM
from IP address 203.54.112.161

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