Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

Mother (a little long-sorry)

by Mary (aka Dibella) (no login)

As we grow older and we begin to heal, we come to realize and understand some things. For me, it has been the realization of where some of my past behaviors have come from. One was realized yesterday while talking to my mother on the phone. Let me give you a brief description of what's been going on. My sister (and my main support person) had rented out her lower level of her townhome to a lady. Not an older lady, I believe my sister said she was in her late 40's, so still very young. When the lady, Karen (rest her soul), came to look at the place, she informed my sister that she was in remission from breast cancer. Well, a few months back - I'm not even sure if it was that long ago, she was no longer in remission. She wanted to go up to the cabin one more time this summer, so her Dr. started her on another round of chemo. This past week was very bad, Karen went down hill very quick. With her sisters (Karen's) and my sister with her on Thursday evening she lost her battle (ok, I'm tearing up now-sorry) at 5:30 pm CT. I'm sure God is taking good care of her.

So, my mother calls me yesterday afternoon at work and asks me if I've talked to my sister today. I told her yes, I have. Mother asked how she was doing (ok, 1 - why is she calling ME? Why not call my sister)... anyway..... I told her she appears to be doing fine. My sister works in health care, I'm sure she is handling it pretty well. However, we were with out gramma when she passed away of lung cancer, so I'm hoping she didn't think back. Well, my mother continues on and says, "Bill (step dad) and I were thinking that it was very rude of her (Karen-doesn't even know her name)to put **Sister** in that position." LIKE THIS WOMAN PLANNED TO DIE!!!! So, I proceed to tell my MOTHER that she was in remission when she moved in. She tells me, "Well, was she really?" I said, "Mom, there's really nothing we can do about that, is there. When someone is in remission, we are given hope. I highly doubt Karen planned all this." I was just so PISSED (excuse the language).

I was thinking after that and I thought, "Gees, that sounds like me some years ago. I would blame others for everything." Boy, wonder where I acquired that from, huh? THANK GOD! I don't do that anymore.

How frickin' (sorry) selfish can she be to even say that! I pointed out the my sister made her decision. She knew ahead of time what might happen if she ran out of "luck". I try to forgive my mother for always turning the other cheek when it came to my abuse, but I am so GLAD that I am not afraid to say anything to her. I love my mother, but I really hope she felt like an a** after she hung the phone up with me.

Thanks for listening. I know it's been a while since I've been here, and then I post this, but had to get that off my chest.

Posted on Mar 16, 2002, 10:15 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Hi Mary

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you were able to come here to get that off your chest. I think that was so unfair of your mother to blame Karen for her illness and passing. I know we often do tend to take on a lot of our parents' patterns of behavior, and am glad to hear that you have gotten past the "blameing others" that your mother appears to be stuck in. Thank you for sharing.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 16, 2002, 10:50 AM
from IP address 152.163.197.84

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Mary

by NobodyP (Login nobodyatall)

That conversation, those sentiments sound as if they could have happened between me and my adoptive mother. My heart really felt for you when I read it, it brought up so many personal interchanges I have had with her. Sorry you had to go through that yet again.... but I wonder about a couple things. I am kind of confused because it sounds to me like you are pretty impowered right now now even though you felt it unpleasant.

"I try to forgive my mother for always turning the other cheek when it came to my abuse, but I am so GLAD that I am not afraid to say anything to her."

Lately I tryed to confront Mother about ignoring my obvious abuse and the distress it caused and has caused since. As I am wading through this it feels just awful. Terrie asked me if I have mourned the person that she could never be and I guess part of that is being forced to accepty that it just will never happen, she will never be "mom" to me, just judgemental and cruel. I said the things ot her but I was afraid. Anyway after about 6 emails from her I just could not continue listening to the lies, she will never change. So I have been thinking a lot about Terrie's suggestion and am trying to get it through my head. There will never be a "mom" in my life, nor the life of the others with me, no matter how little and in need they are. I think in time I may get there, but my question to you is this: In spite of the fact that it still saddens you to hear these totally nuts responses, have you found some peace with that fact, that she can't acknowledge the abuse? I think I may one day be less afraid to talk about this to her, but I am afraid I will never forgive her. Did you feel that way too? Can this come with time?

Sorry if too personal, you don't have to answer me. But it just looks so close to my own situation and I am really struggling with this.

NP

Posted on Mar 17, 2002, 6:53 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Question.....

by Mary (no login)

NP,

I am not sure I fully understand your question, but will give it a shot....

I have found a lot of peace in the last 5 years. There was a time when I would have sat silently as I listened to her berate someone. My mother and I have had many, many heated arguments about my abuse. And, yes, I just accept the fact that she can't accept it. She's trying to keep the peace at all costs. I have informed her that I will no longer attend any family event if my "brother" is in attendence. She doesn't seem to care. She doesn't even call me about them anymore. She doesn't understand the extent of pain this pervert caused me. She tells me to stop living in the past and move on. I finally told her I am moving on and I'm doing it without him in my life.

I don't know if that answered your question or not. I hope so. I think I got a little off the subject there, but I do still get a bit angry thinking about it. I get angry when a family holiday comes and goes with no word from my mother. I wait for the day that she will call and say something like, "We're having Easter at my house, "he's" not invited, would you like to come?" Gees, I get teary just thinking about it. But, then I don't hold my breath either.

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 9:13 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Actually...

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

You were right on the money, with one exception. Mother always insisted that I keep him in my life. I was forced to include him in any family holiday, have him over when she was there, etc. It was always VERY uncomfortable for both of us. But she wanted to pretend we were all a family.

Last year he got married and I was not told, not invited, but I have had to read letter anfter letter about how wonderful it all was and how nice it was to have "the whole family" there. It hurt. She blames me for the beatings... "What did you do to make him do that?" I would sit and listen to her myself, but as she ranted about how awful I have always been. There was nothing I didn't try to have them love me, but the adoption just was never meant to be.

So now I am alone.... again. Yes I have a good hubby and kids, but there is definately a huge hole in my life because of not having a family that I grew up with and who cares about me. There is a big something missing.

I want some peace with it all, but realize that it will only be as much as I can let go of. And I still need a mom sometimes. It still hurts a lot.

Thanks for answering me. It helps to talk about it with someone who has a clue about those kinds of feelings.

NP

Posted on Mar 18, 2002, 9:51 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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feeling better...thanks a lot Terrie

by David (no login)

to let me know....i am feling better...thanx for listening...it healped a lot..

thanx friend...:)

david

Posted on Mar 15, 2002, 6:08 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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David

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you are feeling better. I care about you, my friend.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 16, 2002, 10:46 AM
from IP address 152.163.197.84

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terrie

by David (no login)

thanx...hope we can talk soon???

((((((terrie)))))

how are ya?

daVID

Posted on Mar 16, 2002, 11:07 AM
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David

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'd like that. I'm doing fine...I hope we can talk soon.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 17, 2002, 2:11 PM
from IP address 64.12.102.159

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((((((((TERRIE)))))))))))))))

by david (no login)

take care....friend.....david

Posted on Mar 17, 2002, 4:55 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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Tuesday night chat

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I am in the chat room, if anyone wants to chat. If I don't answer right away, be patient...I am doing other stuff as well while I'm alone in there.

Terrie

Posted on Mar 12, 2002, 7:14 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.169

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Argh!

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

By the time I strolled in you were gone. Sorry so late but I have been very busy lately.

{{{{{{Terry}}}}}}}

Posted on Mar 12, 2002, 10:17 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Drum roll please!

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

After 26 years of trying: Petitioning the court, begging agencies, stealing a look at documents here and there, waiting for responses from this government agency and that government agency, going to court - to court - to court...... after paying thousands of dollars in fees, legal fees, charges for certified copies of this and that and more this and that and then the other thing too.........

I am proud to announce that today at 3:25 pm central, during my 44th year of life, I have in my hand my original birth certificate! It only took 26 years for me to get the records unsealed! I am real.

The last try I made three months ago I stood in the government center with tears rolling down my cheeks after a 2 hour wait while they searched, listening to the man tell me that there was no such child born under that name, on that date, in that city, county or state. This last shock was so bad I nearly collapsed. But a kindly clerk evidently could not let this rest. She has spent the last several weeks quietly searching on her off hours the neighboring states, changed the birth date slightly..... and there is was, I was! I have never been religious but God bless her forever and ever. And now here it is in my very hand! Monday I will order flowers sent to the government center with thank you card and balloons.

Since tonight is one of my kid's 17th birthday, I think it VERY appropriate that we go out to celebrate!

So happy I'm bursting!

Nobody Perfect, but maybe somebody after all

Posted on Mar 9, 2002, 3:40 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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np :)

by dawni (no login)

((i always knew you were somebody))

woohoo!! so glad you got your birth certificate!! that's awesome..!!

and happy bday to your kid

~dawni

Posted on Mar 10, 2002, 5:11 PM
from IP address 203.164.85.205

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Thanks Dawni :-)

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

For a while your faith in me was all that keeping me coming here.... that and Terrie refusing to give up on me. Thanks guys.

{{{{{{{{Dawni}}}}}}}}

Posted on Mar 10, 2002, 9:48 PM
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Great!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you finally got it! It sure took long enough! Were you adopted? Is your birthday different than you thought? Please...details....if you are ok wth sharing.

Smiling for you,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 10, 2002, 6:44 PM
from IP address 205.188.197.152

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Yes to both

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Adopted, then a terrible foster home. The adoption is a sham at this point, we haven't spoken for quite a while now. But the findings on the BC have brought up yet another mystery and some sad feelings as well. I always thought it would be the end of the search, but it seems it is just the beginning of a few more things. On the BC there is listed another child that I did not know about (I already knew about 2 brothers). This child was the first, born live but deceased..... I wonder if that is why she did not keep any of her other kids. I want to search out the father of that child. He might be able to tell me more about her as she was very reserved with me and never shared anything.

Getting braver, tomorrow I go to have my passport photos taken. I should be able to get one now.

NP

Posted on Mar 10, 2002, 9:46 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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soft wow.....

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Powerful T today. My head is pretty fuzzy but I feel so...... content? Is that it? What we do together is so good. I am truly lucky to have her and very very grateful.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Mar 8, 2002, 11:06 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Cool

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

So glad to hear you had a good t session today! I hope the contentedness lasts.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 8, 2002, 5:56 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.33

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Well.....

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

When T is hard, it is really hard. And sometimes you just feel like you're getting nowhere and it stretches on and on. So when you have a good one, where things become clear and you get relief it is so great. She goes the extra mile for me, I know, and I appreciate it very much.

Posted on Mar 9, 2002, 1:14 PM
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It's been a while

by (no login)

I haven't been here for some time but I've finally managed to sort quite a lot of thngs out. I needed the break to get my head sorted and my life back on track after finishing seeing my T but I think I may have got there.

I've given up smoking and as well as my day job I'm in the process of setting up two new businesses as well which I hope to leave my current job for in the future. So I think I can see that little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Didn't belive it was there for a while but maybe it is.

Just wanted to share my current good luck with you all.

Em

Posted on Mar 8, 2002, 2:23 AM
from IP address 213.253.62.17

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Hi Emma

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Great to see you again! And even better to hear that things are going well for you! Thank you so much for sharing!

Smiles,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 8, 2002, 5:55 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.33

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So happy

by Mary (no login)

I am so happy for you. It sounds like you are getting your ducks in a row, so to speak. Best of luck to you... I'm sure it will all fall in to place nicely.

Posted on Mar 16, 2002, 10:20 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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I have dillema

by Paule (no login)

I have a questions.....
Is not saying anything..mean YES?
Is not arguing means YES?
Is not fighting means YES?
Is beeing passive...or not answering means YES?
Is not crying means YES?
IS saying things they want to hear means YES?

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 4:49 PM
from IP address 66.130.125.92

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I don't think so

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Only your opinion in your heart can say what you mean. But you need to say what is on your heart in order for others to know what you mean.

Don't ever let anyone tell you what you mean, try to speak up for yourself in clear words. If you mean no, say no. Of course on the internet the rules never seem to mean the same thing twice. Are you talking about 3D or internet? It probably makes a difference.

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 8:54 PM
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Paule

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

No, none of those things mean yes. All of those things are merely being passive, which one can do to try to avoid creating more problems for oneself. Hope this helps....

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 9:15 PM
from IP address 64.12.104.29

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yeahhh...

by Paule (no login)

I didnt think they meant yes.....:(
take care terrie, luv you
paule

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 10:26 PM
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i think it depends

by dawni (no login)

i think it depends
but in general..

not saying anything doesn't mean yes
not arguing doesn't mean yes
not fighting doesn't mean yes
not answering doesn't mean yes
not crying doesn't mean yes
saying things they want to hear doesn't always mean yes

but saying things they 'want to hear' might mean yes - if 'yes' is one of those things the person has said. or 'it's fine', or other things along those lines. does that amke sense?

~dawni

Posted on Mar 8, 2002, 9:53 PM
from IP address 203.164.85.205

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It's Tues/Wed.

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I will be in the chat room, but will also have other stuff open, so if I don't answer right away, be patient.

Terrie

Posted on Mar 5, 2002, 6:29 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.59

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sorry

by dawni (no login)

ack! sorry.. we thought we would be startign this next week.. got distractedd doing something for fiance.. sorry terrie!!

Posted on Mar 6, 2002, 3:51 PM
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That's ok!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

We had 3 or 4 people (besides myself) show up at various times. Hope to see you next time.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 6, 2002, 6:29 PM
from IP address 64.12.102.157

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Ok but

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

thats still better than the past where we couldn't get anyone together at all. I thought we were starting next week too, but of course I have been gone anyway. Hope it was good.

Posted on Mar 6, 2002, 6:44 PM
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maybe...

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

maybe we were supposed to start next week. I didn't know (or remember). I just thought "hey, it's Tuesday night. I'm gonna give this a try". So that's what I did.

Terrie

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 7:29 AM
from IP address 152.163.204.184

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Terrie

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

Did you pick a specific time or are you just hanging around during the evening?

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 6:14 AM
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Hey...

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I just hung out.

Posted on Mar 7, 2002, 7:29 AM
from IP address 152.163.204.184

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so alone, so afraid (might trigger? talk of s*x stuff sort of not graphic) hope this is ok

by dawni & petals (no login)

i feel so very incredibly alone right now.
i let her chase us off our only self harm support network because i'm tired of seeing her slander us and slander fiance.

please believe that we asked if it was okay. if she had said no, i swear we wouldn't ave done anything. i swear on my grandmother's and my grandfather's grave. please believe that we, that HE, are/is innocent. i swear. if hse hadn't kept saying she was okay, that it was fine, i swear we would have stopped.

please believe us.

(we're so afraid)

Posted on Feb 28, 2002, 6:12 AM
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{{{{{{dawni}}}}}}}

by (no login)

I believe you, and I'm so sorry she is doing this to you. I'm here if you want to talk about what happened...including e-mail and icq.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 28, 2002, 8:07 AM
from IP address 65.85.249.194

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terrie

by dawni & petals (no login)

thank you

Posted on Mar 3, 2002, 4:15 PM
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Hey Dawni

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

I'm sorry you are feeling so tough about this. I don't know what the whole story is, but I will say this. People are allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven. In fact EVERYONE makes mistakes and no one person is "better" than another when it comes to genuine feelings. The part I usually have problems with is forgiving myself when others question or accuse me. But I really understand about leaving your support network, that can be so hard. I hope we can start our support chats soon. Terrie and I talked and she thought Teusday nights might work for her, how about you? I can do when ever.

I have been out of town all week and am leaving again tomorrow night and will be gone another week, but I will check back to see what you say.

In the mean time I hope you are ok.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Feb 28, 2002, 5:56 PM
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PS

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Tuesday nights for us is Wed. morning for you...

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 1, 2002, 7:31 AM
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np (nobodyperfect)

by dawni (no login)

thank you

(hope yyou don't mind me shortening your nick to np..? i won't do it if you mind)

your tuesday night/my wed daytime sounds great!!

hope you're having fun out of town

Posted on Mar 3, 2002, 4:20 PM
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short for "not a problem" :-)

by NP (Login nobodyatall)

That sounds great! I just got home and this past week has been so relaxing. Looking forward to setting up the chat. Got lots of stuff to do right now, but I will write more later..... Still trying to figure out why Network 54 sent me a password reminder during the time when I was gone. Hmmmmm.....

NP

Posted on Mar 6, 2002, 1:53 PM
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Hi folks

by Terry (no login)

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I have been spending my time focusing on getting well, have gotten back into my exercise routine and am enjoying a little nap each afternoon. Have to say I am feeling really good and more connected to my body than I have for a very long time. While I could have done without the surgery I think the "down" time is doing me the world of good.

Cherio

Terry

Posted on Feb 27, 2002, 7:45 PM
from IP address 203.166.44.251

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Hi Terry!

by (no login)

It's good to see you! I'm so glad you are getting some rest and taking the time you need to recover well. My recovery is going very well. I have started working out again already (although lighter than usual) and am feeling really good. Thanks for writing with an update.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 28, 2002, 8:06 AM
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Thats great to hear

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

I had a big surgery last fall too, and although it was a thing I didn't have to do, I am now so happy that I did it. I had the same experience, it was like taking a rest cure, even though the healing time was painful and took longer than I thought it would.

I have been out of town for this week and that too has been very peaceful. I skied by moonlight every night, something I haven't done for years and it was so great! The moon was so bright on the snow and I just glided along. So fun, but it has been pretty cold here.

Glad you're feeling better.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Feb 28, 2002, 5:51 PM
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hey terrie...

by dawni (no login)

we sent you email of the pictuer of us petting that tiger cub! just to let you know

we sent it from isp email address but put your name in the subject

hope you like it

~dawni

Posted on Feb 27, 2002, 4:43 PM
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Hey there!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I got it...it's so cool! Thank you for sharing it!

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 27, 2002, 6:40 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.46

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I need help......

by Max (no login)

For a litle...she is 9....she is scared....dont know how to help...i usualy can help her....but cant this thime..it is too big...for her...what can i do to help???please..someone tell me..i hurt to see her like this...i have talked to her.listen.been here for her..she wont let me close...or anyone....we try leaving her..space.it is kinda worst....
am stuk...
help.....
thanx MAx

Posted on Feb 26, 2002, 8:12 PM
from IP address 66.130.124.178

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hi Max

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I am not sure how to best help her. What I would suggest, though, is that you keep letting her know that she does not have to carry this by herself and that you are there to help her carry it. Also, let her know about memory meadow, if she wants to write about it and get other support. Even though she is pushing you away, she needs to know that she is not alone. I hope she feels better soon.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 26, 2002, 9:43 PM
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hi terrie

by Max (no login)

I am taking about lisa..she knows about memory meadow..I think...
she is somewhat better today...
i hate seeing her like this
thanx...
Max

Posted on Feb 27, 2002, 7:58 PM
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a good talk (sorrry its really long and just a ramble mostly)

by dawni & petals (no login)

.. so last night fiance and i were in bed and we were talking about the day. see, earlier we'd met his uncle for the first time. nice man big and cuddly but fiance is taller i think. he has a motorbike and we've never been on one. fiance wanted us to go with him but we wouldn't and he wouldn't let it go.

so later we're in bed and we talked about it and i'm so glad we did. i think sometimes he forgets that we are littler and more fragiler than he thinks. i think sometimes he forgets that just because at 19 he was tall and confident and strong.. it doesn't mean we are.

and he rtries to see things fom our point which is good but we don't think anything like what he does. we think weirder than most anyone else we know. only two persons we ever met thought along th same lines with us.

but we talked iabout it and he said sorry for not letting go and xplain that the only reason he kept trying was because he doesn't wnat us to liv our lifes in fear. which we understand but he\s going to try and not push things so much.

and we told him maybe one dy we will go on a motorbike if he drives it or even better one with a side car if he drives it. but only if he drives it. i don't think he understood that last night that it was that we didn't want to go off with his uncle. that idea scared us a lot even though we really liked his uncle a lot. but we'd only just met him.

i think he understands now but.

sorry to rave we just wanted to write this things somewhere we could see them and read over them too. sorry and we hope nobody minds.

~dawni & petals

Posted on Feb 24, 2002, 5:09 PM
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oops an addition

by dawni & petals (no login)

meant to say also that we are so very lucky to have him

Posted on Feb 24, 2002, 5:10 PM
from IP address 203.164.85.205

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dawni

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you two talked about it and came to an understanding. It sounds like you are very lucky to have him, indeed!

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 25, 2002, 7:11 AM
from IP address 205.188.197.168

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cant seem to sleep....:(

by Paule (no login)

it is too buzzy in my head...and..am like..having.night mares....and....it sux...cuz then i dont sleep..and..i am tired today..but..have to keep awake..
Hubby said i keep hitting him..and yelling..and he has to wake me up..and i talk to him..but i cant rememebr...geeeeeeessssss...
dont know what to make of it..
but one thing is sure...
I am tired.....
not waiting for answer..just venting....sorry....
paule

Posted on Feb 23, 2002, 4:28 PM
from IP address 66.130.124.178

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Hi Paule

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I hope things get better for you soon.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Feb 23, 2002, 11:35 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.173

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Morning everyone

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

busy day for us.... we are working on our house and hopefully this weekend we will finish a bathroom for the boys. It is in the basement where all boy bathrooms belong, IMHO. LOL

I am hoping that a few people will answer the post below about the chat group.

Hoping everyone has a lovely peaceful weekend and gets to do at least one fun thing.

Posted on Feb 23, 2002, 7:37 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Alex and NobodyPerfect

by (no login)

I am asking you both to cease from posting here to or about each other or each other's inside or outside families. I love you, but I'm tired of the sh*t.

Peace,
Terrie

This message has been edited by HealingWymn from IP address 205.188.199.28 on Feb 21, 2002 8:48 PM

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 7:43 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.37

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Thank you for saying that

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

.

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 9:13 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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i'm really not coming back here

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

i think elise is pulling a whack job on all of you, and i know the truth.

if anyone wants to see what she does, you can come to denization, where she has posted many things to all sorts of people. no one likes her.

she's run me from this board, but at least i'm going to where i am loved and cared about.

terrie, i'm sorry i created all this work. this was never against you. it's only about telling the truth and being hurt for it. i hope you're feeling better.

alexandra
http://network54.com/hide/forum/125885

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 6:15 PM
from IP address 64.255.216.249

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Definition (it's a book, sorry :-)

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

"Survival: To continue to live or exist in spite of"

This is quoted from Webster's. I would like to expand on this definition a bit. On the internet we talk about survivors a lot. But I have seen the word used in some strange ways at times and I wonder if by using it so much to cover so many things that we have watered the definition. Personally in my own context, to survive means not only to "exist in spite of".... Yes we come out the other side still breathing. But the part that I want to add lives inside our heads and psyche, the crux of happiness and creativity and the feelings of being worthwhile. I think only part of a person survives if they cannot grasp this and hang onto it. I think it is a major thrust of why many are driven to seek therapy, because they want more of the good part of actually surviving. THAT is the part I see as coming out the other side, moving through the misery and claiming the good part of life. Physically surviving is not enough for most people. Do we not want more of this life? I do. I want happiness and to feel loved and supported. I want to feel worthwhile and that those years of pain were not in vain. I also want to be free to support others in that endeavor. I'm not going to run and hide.

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 4:30 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Just read all the posts

by Mary (no login)

Surprised at some. Disappointed in others.

Terrie, I'm sorry to hear that you had to have surgery. I hope all is well and your recovery is going good.

God bless.
Mary

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 4:18 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Hi Mary

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

Nice to see you. Hope things are going well 3D.

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 4:31 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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To my friends here at HOL

by NobodyPerfect (Login nobodyatall)

I am not a liar.
I am not psychotic.
Hang in there with me please. I have posted here since the beginning of the board and hope I can continue to do so.

Posted on Feb 21, 2002, 4:15 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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