Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

we can be funny...and lovable...

by (no login)

and thanx for being silly...and fun...and there...
i needed the laugh

paule

Posted on Jan 3, 2002, 8:45 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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I agree with Paule

by Maggie (no login)

I think we all need laughter in our lives. Some people say that it even helps you heal faster from sickness or injury to laugh. And it sure makes me feel better:)

Posted on Jan 5, 2002, 6:16 AM
from IP address 66.126.74.82

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Several posts deleted

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I deleted the posts here that were of an "attacking" nature. I am sorry if these deletions offend anyone who made them, I have kept copies should you wish to have them. Email is above.
Shellie.

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 1:26 PM
from IP address 152.163.195.182

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it is fine with me

by (no login)

and am sorry all this started with my questions...

PAule

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 3:33 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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Not your fault, Paule

by (no login)

This is not at all your fault. You had every right to ask the question. It was not right for you to be "questioned" on your question.

Peace and love...

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 4:12 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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Hi

by (no login)

It is my opinion that nobody should take any blame for this situation... interpretations of what is said on message boards are the responsibility of the individual poster and it is up to each of us to choose how we respond. I do think that you are very brave to reach out for support when you need it.
Shellie

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 4:49 PM
from IP address 152.163.194.192

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i will add..

by (no login)

i will take a litls break..so the heat cools...

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 3:43 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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My gosh

by (no login)

I have just been at a loss of words with these posts recently.

I guess I do not see why Anonymous would feel the need to defend her/him self. And Paule, it has nothing to do with you. None of this is your fault. You asked a question, you are entitled to an answer. A truthful one.

This board is a place to go for help and support - no matter how silly one might think the question is. We are not here to be questioned and we are not here to defend ourselves. This is a safe place where all are welcome who welcome us.

I do have to add that Anonymous does sound very much like an ex-boyfriend I had about 3 years ago though.

Anonymous, you need to get some help. None of us know who you are. Why would it matter to you what we think, if anything. I know that you said you were not going to answer anymore questions, but just wanted to put that out there. You are entitled to your opinion. As is everyone here. If you feel that you are being attacked on this board, then the most logical thing to do would be to find another board. I certainly wouldn't continue to stay at a house I felt I was not welcome in.

Now, I am not the owner of this forum, that would be Terrie, but I do think that we all need to get back to the main purpose of our board: support. And it seems that Paule needs quite a bit of it right now.

I hope I'm not wrong here. Please correct me if I am.

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 12:31 PM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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i only ask questions to help me...

by (no login)

didnt want to start any war...or gang up..or anything.
I am not about to tell about my life here..as i have problems with very close friends...

I come her for supprt..help...and i think some of my alters come too...and is ok...

I am not self diagnose..i am not just out of the hospital (dont know where you got the idea)...i was diagnose by a real md and some ppl have talk to my alters.My familly dont know them...i think..and not about to tell them either.It is ok like that,and it is my choice.

maybe you will think i am defensive....am not, i am here for me.I want to know about me..and i want to heal...and the friends i have..do help me.

Paule(my real name)

Posted on Jan 2, 2002, 1:22 AM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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((((terrie))))

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

shrug

i hope you're having a great time.

alex

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 3:58 PM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Thanks

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I have had a great trip...went to Florida and then stopped in New Orleans on the way back. I hated coming back to find people not real pleased with one another here, but am still reading and am hoping that things are settled down by now. Hope you are well.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Jan 4, 2002, 7:08 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.36

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Information

by Concerned Citizen (no login)

COPIED FROM: http://www.katzrainbow.com/MPD.htm

NOTE!!! Please note that this page expresses our views. The things that we state on this page may not be true for all multiples, as all systems are different. The best way to learn about the system you know is to ask questions. If you are not sure if that is ok, then ask them if its ok for you to ask questions!

Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
Diagnostic Criteria

The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self).

At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior.

Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., blackouts or chaotic behavior during Alcohol Intoxication) or a general medical condition (e.g., complex partial seizures).

Note: In children, the symptoms are not attributable to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play.

So, what does that all mean? Simply put, "MPD/DID" is the sick label for someone who shares their body with other people. But, is it really a disorder? Most multiples will tell you no. Sure, some of us may have our problems, but so does everyone. When so many people are put together in one place, some of them are bound to have problems. That is just reality. But that in no way means that we are sick, disordered, and need to be looked upon as weak. Because, the truth is, most multiples are far from weak.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some Common Terms You May Need To Know
Multiple- Two or more people who share the same body.

Significant Other (SO)- A term used for an outside friend/lover/supporter.

System, Household, Clan, Collective, Group, Gang- Some terms used to describe the collective of people in a multiple system.

Age slider- A person in a system whose age changes. One day they may be a child, and the next they might be an adult.

Alter- A term used to describe people in a system. Many multiples do not like this term.

Core- A term used to describe the bodies birth child.

Singlet, singleton, mono mind- Some terms used to describe someone who is not a multiple (A person who does not share their body with other people.)

Switch(ing)- A term used to describe when one person in a multiple system steps back, and another comes forward to be in this world.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is MPD/DID?
The Unknowing's Perspective
(This was written by Kat, our birth child)
The unknowing. That's me. I don't know anything. I don't know where my days go. I don't know who put the clothes on me that I am wearing now. I don't know where I am going half of the time. I don't know why I am the way I am.

The way I am is MPD/DID. What does this mean to me? It means that when something really cool is happening in my life, I may not get to "be there" to see it. It means that I do not get to make all of the stupid little choices in life, the choices that seem to unimportant to most people, and are only important to me because I don't get to make them. It means that my life is not my own.

I bounce so fast through minutes and hours and days and weeks, so fast that I cant figure out where one stops and another starts. One day to me is two days ahead and yesterday is today and tomorrow might be last year. I don't know if this is something that all Multiples go through, but it sure is happening to me. Time is my enemy. The worst thing is when I am gone, and I don't even know it (I usually don't!) and I come back and pick up where I left off, and my SO laughs at me. She doesn't realize, I guess, that she shouldn't laugh. Its not a mean laugh, by any means. She just thinks its cute I guess. But its not to me. Time is a slippery little demon, always two steps ahead of me, and I hate it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is "MPD/DID"?
The "Insiders" Perspective
The "insiders". "Alter personalities". "Others". Those are all terms used to describe us. We prefer just being called people.

In our world, to us, to people who know us, to our friends, we are not just "alter personalities". We are people. We live, we breath, we are.

The worst thing is when someone comes along who thinks we are some sort of freak show. As if it is some sort of game. Trust us, its not a game.

We have seen so many people pretending to be "MPD/DID". Because of this, we have become very cautious when around other multiples. Others lies make it very hard to tell who is real, and who is just faking it. They have made it so that we cannot be in a friendship without questioning it. We do not understand why someone would say that they are a multiple, when they are not. What some of us wouldn't give for the life that they are allowed. What we wouldn't do to not have to worry about who gets to come out when, and is everyone getting enough time, and what are we going to do when the others who hide start wanting to come out more?

Life as a multiple is very hard. Imagine living very closely with so many other people, and having to be there for each and every one of them when they need you. Imagine having 20 children gathering around you at all times of day, shouting and laughing and talking and wanting you to play. Imagine having to wake up at 2:00 AM to go and comfort someone, because someone else has just came into their home and woke them up, shouting scary things and telling them they are going to die. These are just a few of the things that we here deal with.

Please, respect us. Know that we are real people. Do not use terms around us like "in your head", "alter", and "disorder". These are only a few of the terms that we do not like. If you noticed, some words, such as "MPD/DID" are put in quotes. We will do this around the site. The reason we do this with certain words is because we do not particularly agree with them. We do not see ourselves as a disorder, which is why we do not prefer the term "MPD/DID". We do not like being called "alters" because we are not alters. There is nothing "alter" like about us. Whether we are out here or in our world, we are a constant. The definition of "alter" is: ""to make different without changing into something else; to become different."" NEVER do we do these things. Sure, most of us accept the fact that to come to this world, we must use our hosts body. But do we make something different without changing into something else? NO. When we are out, WE are out. We ARE something else. We do not "become different." We are who we are ALWAYS, whether we are here or not.

If you do not understand us, then ask. We are more than happy to help you. Do not be afraid to ask questions, because to us it means that you care. If it is something we don't want to answer, we will let you know. But please, please, do not be afraid of us.

Things to remember about "MPD/DID"

"MPD/DID" is a survival tactic. It is the creative attempt of highly traumatized children to protect themselves from the trauma and abuse. There is nothing wrong with a person who is "MPD/DID". They are not crazy. They are not "acting out" to get attention. They are not Schizophrenics. They are not bad.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 6:55 AM
from IP address 210.49.20.32

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Thankyou

by Trish (no login)

Well hey, to whoever you are, Mr or Mrs conserved thankyou. Youve cleared alot of things up for me here by your post.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 10:02 AM
from IP address 203.26.23.6

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Just a question

by Trish (no login)

Hi, please don't think there is anything to my question, other then, curiosity, as well as fear i suppose.

I am a survivor, have been all my life and ive been reading the latest posts about, i think you call it "DID", i also think that means, when people talk about "Littles", the same thing? Well i was just wondering, can someone tell me, is this something that happens to all survivors, or just some? Like will i wake up one day, and find out that there are others? i'm sure im not making a whole lot of sense, but if anyone feels they can answer me, please id appreciate that, if not, that's cool, i just thought i would ask a question that i have been wanting to for so long now, but have not felt comfortable with doing so.

Thank you.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 4:04 AM
from IP address 210.49.20.22

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Actually...

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

....according to clinical studies the condition is EXTREMELY rare. Fact is, the only way this presents is early in life or not at all. The fractures are caused at the time of the abuse and not later unless it has happened earlier and the crisis at the time is extreme.

I guess you have nothing to worry about, except to heal from your trauma, which is big enough, huh?

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 5:19 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Yep

by Trish (no login)

Damned right it's big enough just trying to heal, i don't wish to affend anyone here but i realy am begining to get scared. Not to sound nasty or judgmental to anyone here who has "littles, or DID", sorry don't know if there is a differnce there, but i dont think it's something id want to have, sorry please dont be upset by that, just that to have to cope with what that all sounds like on top of the nightmares, flashbacks, and everything else that accompanies surviving abuse, i dont think i could, and at least if there is any chance of it happening to me id rather be prepared.

Again i dont mean any harm here, and am just trying to find out some things. I have alot of confusion about alot of things and this is just one of them that i realy havnt been game enough to ask anyone else about until now.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 5:51 AM
from IP address 210.49.20.22

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Trish

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

Confusion surrounding abuse issues is common. What many people don't realize is that there is a very wide desparity in the dissociation scale. You can certainly have memory problems and confusion, dissociate, without having DID. DID is at the top end of the dissociation scale. So yes, if you are experiencing confusion or some memory lapses due to abuse, you probably are dissociating to some degree. It is not a given that you have DID.

Littles are present in people who have DID. Not quite the same thing, but they certainly go hand in hand.

It is best to concentrate on your abuse issues and leave your official diagnosis to professionals. All that doesn't really change what you go through in your life, but learning to deal with flashbacks CAN dramatically help you. Focus on the things you need to accomplish.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 6:27 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Thankyou

by Trish (no login)

Annonymous i just wanted to say thanks for your input. It is much appreciated.

Just want to say that i never had any confusion or anything, in the way of thinking i have DID, just confusion in being a survivor, the many issues that come with it, you know?? I was just getting to the point where i thought, that maybe DID was something that "happened" to all abuse survivors at some point in there lives. I am only 16 now, so thought it may be something that was going to happen to me later on.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 10:06 AM
from IP address 203.26.23.6

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Thank you for saying that

by Anonymous (no login)

Experts usually say that if you are going to separate it usually happens for the first time before age 10. Of course if it has happened before, then you can separate all through your life I imagine, if the situation is traumatic enough.

I'm sorry you have been abused, but I believe you are safe from DID. But this place is for survivors, not just DID. I believe you will find some kind hearts here.

You gave me a little sense of value today. Thank you very much for that.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 12:27 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Hi

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

I can only speak from my own experience.

I didn't realize I was a multi until I was 20. I remembered abusive times from my past, but thought that I was a SA survivor. Then the kids started coming out, talking to my SO at the time. I went into therapy and the first therapist I had didn't believe in the kids. Thought I was really crazy. On down the line, we met up with a wonderful therapist who believed us and talked to the kids like they were kids.

We were self diagnosis, but it turned out to be accurate. I had lost time over the years, before I knew them. Heard voices and such.

I guess it all just seems normal to me, b/c that's all I've ever known.

It's true that if you are going to start splitting off kidlets, you'll start doing it before age 6. Yet, if you're already a multi, you can split at any age after the first split.

Not all survivors are multi. Not all multis are survivors. The variety in it is beautiful.

That's my view, anyway.

Jesse/SC

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 4:49 PM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Trish

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I am glad that you have been able to get some clarification on this issue while I've been out of town. For a better understanding on being a survivor of SA, I highly recommend the book Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume. If you want to purchase it from Amazon.com you can do so through a link I have to it on my main website at http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/5585.

Good luck, and please keep coming back. You're not alone.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Jan 4, 2002, 7:04 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.36

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LOL for the record

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

my name really is alexandra jayde misthaven.

alex

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 2:41 AM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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may well be, but

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

the point remains, whether you laugh at me or not, that some post anonymously and it is not against the rules to do so. In fact it is more than understandable when referring to abuse victims. I probably in time would have chosen an apropriate nick.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 5:22 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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NOONE is GANGING UP ON NOONE

by (no login)

I just express what i felt..I am not sorry for that...All i want is piece and quiet.I come here for support,I got it..also some questioning..which i was not ready for...

Anonymous..
I am not asking,telling you to leave...sorry you feel like that...

I did and said what i said in other post..for myself...

Dont make me feel guilty for your desision to leave..it was your decision...NO one else...
SO please..do what is good for you,I ll do what is good for me...

please..stop the fight..
A new year is coming.....DOnt want to start it in a fight

PAule

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 10:02 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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Hey

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

It's ok. I think the worst of this crap is over.

The thing I found, though, is that the more you try to stop the fighting, the worse it gets. It's best to ignore the instigators. Then they don't have an audience. Shoot, that's what people used to say about me. Some still do. Ignore me and I won't bother you. LOL.

Don't let it get you down. Concentrate on you. That's what's important.

Welcome to the New Year.

Ana of the SC
ps jonah is waving to lisa

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 2:49 AM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Well it takes two to fight

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

and I have yet to fight, but I will NOT back down on what I believe and know is right. Your earliest posts allude to the fact that you came out of Hospital very very confused and without this diagnosis, so now I really am curious as to where you got it because in your beginning postings here you sound very unsure that this applies to you. It looks like you returned to doc with a few new ideas in your head and managed to get the diagnosis changed.

Also at least I didn't YELL AT YOU!!!!!!

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 5:15 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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also

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

Paule I think you are the only one who understood I wasn't trying to start anything but your thought process. Sorry if you aren't in a place for those particular questions.

However, ya gotta admit, the others sure DID gang up on me about all this, and did indeed channel any responses from either side in a rather negative way.

This is why I asked those questions..... I have been trying to switch support systems because of a recent move. I have met with several therapists and two psychiatrists and have found only skepticism because they are alluding to the fact that every Tom, Dick and Harry who has mental illness are now walking through the door claiming DID. The cost involved in this search for support has been impressive indeed and so far no end in sight. I suppose DID is appealing in that it is so rare as to never be seen by most therapists in a lifetime of practice and that it is "curable". Makes them feel "special".

Now of course someone with DID is not immune to other mental problems, but what profesionals are seeing is a HUGE influx in the last few years of clients claiming they have DID. Frustrating for the professionals because it is vertually impossible to help a person who is lying to you and focusing away from their true problems, and frustrating for real sufferers because the mental health industry wasn't too hep on this particular malady to begin with, indeed it has been claimed to be a ruse all along. Only in the last few years has it been accepted as a real diagnosis by the broad base of theripists. This trend of aping the diagnosis has cancelled out any value the "discovery" of the diagnosis had. Therapists can not be sure of what is true for DID sufferers and have come up with some truly impossible beliefs.

Another thing is that people who have DID have an inbred unshakable NEED to keep this secret. It is the very crux of what makes them successful in protecting themselves. The most unnatural thing in the world would be to want to share this information, in fact the need is so strong that it takes years of therapy to be able to say the words even to your own therapist, say anything about admitting it and understanding it yourself. The last thing that would happen in a true case is that the person shows up at a web site open to the entire world and say "I was just dxed last week and now I found this site", then continue with a string of "how to" questions like, Anyone ever do this.... You, Paule, I did not have those instant feelings with. I guess I was trying to nudge you out of that totally inaccurate way of questioning. But if you come to these forums and see this proceedure, I can see how you would get swept up into that line of questioning when in fact those questions are not the very base of the problems. The real life and basis of DID is still a secret because of that inbred part of DID, to not tell.

I'm not going to talk about that, it would be like a primer for every DID wanna-be who reads it, and if we are truthful here, there are LOTS of them on the internet. I will not reveal this of myself because even after nearly 20 years of therapy, I have not yet reached a place where it is safe to say the words aloud. It is like saying my life is wrong in some way, it would reveal, and that is not what DID is all about.

But my biggest worry is how these people who are non-functional present the true state of DID. It is there only because the person is HIGHLY intelligent (some of these internet people can't even use proper grammer or spelling). So to use DID as an excuse to get state benefits and SSI is a total disservice to those who have DID. I think that only those who also have other Diagnosis accompanying the DID would be non-functional to the point of needing financial support and those would be exceedingly rare indeed. There are sites on the internet presenting studies done on sections of the population testing for the presence of dissociation. The results are pretty conclusive across the board that only a minute fraction of any given study report dissociation to the degree that is needed to produce new personality. The people tested were not aware of what they were being tested for so that the answers would remain truthful.

Drugs do not work well for DID, there is no medication, yet most of these people sit and discuss different meds and dose amounts as if they are discussing weather. Again, not consistant with a population of persons with DID.

So there are some of MY problems laid out, to be attacked and picked apart I suppose. Because I cannot get decent theraputic support any more because of fakers. It is true in my life, not just an accusation. This is a frustration and disappointment to me. I am hurt by it, but if I try to mention it or seek support I am jeered at and attacked. Believe me, what has happened here is very mild compared to the treatment I have received at other places. There just does not seem to be a place to work this out because there are always those who DEFEND THEMSELVES instead of seeing a person with a predicament and trying to help. Fact is, I have only ever met one person that I can be sure is DID and that was through internet in a pet lovers chat room and then going to 3D, a pure coincidence. I don't have a friend who has it, or a spouse who has it or talk with others who have it. I think in the real world that is kinda impossible, there just aren't that many of us out there and we certainly aren't all on the internet.

Anyone who says my experience is not true or challenges what I have shared here does not know me or what I am currently going through, but here lies the motivation behind asking you the tough questions. The other responses seem to be accusing me of other reasons here, but only I can say what I was thinking or feeling. For someone ELSE to say what I am thinking or feeling when I asked you questions is false. So I asked you to find out what is really in YOUR head and not just some things you read from the experience of a different person. I really meant it, you gotta find out for yourself what is truly inside you if you want to get anywhere in your healing.

To the rest of you, if you pick me apart for bravly coming forward and sharing my truth even though things have gone downhill pretty fast here, then shame on ya. But it is the reaction I have come to expect and I finally decided I have to say all of it somewhere.

Good luck in your healing journeys and be truthful to your therapists, whatever it is that is your problem, DID or otherwise.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 6:21 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Hi there

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I am very happy to have you come forward and share your experiences. I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time finding adequate support. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be for you. In any case, I do believe your experiences to be truely your own experiences, and I also know that everyone's experiences differ, so I also respect those with experiences different from your own. I hope that you can find the support and help that you deserve, and that will help you to continue in your healing.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Jan 4, 2002, 6:56 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.36

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Thanx for all the help..and answers...

by (no login)

I recieved. It has helped me understand a bit more.
I dont know when I will post again.....i sure dont want to bother anyone.

I do apreciate and i read everybodies answers to my questions.I thank all of you to have taking the time to answer.

I lived and is living in a home where i was told i lied, was questionned every time i did something..I refused to have someone do it again...

sorry...

Paule

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 8:35 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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You're welcome

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm glad people took the time to answer you and support you. I'm sorry you were questioned, but please know that those questions were confronted and you WERE and ARE supported here. You are NOT a bother here, and you are always welcome to post.

Peace and love,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 9:01 PM
from IP address 152.163.201.46

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okay so it's a reply to terrie's comment.. but tis to paule :)

by (no login)

we agree with terrie
actually.. we have another point to add
io don't know about for others, but for me/us.. sitting still and thinking about our answer to you really helped us more than anything. most times we have a lot of trouble describing things as they are for us, and testing out descriptions and stuff here helps us when we talk to our fiance and attempt to explain stuff for him - so don't worry about being a bother, certainly not to us!

if you want to email us at all, we put our email in this time (for once :P) - just put 'dawni' in the subject if you can so we know to read it

anyway, i agree with terrie, and i want to thank you fpr asking the questions you did because they were a help to us as well.

love, dawni & etc

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 9:08 PM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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I dont understand

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

I never said you bothered me. I merely put up some thought provolking questions.

I would also like to add that I was questioned at every turn growing up and I ALSO refuse to have anyone do this to me as well. But here I am being questioned about my every motive. You sure got a lot of sympathy for my showing up and of course, I got booted out.

Private club I guess, you'll be glad to see me go. Bet you all thought that was fun ganging up on me. Bye

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 9:13 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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ok, yeah i know

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

Kate said we weren't gonna respond to any more posts from you, but I'm a free spirit. I'm also older than her at the moment, so I can overturn her rules.

(Relax, Terrie. You're not going to have to pull this.)

You said, "I merely put up some thought provoking questions."

They WERE very thought provoking. You sure got a lot of responses about what people thought. But did you think about how you felt when you were 'questioned at every turn of growing up and I also refuse to have anyone do this to me as well."? When people questioned you, what did you feel? I have some guesses--angry? not believed? not real? scared? what did you feel, anony? So, knowing how you felt, why are you choosing to do this to Paule? I understand this board is for discussing things. People talk here all the time about all sorts of stuff. BUT above that, it's a place to be believed and supported. If I said I had 8 fat reindeer flying out my butt, I'd hope someone would say, "dang, ana, sure sounds like you need to talk to your t about that (or a doctor LOL)." Do you see what I mean? Some people are just in the beginning of being dx'd. We're 10 years into it and we still don't know some things.

Dude, let me ask you...what ARE your motives? Because I don't know what response you were looking for but it sure as heck doesn't sound like what you got.

You said, "You sure got a lot of sympathy for my showing up and of course, I got booted out."

Oh my, the world's smallest pity party? Or are you trying to guilt Paule? If you noticed her responses, she doesn't want this attention or sympathy. She wants answers from people who have already tread where she is. We, as people who have been there, are guides for her. I also have yet to see you booted out. Terrie hasn't banned you or anything. You have a right to your opinions, just like I do. I exercise my rights freely every day.

You said, "Private club I guess, you'll be glad to see me go. Bet you all thought that was fun ganging up on me."

Hm. Not a private club that I know of. I don't care if you stay or go. Your choice. And personally, I love seeing people suffer. I do. I get a big kick out of it. Yet truthfully I got no pleasure out of seeing you stumble here.

We all pick our fights. Some pick more wisely than others. Alex says she thinks she knows who you are. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Later,
Anastacia Grace Sinclair

ps yes, that's my real name

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 3:03 AM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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well

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

considering that the very first respoonse even though I am a total stranger is for Alex to question whether or not I have DID, I guess you guys set the tone for the whole conversation, didn't ya? The rest then jumped in and turned everything against me without finding out any reason or motive.

You know, as if the WORST insult you can think of is to say I am not DID! I would give ANYTHING to not have this. This is not cute or popular or fun. None of the ways that ppl talk about this on the internet are accurate to whys and hows of this life. I think that is why some are so quick to defend themselves, but the differences glaringly obvious to anyone who has really lived it.

You made the first attack without first asking what I was getting at. That knee-jerk response is the only reason ppl answered the way they did.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 5:11 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Ok

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

I admit that Alex questioning you wasn't too cool. She's known for knee jerk reactions, especially when she has Savi around.

BUT please don't say I freaking attacked you. Alex is a separate person from me with separate feelings. We may share the same body but we don't think the same. To lump me in as an attacker is wrong. IF you reread my post you'd actually find me being cordial, which is a farcry from who I usually am.

I think this is getting out of hand. You seem dangerous to us now. I'm going to keep my council, as others with me advise.

Ana

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 4:02 PM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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You might notice

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

My posts have been directed to Paule. I'm not reading your stuff, have seen it all before. This kind of posting draws attention away from the main issues.

Posted on Jan 1, 2002, 6:38 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Names

by (no login)

I have been with this board since it's inception. How long that is, I really do not know. Before that, I posted to a board that most of us met on before Terrie founded this one.

With that, I would like to use my real name from now on: which is Mary. Some of you knew that, some of you didn't. I'm not really sure why I've used Dibella for so long. I guess the fear that someone might know me. Then I thought to myself, "do you have any clue how many Mary's there are in this world?" so here I am. And if I do know anyone here, hey, we're all here for the same reason, right.

Mary

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 12:01 PM
from IP address 63.231.226.246

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Bravo!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

This was very brave of you! yayyay for you! I know some people here go by real names, and others by "handles", and either way is ok...whatever feels safest is best, I think. Glad you are here!

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 12:48 PM
from IP address 64.12.103.33

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<<SIGH>>

by (no login)

This is a subject that I have absolutely no personal experience with. I can say that I have learned quite a bit from everyone though. I certainly hope that, Paule, you get answers to your questions. Obviously they are legitimate questions or you would not have asked them.

Peace,

Dibella

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 11:47 AM
from IP address 63.231.226.246

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I have some questions

by (no login)

HI all...
I have some questions..hope someone can answer...

1)DO all alters have ages?
2)Why do i feel the feeling of some an not the others..like i have one that i know when she is around...and i have her mermories and flashbacks..i am mad when she is,unhappy when she is....???
3)Do the alters have b-days? and grow older?
4) when they grow older...what does that ,mean?

Sorry...maybe too many questions...

Paule

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 9:43 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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Re: I have some questions

by Anonymous (Login nobodyatall)

If you ARE multiple, I cant help but wonder why you wouldn't know these things for yourself? Seems an odd thing to ask.

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 6:12 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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HEY!

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

it's not odd for someone trying to figure all this out. i think it's rude for you to be unsupportive when if YOU were multi, you'd be trying to help her find answers.

i remember jess questioning all of this when she first found out.

this is normal.

alexandra

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 1:29 AM
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Re: HEY!

by Anonymous (Login nobodyatall)

I wasn't being supportive, just pointing out that when you live in your own body for years you already know how it works. There are moments of eureka upon realiziung why things have happened in a certain way when you discover the others, yes. I was merely asking a question, not asking for another's feedback. How about letting this person answer for themselves? Maybe then we can find out why she/he is asking these questions.

My statement was appropriate and not meant as attacking. I will not discuss this petty attacking thing any further, I just wanted to know why these questions were asked and am only directing this to the original poster.

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 6:12 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Hi there

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I know Paule...these are legitimate questions. Paule is a host who is just discovering her multiplicity and does still have a lot of questions. I would like to see everyone support her here...that is what this board is for.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 9:05 AM
from IP address 64.12.103.54

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Re: Hi there

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

No discussion? But I thought that by asking question a person invites discussion.

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 12:15 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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This is what I think

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

I think the discussion should be helpful towards Paule. You questioning her as she questions herself isn't very helpful. Did you see her response? She wrote for all of us to forget her questions.

If you scared her or made her question her own ability to come here and seek answers, then you are not helping her in any way.

I think there should be no discussion about why she's asking questions. SHE JUST IS! We seek answers here ourselves, about all sorts of mundane things in a multiple life. Does that mean that each question should be questioned?

I see others supporting her, though. Those who choose to show their name, instead of hiding.

It's your choice to continue this, but I think Terrie, as moderator, has made her wishes known. Paule is a good friend of hers, as she is of ours.

No further responses will come from my family.

Katherine of the SC

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 6:22 PM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Thank you Kate

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

You stated yourself well, and I am in complete agreement.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 8:58 PM
from IP address 152.163.201.46

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Yeah

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

Looks like you guys got your own little gig going here and my putting anony is no more hiding than you posting under assumed names. My saying anony is just being honest, I have no intention of using my name and Terrie tells others above that it is ok to use a name not their own, so why not me? Double standard? You all have just let me know that it is not ok for me to think the way I do.

She gets support here because she is not a stranger here and I am so you question everything I say. My questions and concerns about self-diagnosis are very valid because they have really screwed me up when approaching professionals for treatment.

I have read quite a few posts into the past here, I am not entirely uneducated as to the demeanor and opinions of many of you here.

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 9:09 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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just for the record....

by Paule (no login)

I am not self diagnos..

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 10:11 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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dot dot dot

by dawni (no login)

paule is no less a stranger to me than you are.
i haven't attacaked anyone, and i have no intentions of doing so..
i tried to stay out of this completely but i need to say i feel very invalidated by things you are saying. i feel like my opinions are completely invisible, because you have said things like everyone here is ganging up against you and so forth. i have not said a single word against you, or anyone else on these boards.

sorry. i just wanted to say that and i hope i haven't offended anyone or made anyone hate me.

Posted on Jan 5, 2002, 6:27 PM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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FORGET THIS POST.......

by (no login)

FORGET THE QUESTIONS......

I am asking cuze 9i dont know...i dont talk to them...so i dont know....i want to learn about this...but forget it..sorry i ask...

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 8:58 PM
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don't say that

by Megan (no login)

anonymous wasn't being very nice-
your questions are important- I'll try to answer them above
Megan

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 9:02 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.187

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it's ok

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

just keep talking and ignore them. if they can't put their name on it, then they are just too chicken to show how rude they are for real.

alex

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 1:30 AM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Re: FORGET THIS POST.......

by Anonymous (Login nobodyatall)

I think these are questions that can only be answered by you. No two multiples are anywhere NEAR alike. But I do see an awful lot of carbon copies on the internet and wonder why that is. I think one reason is because of questions just such as these. People take others answers as their own. You have to figure it out for your self. I found writing to the others very helpful, in a central journal. I have no inner communication. I guess that would be MY question, how the heck do all these people "communicate inside" because to my mind that is not dissociation. Can someone answer THAT question for ME? If you are aware of the others and can talk with them, what is the point of being separate?

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 6:17 AM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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Hi there

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

You are right that no to multiples are alike, and I think you will see me address that in my answers to Paule's questions. As for your question, I am not sure how or why some are able to communicate inside and some are not, but that is a part of the differences between various multiples. I think those who are aware of the others and able to talk with them have the potential to work together more easily, though that is not always the case. I hope that you will be able to respect that all multiples are different, especially considering that you yourself have pointed this fact out. You and your experiences matter, and so do everyone else's.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 9:10 AM
from IP address 64.12.103.54

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Re: Hi there

by Anonymous (Login Eliseof2minds)

Which is exactly my point, that you can ask questions of other people but will end up only with answers for those people. Answers for yourself you must learn for yourself.

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 12:13 PM
from IP address 65.25.234.102

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hey you

by (Login rynn)
Learning To Thrive

don't listen to stupid people on here. the world is full of them. i know you and all yours are real. i trust you. so don't let some drip hurt you.

for your questions:
1) not all kids have ages. mine do, but mostly b/c i've pinpointed where they are in my history, so they gained ages when i did that. some are set at their age, though and will tell you quickly...hehe. some of my kidlets are age rangers, which means they can be one age one day and another age another. i think it's b/c they handled abuse at both ages, or all ages in between.

2) sometimes jonah stands close to me. when he does, i can feel his fear or joy. it's a blending of sorts. he also can sense my fear and can move away to keep himself safe. i don't know why it happens but it's pretty normal.

3) hhmmm, well, two smaller children in my group grow older. it was a decision we all made. and jesse gets older, but she's the original host, so has to get older. i stay the same, though, at age 14. the body's b-day is the date for jess and the kidlets. in my opinion, kids can grow older if they want to. you can't force them to. and it's good to go slow.

4) when they grow older, what does that mean? good question. well, we have Emma. when first found, she was only almost 2. now she is almost 4. she doesn't talk baby talk very much. she went from wanting a bottle to drinking from glasses. she was just like an outside kid, with outside kid needs. so, me and my SO met those needs. she got presents and time to grow. now she's going to be 4...wow. i know that one of the tri-hosts in here was 12, but now she's 16. she had the maturity of a 16 yo girl, so she felt that being older was important to gain respect. no one listened to a 12 yo but they listened to a 16 yo. she just started telling everyone she was 16 and no one questioned it.

i don't know if this helps any. i'll answer any questions you have.

love,
alex

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 1:27 AM
from IP address 205.162.15.2

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Hi Paule

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

You have asked some very good and very valid questions. I will do the best I can to answer.

1) No, not all alters have ages. Many do, but it is ok not to for those who don't. And as Alex said, some also have ages that change regularly. That is normal too.
2) I am thinking you know the feelings of some because they are closer to you, but that may not always be the case. All multiples are different in this regard as far as when/if/how they connect with others inside.
3) Some alters have birthdays and grow older, and some do not. Either way is normal and ok.
4) When they grow older, I think that means that they are gaining in maturity and understanding, but again, that may not always be the case, since everyone is different.

I hope this helps, and as usual, I am here for you and I love you.

Peace and love,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 9:15 AM
from IP address 64.12.103.54

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hi

by Megan (no login)

sorry i didn't get to write the other day- i answered the other post and then tried to answer this one but it wouldn't let me-technology!

regardless of what anonymous says- this is how it is for us...

most of us have ages- there are a few who don't know exactly their age, but we know about how old they are.

not sure how to answer number 2 but i think that's fairly normal- sometimes our main person gets part of our stuff (ie feelings, memories etc) and sometimes she doesn't.

our T has had birthdays for some of our little ones as a way to kinda "grow them up" and they say they are older, and in some ways i guess they are but they still seem the same mostly.

and there's never too many questions
wish i could help more
Megan

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 5:07 PM
from IP address 152.163.204.176

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how it works for us

by dawni (no login)

hiya paule.. no such thing as too many questions smiles

1) like the others have said, not all alters have ages, no. actually, according to a book on multiplicity (can't remember which one, sorri) - "some alters can be inanimate objects such as toasters.." (my wording may be slightly off, but toasters was definately one of the mentioned 'object alters'

2) i think it was alex? said that when jonah stands close they can feel each others emotions.. we get that as well, but it usually only happens between two who are emotionally close/know each other well.. OR it can happen if one or both alters are very intuitive, much the same way some people can connect to another

3/4) do they have b'days? well.. that's up to the alter and the system involved! most of us in the 'main system' don't have a b'day where we get older.. i tend to age with the body because it's just.. 'easier' that way since i'm the one most in control. to simplify things for ourselves we just celebrate the same day as a general birthday

BUT

there are some in our system who are very different. they are often the ones who are what we call our 'true' insiders - they don't often (if ever) come 'out' and live inside as singletons live 'outside'. i'm not doing a good job of explaining this, but they're basically the ones who live, die and exist entirely in parts of the inside world. most of them don't tend to have a lot of interaction with the rest of us who aren't like them, and a lot of the ones who wander into us think the rest of us are insane for believing in the outside world.

gosh. i really raved on, sorry.
but i hope this helps somehow. i'm sorry i rave like a loony, and i hope that the last part made at least a little sense.

love, dawni

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 5:10 AM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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I survived Christmas :)

by Terry (no login)

How did everyone else go??

I am still amazed that my family got off their bottoms and came out in the park with me and my kids to play baseball. It made my day.

Terry

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 9:32 PM
from IP address 203.166.44.251

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Hey

by (no login)

Am glad it went ok...and that your familly got off their b*tt.....lol
New years coming...have a good time...and whish you...peace and health...

Paule

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 9:39 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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Yayyayayya!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you had a good Christmas with your family! Yipee! I had a good Christmas too, even though I worked. I am on holiday now, though, and am in Florida and so I get to be wearing shorts! hehe. I sure love you lots!

Safe hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 30, 2001, 9:02 AM
from IP address 64.12.103.54

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yay that you had a good day :)

by dawni (no login)

well, sounds that way, anyways

ours worked out okay too! the f*ther rang and nearly spoiled it, but luckily.. the spirit of xmas was just too strong in us to be denied.. besides, there was a wonderful man sitting beside us, despite his differing beliefs, to give us strength

g0ot an incredible camera too.. woo. and even better.. the important ppl liked the stuff we got em.

ohh and the best bit of all.. we really felt 'needed' and 'wanted'. didnt realise how much of a help we really are to mum on xmas day. she's such a worrier, but she really gets into xmas stuff and goes nuts.. so much food and stuff, and we always help her prepare. she said before we got there (coz this was our first xmas living away from home) she was saying "where's dawni?! how can i do all this without her?!".

oops, i'm totally raving sorries
anyway, i'm glad your day was good

love, dawni etc

Posted on Dec 31, 2001, 4:55 AM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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Chat?

by (no login)

I tried to enter the chat tonight but it does not seem to be working? I would like to try again, am I doing something wrong?
Thanks,
Colleen

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 8:35 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.153

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think i broke it!

by dawni (no login)

i so don't understand java chat.. i think i broke it!

~dawni

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 8:44 PM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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nah....

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I don't think you broke it...it was acting weird for me too. Maybe another time....

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 8:27 AM
from IP address 205.188.208.102

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It's probably

by (no login)

in shock that someone tried to use it. LOL

(that's a joke)

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 11:20 AM
from IP address 63.231.146.131

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LOL

by Megan (no login)

i think you're right!
Megan

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 8:58 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.187

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how do you???

by (no login)

Go to chat???

paule

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 9:45 PM
from IP address 24.200.233.31

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There is a link...

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

There is a link in the paragraph at the top of this message board. Usually the chat room is empty though.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 29, 2001, 8:30 AM
from IP address 205.188.208.102

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Chat

by (no login)

I thought the chat night was tonight? Wasn't it Friday's? I was going to try and make it, but apparently I already missed it?

:0 )

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 11:50 AM
from IP address 63.161.12.129

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chat

by dawni (no login)

well, it's eleven thirty am here.. i tried going in but noone was there

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 7:31 PM
from IP address 203.164.84.103

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It's supposed to be...

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

right now. I'm heading there for a bit....maybe will see someone. It's 9pm eastern time.

Terrie

Posted on Dec 28, 2001, 8:04 PM
from IP address 152.163.194.176

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it didn't work

by Megan (no login)

i tried to go in the chat room but it wouldn't work right.

Posted on Dec 27, 2001, 10:05 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.24

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i tried

by Megan (no login)

to go in the chat room but it wasn't being very cooperative...
sorry-i'll try again tomorrow night

Posted on Dec 26, 2001, 8:42 PM
from IP address 205.188.208.6

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duh!

by Megan (no login)

i forgot when i said ...
see you all tomorrow i hope-
hope it works better then

Posted on Dec 26, 2001, 8:49 PM
from IP address 205.188.208.6

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Merry Christmas To You All !!!!!!

by (no login)

I hope and pray for you all ,GOD BLESS Have A Good day.
Love Jo-ann

Posted on Dec 24, 2001, 7:12 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.36

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Merry Christmas

by (no login)

Merry Christmas to you, as well, Jo-Ann. And to everyone else: Merry Christmas.

May peace be with you today and every day.

Dibella

Posted on Dec 25, 2001, 1:05 PM
from IP address 63.231.227.115

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Chat?

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I remembered about our chat times on Friday evening and popped in but no one was there. Perhaps we can schedule another time. Personally, I will not be available during the next two weeks for chat, cuz I will have company in town from Dec. 26 until Jan. 6, but perhaps some of you can chat with each other!

Smiles,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 24, 2001, 11:32 AM
from IP address 65.85.249.194

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I thought

by (no login)

it was the Friday after Christmas?

Posted on Dec 24, 2001, 12:27 PM
from IP address 63.231.227.71

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Duh...you are right.

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

My mistake. LOL

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 24, 2001, 7:06 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.193

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