Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

lots of memories

by (no login)

lots of thing are happening in our life an is diffficult to deal with..i just withdrawl bcuz i dont know how to deal,or what to do...having flashbacks,so bad.i dont want to live anymore...

am so sick and tired of all this

sandra

Posted on Apr 6, 2001, 8:41 PM
from IP address 206.47.244.92

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Hi Sandra

by (no login)

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you right now with the flashbacks and with life in general. I sure hope things get better for you soon. You deserve to be happy.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 6, 2001, 10:51 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.52

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are you sure

by (no login)

everyone deserve to be happy.?...i dont think so...bcuz then we all would be happy,and no one would hit,fight or abuse little kids...noone would hve to do any of this to prove to them they are superior and kids would be safe,laughing, loving....not crying and hiding bcuz they are scared..or hurt or just want to sleep safly for an hour....is not fair....NOT FAIR

sandra

Posted on Apr 7, 2001, 1:12 PM
from IP address 206.47.244.92

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Hi Sandra

by (no login)

I'm sure that everyone deserves to be happy. I'm sure it would be better if no one would hit, fight, or abuse little kids. I"m sure it would be better if kids could be safe, laughing, and loving. I'm sure it would be fair if everyone could sleep safely for even an hour. I'm sorry things are so unfair.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 8, 2001, 1:47 PM
from IP address 152.163.204.192

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just cant sleep

by (no login)

too many memories....just cant..am so tired...
sorry to be such a baby

sandra

Posted on Apr 9, 2001, 5:14 PM
from IP address 206.47.244.92

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Hi Sandra

by Terry (no login)

Just wanted to let you know that I understand how awful it is living through flashbacks. Please remember that they will settle, I know it doesn't feel like it but they will. If you can it may help to share them with someone or even write them in the memory meadow. I recently found that "telling" calmed everything down for me.

Take care and be safe

Terry

Posted on Apr 9, 2001, 5:41 AM
from IP address 203.166.44.251

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terry

by (no login)

thanx but i would not know where to begin and is too awfull..dont want no one to know what i done..is too bad,and am so ashame and is all my fault...i did not say no...
sorry

sandra

Posted on Apr 9, 2001, 5:16 PM
from IP address 206.47.244.92

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Feeling Good

by Terry (no login)

The last two weeks have been the best I have had in a long time and its so nice to be able to say that

We have t today and its nice to be going without feeling all tight and blah inside. I'm sure she wont recognise me with a smile on my face, hehe, not to mention the new hair do

Hope you are all travelling ok, if not, my thoughts are with you as are my wishes for happier days.

Take care everyone

Terry

Posted on Apr 4, 2001, 6:48 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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:-)

by Jigsaw (no login)

Happy to hear it. Hope you see some calm and peace for a while.

JJ

Posted on Apr 4, 2001, 11:25 PM
from IP address 209.180.9.208

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Yayayayay!

by (no login)

So glad you are feeling good for a while. Do I get a picture of the new hairdo? I"m about to color mine red with a temp color (I don't use permanent color...I don't do roots. LOL). Hope you stay feeling good.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 5, 2001, 6:30 PM
from IP address 152.163.205.68

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Hi Terrie

by Terry (no login)

Feels great to feel ok for a bit, had a new part emerge Sat night which was a bit hard but am still ok. I went to bed feeling ok, hubby was up watching TV still, got under the covers and she was there, she just cried and cried. I couldn't stop the tears or all the thoughts that flowed about "him" having just left the bedroom. I don't think she could hear me either, the tears settled when Amber, our cat, came and licked her tears and cuddled up to her. Then she didn't feel alone. I've been trying to find her again but with no luck so far.

As for the photo, little one and I are working on it but we are a bit slow

love you lots

Terry

Posted on Apr 9, 2001, 5:31 AM
from IP address 203.166.44.251

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just sad, i guess

by alex (no login)

lots of things going on for me lately. surgery and trying to figure out my role in my system. relationship problems. just got me all messed up in my head i think.

sadness leaks all through me. i've lost good friends by stupidity and stupidity makes me keep wondering if i can ever fix anything. the answer is no. i've dug so many holes in 3d and otherwise...i think i'm destined to spend this life alone.

i make no excuses. offer no explanations. i am just one messed up person who hasn't very many social skills. maybe that IS an excuse and an explanation. sorry. i don't know what it takes to make it all work like other people do. i'm trying so hard to learn. trying to be a better person. but i keep falling below what is expected.

i don't know. just sad and worried that i'm not good enough. wondering what the point of all this is, really. why did i come through all of that to be here? i sometimes feel like i'm no better off, really. as a kid i had no one to count on. i depended on me alone (well, not really alone). i made no close friends. i made no attempt to try and be friends b/c i was so afraid of anyone knowing anything, knowing me. then i met amanda at 17 years old and life turned around. i loved and lived for 19 months, until things went to hell. i spent 5 years believing she was dead. long story. then i met tori. lived with her for 8 years, with her being abusive to me. i loved her but never ever felt like i was enough. now i have kerry. still have that feeling like i don't do things well enough. never say that one right thing. and i have my son, who is my whole life, but communcation with a 3 year old is easy.

other than these boards and my SO and son, i don't speak to one person in real life (except a phone friend whom i've never met and only call when i'm sure it's ok and she does most of the talking, so it's not stressful). i just find talking so hard. i find communication is more than one way, but how do i do it?

i know i'm babbling and taking up space. just can't figure out how to be human. crying, freaking. how do i become real? how can i fix myself and the bad things i've done? how can i not be bad? how can i be that good person that people love and respect and want to stay with? how do i not be me?

i hate me
alex and the sc

Posted on Apr 2, 2001, 6:14 PM
from IP address 205.162.13.178

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HI Alex and the sc

by Terry (no login)

I hear your pain and confusion, you are not babbling or taking up space. I understand your question of "how do I not be me" its one I have asked many times but we are who we are and there are people who will love and care for us as we are. I know that is hard to believe but we have to hang onto the belief that we are worthwhile and that we do matter. If we hang on to this then we can start to move forward.

Please keep writing here and sharing your feelings, I care and I want to hear you and let you know that you are not alone.

Terry

Posted on Apr 4, 2001, 6:55 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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thank you

by Alex (no login)

thank you for telling me i'm not alone. so many days i sit here and stare at the screen, wondering if there really are people out there like me. i mean, i know there are. i've met several. but those moments are harsh ones b/c i wonder why i'm doing this alone. then i analyze the way i get along with people and realize that the problem lies within me. the common denominator of all my friendships that have ended has been me.

sigh. this wasn't meant to be a pity party. it was meant to thank you and offer my hand in friendship. i'd like to try.

in friendship,
alex

Posted on Apr 5, 2001, 4:37 PM
from IP address 205.162.13.66

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Hi Alex

by Terry (no login)

It is an amazing thing to me that we can be surrounded by people but feel so incredibly alone. Once we were truly alone, at the times we were being hurt and noone was there to protect us or rescue us or even believe us. It is this feeling of aloneness that we have bought forward in our lives, I believe.

As for friendships, I have lots of people in my life but very few who know or understand what goes on inside me. My place has been to be there for others, not have them there for me and I find that continues very much today. I try really hard to "share" me with those I feel closest too but I am most successful right here online

btw don't worry about the "pity party" its ok, you were just telling it like it is.

Terry

Posted on Apr 9, 2001, 5:22 AM
from IP address 203.166.44.251

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Hi there

by (no login)

Alex....I like you just as you are. I don't need for you to change for me to care. You are a good person. I know you've been through rough times (an understatement, I know). You matter anyway. And I care. Hope you feel better soon.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 5, 2001, 6:34 PM
from IP address 152.163.205.68

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to sad. dont rea d if yu is sad

by becka (no login)

me re to sad mess everything upp mabe sad to di dady hurt me mak me cri not can stop crin he ded but stil fin me inme dream . ar yu me frend me lony me hurt rel bad insid case me so bad.secret hurt robin mak robin wife sad robin wife are me momy now every one sad case of me me want to di make every peple hapy then evry peple inside sad too. want bad to go so me mak us bled but not fel beter

Posted on Apr 2, 2001, 6:14 PM
from IP address 206.98.252.19

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hi becka

by (no login)

I'm sorry your daddy still finds you in your dreams...I know that is scary. And I'm sorry there are hurts in the house now too with your mommy and robin. I want you to know that you are not a bad girl, even though you feel like you are. I am glad you are here and I want to be your friend.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 5, 2001, 6:36 PM
from IP address 152.163.205.68

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i sad

by robins, litle becka (no login)

i very sad me told secret and made everyone sad.specaly robin. me are very bad an sad.me no good bad bad bad girl. devil girl
by becka

Posted on Apr 1, 2001, 8:34 PM
from IP address 208.0.125.26

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litle Becka

by (Login My_Forum)

I'm sorry that you are feeling very sad. Secrets are meant to be told, so you did a realy good thing and should be very proud of yourself. You keep telling secrets and one day they wont make you feel sad anymore, i promise. "Silence is not good".. And you are a very good girl

Take extra good care of yourself
Sending best wishes for courage, peace, hope,comfort and healing

Star

Posted on Apr 1, 2001, 9:08 PM
from IP address 203.101.17.58

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Hi Becka

by (no login)

I'm so sorry you are feeling sad. But I think it is ok to tell the secrets, cuz it can help get some of the bad feelings out. It might feel yucky for a while, but then you will start to feel better. You are not a bad girl, Becka, you are a good girl. And I know a safe place for you to make some friends who are little like you, if you want. It's at http://network54.com/Hide/Forum/45591 and it's called A Safe Place. I would love to see you there. And if you want to talk about your secrets sometime, you can do that at Memory Meadow...there is a link to there at the top of the board we're on now. I'm sure glad to meet you becka.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 2, 2001, 5:43 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.43

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Thank you for your responses

by Robin (no login)

Thank you all for you responses.Im looking forward to talking to you often.Hoping to find freinds here.
Robin

Posted on Mar 31, 2001, 4:33 AM
from IP address 206.98.252.98

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Hi Robin

by (no login)

Just want to say welcome.People are nice here,even if i was not here for a long time,i notice that

Be well,

Posted on Mar 31, 2001, 8:53 AM
from IP address 154.20.11.79

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Hi,am new

by (no login)

just want to say hi.Not sure what else to say,for now.Am new to thins.
Would like to talk to teens tho...i am 13.

Sandra

Posted on Mar 28, 2001, 10:45 PM
from IP address 154.20.11.109

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Hi Sandra

by (no login)

I'm not a teen, but I want to welcome you here and tell you that I hope you find some friends. I'm not sure how many teens are here, but there might be a few. Hope you're doing ok and look forward to seeing you here more.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 29, 2001, 7:40 AM
from IP address 152.163.204.193

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hi terrie

by (no login)

nice to meet you.I am Lisa's sister...hope we can talk anyway..is ok if your not a teen...:)

Sandra

Posted on Mar 29, 2001, 4:14 PM
from IP address 154.20.15.123

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well, howdy

by Alex (no login)

it's good to see you here, sandra. we're all doing okay here.

yep, 62 is a lot to have, but we actually have a pretty good time together, when things aren't rough. it's a good group.

and LOL means laughing out loud.

i'm glad you're here. i need to get us back into bed to rest.
talk to you soon.
caring,
Alex

Posted on Mar 29, 2001, 8:20 PM
from IP address 205.162.13.97

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Good morning all

by Terry (no login)

I haven't been around much lately and I see there are some new names on the board, its great to have you all here. I have found Terries board to be such a wonderful support I am sure you will too.

I wanted to ask others how they go about writting down their memories. I have recently had a hard time with flashbacks etc and after talking to my t wanted to journal the memory. I found it really hard to write about it in the first person I kept wanting to write "she stood by the shed..." as opposed to "I stood bye the shed....". Any ideas about why it is so hard to express what happened to me, when I read what I wrote it sounds like it happened to someone else.

Terry

Posted on Mar 28, 2001, 8:47 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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Terrie

by (no login)

So sorry your havin flasback...is it like memories?....cuase they get ugly...<maybe if you just write them like your comfortable with?...it dont matter wich person..he she I..it will get easier with time and maybe in time you will cahnge the person,an say I....then....dont think it make sense...but i try...
hope yu feel better.
I like taking to you the other day.
be well

Sandra

Posted on Mar 28, 2001, 10:50 PM
from IP address 154.20.11.109

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Hi Sandra

by Terry (no login)

Thanks for writing to me, flashbacks are memories and yep they sure do get ugly, I hate having them.

I think you are right I should just write what feels comfortable for now and maybe it will get easier in time.

Just so you know, I am not the Terrie that runs the board, it is a bit confusing to have two of us with the same name but I spell mine a little different.

Take care

Terry

Posted on Apr 1, 2001, 9:08 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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terry

by (no login)

yes terrie told me about the 2 of you...sorry bout the mix up...but still.hope yur feeling better...
i have bad memories...is not fait to have them

goof luck Terry

sandra

Posted on Apr 2, 2001, 4:59 PM
from IP address 154.5.188.232

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Hi Terry

by (no login)

Hey sweetie. So sorry to hear you're having a rough time with flashbacks. I think Sandra is right, that it's ok to write it out in whatever person it comes out. Do you think perhaps it is hard for you to write in the first person cuz the insiders were the ones who experienced it? In any case, I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Love you lots, and sending you hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 29, 2001, 9:18 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.26

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love those hugs :)

by Terry (no login)

Hi darling girl, We were having a bad time with flashbacks but it has all settled again - thank goodness!! What I find hard to write is what I actually remember as a child, the fear and anxiety knowing that "something" bad was going to happen. This is before the others take over the memory, even as I write this though it makes me wonder if at the moment of knowing that something terrible was going to happen someone was with me, not out completely but present. That might account for how I write what I remember.

I hope these more peacful days last for a while, please keep me in your prayers.

How are things with you? Any HOT dates????? hehe

love you so very much

Terry

Posted on Apr 1, 2001, 9:17 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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Terry

by (no login)

So glad you're doing better. I'm doing ok too. I did meet someone who's "hot" and we've hung out some, but not so sure there's any dating to be had with this one. LOL. But that's ok...I'm happy. I'm having a friend(s) visit this week....will arrive in the morning. I sure love you.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 2, 2001, 5:47 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.43

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Flute, posted to you a couple below....

by ..... (no login)

Hope Teusdays are easier for you....

Posted on Mar 27, 2001, 7:57 AM
from IP address 206.191.206.193

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I get so nervous before work

by Flute (no login)

Mondays are so hard for me. After the weekend.I don't know why......I just get so anxious. I am actually shaking and sweating while I write this. Ugh. I just want some peace. Flute

Posted on Mar 26, 2001, 7:00 AM
from IP address 169.207.136.21

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Hi Flute

by (no login)

I'm so sorry Monday's are hard for you. I hope that you are feeling better now that the work day is over.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 26, 2001, 5:55 PM
from IP address 152.163.204.211

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Hi everyone

by Robin (no login)

Just wanted to say hi, and so glad to find a place like this to write. Im in need of support and freinds.Also I would like to help others here.Im 35 and in the process of a divorse. I have to say that is a good thing because it was a first step in taking care of me. I have also found a great and loving partner. She is very kind and understanding but sometimes its even too much for her. So Im trying to reach out to others for support too. Im also MPD and that is an everyday challenge for both of us.
Thank you for this site and listening to me
Robin

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 11:25 PM
from IP address 208.0.125.88

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Welcome, Robin

by (no login)

I'm glad you have found us here. I can understand that things are hard for you right now....change is stressful, even if it's good change. I'm glad you have a partner who is kind and understanding. I hope we can offer the support and friendship you want and deserve. I am 34, a survivor, but not MPD. Some of the others here do have MPD, so it is a mixed crowd in that way. Hope to get to know you.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 26, 2001, 7:37 AM
from IP address 152.163.197.51

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Hello Robin

by (Login My_Forum)

Hi Robin,

I'm pretty knew here myself but I just wanted to say welcome and I'm glad you found this place also. I have found it very helpful just in the past week by reading here, it really does help to know your not alone and that others do understand, even if we don't ourselves at times...

Again welcome and hey let us know when that divorce comes through, we can celebrate on-line with you!!!!

Best wishes for peace and comfort with-in
Take care and be good to yourself
Star

Posted on Mar 27, 2001, 3:05 AM
from IP address 203.101.17.58

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Hi

by (no login)

Hi am sandra.my big is your age,i am 13.we can talk if you want.
Yu have a teen?just asking..

Sandra

Posted on Mar 28, 2001, 10:52 PM
from IP address 154.20.11.109

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Hi Sandra

by Robin (no login)

Thank you for answering my post. Its very nice to meet you.I would very much like to talk to you sometime.Also I have quit a few teens. MY 13 year old is named Carry, but she doesnt come up much.I also have a 15 year old whose name is Sandra. She has been looking for a freind and Im sure she would like to talk to you. Ill let her know about you and see if she will come up and talk with you.
Take good care
Robin

Posted on Mar 31, 2001, 4:25 AM
from IP address 206.98.252.98

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hih

by (no login)

it would be fun..i dont talk much either,but maybe to soem other teen,i would..
be safe all

Sandra

Posted on Mar 31, 2001, 8:51 AM
from IP address 154.20.11.79

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Hello again

by (no login)

Hi,

I am glad to have found this place. It does feel safe here. I have found other people on the net who were not and it saddens me greatly. I just wanted to reach out and say hi. I hope I can be of help to someone here. Then maybe all I went through is not for nothing. FLute

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 5:37 PM
from IP address 169.207.131.105

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Hi Flute

by ...... (no login)

I would love to post openly here with you, but I know there are lurkers checking things out. I am so glad we emailed, and BTW, I am glad to know who your friend is, this is also a person I have trusted in the past, although we were not close. Maybe soon we can be.

Posted on Mar 27, 2001, 7:56 AM
from IP address 206.191.206.193

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Hello again and thankyou for the welcome

by (Login My_Forum)

It has been a few day's since i first posted and i just want to say thankyou for replying to my post and for making me feel welcome. I am a little to exausted to post just now but i am reading and it does help a little. I just have a question for anyone who may be able to relate. My mum has been in a psych hospital since christmas due to losing her daughter. Anyway yesterday was a very bad day for me after yet another sleepless night, well for a while now i've been taking my anger out on those who don't deserve it, those who just want to be my friends, but yesterday i had had enough and went to the hopital to confront my mum and i let her have it realy bad, telling her everything with myself and my siblings was her fault and so on... Well i was thrown out of the hopital, at least she has protection "lucky her", but just before i was thrown out she screamed back at me saying she knows what myself and my siblings went through as "her brother", "our ab****" had done the same to her...Well i don't understand this, i don't understand her, why, i just can't understand why she left us with him knowing what he was capable of, has this happened to anyone else? Am i normal for not feeling bad for anything my mum went through, am i normal for hateing her, for wanting to scream and trash the house. I just do not understand, i would never, never let another person, let alone my own child go through the same as myself and my siblings.. I realy don't understand or know how i should feel..

Thankyou again for listening..
Take care, Star

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 9:44 AM
from IP address 203.101.17.58

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you are brave, wow!

by (no login)

Hi Star,
I for one think it was incredibly brave for you to go to the hospital and finally speak your truth! It has to get out. We have all been silenced for long enough! Don't you think? Sometimes I really hate my mom and sometimes I don't. I don't know that I will ever forgive her. I hear that piece about , well, they were abused as children too, so that is why they did it. Well, I don't know. I was abused as a child and the buck stops with me. I think it is normal, and brave, to have your feelings about your mom. Don't let anyone ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. What happenendto you was wrong,Flute

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 5:36 PM
from IP address 169.207.131.105

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my mom knew too

by Lee (no login)

I know how that anger can really eat at you. How could they know and then not do anything to protect us? How could they take that chance? I don't know the answer to these questions but I do know that what you did is really a good thing for you. Even if you never get the answers you are looking for at least you ask the questions. You should be very proud of yourself for that. Take care.

Lee

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 6:56 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.28

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Thank you again..

by (Login My_Forum)

It realy does help to know i'm not alone and that there is hope. It does mean a lot to know other's understand, of course i'd rather you didn't but well you all know what i mean i'm sure.

Again, thank you..
Take care of yourselves
Sending best wishes for peace and comfort with-in
Star

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 10:42 PM
from IP address 203.101.17.58

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i wrote somewhere else but

by alex (no login)

i probably should introduce us. we are the spiral collective. we've been diagnosed for 10 years with DID. we have an outside son who is 3. there are 62 of us all together, mostly kids. somehow we seemed to come up heavy on kids and light on adults. there are three of us who run the front. me--alexandra, who is 14. savannah (who is called savi) who is 16. and jesse who is almost 30. we aren't int*gr*t*d or anything. we just work very closely together, making decisions for the group. we have an SO. we live in the lovely pacific northwest, to which it seems spring will never visit (LOL).

i guess that's about it. jonah is ours, and he writes on the kids' board. i don't know if anyone else of my group will write here, but we are hoping they'll be brave and venture forth.

looking forward to meeting people here.
alex

Posted on Mar 24, 2001, 3:14 PM
from IP address 208.170.200.162

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Alex

by (no login)

it is sandra....how are you?
Lisa mises Jonah...hope hes doing ok..
There is 62 of you?...wow..i thought it was crowded with 5 of us...hehe.....
i have a qustion...what does LOL mean??

Sandra

Posted on Mar 28, 2001, 10:55 PM
from IP address 154.20.11.109

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shuting down

by Lee (no login)

I guess I have just shut down. I can't seem to talk about getting better. I will talk about anything else but making myself talk about my abuse or working on my many issues is just too exhausting right now. Does this make any sense? I want to get better but I just don't know if I can right now. How do I keep going?

Posted on Mar 23, 2001, 4:04 PM
from IP address 205.188.195.38

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Hi Lee

by (no login)

You make perfect sense. I know how exhausting it can be, and when you are depressed or dealing with things, it is very easy to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, we just have to go from day to day, even hour to hour or minute to minute....but in time, things can change and you can have more energy and be able to deal with things better. In the meantime, hang in there, and remember that you matter.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 23, 2001, 6:00 PM
from IP address 152.163.207.213

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Thank you

by Lee (no login)

I still feel pretty down but knowing you guys are out there and that you care helps. I just want to get better. I don't like feeling this way and it is not the norm for me. Before I started digging into my past I stayed very upbeat most of the time. But then things would happen that would trigger me and I would just feel like welcoming death. Now I don't feel suicidial and the bad feelings aren't as intense but alot more frequent. It seems like a lesser of two evils game. I don't know if you understand what I am saying but this is the only way I know how to explain it.

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 4:29 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.157

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Hang on

by (no login)

Dear Lee,

I have been in that place many times. I get consumed by the abuse and all the memories. My therapist told me something I now believe to be true.....and that is that it is truly okay to take a break from the abuse. You are allowed, truly, to have a good time. To put this on the back burner for awhile. I don't tell you this, because I am perfect at it! No way! But, I know I have to take breaks or I will shut down forever. Please take care.I can tell you want to get better, and you will! Flute

Posted on Mar 23, 2001, 10:07 PM
from IP address 169.207.69.76

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Thanks

by Lee (no login)

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I am still not feeling really good but I am going to make it. I just hate feeling like this!!!!!!! I want to get better but it just seems to take so long. In the mean time I am just hanging on and trying to take it one day at a time. Thank you again.

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 4:23 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.157

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Hi Terrie

by Terry (no login)

Just wanted to say hi and that I have been thinking of you a lot. Thinking of you is one of the few things that has kept me going, knowing you are here even though I havent been able to reach out. Life is just too hard somedays.

love
Terry

Posted on Mar 22, 2001, 5:52 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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{{{{{{{{{{Terry}}}}}}}}}}}

by (no login)

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Is that a part of being down under? hehe (did I make you smile? I hope so). I hope you feel better soon. I love you very much.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 23, 2001, 5:55 PM
from IP address 152.163.207.213

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Yep, you made me smile :)

by Terry (no login)

Hi my sweet friend, Have had a couple of ok days after seeing t on Thursday. I was able to speak of the memories and flashbacks that have been plaguing me recently and some of the others also came and spoke of their part in the memory and we have been calmer and feeling safer since. Is this the power of sharing the terror and fear rather than carrying it alone?

love you lots

Terry

Posted on Mar 25, 2001, 10:17 PM
from IP address 202.139.58.249

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Yes, it is

by (no login)

That is indeed the power of sharing the memory or fear rather than carrying it alone. I am glad you have been feeling a bit better. You are welcome to share with me, anytime, my friend.

Love and hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 26, 2001, 5:57 PM
from IP address 152.163.204.211

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I'm truly sorry

by Bill (no login)

Terrie, Shellie and all,

I'm very sorry for posting on the other board yesterday. Because of the advertisement that was tiled on the screen, I couldn't read any other posts and couldn't get a feel for the board. I've done some research in the mean time and I now realize that the purpose of the other board is that of reaching and communicating with the inner child of abuse victims. I was a little confused by it all at first, then I got it.

A little late I know, but I'm very sorry for the hurt I must have caused by my post. I feel very badly for the anguish I must have caused. I'm an adult, but I'm a good adult and never have nor ever will harm a little one in any way. I'm a good person who made a dumb mistake of putting my nose in where it didn't belong, but I'm only guilty of that...

As my post mentioned, my wife was victimized as a child by another older child. The repercussions of that time in her life has been an insidious feeling that she was a bad person. That, if anyone ever really knew her, they wouldn't like her. Because there was no penetration or oral contact and because it was with another older child and not an adult, her damage has been much milder than if a more severe form of molestation had been committed. I'm not trivialising what was done, but I know there are much more severe types of this abuse.

She has no aversion to marital relations with me, she had only a 4 year period of mild promiscuity as a young adult. But she is infertile and that has only contributed to the bad feelings about herself and her feelings of not being "grown up". She had a brief affair last spring that we are recovering from. In fact it is one year today that it all started.

When she was in her early thirties she had some jaw surgery and it was at this time that she became addicted to prescription pain medication. She beat it, but in times of extreme emotional pain she is drawn back to again. She's seeing an addictions counselor tomorrow.

She has been in therapy since a week before I found out about the affair last June by finding explicit sexual chat logs on her computer.

But just this week she told her therapist about the sexual abuse as a child. I'm hoping that this is the key to her recovery and her maturation into the mature, confident adult that she wants to be.

She has always been very good at putting bad things in boxes and tucking them away in the recesses of her mind. It is now time to pull the boxes out, open them, examine the contents, learn from them and put them out with the trash where they belong. Compartmentalizing can be a very effective means of self preservation, but sometimes it can be self limiting. I truly feel that this exorcism of sorts will be, although difficult in the short run, tremendously healing in the long term.

I have bought some books on the subject and Terrie I have been to your wonderful web site. I will continue to learn about this topic so that I can do what ever is needed of me to assist in her healing.

I hope my posts will be welcomed again

Thank you all,

Bill

Posted on Mar 22, 2001, 7:04 AM
from IP address 207.103.95.81

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Hi Bill

by (no login)

Your apologies are gladly accepted. I know the screen was pretty messed up when I tried to use angelfire as my place to link from. I still don't have it all fixed, but at least it's readable now.

As for your wife's abuse, I have had similar abuses in my life. I know how easy it is to say "it wasn't as bad as what others went through", and like you, I also know that it still matters and still affects us as survivors. Your posts are definately welcome here, and I apologize for not answering this one sooner. Please know that you are respected for your committment to your wife and your willingness to learn and to try to understand what she is going through. It seems she is a very lucky woman to have you.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 24, 2001, 11:33 AM
from IP address 152.163.195.207

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Help me help my wife

by Bill (no login)

Hello,

I'm hoping you fine people can help me help my wife.

We have been married for 14 years and our marriage has been filled by a series of self-destructive acts. She has been prescription drug addicted at times and had an affair last year.

She has been going to a therapist since a week before I found out about the affair, last June. I always thought there was something in her past that made her do things she really didn't want to do, but was for some reason compelled to do.

Well about a month ago, I flat out asked her who sexually molested her as a child. I didn't ask her if, I asked her who and when. At first it didn't come out but her reaction to the blunt question made me realize that my intuition was right. Here's what happened.

When she was 4 or 5, the 10 or 12 year old ministers son at her church made her touch him in the basement of the church while service was going on. This was a repeated behavior for a number of months until she got in trouble with her parents for skipping church. There was no penetration, no oral. Just a manual release for him, she knows this because she remembers her had getting wet.

I'm new here and if my details are too explicit or cause anyone unnecessary pain, I apologize. Just tell me how this board works and I promise to follow the guidelines.

Well because of this molestation my wife has always felt she was a bad person and I'm sure many of you know the damage that can do to ones self esteem. Self fulfilling prophesy and all that.

She recently had a minor relapse into drug abuse and I went to her therapist yesterday to talk. Before I went I got her permission to tell the story I just told all of you. She just hadn't been able to tell him, but I knew how important it was for him to know so he could help exorcise this.

Last night when she went to see him they talked about it and he told her he could help her. This guy is really good and we both feel very comfortable with him and look upon him as a friend.

My question to all of you is "What can I do?" to help in my wife's recovery and "What shouldn't I do?". I really want to supplement what the therapist will be doing for her and I don't want to undo anything.

If you need any more details, I will do my best to supply them to you.

Please help me help my wife.

Bill

Posted on Mar 21, 2001, 7:13 AM
from IP address 207.103.95.81

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Hi Bill

by Shellie (no login)

My little one sent me over here from where you wrote at the kids place.
First off, my hats off to you for wanting to be supportive to your wife. I can see by reading your post that you are kind and patient...that is what she needs right now. Encourage your wife to continue her therapy and be there when she needs you. There may be times when you can do nothing but just be 'there' for her, when even it doesnt seem like you're doing anything. It's really hard to tell someone what the do's and dont's are in supporting someone, cuz we're all different. I know one survivor who needs her partner to cuddle with her and hold her lots for secutiry and reassurance, whereas myself, I need to be alone and dont touch me when I'm having a rough time of it. You'll be able to learn what she needs in time. My best advice to you is to remember to take care of yourself in this. Because if you burn yourself out trying to help her, you're not going to be much help in the end. Find someone to talk to ( or even posting here (or somewhere else) would be a good idea )
I hope I'm not sounding too preachy or like I'm lecturing or anything like that.... these are just my thoughts and you can take or leave them for what they are.
Take care, Bill.
Shellie

Posted on Mar 21, 2001, 4:29 PM
from IP address 64.12.102.33

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Hi Bill

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I see you found this site...good. Did you find it from the Healing Our Lives website? In any case, I think Shellie gave some good insight, and I hope it helps some. There are some books available for supporters of survivors...I think I have some listed at the bottom of the Healing Our Lives website. In case you lost it, the address is http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/5585

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 21, 2001, 8:22 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.177

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I found you!!!!!

by (no login)

Hi to all,

I have a sweet little girl inside named Banshee and somehow she was able to surf around on the internet and find this place! She just wrote Terrie on the littles board. I am priveleged to have such a sweet little one. Anyway, my name is Fairyflute. Collectively, I guess we call ourselves the Fairies. I used to go to another board, and then went to HH, and they closed down. THis is so sad. I was crying about it, and then found this. Thank you all for being out there. I am a survivor of incest and other types of abuse. Glad to be here. Hope I can be of some support. Fairyflute

Posted on Mar 18, 2001, 7:46 PM
from IP address 169.207.137.151

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Yayyayayaa!!!!

by (no login)

Hello there! I'm very glad banshee was able to find this place. She is a very smart little girl, and I agree that she is very sweet. In any case, welcome to Healing Our Lives.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 19, 2001, 5:18 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.163

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Hello again

by Fairyflute (no login)

Yes, we meet again. I think Banshee is really smart. A good little girl. Just wish our mom could see that. She tries so hard to help out. Well, I am glad that she found this place. Peace, Flute

Posted on Mar 19, 2001, 6:31 PM
from IP address 169.207.136.82

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banshee do be me frind

by angelisse with wings (no login)

and i mis her lots and i lik her lots and oh i so excited to see you here and i be angelisse and i be 6 yr old and i thik you hav nic nic nic banshee inside and i goin to safe plac to say hi to banshee over ter and i use to no flute to i use to rite to her on mm but i not see her for so so so soso so so long do tis be flute oh i hopin so

angelisse

Posted on Mar 21, 2001, 11:21 PM
from IP address 209.91.55.9

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yes, it is Flute :)

by (no login)

Hello dear Angelisse, I just found this site and am happy to be here.I am glad you are here. YOu have such a big heart. I love Banshee too, and hope we can all have a fairy tea party some time soon. This is me. You have a great memory! Flute

Posted on Mar 23, 2001, 10:04 PM
from IP address 169.207.69.76

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Hello

by Lee (no login)

I just wanted to drop by and say hello. I've been doing ok. Lots of ups and downs but I guess that is normal. Take care all.

Posted on Mar 18, 2001, 6:46 PM
from IP address 64.12.101.179

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Hi Lee

by (no login)

It's good to see you, and I'm very glad to hear you are doing ok overall. Hope things continue to go well for you and that you begin having more ups than downs.

Terrie

Posted on Mar 19, 2001, 5:16 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.163

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