Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

wonderment

by (no login)

thanks for the message from u
not sure where to turn
i feel like screaming out loud but cant have no voice
i wish that my birth father would fall and than i could dance on the grave with such glee
i want those people to have the pain in them that i have carried inside me
the struggles of everyday life that we all seem to have to deal with
i want to know me and i try to make life fun enjoy able for my kids something that i didnot have or do not
so that they can be proud of who they are and not scared to voice what they feel inside of them to any one in the world to be able to stand on their own two feet and realize that they are equals in the big mean worl d
thanks for making this here

Posted on Nov 4, 2000, 11:24 AM
from IP address 207.194.22.200

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Hi colabear

by (no login)

It's good to hear from you again! I'm so glad you work hard to offer your kids the love and encouragement you never had. That's important, and it says alot about you. Your anger at the people who hurt you is totally understandable. I hope in time you can let some of it out rather than continue to carry it inside, cuz as long as you carry it, it's only hurting you....but yet I know how hard it is to let go of. I hope you will keep writing here.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 9, 2000, 6:40 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.151

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Seeing clearly and not sure about liking it

by Ekajati (no login)

Seeing the effects of the abuse and where I am at very clearly... disturbing. Liking a man and thinking they might like you too... that's disturbing as well - very. If you are very young and someone very close, like a brother, abuses you it's like this : Before they started, perhaps you feel close to this brother. Perhaps you like him, get on well with him. First time he gets intimate with you he tells you it's love it's nice and indeed it is, you like it. But the first time is the last time and he begins to treat you like a toy for his amusement. So someone you trusted becomes the abuser. So then when you grow up (it's SO obvious to me now, why didn't I see it til today)you feel that letting people close to you (especially men but women too if they abused you as well, of course)= letting them abuse you. And of course this gets to include you as well. You get ultra-hidden. Amazing. This is so scary for me.

Posted on Nov 4, 2000, 1:51 AM
from IP address 195.92.67.76

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Hi there

by (no login)

It is hard to let someone close to you when you expect those close to you to abuse you. Letting someone get close makes you so vulnerable. But you know what? We don't LET them abuse us....they just do. Even if we don't fight it, we are not LETTING them do it, we are being made to do it by their power over us, in whatever form that power is. THEY are the responsible ones, not us. We do not and did not deserve or ask for the abuse. I hope you keep coming back...you are more than welcome to post here anytime. You're not alone.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 4, 2000, 10:31 AM
from IP address 152.163.207.209

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i am new here hello

by (no login)

hi
i am a survivor and need help.
its been 20 years and i worked in the book courage to heal in 94.
i have now repicked it up. the person i am with now i thought understood me but in june he asked me to go and sleep with another man and than come home and tell him all about it. i pulled away from him all summer and told himthat i was leaving here.
i was married for 13 years and have 4 kids from the marriage. the kids are mine not his here.
when i was packing i broke down and told himthat i was still inlove with him. he said that he was cofussed and mixed up now. so i waited 2 months. trying to work it through.
i left for one nite to my moms with my daughter in tow. we talked on the phone and i came back.
now its like he wants sex and i seem to have no feelings for him. its like ok do it and get it over with. i feel so mixed up he made me feel like a street walker and i told him that. he has beaten himself up over this thing he asked of me also. why would it take a trip 6 hours there 6 hours back for me to feel nothing wheni was at my moms i cried like a baby and now i have nothing
i have read some of the notes posted here and i found the word 'Guneenya'
needing help

Posted on Nov 2, 2000, 4:39 PM
from IP address 207.194.22.80

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Welcome!

by (no login)

I'm so glad you have joined us. I know I could certainly relate to some of what you said. S*x is so hard for me. I can understand being more interested when there is a physical distance then when together with a partner. I think for me it's because I feel safer at a distance and more vulnerable once up close. And I also can relate to feeling like I'm being treated like a s*x object. I know what a horrible feeling that is, whether ot not it's actually what is happening. I'm afraid I don't have any great advice, except maybe to sit down and really TALK with your husband, being totally honest with him about your feelings and him being honest about his. See if you two can reach an understanding of each other. Not sure if you can or not, but it's worth a try if you love each other. Whatever happens, I wish you luck, and safety, and happiness. Please feel free to come back and write anytime. You're not alone.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 2, 2000, 6:26 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.208

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Untitled

by Anonymous (no login)

as this is the first time here and u have replyed to me i am replying back to u now and yes as i put it this is what has happened but also dealing with phyiscal mental sexual abuse through life this has driven me back more than i would like and i have no one to reach for or that may understand anything
so thanks but another thing why is there others that write here and no one replys to them
thought we would all pull together

Posted on Nov 7, 2000, 9:22 PM
from IP address 209.52.209.68

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Since Terry is talking about....

by Jesse (no login)

....leaving a T, I wish to bring up a few questions I have been kicking around. Most of us wish we were not in T any more. It's not like I feel like I'm "done" by any stretch of the imagination, but we all are doing different things in T and have been going for a long time. I think I'm just plain worn out with it. I love my T, but I am so tired of juggling the schedules, trying to get some time in with her for myself, and paying those big bills.

Is it a good idea to take time off? Lots of times I have noticed that when I want to go the least, it usually turns out it is because of difficulty in facing one issue or another. But this time I think I am just tired. The others also seem to feel this. Hmmmmm......

BTW, Terry, I think it a lovely idea to giver her the box. I bet you can think of a million things to put in there and I'm sure she will cherish it.

Jesse

Posted on Nov 1, 2000, 6:30 AM
from IP address 206.191.206.243

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Jesse

by (no login)

Well, as you already stated you are aware, sometimes when you don't want to go to T, it means you are avioding facing something. However, there are times when taking a break is a good thing...sometimes we reach a plateau and need to rest before moving on. Only you can determine if this is the case or not. I hope that you make whatever choice will be best for you.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 1, 2000, 9:44 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.212

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Saying goodbye to old t

by Terry (no login)

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my old t. It is so we can say goodbye. I've been trying to think of all the thing I/we want to say to her. There is so much and the time will go so quickly, I know.

I came upon the idea of making a goodbye box. I went and bought one of those pretty gift boxes and then I've cut up lots of pieces of coloured paper into different shapes. Each piece of paper has a thought or feeling, expressing what our time with her has meant and how we are feeling about no longer having her as our t.

Along with drawings done for her by the littles I am going to put it all in the box as our goodbye and give it to her. It is a real mixed bag of emotions, happy, sad, angry, frustrated etc. What do you think?

Forever worried I'm going to do the wrong thing!! Just need some reassurance that this is an ok or not ok thing to do.

Terry

Posted on Oct 31, 2000, 7:09 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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WOW!

by (no login)

I think that goodbye box is a wonderful idea! It is very personalized, and therefore she knows it came from the heart. That is the best kind of gift one can give. I hope it goes well...I know it will be a sad time, saying goodbye, but I also know that she has been a wonderful blessing in your lives, and that you will always have that in your heart and in your memories. I'll be thinking of you.

Love and hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 31, 2000, 10:38 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.214

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does this make any sense??

by (no login)

hi I noticed I come here when I'm all mixed up or really down. (guess that can be considered normal)
I can feel myself starting to fall into a depression again. and I have no feelings for my husband.. I wish he'd leave me alone.. he wants a hug and in my mind I say.. leave me alone go away.This seems to happen when I'm depressed. I know I'm very overwhelmed with my kids right now. my oldest has ADD . my middle child has bipolar and ADD. we are all going through hell right now. I hate this I am having thoughts of ok heres a big knife to end all this shit. I hate it. and lately I keep telling my hubby I'm sick of everything. I said it would be nice if I wasn't the ONLY one cleaning the house. (meaning vaccuming , bathrooms dishes.. etc. ) I'm one person! I complain and he doesn't get it. I think part of my feelings shutting down for him is this resentfulness I have right now too. Does this make any sense??

Posted on Oct 30, 2000, 10:47 AM
from IP address 24.4.252.66

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Guess so....

by Jesse (no login)

Makes sense to anyone who has ever been a mom. I have a hubby and five boys. All of the boys are learning disabled. But now they are in their teens and even though it seems the problems are a little bigger, they are less often. We have raised them to be decent and that means a lot to me.

So if I have done tons of laundry and cleaned tons of boy pee off the wall and the floor, I have also ended up with some good kids who know how to return love. I grew up in a sh*tpile with lots of violence and hatred, so this is what I remind myself to think about when things become too overwhelming. Raising kids is a huge job. Hope you can hang in there.

Jesse

Posted on Oct 30, 2000, 5:06 PM
from IP address 216.160.14.206

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Makes perfect sense

by (no login)

Hi Lisa. I'm so glad to see you back. Sorry to hear things are so hard for you right now. It's so easy to get resentful, and it's very common to want to be left alone when you are overwhelmed. You are not alone in it. Peace be with you....

Hugs if you want them,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 30, 2000, 5:17 PM
from IP address 152.163.205.78

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:-)

by (no login)

thanks.. I'm trying to hang in there.
Lisa

Posted on Nov 4, 2000, 5:54 PM
from IP address 24.4.252.66

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Have I done the right thing

by Terry (no login)

How is it you can feel you are doing the right thing and then the minute its done be scared witless that it was the wrong thing?

I've been trying to tell my husband about the DID for awhile but any time I start to talk about anything serious he tends to brush me off, particularly if it has to do with therapy!!

I need to make some hard decisions about who I'm going to see in the new year for my therapy (or if I even continue therapy)and there are only 2 good DID people here according to the lady I'm seeing at the moment. I want my husband to be involved in my life and that means helping me to decide what I should do because it is going to impact on him and the kids as well.

Today I emailed him and gave him all the info. My diagnosis - DID, PTSD and depression. Outlined the treatment options as they had been outlined to me and the people that I could be refered to and their respective costs. As well as telling him why I emailed him as opposed to talking face to face!

He'll hate me, he'll think I'm mad. Why did I think it was a good idea.

Please have any of you been in this situation, how did your partners cope with the news.

I feel so awful

Posted on Oct 24, 2000, 10:21 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Hi Terry

by (no login)

Personally, I think that if he has tended to brush it off when you try to talk to him about this, then a letter, whether it be e-mail or on paper, was probably the best way to approach the situation. Hopefully it will open up a good discussion, because I think you are quite capable of expressing yourself. If you want, let him see what you wrote here, about how you want him involved in your life because he matters to you. And whatever happens, keep hanging in there are remember that you are not alone.

Love and safe hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 25, 2000, 6:12 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.22

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Terrie

by Terry (no login)

I feel better today about having used email, the panic is over, thank heavens!! At least now he knows, whether he wants to acknowledge it or not he can never tell me that I kept him in the dark. He never mentioned it at all last night and I didn't bring it up either but tonight I will and see what response I get.

Thankyou for reminding me I'm not alone, so often I feel that I am but being able to come here helps so much. I am so grateful that you and Sunshine responded to my post, it gives me confidence in what I am trying to do.

BTW how is the new job? Is it very different from what you were doing before?

Love you friend

Terry

Posted on Oct 25, 2000, 9:47 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Hi Terry

by (no login)

I'm so glad you're feeling some better! As for my new job, it's going just fine. Yes, it's acutally quite different from what I've done before, but I'm catching on ok. I like it just fine, even though I end up working a little late most days. LOL. Anyway, hope to talk to you again soon.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 26, 2000, 5:24 PM
from IP address 152.163.197.177

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I love him but....

by Terry (no login)

I could shake him! He said yes he got the email but no he hasn't really had time to read it!! Unfortunately I don't believe him I think he just don't know where to go with it so (as usual) he is going nowhere.

I could just scream with the frustration of it all

Maybe in time he'll talk. I can only hope

Thanks for listening

Terry

Posted on Oct 26, 2000, 9:01 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Terry....

by (no login)

I know that must be so hard for you. I sure hope he will listen soon, and attempt to have some understanding. And I'm so glad you do have someplace to go where you ARE heard, believed, and LOVED.

Hugs for you,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 27, 2000, 7:13 AM
from IP address 152.163.197.211

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You are not alone

by (no login)

We feel you have done the right thing. We have some one very special in our life right now and we were able to tell him that we exist.

We had never been able to do that in our entire life. We hid all we are so that no one would think we were strange or sick. You know how much people judge, huh?

I know you need the support, love and care of the significant other in your life. It is important. You are not ill, you are not sick. You simply have MPD. There are many of you living in one body.

It is hard to change therapists and you need all the support you can get. YOu need encouragement and support.

We have decided we do not trust therapists enough to go through therapy but that is just our experience. It is not for every one. We also do not want to integrate. We want to stay just as we are.

Well if you need to talk, please write. We are here to listen. We care.

Sincerely

The Angelic Consortium

Posted on Oct 26, 2000, 8:48 PM
from IP address 206.65.241.67

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Elaine and her angels

by Terry (no login)

It means so much to me to have you talk with me. Thankyou for saying I have done the right thing I was so unsure after I had hit he send button! Today I feel so much better about having given him all the info, I spent some time talking about it with my therapist today and she was very encouraging (if somewhat amused) about me emailing him. I have achieved what I wanted - to share with him what was going on with me.

Its amazing how good we are at hiding who we are and how we feel all so that we are not judged or seen as bad. This week I have realised how much effort I put into keeping my family happy, if I am talking about something that I see is causing them discomfort them I change the subject. Its peace at all costs.

Thanks again for caring and for listening.

Terry

Posted on Oct 27, 2000, 2:37 AM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Untitled

by Anonymous (no login)

terry,
i think we did's tend to choose partners that have difficulty communicating so that we can keep our secret. unfortunatly as we heal and need to communicate we are still surrounded by the people we chose to protect our secret. that does not mean they can not adjust it just means it may take some time for him to process. hope this helps

Posted on Oct 26, 2000, 9:01 PM
from IP address 63.39.114.64

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Hi anonymous

by Terry (no login)

Excuse me for not responding sooner but your comments gave me food for thought and I wanted to mull it over before I wrote back.

I don't know, personally, anyone else with DID and so I can't compare but I believe what you say is correct to my situation. My partner has never been good at communication on an intimate, personal level. That in turn has probably made it easy for my parts to keep hidden as he wouldn't question outloud any unusual behaviour or responses I might have made. I've only been aware of the DID for the last two years and I have been aware of wanting "it" to be secret so that, no doubt, has compounded the situation.

He still has not commented on the information I gave him but I do agree it may take him some time to process it all and I have to accept that he may never be ready to accept this part of my life.

Thanyou so very much for your thoughts, as I said it has given me much to think about. Even as I write

its real chicken and egg stuff isnt it.

Warm thoughts

Terry

Posted on Oct 29, 2000, 9:01 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Terrie, a little birdie just told me....

by Terry (no login)

You have just had a birthday

Many happy returns for the day my dear friend. I hope your day was one filled with much love and many special moments.

love

Terry

Posted on Oct 22, 2000, 11:29 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Thank you Terry!

by (no login)

You're such a sweet friend!

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 23, 2000, 7:19 AM
from IP address 205.188.197.181

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Just saying Hi

by Terry (no login)

I haven't been around much lately but felt the need to pop in and touch base with the people here.

I've just spent the morning with a friend. We met for breakfast at a restaurant that sits on a fishing boat harbour and then enjoyed a stroll through the shops looking at all the lovely knicknacks. It was nice to just chat and take in the sights. I love being by the water, in some way it lifts me.

I hope your day is peaceful.

Terry

Posted on Oct 22, 2000, 11:17 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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Hi Terry

by (no login)

I'm so glad you had a great breakfast time with your friend by the water. I love the water too...it's so peaceful. Hope to hear from you again soon.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 23, 2000, 7:21 AM
from IP address 205.188.197.181

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replying to terry

by (Login babygirlwindow)

u havent wrote for a while is everything ok i'm new to this. Give me an email if you need to chat.

Posted on Jan 15, 2001, 9:08 AM
from IP address 62.189.20.226

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Untitled

by Anonymous (no login)

hi,
don't have much to say except i am still here breathing. i cried yesterday. a sign that perhaps there is life under this skin. i had a dream. i was sitting on the porch of a country house next to a highway when i saw a blue pick-up truck throw out three animals a white shaggy dog, a cat, and a kitten. i ran to the side of the road and tried to coax the animals out of the busy road. they were to scared and kept running in circles. i knew i would have to run into the street to save them. as i reached the dog he spooked and was killed by the next speeding car. i looked down and saw blood and guts splashed against his white fur. i didn't want to touch him because i did not want the smell of death on my clothes. i began to nudge him out of the road with my shoes. i turned away at the sight just in time to see the cat hit by a truck. i ran to her looked down and again saw blood and guts however she was still alive. i abandoned the dead dog in order to save the cat. i was afraid to pick her up for fear that she would die in my arms. i just stood there feeling the wind of the speeding cars whirl past us. finally i bent to carry her out of the road. that is when the kitten was hit. i scooped her up with my other arm and ran screaming to the house. begging for someone to help them. a woman took the kitten said she only had scatches and would be fine. she came over to the cat laying on my lap and i tried to explain how injured she was. she picked up the cat examined her and could find no injury although i know i saw her guts spilling out through a hole in her back. she laid the cat back on my lap and she sat there moitionless and purred. i knew she was dying. i don't know what happen next i was left with the memory of the warmth of her body and sound of her purring

Posted on Oct 18, 2000, 7:08 PM
from IP address 63.17.249.35

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So glad you're still around

by (no login)

I've been worried about you since you had last wrote, and am glad you are still around and also that you are feeling some feelings. It sounds like your dream was very intense. Do you have any idea if it was connected to anything in your life or not? In any case, I hope you are feeling better.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 19, 2000, 6:21 PM
from IP address 205.188.197.168

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Untitled

by Anonymous (no login)

i tried to kill myself last nite. took a handful of tylenol with codeine. i woke up this morning surprised to be here. a pile of vomit layed next to me. finally got out of bed took a shower and sit here writing remembering images of a death trying to happen. my stomach is still very upset head is dizzy. numb. empty. my t sitting next to me holding my hand repeating over and over she will do everything in her power to protect me. a dream?? an abriation?? a survival instinct?? how did i get here?? no words. stomach rebelling,
expelling poisons. why is God keeping me alive??there is no purpose.

Posted on Oct 12, 2000, 11:51 AM
from IP address 63.39.114.186

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Hi there

by (no login)

I'm so sorry to hear that you continue to struggle so much. I know it's hard. And though this recover process may be seeming to take forever, it WILL get better. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporarty problem. I'm so glad your T is there with you and will do everyting in her power to protect you. You may not be able to see it at the moment, but you ARE valuable. Hang in there.

Peace and healing,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 12, 2000, 4:28 PM
from IP address 205.188.198.172

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more on that

by (no login)

I realized part of this depression is the fact of me being afraid to invite some relatives over for my sons' birthday./ but yet I don't know how fair it is to him if I don't do it.

I hate this
(the alcoholic relatives

)

Posted on Oct 10, 2000, 8:01 AM
from IP address 24.4.252.66

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Everyone

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Sorry I've been so absent lately....I had company in town last week and am just now catching up. I do intend to go back and answer posts, but just have not had time yet. Just wanted to let you know so you won't think I'm ignoring you....I'm not. Hope everyone is doing well today.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 10, 2000, 7:32 AM
from IP address 205.188.199.174

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depressed but look happy

by (no login)

I haven't been here in a while ..I'm down but handle stuff. people wouldn't know I was depressed I put on a happy face. and the minute I come home it's like I crash. guess that could be why I was diagnosed with bipolar. My family is half alcoholic and half workaholic. I have 3 kids and 2 have ADD. one of them (*my 9 year old) has bipolar. he had an awful episode last night.I think I partly hurt because I don't like seeing my son like that and can't fix the rest of my family. I just ache and wanna cry. but it won't come out.
Lisa

Posted on Oct 8, 2000, 5:20 PM
from IP address 24.4.252.66

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Keeping you in my thoughts

by (no login)

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time right now, with your own mood issues and your son's as well. Are either of you on meds? I know they can be more effective for some than others, but you never know if something might help. In any case, you are in my thoughts, and I hope you feel better soon.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 10, 2000, 4:33 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.31

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we are on meds

by (no login)

I don't think mine are working so great lately. and unfortunately my son IS having trouble too. I get a call from the school avg. once a week. usually it's for his aggressive behavior.
I'm beginning to wonder if he likes going to the office. The principal and vice principal are both male. so I'm wondering if he's trying to get their attention because he doesn't get enough of Dad's at home. it's a thought .. you never know. I
need to go back to counseling and it's like I keep feeling in denial of something and won't go. (my feelings are beginning to shut down again. ) thanks for listening to me.
Lisa

Posted on Oct 30, 2000, 10:35 AM
from IP address 24.4.252.66

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life sucks

by (no login)

My whole world has just fallen apart as I've just finished my friendship with my best friend. She means everything to me, she's the family I never had and the best friend I never thought I'd have. The problem is it's too painful to be around her when you're so in love with someone to see them so happy with someone else. Seeing them together knowing you can never make them that happy, convinced you no longer have a role to play, that you've been replaced completely, you know longer belong there. I love her so much it hurts and there are times when it's best to let someone go. The pain is immense, I cried all last night in the car back to London, then cried myself to sleep knowing I had to say goodbye to someone so important and my whole support network. I didn't explain why I wouldn't be seeing her anymore but I could feel her pain when I told her and now I know she's hurting and my pain has only got worse but I know I can't see her anymore. All because I'm too inadequate to cope with my own feelings and be happy for her. It's all my own doing I do nothing but cause pain, whether it's my own or to someone else. I know she's better off without me, who needs a friend who's constantly depressed bringing everyone down with them. She's got a great partner, new job and a nice house, hopefully now she can make the most of it. I never thought I could feel even worse or hate myself even more but I do. Someone I knew once said "life's a bitch, then you die", I've had the bitch part now I want the second.

Posted on Oct 8, 2000, 4:44 PM
from IP address 193.114.209.147

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{{{{{Emma}}}}}

by (no login)

Hi Emma. It sounds like you've done a very difficult thing. I know I've had to let go of someone I loved dearly once, and although the reasons were different, I know how incredibly much it hurts. And I also know how much the jealousy can hurt, when someone you love is with someone else instead of you, because I've been there too. But you know what? She may have been your only 3D support system, but you still have us here, and personally, I think cyber support is great, and I sometimes find myself more willing to open up and talk to my cyber support system than my 3d one. So you're not alone, Emma. Not at all. Perhaps you can take this time away from her to process your feelings. Also, you might consider writing her a letter explaining why you had to leave (you don't have to send it...this is just a good way of processing feelings). We're here for you Emma....please come back and write anytime.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 10, 2000, 4:45 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.31

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Untitled

by Anonymous (no login)

I have been spending a lot of time on the water lately, sailing,wondering where we went wrong. what happened in our life recently that has made us so desperate for an alternative. Our mind keeps going back to conversations with our t. there hasn't been much luck with t's in our life. our first t was when we were a teenager he thought we were his soulmate. we ended up lovers he was 33 at the time. our next t became very good friend. we didn't really need a friend. we needed a t. the next three also became friends. got tired of having t as friends. not that we didn't enjoy their company we were just looking for something else. where are we going with all this?? not sure. with our current or last t she had a reputation of never socializing with client. loved that. after many years of thearpy we began to trust her. she never lied to us never left us. was always there when we needed her. saved our lives more than once. yet when memories started to emerge, when we started to reveal ourselves a shift began. not sure who started it . perhaps it was us pulling away, perhaps it was her pulling away. either way sessions began to feel unfullfilling ( a word??) memories would come she would say she was sorry it happened to us and advised us to turn to internal system for support and understanding THE END. at that point nothing was ever completed nothing ever said again. So the question remains was it us pulling away or her?? at this point it doesn't really matter because we will never ever enter therapy again. the water, the wind and the gentle waves are our therapy now. don't know where our life is going. Guess the direction of the wind

Posted on Oct 5, 2000, 8:32 PM
from IP address 63.39.114.152

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Hi there!

by (no login)

It's good to hear from you. I'm so glad you've been able to have time on the water lately...it sounds great! As for your last t, based only on what you said, it's hard to determine who pulled away. On the one hand, I think it's a good idea to turn to your internal system for support and understanding. On the other hand, I do not think that that should be your only support and understanding, because we all need people in our life who support and understand us. Was she unable to handle the bigger stuff? If that's the case, then it's very possible that she pulled away. I can't say this for sure though. If you want to talk about it more and try to process through it, feel free to write.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 10, 2000, 4:52 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.31

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Margaret and Erin

by Cassie (no login)

I did not get to come back here until now. Its real dum to be feeling dead when you know you are alive. I trid real hard to get stuff with maria she was the therapist, i worked real hard and now we don't see her anymore and she hasnt even talked to me she just sent us away. the new lady is real different but i have not and will not be talkin to her because if i do then Ill make everything get stuffed up again and then she qwill kick us out as well. I realy hate it when you try real hard to get stuff right and then you just stuff it up and then noone likes you anymor.

thats wat makes me feel dead.

Posted on Oct 3, 2000, 11:47 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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hi Cassie

by Margaret (no login)

I'm sorry you have had to change therapist's- that is really hard. It's not dumb to be feeling dead- you probably feel real numb. I'm sure you tried real hard with Maria kiddo- but you know what- talking about things isn't what made Maria think you needed a new therapist. And I will like you no matter what you need to get out. You can always talk here ok.
It was nice to hear from you- it made me feel good- sometimes I think no one remembers me here.
Margaret

Posted on Oct 4, 2000, 7:45 PM
from IP address 205.188.192.164

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Margaret

by Cassie (no login)

Margaret if it wasnot talking that made her think we needed the new therapist then what was it we only did talking i just feel so mad at everything and i am triing not to make Terry mad but it sorta slips out an then shes mad to but its me not her do you no what i mean

being mad makes me feel dead to but i think thats because when i was little and got mad he made me wish i was dead thats the sort of stuff i use to talk to maria about is it bad to do that sort of talking.

Margaret i've never been scared before but I think I am a bit now is that ok or should i make it go away i never cry an now i am it sucks

see ya later

Cassie

um why do you think no on remembers you I do you talked to me when Terrie was away an now you talk to me now I like having you to talk to

Posted on Oct 6, 2000, 7:39 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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hi Cassie

by Margaret (no login)

Cassie-
I know exactly what you mean about Terry feeling mad even though it is you. That happens with us here also- sometimes I have feelings I don't understand and that aren't really mine. But that's ok- that shows me that someone with me is struggling and I need to find out who and we need to work together to help each other feel better.
I think you are very smart to know that being mad makes you feel dead because of how he made you wish that when you were little. It is not bad at all to do that sort of talking. It actually is VERY GOOD!
Cassie hon, it's ok to be scared and it's ok to cry. Please don't try to stop or hide your feelings- that's not the healthy thing to do. I know crying and feeling scared can be yucky- but you're ok and your feelings are ok.
You're doing a great job talking here. Keep me posted how things are going for you ok?
Take care,
Margaret

Posted on Oct 9, 2000, 11:01 AM
from IP address 205.188.199.158

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Terry

by (no login)

I just wanted to remind you that taking care of others' needs instead of your own is NOT what you are meant to do. It's ok to be helpful, but don't do so at your own expense. You deserve to be able to be you and to be loved and nurtured just as much as the next person. Please be gentle with yourself.

Much love and tenderness,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 3, 2000, 8:56 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.151

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I feel so lost..

by Terry (no login)

I don't know what my needs are anymore, I just know I feel so very very weary.

I'm tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of trying to be happy, tired of looking after my family, tired of going to work just tired of everything.

I want to feel better, happier, more content and at peace but it seems to elude me.

Terry

Posted on Oct 3, 2000, 11:52 PM
from IP address 202.139.59.131

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{{{{{{{{{Terry}}}}}}}}}}

by (no login)

I can sure understand being so tired. It's hard being a grown up, and it's hard dealing with feelings and healing. Please know that I'm holding you gently and safely in my heart, and that I love you and cherish you very much.

Many safe hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 4, 2000, 5:33 AM
from IP address 205.188.198.56

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hmmm, I get that ole

by jigme (no login)

invisible feeling here.... off I go somewhere more visible... good luck, all!

Posted on Oct 2, 2000, 4:28 PM
from IP address 195.92.67.67

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I feel that way too jigme

by Margaret (no login)

very often...
take care-

Posted on Oct 3, 2000, 6:59 AM
from IP address 205.188.198.172

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Hi there

by (no login)

Hi jigme. Sorry I did not answer your last post. I honestly did not know what to tell you cuz I've never experienced that before and couldn't really be of much help....but I suppose I could have been supportive anyway, cuz you do matter here, and I apologize for not doing so. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you can find some answers to your questions.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 3, 2000, 8:52 PM
from IP address 205.188.199.151

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emotion mistery

by jigme (no login)

Does anyone here ever have emotions which they don't know what they are, and aren't even sure if they are theirs or coming from the other person? I find this disturbing. How do I find out?!

Posted on Sep 30, 2000, 2:55 AM
from IP address 195.92.67.67

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