Healing Our Lives (Moderated)

This is a place of connection and healing for survivors of childhood abuse. Please note that the banner below is not by my choice, but is necessary for me to be able to provide you with this free site. Other places of interest include Angry Expressions where you can express you anger, and Memory Meadow where you can share your memories. Also, please feel free to go to Healing Our Lives Chat to talk in real time with other survivors, or I have started another chat room which you can access by clicking the button below.

If no one is there, and/or you want to chat with just me, you may do so whenever I am online by clicking on the button below:

Exhausted

by Terry (no login)

I hate feeling this tired and run down, no amount of rest seems to make a difference. Its probably because its in my head, the tiredness, not so much in the old body! Oh well, one foot in front of the other and I guess it will improve! Taking the kids to the movies today, get to sit, we are going to see Peter Pan. I hope my inner girls enjoy it too.

Pray for me

Terry

Posted on Jan 20, 2004, 6:23 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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I can relate

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I've been feeling totally exhausted the past couple of days myself, so I can relate. Sure hope you and yours enjoyed the movie, and hope you are feeling better soon.

Love you so much,
Terrie

Posted on Jan 20, 2004, 7:06 PM
from IP address 205.188.209.73

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Speaking of inner child

by (no login)

So how was the movie? I have children as well.. such a blessing to see them happy and feed my inner child as well.... I think far to often people take being an adult to serious... need to allow ourselves to be our funny ... outrageious ect...

Children are Awesome!!! Being a mother is Awesome!!
very thankful and i'm sure you are as well... well take care... and have fun lol

Posted on Jan 22, 2004, 9:01 PM
from IP address 67.65.5.131

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Hi Chris

by Terry (no login)

The movie was enjoyed by all, even my 16yr old son! Kids are awsome but can also be tiresome....this is from one mum who will be glad to have the seven weeks of summer holidays over. One more week to go. Give me a month and I'll be tired of all the running around...never happy :)

Take care

Terry

Posted on Jan 26, 2004, 7:49 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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Waves to Terrie

by Watcher (no login)

Hope you are doing ok.

Posted on Jan 17, 2004, 8:56 PM
from IP address 65.30.241.10

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Watcher!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

It's so great to see you! I'm doing ok...how about you?

Terrie

Posted on Jan 18, 2004, 9:56 AM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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Doing ok

by Watcher (no login)

Been a really tough year but things are looking up a bit right now. Its so hard to be optomistic, feels like its tempting god lol

Posted on Jan 18, 2004, 7:20 PM
from IP address 65.30.241.10

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Watcher

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm glas things are looking up a bit at the moment. I know it can be hard to be optimistic, but keep in mind that even if you do have rough patches, that is part of life's ups and downs, and doesn't mean you aren't on the right track.

Keep in touch.

Terrie

Posted on Jan 19, 2004, 12:49 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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Happy New Year

by Terry (no login)

My warmest wishes to you all for 2004. Has anyone been game enough to make new years resolutions!!

As always my aim is to get to the end of another year, thats the dark, sad side of me. The more hopefull side of me is going to keep working on believing that I am an OK person!

Much love to all who visit here

Terry

(((((((Terrie))))) hugs and smooches from all the girls

Posted on Dec 31, 2003, 7:45 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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Terry

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Happy New Year to a MORE THAN OK person! I hope that someday you will know this truth, because it IS the truth.

Love you so much,
Hugs to all of you,
Terrie

Posted on Jan 2, 2004, 5:45 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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Sandra

by Terry (no login)

My dear sweet friend, How are you?? As always I have you warmly in my heart. I just love the summer holidays. the kids aren't at school, all the sports activities have stopped for a while and it is just nice to slow everything down and not be watching the clock all day!!

Terry

Posted on Dec 31, 2003, 7:39 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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Hi

by Stacie (no login)

Hey my name is Stacie. Im friends with Shellie. She told me this was a good place to come and post and to chat with others. I hope to get to meet some of you. I really been having a hard time with stuff. But hope soon it will get better. I hope to get to meet some of you soon. Stacie

Posted on Dec 31, 2003, 12:52 AM
from IP address 66.152.46.167

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Hi Stacie

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Hi Stacie! Shellie is an angel, isn't she? I'm so glad you are here, and I hope you do find it to be a safe place and that you get the support you need. I am the owner/moderater of this form, and Shellie is my co-moderater. I look forward to getting to know you.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 31, 2003, 8:53 AM
from IP address 216.84.132.102

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Stacie !

by Shellie (no login)

Hi !
I'm real proud of you for coming and reaching out! Great job! I really hope you find comfort and support here, Terrie has been our friend for a number of years now and we love her a whole big bunch, and the others who also come here, I see lots of love and support coming from everyone. I'm still pretty shy about posting hehe, but I *had* to answer yours since you were brave enough to post, I figured I should push too ;)
Love,
Shellie
& (Kathie)

Posted on Dec 31, 2003, 1:44 PM
from IP address 205.188.209.73

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hi Stacie

by Nikki (no login)

Hi Stacie. Welcome to this place. It's a great place to be and all the people are lovely. I hope you're doing ok.

Love,
Nikki (and all Nikki's people)

Posted on Jan 9, 2004, 4:59 AM
from IP address 203.217.66.56

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for Margaret

by Cassie (no login)

Hi Margaret, I kow you don't come here much, like we don't but I am hoping...lots....that you might just come and see this.

I hope you and Angela are having a fun Christmas.

love your friend

Cassie

Posted on Dec 22, 2003, 6:21 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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Merry Christmas

by Terry (no login)

Just popping in to wish all that visit this wonderful place a joyful Christmas. i know, only too well, what a difficult time of year this can be but I truly hope that you are all travelling ok.

Dear Terrie, my thoughts often turn to you and the gift that you give all of us. It is a gift of comfort, support and unconditional love. I am truly thankful that we found you. Please accept our love and warmest wishes for yourself and Sheila over the Christmas season. Oh, Lilly says and your pussy cats!

Terry

Posted on Dec 22, 2003, 6:18 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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{{{{{Terry}}}}}

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Hi Terry! It is so wonderful to hear from you! Gosh how I've missed you and lily! Thank you so much for your love and warmest wishes for me, Shelia, and the cats. We have 5 cats now, by the way. LOL.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 22, 2003, 8:41 PM
from IP address 205.188.209.73

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Hi

by Terry (no login)

Wow, 5 cats, we would love that but our two are enough for now!

Did you have a nice Christmas? I did, we spent the day at my Mums house. My sister and her fella were there as well so it was nice. Apart from all the eating and drinking that goes on I enjoyed playing Uno with my daughters and my Mum and then in the evening the whole family played Monopoly. It was good family time.

Today I am just having a very quiet day, having to be "switched on" all day yesterday has made me pretty tired so today i have just been watching TV and drifting around. My husband has taken the kids out to the movies and I am just enjoying the peace before I head off and have a nap.

Much love

Terry

Posted on Dec 25, 2003, 9:49 PM
from IP address 202.74.164.33

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Hi Terry

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I did have a nice Christmas. Shelia and I went to my brother's house and my parents were there. We ate and my mom and I played cards. Then we left there and went to visit Shelia's mom, and her brother and sister and neice and nephews were all there, so we ate and had a nice time there too. We just got home last night.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas, and also that you are getting to rest the next day. That was so sweet of your husband to take the kids out and give you some quiet time to yourself.

Hope you are doing well.

Love you so much,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 29, 2003, 8:20 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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merry xmas Terry

by sandra (no login)

hope every hting is going good.
enjoye the hollydays
byebye
Sandra

Posted on Dec 27, 2003, 2:22 AM
from IP address 66.130.102.175

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alone (again)

by Nikki (from Nikki's people) (no login)

Sorry I know I already posted in the Memory place but I had to write here too. I hope that's ok. I don't want to do too many posts.

I'm having a hard time right now and I feel so alone too. I have come off my anti-depressants, and I'm nearly out of anti-psychotics so I don't know what I'll do when they run out. I can barely sleep at all and I haven't got a psychiatrist anymore because I stopped going because I got too scared everytime and I just couldn't get myself to go. I'd talked about it with the psychiatrist, and we tried ways of making it less scary but nothing worked so I just stopped going.

She's the 8th in a long line of psych's, therapists, doctors and counsellors - None of which have helped at all. I think that maybe we're doomed to live like this forever.

Now that we're not seeing the psych, it means we can't get meds because the dose that we're supposed to be on is higher than that which normal GP doctors can prescribe so the only way to get meds is to go back to the psychiatrist, or to go into hospital, which isn't an option right now because I'm supposed to be doing "really well".

That's what everyone thinks. They think we're doing great. They think we've been coping with things using the right coping mechanisms. They don't realise how wrong they are - and that's my fault too. I should win an Oscar coz my acting ability must be real good.

But that's just it - I can't let them see that I'm doing badly. They mustn't know. They've been through way too much and it would brake her heart. My mum, that is.

Sorry this is so long. I could write more but I won't.

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Dec 5, 2003, 9:52 PM
from IP address 203.217.78.45

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Nikki

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Sweetie, you are welcome to write as many times as you want to, ok? That's what the forums are for...

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time coming off your meds due to having a hard time handling meeting with the psychiatrist. Did you ever try working with the psychiatrist by writing? Perhaps write him/her a note explaining that talking face to face is too hard but that you really need your meds, and ask if he/she would make a list of the types of questions he/she needs you to answer so they can evaluate if the meds are working or if they need to be adjusted, so that you can write your answers ahead of time. Just an idea.... What meds were you taking, if I'm not being too nosy? Being that I myself take some meds, and also work in the mental health field, I know how important meds can be.

As for looking on the outside like you are doing so great, I think it's ok to "fake it til you make it" sometimes, as long as you don't hide your true self so well that you can't even see yourself how you are and be able to continue to work on your issues. It is not necessary for everyone on the outside to know what is going on inside, but it is important to have a support system to lean on (and if nothing else, you have that here).

You say you are able to maintain your behavior enough that everyone thinks you are using the right coping mechanisms, but that in reality you are not. Can I ask, do you know the coping mechansims? If so, are there reasons you do not use them? Is there anything I can do to help with this?

Here for you, and hoping you feel better soon, but caring no matter what,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 8, 2003, 10:26 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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Hi Terrie

by Nikki (no login)

Thank you so much for writing to us Terrie.

About coping mechanisms. Well I really don't know how "normal" people cope with anything, even just regular everyday life. I can't get through a day without resorting to my way of coping. The doctors say it's unhealthy and I suppose it is, but I don't know what else to do. Even when nothing's happened to upset me I still can't seem to cope with normal stuff. If I had it my way, I'd lock myself in a dark room and stay there on my own for the rest of my life, but people won't let me do that.

As for meds, I was on Effexor (300mg per day) and 1000mg of Seroquel a day. They don't help. I think I've tried most of the anti-depressants, and quite afew anti-psychotics too and all of them have had no positive effects (but alot of negative ones). I stayed on each med for a long period of time, so I certainly gave them a chance to work.

I tried corresponding with the psychiatrist by email, but I still got too scared to be honest with her. I'd say whatever I thought she wanted to hear, rather than actually say the truth because I didn't want her to hate me or to think I was too difficult to treat (which I think is true) and I really didn't want her to get angry with me. (she's never gotten angry with me before, but there's always a first time, right?)

I just feel so alone and there's NO ONE at all that I can turn too because I've isolated myself from the world. I've never had a friend, Terrie - I'm serious. Even at school I was always the freak, the odd one out who got picked on for being different and fat.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, because that honestly is not the case. I just wish the world would swallow me up and let me hide away forever, but that's just not going to happen.

I'm sorry this is so long.

Thank you for taking the time to reply Terrie. You are a wonderful person.

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Dec 11, 2003, 3:44 AM
from IP address 203.217.77.132

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Nikki

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Hi Nikki. Have you ever read "An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal" by John Friel, Ph.D., and Linda Friel, M.A.? ISBN 1-55874-090-2 copyright 1990 (unless there's a newer version out that I don't know about). Anyway, if you can't get a copy of it, let me know, and I will be glad to make you a photocopy of mine and send it to you. It has a lot of good information about learning how to cope and live life after growing up dysfunctionally.

As for having never had a friend, I know that that is hard, even if you do tend to isolate yourself anyway (but hey, you probably isolate at least in part to try to avoid rejection, right?). I just want you to know that in the time I've talked with you online, I happen to think you are a wonderful person. You are always kind toward other people's feelings, but you also (at least online) can express some of your own feelings too (which is important). And while you may not always be honest in order to avoid getting hurt or someone getting angry at you, I do see you as able to be very honest here and to talk fairly openly about what is going on with you. Those, my friend, are very positive qualities! Keep up the great work of interacting (and I imagine that at times it really is work, since you are accustomed to isolating yourself). I think you are doing outstanding at reaching out.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Dec 11, 2003, 6:13 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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Hi Nikki

by (no login)

Hi Nikki,
I am sorry you are going through a hard time right now, but things really will get better. You aren't doome to live like this forever and you are not alone. I have D.I.D. too and I know how hard it can be to go to the doctor. Sometimes if I can't make it to see the doctor I call them and ask them to call the pharmacy to refill my prescription. Meds really do help. And don' t forget that just because you are scared now, it doesn't mean you always will be. Things really do change. I know because I have gotten a lot better. I am sending you safe hugs right now.
Another thing to, I know you don't want to hurt your Mum but you're the most important person right now. You do what you have to do to take care of yourself. In the long run that's what matters most to people - that you're safe and you are taking care of yourself. I know I went through periods where I seemed okay but I really wasn't and I had to go to the hospital to feel safe. ANd yes people were scared and worried about me but so was I and I had to do the best thing for me. No matter what you do, people are here for you.
So please take care of yourself and do whatever feels safest. I've had days where I have had to stay in bed because it just didn't feel safe to leave it, so do whatever you need and keep reaching out to people. I hope you feel better soon.

Love,
Denna

Posted on Dec 11, 2003, 5:35 AM
from IP address 205.186.129.62

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thank you Denna

by Nikki (no login)

Thank you so much for writing Denna. That really helps alot. Thank you.

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Dec 13, 2003, 1:50 AM
from IP address 203.217.77.132

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Terrie

by Paule (no login)

hey Terrie
guess what?
my dad offer to pay for airplane fair and am flying there for about 10 days..
his wife will be there...and he goes out everdy likegolfing and stuff...so he ownt be around mush...cant wait to go in the sun and ocean...
will call yu wen get home ok?
miss yu a lot....
yu got the last email?
been emailing yu an ...not get answer so cout me yur not geting them...
lov yu lots
(((terrie ))))))))))
and (((((((((sheaila))))))

paule

Posted on Nov 23, 2003, 8:34 PM
from IP address 66.130.102.175

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Hi Paule!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Oh, I'm so happy that you get to go be in the sun and the ocean. Where does your dad live? I have not gotten any e-mails from you lately...not sure why. I left my e-mail address up at the top again in case it got messed up in your address book or something. I look forward to hearing from you when you get back.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 24, 2003, 7:40 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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hey..:)

by Paule (no login)

just got home..
was sssoooo fun...
but glad be home....
home sweet home like they say..
wheather was good and the ocean too
how yu doing?

Posted on Dec 7, 2003, 8:18 PM
from IP address 66.130.102.175

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wow,,, maybe now i can start living,, !!!!!!

by C n P (no login)

Today i am really glad this site is here,,it gives me a place to put all of this,,let me start by saying i am a nurse,,you know bound by ethics to tend to the sick uncondtionally!!! well my "little secret" has always been my dream,to be the nurse in charge of the care of my "abuser", so i would have the chance to inflict some real pain on him,, even if it cost me my carreer,,i carried so much hate in me, i was willing to give up my lifes work, to achieve my dream,well i thought i was,, till this past week. recently i had a man put in my care at work,, and this man had all the traits of my abuser, he was physically and verbally assultive, he made sexuall advances toward staff members,,his family history was one of domestic abuse,, and violence,, anyway i transfered all if my hate onto this man, and in my mind he became my step-father,, my behavoir was totally unprofessional, i was constantly thinking of ways i could humiliate him,, i would antagonize him just to get him going, so i could mock him, and so on, well this went on for a while,until, the day he spit in my face,,that was more than i could bare, i was really afraid that i would do something physical to him, i had my self removed from his case,that was the start,,,,, yesterday he became acutely ill,, and by default i was drawn back into the dynamics of his case,, long conversation's with his family led me to realize that,even after all he had done to them, they were still able to have basic human compassion for him, they wanted to see that he had the care he deserved as a human being,, at this final stage of life they had let go of the hate, and though this i was able to also,after a very long meeting ,with them i went and for now reason started to cry, i felt a release, felt all my anger leave me,it was almost like God had put this family and i together, to teach me that there is always a way to let go of the anger, and that you can't begin to heal until you do, i also proved to myself that i was not capable of intentionally hurting anyone, i am a kind caring person, not the monster i thought i had the potenial to be, and i felt wonderful today,i still have to sort things out, but now i am clear headed,,he no longer controls me, my life is not focused on him, it;s focused on me and my life,,,,, today is the first day of the rest of my life Thanks for reading this

Posted on Nov 23, 2003, 5:50 PM
from IP address 67.70.203.68

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Yayayayy!!!!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Oh, I'm so proud of you for being able to put your anger behind! This is a huge step in your healing, and I hope that you find that this will have a drastic affect on your inner peace and serenity.

Yayyayaya for you!

Terrie

Posted on Nov 24, 2003, 7:34 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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finding 'normality'

by Nikki (from Nikki's people) (no login)

Hi everyone,

How do you get to be *normal*? I mean, I know that there's supposed to be no such thing as normal but there is really such a thing. Society has a standard that they deem as being "normal" and I don't fit into it. Not even a little bit.

I got laughed at AGAIN the other day because a child at the place we do voluntary work asked us to her birthday party. I'd love to go. I *am* going. But the boss (who laughed at me last time, and who seems to take me for granted) laughed at me and commented that "um Nikki, why don't you tell the kids that you're 25 years old and that you're not a kid anymore"... the stupid thing is that she's right really. The body is not a child anymore, even if there's lots of children inside.

We really want to go to the party coz it's an ice skating party and we've never ice skated before and also coz they're having balloons and cake and candles and party foods that we're allowed to eat just this once...

but now we feel stupid and dumb. We should NOT want to go to a kids party, right? We shouldn't enjoy hanging around the kids more than the adults coz the kids are fun and not scary and they actually like us unlike the big peoples.

Feel very stupid and rong an brokend
sori

Posted on Nov 13, 2003, 4:55 AM
from IP address 203.217.24.6

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Nikki

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I started to answer the other day, but our phone lines were water-logged and I couldn't stay online long enough to finish.

As for "normal"...it IS normal for you, with lils inside, to enjoy children's birthday parties. In fact, even adults who are kids inside would enjoy that. I would, and I don't have DID. Ice skating and balloons and cake and party food! Sounds wonderful to me!

Additionally, your boss may have the right to tell you what to do at work to some extent, but she has no right to tell you how to live your personal life. I figure that if it's not hurting you and it's not hurting anyone else, why should it matter? And if your boss laughs at you, then she is insensitive and judgemental and you don't need to concern yourself with what she things cuz it's so much better to surround yourself with supportive people.

It's ok to just be yourself Nikki. So what if it's not what everyone else wants....it's YOUR life, not theirs. Do what's right for YOU. And if that doesn't fit in with some people's definition of "normal", then perhaps they have the wrong definition.

Caringly,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 17, 2003, 5:34 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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terrie

by Nikki (no login)

Thank you Terrie. Your reply means alot to us.

We went to the party and quite afew of us had a great time! Ice Skating is really fun! (Chelsea says to tell you that the birthday cake had BLUE icing)!

Terrie, do you think the adults will think we're strange or bad for going to the party? They wouldn't think bad things because we like playing with the kids and stuff, right? We really had so much fun and we didn't fall over once!

You're a very kind person Terrie, Thank you for *YOU*.

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Nov 18, 2003, 5:56 AM
from IP address 203.217.19.228

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Nikki

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Nikki, anyone who thinks you are strange for going to the party is being judgemental, and what they think really does not matter. What matters is that you went and you had a great time and the kids there enjoyed you being there. I am sooooo glad you had fun, and didn't fall down, and had cake with BLUE icing! I think it all sounds absoultely wonderful, and you deserve to have some enjoyment in life.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 20, 2003, 5:22 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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terrie

by Paule (no login)

am glad yur home
hope yu had a good time and every hting went great
.was thinking of you 2

(((((terrie)))))))

paule

Posted on Nov 11, 2003, 9:38 PM
from IP address 66.130.102.175

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Had a great weekend

by C n P (no login)

and wanted to stop by and share it we went to a comedy club on Friday night that kept us laughing for hours...I highly recomend this to anyone who lives near a comedy club..it's so great for forgetting about the rest of life for a few hours
Hope everyone else had a great weekend
Safe hugs

Posted on Nov 2, 2003, 12:13 AM
from IP address 67.70.196.112

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Great!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad that you had such a good weekend, and that you were able to laugh and laugh! I know it feels so good to just enjoy life for a while, doesn't it?

Smiles,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 5, 2003, 1:01 PM
from IP address 216.84.132.102

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please help

by (no login)

Hi,
I went psychotic yesterday and my doctor wouldn't change my meds. I don't want to go to the hospital because I know I'll wake around 5am with some strange man taking my blood pressure. Voices keep telling me I should hurt myself but I don't want to and I'm not really evil am I? I have DID. I've been talking to my therapist but I really need to hear from someone who knows what I'm going through. I really need support.
Thank you for reading this.

Denna

Posted on Nov 1, 2003, 8:04 AM
from IP address 204.30.139.123

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hi

by Nikki (from Nikki's people) (no login)

Hi,
I can't offer much right now, because things are really bad for us at the moment, but I did want to say that we hear you and we understand. We have been where you are - in fact, we're kind of there right now (decided to stop taking meds - long story) and it's not a nice or safe place to be emotionally.
I wish I knew what to say to help - then again, if I knew how to help, I'd help myself aswell.
Please know that I hear you, and that I do understand.
If the safest place for you to be is hospital, then maybe that's where you should go. You need to do what's best for you. You are important (ALL of you) and you need to take care of yourselves.

I'm always here to talk,

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Nov 1, 2003, 11:18 PM
from IP address 203.217.76.166

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thanks Nikki

by (no login)

Thanks Nikki,
I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now. Thank you for responding to me. I don't think I'm going to go to the hospital. I've gotten kinda better. It was scary because I was hallucinating and switching and I haven't done that in a while. Why did you stop taking your meds? I hope you feel better soon. If you ever need to talk you can e-mail me. I know how hard it is and it really does to help to share with someone going through a similar thing.

thank you so much,
denna

Posted on Nov 3, 2003, 6:59 AM
from IP address 206.214.1.164

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denna

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Hi Denna. I'm sorry I could not respond earlier, but am glad to hear you are feeling better. Please feel free to keep writing here as often as you wish.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Nov 5, 2003, 12:59 PM
from IP address 216.84.132.102

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shy, concerned, and confused

by C n P (no login)

I was diagnosed as having D.I.D. in Sept of 2002. Since then I have worked very hard to find some solid research, tests, indicators, anything to guide me. I only witnessed extreame abuse until my teen years at that point i was in a rocky and emotional, somewhat violent situation. Typicle story... Ran at 17 relationship to relation ship and never found me. Got married felt safe- Lost my cookies, broke down totally- reduced to flesh and tears, over taken by fears and memories. I'm sorry to have run on, I'm looking for guidance... Books, info, tests ANYTHING.

Thankyou for having a forum in which we could ask for such help!!!

Posted on Oct 27, 2003, 10:04 PM
from IP address 67.70.203.120

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Hi there!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Welcome to Healing Our Lives. I am glad you posted, and hope you will feel free to post anytime you have questions or even just want to talk. As for books and stuff with information, try out my website at http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/5585 for links to other sites as well as books about DID and other related issues. Hope this helps.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 27, 2003, 10:34 PM
from IP address 205.188.209.73

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thanks,,Terrie

by C n P (no login)

well i ran home from work the other night,,hoping to find a response to my letter,, and there was ,,;o),,,,,it wasnt until recently that i truly realized why i was doing what it was i am doing on the internet,,, and it killed me to know i have allowed my past to have such a profound impact on my present,,i have considered therapy,, and actually attempted it once,, but i guess i wasnt ready,,, now i feel that at least i can talk about it,,openly,,, and this site helps,,all of your suggestions are great,,i am considering starting a journal again to let it out,, time will tell,,until then,, i will continue to come here,, and keep ij touch with all who share my pain,, thanks for being here,,

Posted on Oct 30, 2003, 11:51 PM
from IP address 67.70.196.17

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they laughed at me

by Nikki (from Nikki's people) (no login)

please someone tell me what to do when people laugh at you? they were all laughing at us and I'm not imagining it. they wouldn't say what we were doing wrong but they kept laughing and looking and pointing and saying that they couldn't look coz they'd die laughing and I don't understand. no one inside understands. why were they laughing at us? what did we do? we are so terribly ashamed of ourselves.

Posted on Oct 27, 2003, 1:16 AM
from IP address 203.173.27.229

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Oh Nikki!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I am so sorry that they were laughing at you like that. I know from experience how humiliating that can feel. As I have become more self-confident, I have learned not to worry about what other people think, but I know it was quite a journey to get to where I am today. So, what to do when people are laughing at you.....that's a tough one. First of all, remind yourself that whatever they think is unimportant and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know that can be hard, but I think that is what is gonna help you the most, is to be able to not worr about what others are thinking and doing, even if they are laughing at you. People can be cruel, but we don't have to go there with them. I hope this helps, and if you want to talk about it more, feel free to post again.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 27, 2003, 10:33 PM
from IP address 205.188.209.73

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Happy Birthday Terrie!!!!!!!

by Terrie's Helper (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Wishing you a very VERY Happy Birthday, and all the best wishes in the world for you this day, and all the days to come.
{{{{**{{{**{{{**{{Terrie}}**}}}**}}}**}}}
Love & Hugs,
Shellie

hapyberthday.toyu.
hapyberthday.to.yu
hapyberthday.to.terrie.
hapyberthday.to.yu

((((((((terrie))))))))))))
lov.from.natalie.

Posted on Oct 21, 2003, 10:09 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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Thank you!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Shellie and natalie,
Thank you so much for the wonderful birthday wishes. You two are so special to me, and I'm so glad that you are in my life.

Love you so much,
Terie

Posted on Oct 22, 2003, 10:18 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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hi

by Cathy (no login)

Hi Im Cathy - Im the host for our system and I am looking for a place where we all might be welcome and find some friends and some support. There are many of us - but not all who are outsiders yet. I hope we can keep coming here.
Thanks
Cathy

Posted on Oct 21, 2003, 9:17 AM
from IP address 211.29.136.12

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Welcome Cathy!

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you are here, and I hope that you do find this to be a safe place for you and your insiders to come to talk and find friends and support. My name is Terrie, and I am the moderator (along with a very trusted friend who has been helping me for several years).

Hope to hear from you again,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 22, 2003, 10:16 PM
from IP address 64.12.96.200

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Thanks

by Cathy (no login)

Hi Terrie
Thank you for welcoming us. Is it ok for some littles to justpost and say hi - I have gone to little's board with them but they not write anything yet. Maybe I will let them tonight

Posted on Oct 26, 2003, 5:21 AM
from IP address 211.30.142.109

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Hi Cathy

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I just answered a post from jo over at the lils board, and whoever else would like to write is more then welcome to. I look forward to getting to know you all.

Smiles,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 26, 2003, 9:35 AM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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Hi Cathy

by Nikki (from Nikki's people) (no login)

Hi Cathy,
Welcome to the forum. It's great to have you here! I'm Nikki and I'm the host of our system. We have lots of insiders and outsiders and many of them like this forum as it feels safe for us. Some are still hidden inside too.
Anyway I'm sorry this is so long. Welcome to the forum.

Love,
Nikki

Posted on Oct 22, 2003, 11:20 PM
from IP address 203.217.71.157

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hi Nikki

by Cathy (no login)

Hi Nikki
thank you for welcoming us here. Maybe we will feel safe here too

Posted on Oct 26, 2003, 5:23 AM
from IP address 211.30.142.109

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trying to find the optimist in me...

by Julie (no login)

If I'm not careful, I can get really cynical about my life. The most recent example of this is...Now! I get to feeling so frustrated with my situation, and despite tremendous amounts of hard work and effort on my part, I start feeling like God really has it in for me; I just can't catch a break. I have been trying, after years of being nothing more than a zombie (literally), to juggle a job, school, and several serious medical conditions. Today I found out that on top of all that, I need complete reconstructive jaw surgery (transplanting muscle in for other soft tissues and all, possibly a complete jaw replacement). This is a $20,000 surgery. I am on SSDI...no $20,000 in sight for me! I know medicare will pay for most of this, but I can't handle even the "negligible" extra expenses (I just love how Dr.s think $500 here, or $500 there is negligible). I just get to feeling like I really can't take another thing on my plate. I don't mean to complain, but I have to put those feelings somewhere, or they will explode and EVERYTHING I worked so hard for will fall apart.
Sorry, just needed to vent. Any "pats on the back" thrown my way, or encouragement offered would be greatly appreciated.
Julie

Posted on Oct 16, 2003, 1:30 AM
from IP address 66.32.4.86

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Julie

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I can understand how you could feel overwhelmed. Even just juggling work and school is tough for a lot of people, and add on top of that that you have so many medical conditions and have spent so long basically doing not much at all....that's quite an accomplishment that you are doing as well as you are with it all. And you know, medical bills (co-pays) are tough for some of us who are not on disability too. So just a deep breath and do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and then deal with the after-effect (such as owing the docs money) one day at a time. Also, they will often write off bills that people just simply can't afford if you talk to them. In any case, feel free to come back and post again if you need to, and if you need to vent really loudly, feel free to go to the Angry Expressions page.

I'm glad you're here,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 16, 2003, 7:18 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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Thanks

by Anonymous (no login)

Thanks. I really got myself all worked up today in to a full blown panic attack. I feel a lot better now, though I still feel overwhelmed with the number of things piling up on me. Encouragement and confidence was what my therapist tried to load me down with today. He also wanted to see me tomorrow after his last patient and my last class. I'm just trying to keep the anxiety and pain at manageable levels. I'm trying to stay upbeat and not panic, I have 2 tests next week and just started a new job that is pretty demanding on my time.
Thanks so much for your understanding ear and support. I can really use that right now.
Julie

Posted on Oct 16, 2003, 8:41 PM
from IP address 66.32.4.86

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Julie

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

I'm so glad you ar working on encouragement and confidence, as well as keeping your anxiety and pain levels down. Feel free to write anytime you need to vent.

In support,
Terrie

Posted on Oct 18, 2003, 3:41 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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Reposted from A Safe Place

by (Login HealingWymn)
Forum Owner

Greetings-

My name is Thor Wright, and I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. I am currently on a mission to provide chat rooms for abuse forums. If, for some reason, you do not have access to a chat room, and you need one, let me know. You can find me here:

http://www.liberatedfromabuse.com

Feel free to email me with requests.

Respectfully,
Thor Wright

Posted on Oct 13, 2003, 6:29 PM
from IP address 152.163.252.232

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