Healing Our Lives (Moderated)
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Untitled
by Tammy (no login)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Due to what my father did to me while growing up, about 2 years ago I decided it was jusy easier to say to people he's dead ( to me he was) made it easier to get through certain times.
Well the night before last my sis calls me and says, while my mom is checking out her Soc.Sec. from my father the woman tells her she won't be reciving that but she will be recieving widows pesion. He died for real this January 31st. My mom and sisters and the rest of her family fell apart coz this was the first they heard about it. I was calm cool and colected...it's what I thought I'd been waiting for....
then I woke up yesterday and spent the entire day crying while remembering all the good times and stuff, mad at myself for reacting that way but didn't really know how to act. I thought a good night sleep would help.... not hardly, couple glasses of wine and a few sleeping pills ( prescribed for me ) and I wake up still in turmoil, still trying to defend my actions to myself. And the worse part is all those yeard I waited for an aplogy and explanation ie: it was the alchohol...that never came...now never will. And his second wife had him cremated before His side of the family even knew he was dead. So I can't even sit by a grave and talk till I find answers.
what a mess I am huh?
Tammy in tears
from IP address 209.86.183.204
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I get where I'll feel good for a short period then discust(sp?) again. I have one problem that my therapist said he thought needed to be dealt with but I hate it and haven't gone back since. I need a good cry I know that much thanks for listening