WELCOME TAE THE FALKIRK WHEATSHEAF

*****

Now if ye fancy a wee blether, come away in, this is the oldest standing pub in Falkirk, been there since 1610...and will probably stand another 1610. The beers fresh though so dinny worry. Leave a message and tell yer friends! Scottish Law prevails and ye have ti be 18 or older ti get in so ye better have ID... or we better ken yer Mammy. The Beer's no bad and the Scotch is good and the board is unmonitored so yer taking yer chances....PSTTTTT, mind and watch oot fur oor Ghost. He's hermless though so dinny worry!

PEEK THROUGH THE BACK DOOR HERE - WORK IN PROGRESS

I feel the winds of war coming again...

by India

will there be peace in the valley? one thing for sure, wherever there is a war, I wont fight in one, but, I would be happy to tend to the wounded..Im just hoping there isnt any bloodshed..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:12 AM

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Ever notice when people are getting along and having

by India

fun, and enjoying themselves, some "newcomer" comes along and does the usual piss on everyones parade routine? same old story..this is gettin old! same people too, only they use different angles..how ridiculous..good luck with aunt agnes yall..sounds like a blast from the past..a lot of hot air!

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:33 AM

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Aunt Agnes..just for the record...

by India

There is one thing I cant stand...and it is people who point the critiszing finger at other people, as if they themselves are without fault..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:46 AM

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We w ind India up noo and again.....

by Whisper- Agnes hen!

and she goes off on a wee roll haha. India mind yer manners! And whaurs they bloody roosters anyway...did they wake ye up cause yer up early the day LOL!

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:48 AM

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For you Aunt Agnes..

by India

Iam a hypocrite
Iam a liar
Iam a thief
Iam jealous
Iam filled with hate
Iam compassionate
Iam kind
Iam sad
Iam happy
Iam loving
Iam...all things good and bad. Iam a human being..are you?

When I look at the deeds of another, and feel a certain way, I remember that Iam...a human being too



Posted on May 5, 2002, 7:00 AM

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India

by Auntie Agnes

Well ah wisnae sure how tae respond tae this. Seems like ye think ahm somewan else? This is ma first time here, or second if ye count last night. Ye kin believe wit ye like but ye really should get yer facts right afore ye start being nasty tae folk.

Wi folk like you greeting newcomers tae a message board, ahm surprised anywan stays!

Thanks fur the warm welcome, made me feel ah hud found a nice place!

Sorry Whisper, ah came oan here tae talk maire aboot Falkirk. Ah wis there no that long ago an wanted tae talk aboot the changes an stuff. But efter this ahm no goanane bother hangin aroon

Posted on May 5, 2002, 10:41 AM

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You give up so easily Auntie Agnes..no need to talk to me

by India

as is known, Im "aff ma heid" so, why not accept the warm welcome you got and stay and talk to Whisper about Falkirk? have a nice day..as you know, there are other nice people in here to talk to..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 2:41 PM

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Auntie Agnes..just wondering..

by India

why would you think you would get banned for saying something?

Posted on May 5, 2002, 2:55 PM

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Oh and Auntie Agnes...seems you are more

by India

interested in political correctness than talkin about scottish things..dont worry Auntie Anges..I wont be talkin to you after this..but you did get a warm welcome from others. I would think that would be more important to a newcomer interested in talking about things that have changed in Falkirk.

Posted on May 5, 2002, 3:08 PM

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India

by Tam

Nah!!!! I bet yuv bin at that bloody curried rice aggin, ah telt ye tae leave it alone and have a couple o' slices of swiss roll covered wi warm custard. :0)

Posted on May 5, 2002, 11:16 AM

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A knicker story.

by Auld Yin.

When I ended up in hospital, ten days ago, it all happened rather suddenly. As a result my clothing was removed bit by bit.
I remember being on the table when i suddenly remembered I still had my knickers on. I started to wriggle and was going on about my knickers, it all got fuzzy after that but, a friend told me that when I was coming out of the anesthetic, I was still babbling on about my knickers.
Some one must have made the connection because next day, I found the knickers in question neatly wrapped in a plastic bag in a drawer.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:30 PM

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Auld Yin

by Tam

Ha ha, knickerless in Seattle??? still, that better than being in a time warp and waking up wi sum bugger tryin' ter pin a nappy on you an shove a bottle o' warm milk into your mouth.
Now there's a thought, imagine if we got owd Nap Bonapart back here as a baby and re-programmed his thinking, 'e cud 'ev ended up as the fifth Beetle singing Waterloo, or in the Water Loo? Quin sabe? :0)

Posted on May 5, 2002, 1:42 AM

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Auld Yin wi nae Knickers?????????????????

by Whisper

Bloody awful is what I call hen ye should sue...but then I supposed they hud ti get them aff ti operate haha. They say that that anesthesia does funny things to you

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:53 AM

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huvin a wee peek in the door

by Auntie Agnes

Just found this pub and thought ah wid come in an see wit its awe aboot. Is this wan oh they places where the regulars awe stick the gether or kin anywan join? Ah know Falkirk well, used tae dae awe ma shoppin there, an then go fur my lunch at Mathesons. Fair miss their macaroni cheese.

So thats ma introduction ower wi. Kin ah huv a drink noo? awe that bletherin fair makes ye thursty

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:19 PM

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Hi Auntie Agnes.

by Auld Yin.

Haul up a stool and jine in. Whisper likes dispensing Babychams but, if you want something else, just holler.
Sometimes it gets very busy in here and at others it's a bit quiet, hang around long enough and some one will come in.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:23 PM

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In here, the pub owner greets everyone with a warm welcome

by India

Im just a drinker here every now and then, but figured I would be polite and say hello..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 1:56 AM

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India

by Tam

That's wot the antelope sed wen the croc got 'im!!!

Posted on May 5, 2002, 2:53 AM

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Tammy...say hello to Auntie Agnes!!

by India

HAHAHHAHAHAHA!! mind yer manners now..(Auntie is a newcomer)


Posted on May 5, 2002, 5:57 AM

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Welcome Auntie

by Scout, part time barmaid

Whisper has built a friendly clientele by her good humor, and acceptance of all good people. Put your feet up by the fire and I'll pour you your favorite brew! On the house for the first visit.
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 5, 2002, 9:26 AM

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No More Olive gardens Doc...what a shame!

by Whisper

at least out our way. They had one in Pickering but it has closed down......we were just checking cause Chatterbox wanted to go there for dinner for 1st choice....2nd choice was the Keg but no reservations on a Saturday so who wants to stand in a line up on a Saturday...third choice red Lobster! YUM YUM

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:15 PM

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Red Lobster..Mmmmmm grrrrrreat "Enjoy"

by Doc

your feast folk's and Whisper I refuse to wait in line on Saturday's too. Have a funtastic time lass.


Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:22 PM

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drooling...

by Auld Yin.

Lobster, my favourite but not to be enjoyed in the near future but always something to look forward to.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:19 PM

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And me tae hen!

by Whisper

Cause we ended up going to a steak restuarant haha! Acht well a pleasant time was had by all and she got cheescake which satisfied the sweet tooth she keep locked up in the dungeon haha!

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:55 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

ha ha, look at the expression on the wee dugs face,
"ah hope yus is leavin' me a wee drappie in the bottom o' that gless"

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:25 AM

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Just talking to Chatterbox there about Greyfriars bobby

by WHisper

She didnt know the story. She supports animal rights and she just got her news letter so the conversation happened from there

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:07 PM

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Greyfriars Bobby...

by Auld Yin.

he used to be buried near his master but, guessing the church goers didn't want all the graves walked on, he was moved near to the entrance of the church yard.
I was born and bred in Edinburgh but my first visit to Bobbie was about eight years ago when I had my youngest home on a visit.
When you walk in to the church yard the "wee dug's" grave faces the entrance.
Has your daughter watched the Disney film? I remember when it was made, after the filming, the dog was given to a children's home. I saw the dog, years later, with Chief Constable Willie Merilees who was talking about something in our local church.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:17 PM

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Chatterbox was telling her friend Mel at dinner last night the story~

by WHisper

so Stacy is recoutning the tale as well as the tale about the Falkirk "Greyfriars Bobby".......anyway they both sat there ohhhing and ahinggg and decided that the next time they want to cry and see a soppy film they are going to order the Walt Disney one....so there you go ..another Canadian now knows the real story- history

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:58 AM

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHATTERBOX! and Whisper...

by Scout puttin on the HBB apron

Congrats on the longeivity of your fine establishment. Drinks on me!!!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:10 AM

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hrmm deep in thought here......Im unemployed and Scouts Buying.........

by Whisper

well Ill have a case of Corona to go please haha

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:03 AM

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G'Morning All & Happy Happy Birthday "Chatterbox"

by Doc

It's a sunny fresh morning in Hogtown an this auld bird will feel alot fresher too..once hubby helps her into her bird bathe HeHeHe.. Speaking o' bird's the yin wi feather's that is..we've anither pair o' nester's up in our Pie in the Sky balcony. My bath is ready folk's so,
have yourselves a good one and Chatterbox many many Happy Return's of the day! :^)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:58 AM

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Yer bath is ready....hrmmm...nice to get spoiled there Doc and aboot time!

by Whisper

Now tie a wee message to wan o them birdies and send it ma way. Cahtterbox wid dearly be thriled at birthday messages by mail haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:05 AM

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Is that fella in the corner called Fred or what????

by Whisper dashing back in fur a minute

Just asking.....I think he's deaf

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:08 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

I think it micht juist be the ghost o' the fella in Greyfriars Kirkyard an' his wee dug. If yus take a cloth and wipe the table an' yer haunds go right through him ye will ken suin enough. :0)

An' the wee dug disni bite!!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:20 AM

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Well if he's no Fred then who is Fred Tam????

by Whisper

Ye posted ti a Fred below...now I know Im losing it haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:04 AM

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Whisp

by Tam

I don't know why I put the name Fred there, I suppose I was half asleep and dreaming.:0(

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:54 PM

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Tis Chatterbox's birthday the day....24

by Whisper

what does Cher sing....."If I could turn back timmeeeeeeee" haha. See ye's later Im away ti wake up the birthday girl.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:05 AM

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DId you know the Wheatsheaf has open for over 4 years now?

by Whisper

I just realized that! it had ran for 2 years when I cleaned it oot and now I just checked the first page and its ben running another two...thats four years in total!
Wow...... :-)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:13 AM

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Whisp

by Tam

Jings, whaurs aw the time awa ti?

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:21 AM

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Thats a good question Tam!

by Whisper

It seems like yesterday that to me. SOme things change and some things just continue on...hopefully only the best parts carry on haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:07 AM

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Happy Birthday to CHATTERBOX!!!!!

by India

Now where did she get a name like that????? I wonder hahahahahah

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:17 AM

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Her name India........

by Whisper

One did not even have to think about it haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:08 AM

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Jappy

by Tam

Happy birthday :0)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:56 PM

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lookin at the empty cup....jings naebody come oot ti play the day!

by Whisper

and hers me wi a ton o work to do cause I did nothing yesterday...acht well Ill catch ye's again! Coffee's fresh- help yerselves ti the bagels & croissants...cheerio the noo! Noo whaurs that Scout ti relieve ma shift!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:04 AM

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settling doon wi ma coffee and looking at the sun oot the windy...hey Tam you got rain

by Whisper

Tis a fine day ower here...the sun is shining but theres still a wee nip in the air

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:59 AM

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Adjusting the volume on the newly installed Big screen TV

by Whisper

Aye thats right- I instaled this just for you lot.....the remote is just below the Guiness where the last bugger left it haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:36 AM

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RUNNIN OFF WITH THE REMOTE!!!!

by India

aint NOBODY gonna put SPORTS on!!!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:15 AM

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Thats why I have two India.......we can have a war cause I dont like sports haha!

by Whisper

CLick--there ye go CNN up to date news!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:04 PM

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Pipe Bombs ~ They need tae string they folks up that did it!

by Whisper fair disgusted

Poor buggers that got hurt wilny be so keen on checking their mail after this.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:26 AM

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WOW...just read the text messageon CNN

by Whisper

Thats a right nutter oot there. Not an American born and bred I would say.....

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:33 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

I reckon that anyone who makes any kind of bomb that can kill of maim innocent kids and set any fire that takes lives of innocent people who are going about minding their own business should be tied to a stake in the middle of a desert island and the device they have built tied to their feet and they can sweat for a while until it finally goes off.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:38 AM

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Whisper

by Auntie Agnes

Ah hope ye didnae mind if ah call ye by yer name? Didnae want tae label masel too familiar seen as ah just got here! An ahm no tryin tae cause trouble by sayin this, me bein a newcomer an awe that.

But ah couldnae pass by when ye said cannae be an American born an bred....nae tellin who does these things....remember Oklahoma! Aye it could be just anuther nutter...even an American!

Ok ahm probably goannae get banned fur this noo, but ahm wan oh they folk like tae see black an white...ahm away noo

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:02 PM

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I see you

by India

Auntie Agnes

Posted on May 5, 2002, 5:54 AM

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Psssssst Auntie Agnes

by India

trust me on this..it wont work this time..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:00 AM

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The vet abused her bad bugger that he is!

by Whisper shouting on help for Indias Cat

The Cat wont take her pills~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Get your cat hold her firm and pop the pill in her mouth......put your hand over her mouth to keep it closed
and briskly but gently rub her throat area...where the adam apple area is in an up and down motion. It cause the animal to want to swallow. At least it does with dogs so it may work with cats. My old motherinlaw taught me that for wee Charly barley. I struggled and struggled ..she took over and WOOSH two seconds later....pill swallowed and charley barley thinking she is being loved and petted and wagging her tail ;-)No trauma- all gone!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:03 AM

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Im going to give her one today..crush it up for her

by India

and put it in her favorite treat..Im hopin she takes it that way..thanks for the info though!! I might try that if the crushed version doesnt work..

Posted on May 4, 2002, 9:20 AM

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Get a .....

by Auld Yin.

pill popper, it looks like a long, skinny syringe. The pill goes on a little rubber holder, pop the end in the moggy's mouth, one quick press of the plunger and off the pill goes down pussy cat's throat.
My vet gave one to me.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:39 AM

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Thanks for the advice Auld Yin..

by India

I crushed it for her..and she was the same..then again, she is a very laid back cat..will have to see why it had no effect on her..

Posted on May 5, 2002, 2:01 AM

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Peeking in but theres naebody here!

by Whisper pittin doon food and water for dug!

Cept that auld bugger in the corner and the dug haha....hrmmmm whats their names again?

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:46 AM

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Hey you- wakey wakey!

by Whisper nudging Fred

Acht here ye go lad....have a wee half pint and ye can settle wi me later

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:05 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

THE BLOKE IN THE PUB
1931

The wee man in the pub wi his faithful mutt,
hes juist set doon frae a job seekin’ strut.
But he cannie find werk ti feed his kids,
an’ the puir wee dug is on the skids.

If every one adds a verse we could have
us a good long poem here how about it gang?

:0)T





Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:37 AM

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tryin my poetic hand here..errrmmm difficult since

by India

I cant remember stuff lately..ok..lemme try

but, dinny ye worry there's always tomorrow,
come here me lad..no time for sorrow..
The times are tough, but we hiv each other..
yer nae a dug..yer mare like a brother.


Hey! whaddaya expect?? its after 100am in the morning, its the best I can for the noo
Im gan tae my flea pit as auld tammy says


Posted on May 4, 2002, 2:16 AM

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India

by Tam

Bravo mom enfant, Not bad !!! :0)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 5:13 AM

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verse three

by WHisper

ah knows for sure that we'll be fine
the weans may kick and scream and whine
but a wee cooters candy will take away their tears
and a job will be coming even though ah hiv this fear

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:38 AM

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Whisp

by Tam

It fits, well done, come on the rest of yus, leave the bloody dominoes an get scribin' :0)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 10:31 AM

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I'm having a bash here.

by Auld Yin.

Now this day is over,tomorrow will come,
I'm just having a pint with, my pal, number one.
Then it's back tae the hoose,
spend some time wi' the bairns,
'fore the wifie and I thank the Lord for our blessings.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:34 AM

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I wonder what the guy and the dog in the bar are

by India

thinking??? you know something, I get a cold lonely feeling looking at that picture..
its the time period..thats what it is..looks like the 1920's

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:06 AM

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I just noticed the flashing sign that says open 24 hours!!

by India

NOW THAT is COOL!!! I like it!! nice touch!! Where are the tiffany lamps? how bout some really cool lookin old fashioned coca cola signs too??? and a pool table!!! deep red felt for the table!! GET A JUKE BOX!!!! how bout some big band tunes????

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:15 AM

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Lookie over yonder!!!! its fred astaire!!

by India

Fred baby!! come on!! lets cut a rug! they are playin our song!!! the boogie woogie bugle boy from company C


Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:19 AM

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India

by Tam

"Company B" yu dill. hee hee :0)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:38 AM

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Oh yeah!! Oh christ Im gettin old!!

by India

Would you believe I was talkin on the phone to someone earlier about havin a BBQ, and I said...wait..lemme see if I have any reynolds wrap in the FRIDGE!! HAHHAHAHAHA Im LOSIN it TAMMY!!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 2:09 AM

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India

by Tam

Nae bother at aw! yu kin lose it today but just whistle tomorrow and it will come running back.
catch yu later. :0)

Posted on May 4, 2002, 5:19 AM

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Shocked and appalled at Indias suggestions

by Whisper

Whit ye trying tae dae lass...take awy the fine ambience o ma pub! This is a workers pub - they canny come in here and lounge aboot in their working clase if the place is too fancy ye ken- I wid be forever cleaning!!!! Tehy widdny like it!!! I might RESTUFF some things though...the stools and the benches coud dae wi a wee bit extra padding efter awe these years haha.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:08 AM

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Acht he's an auld bugger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper laughing

His Mrs sent him oot at 10am to get the sausage fur the lunch and instead o going to the butchers he knicked in here fur a pint instead. Noo he's worried how he can ecplain half a pund o sausage instead o a pound and nae change to show for it. haha My auld Irish grandfather did it awe the time haha

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:41 AM

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Time for LaLaLand

by Doc.

see ye tomorrow folks. Tam have a grrrrrrreat day an a good night ti ye's all. {-.-} ZZzzzzz

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:26 PM

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Doc

by Tam

Now weer's me violin so ah kin play Brahm's Lullaby.
:0) night Doc

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:40 AM

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Yer taking a trip and diddny invite us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper awe indignant

off ti LalaLand is it...well! ye might have telt us their were bargains going haha!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 8:28 AM

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Fred

by Tam

Al has a problem wi’ worms,
they nibble his butt an’ he squirms.
Sometimes at night he will wake in a fright,
having one of his turns.

Al sent worm tablets to his tum,
he may as well have shoved em up his bum.
Cos the next night in fright by poor candle light,
he set fire to the hair of his scrotum.

Roast nuts are nor comfy at aw,
especially if yuv ony got wan ba.
So don’t write aboot worms cos they surely turns,
then yu got nothin' tu laff at at aw.

:0)T





Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:11 PM

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Tam

by Doc.

it's a wiggler HaHa

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:19 PM

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Doc

by Tam

G'Day Doc, hope yo is feelin' better.
Ah hed a mate in the Army wi a nick name of Better.
No matter wot the stuation he wud aye cum up wi'
" wudn't it be better if yu did it this way, and wudn't it be better if we walked, (he were a reet tight bugger wi' munny)and wudn't pay fer a bus ticket , so we nick named him "Better"
My nickname wus "Doggy". Butt unlike Al, I never had the wee wrigglers. :0)


Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:24 AM

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Poor Al ~~~~~ but wha the hell is Fred???????????

by Whisper shaking her heid

Argggggggggggggg- I lost the place!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:42 AM

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The old place seems....

by Auld Yin.

to be hopping the night. Maybe I'll stay to watch for a while, wouldn't want to miss Eileen tripping the light fantastic!
DOC, how did you hurt your leg, a Babycham too many?
I've decided I'm up too late, would some one get the camcorder, I'd hate to miss all the fun.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 8:54 PM

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Tripped the light fantastically o'er!!!!

by Doc..pssst..Auld Yin

"Kitty Kitty Bang Gang" damn cat's I swear the little bugger's done it on purrrrrpose. Anyway I was missing one of my furry friend's, and I'd search everywhere, or so I thought...until I turned around an "Meeooow" there's Shadow. Guess I named her right eh! ;^)


Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:18 PM

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Warning noo--awe you galoots- dinny be fawing on Auld Yin!

by WHisper pittin up a babycham fur AUld Yin!

How are you doing hen......getting any better the day?

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:43 AM

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Spit, spit....

by Auld Yin.

I'm no allowed any alcohol for a while, is that no just disgusting, in a few weeks, maybe.
It sounds as if last night's pairty went well. I bet there'l be a bunch o' sair heid's this morning.
I slept the sleep of the doped and each morning sees me a little better, thanks for all of the notes and e cards.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:15 AM

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Just got off line with Mcafee

by A pretty Pissed off Whisper

I installed the virus program recently and since I have I get messages reading Land attack from the guardian. At first I ignored it but then I decided I wanted to kow what it was ...and guess what ...they dont have a directory...... but just now with a few mins on my hands I got the online support service .....they tell me a LAND attack is extremly rare these days and I need to contact my provider......I am not at all pleased now that I know what it is.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 6:02 PM

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What on earth is a LAND ATTACK???

by India

are there tanks??? rockets bein launched??

sooooooo..who sent you a virus??? I dont know much about that stuff..hope you get the virus outta there..just use the McAfee scan..I dont have anything of any importance on my hard drive, so if somebody wants to hack it, or chew it up, they can have at it!! I want to get a new computer anyway

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:59 AM

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Have a look

by Virus scanner

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,8707,00.html

Posted on May 4, 2002, 2:15 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Like I sed before me owd tulip, these buggers charge like a wounded bull for new programmes then ask you to let them know if you have any hiccups. Methinks the people who pay a lot of money ($400)for a program aught to be paid for finding bugs that should have been fixed before the bloody product was sold.
The assholes are quick to grab your money then tell you to go elswhere to get help. It stinks. So does the asshole that sold the duff product.

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:46 AM

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Tam......it wid be a waste o time but I garee with you.

by WHisper

Buggers.....anyway at least the software is working and Rogers is seeking out the problem. Keep yer anti virus software active laddie!

Posted on May 4, 2002, 7:45 AM

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Micht Ah hae...

by




...tha seat leukin' oot tae tha street, Whisper? Ah wuid sae enjye sittin' here sippin oan ma Killian's "Irish Red", an juist watchin' tha warld gae by.....

Heaven, simply heaven!!

Ah'm luvin' tha interior o' tha Wheatsheaf...Thanks sae much for postin' this!!

Have a great weekend!!!

Slainte!!

Eileen

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:28 PM

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Eilleen ah reserved that seat next ti the mirror in the corner just for you!

by Whisper

Noo ye watch the antic in the pub and catch whats happening in the street at the same time haha.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:47 PM

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Weel this is juist fyne, Whisper!

by


Juist sae lang as Ah dinna git block't in an cinny git oot tae dance whan Ah git ask't....An Ah dae sae howp soomane wull ask me tae dance t'nicht!! LOL!

Ah shuirlie am ready!!!


OH! Ah da sae luv FRIDAYS!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!



Posted on May 3, 2002, 5:04 PM

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Eileen

by Tam

Wait ti ah get me skates on an'ah'll hae a wee dance wi ye the noo. Sae lang as ye dinnae pick me up an' twirl me roon yer heed in wan o' those tango thingys cos ah'm no George Raft ye ken.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:49 PM

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A wee joke for the day :-)

by Whisper


>
>An elderly woman is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for
>a scotch with two drops of water.
>As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to
>celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
>The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
>In
>fact, this one is on me."
>As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like
>to buy you a drink too."
>The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops
>of
>water.
>"Coming up," says the bartender.
>As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy
>you one too.
>The old women says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with
>two drops of water."
>"Coming' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he
>says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of
>water?"
>The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to
>hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

Posted on May 3, 2002, 3:19 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Ha ha, all hands to the pumps, and ah don't mean yer running shoes. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:51 PM

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Tam.

by Doc

ah dinnae see any running shoe's and there's nae hand's on deck. Soooooooo ah'll pump ma ain eh! an save the last tango fer me an my dancing pump's guid sir

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:14 PM

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Talk about mental health..................................

by Whisper

ANSWERING MACHINE AT A MENTAL HEALTH HOSPITAL:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...

....If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

....If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

....If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 .

....If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.

....If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.

....If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice, will
tell you which number to press.

....If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.

....If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

....If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key,
until a representative comes on the line.

....If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden
name.

....If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep,
or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

....If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

....If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
busy to talk to you."







Posted on May 3, 2002, 3:16 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Ah hung up!!!

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:53 PM

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I liked number 9 :)

by India

I liked number 9
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

I liked number 9

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:01 AM

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Hey Doc, you've got loads o time on yer hands!!!!

by

India is in dire staights wi her packing.......why dont ye duke over and gee her a hand. I would but I have a sore arm...:-)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:31 AM

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Good Morning One & All...is that Cujo??

by Doc..hobble'n thru the door \|\|\|/

in the snug bar eh! poor man look's helluva a lonely!
I think we can help India with my good arm's and your good leg's. I'm kind of hoppalong'n on one foot ye see after my wee fall, and I'm no complaining it wis a great trip The best part is having hubby at my beck an call with lots of TLC. I'm sitting here with a cuppa and resting my (out of commissioned leg) up on a nice comfy poofie stool I'm enjoying this life o' Riley and don't feel a bit guilty HAHAHA
I'm going to catch up on yer news folks and have yourselves a greeat day an mind how ye's go nooo!
Orrabest

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:41 AM

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Its not going well at all!

by Whisper Checking up on India;s Packing

*****handing India the Packing for Dummy Book*****

Step 1- wrap item carefully
Step 2- walk to box and gently deposit wrapped item in box being carefully that it is not in contact with previous item deposited
Step 3- When box is full to capacity without being in danger of bursting, seal box with good heavy duty tape.
Step 4- Label box to clearly identify which room the contents belong in.
Step 5- Perform steps 1 through 5 with remaining unpacked articles.

DOEAS THIS HELP YE INDIA heehee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:29 AM

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You CHEEKY BUGGAR!!!!

by India

Hey how was the big mac??? and THANKS for doin the packin whilst I was out for a walk right bloody nice o you hen!! and whats the idea of makin poor DOC help you out???? she has a hobbly leg!! I bet you ATE her big mac too didnt you!!! poor doc...

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:11 AM

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Morning Thomas, Morning Scout :-) Tis a mighty fine day oot there!

by

A wee bit breezy but fresh fresh fresh...Wee charlie barley now smells like the outside haha. How are ye's all doing the day?

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:17 AM

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Re: Morning Thomas, Morning Scout :-) Tis a mighty fine day oot there!

by AL

GEE WISS YOU MUST LIKE WORMS,YER SUCH AN EARLY BIRD???


Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:15 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Ah ha, I see we have been graced by the presence of the Prince of Diplomania. Tis with dismay I must inform his Exellency that there are no worms in this garden no matter how early the birds arrive. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:29 AM

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Scout

by Tam

I told you to duck and stay hidden while that stupid Stalk wus 'ere. Yea yea, ah naw 'ow tu spell Stork,that's the wun that flies, but I'm refering to the Stalk that brings the babies. It does have another name that rymes wi' Dick but I am diplomatic and prefer to be discreet. Gawd, some muvver's do ave 'em. ------------And they live. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:40 AM

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Tam..sum mither's do huv em...ah'm yin!!!! {o.O}

by Doc

ah''m a ditzy clumsy burd wi two left feet an ah nivver
cun land gracefully...tha stork must;ve drapped me on ma heid {O.o} Ah hope you and your family are in guid health an ah'll be ready ti dance wi ye on yer big Birthday Bash. How's aboot a George Raft "Tango" eh!
Orrabest

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:24 AM

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Doc

by Tam

Ha ha, now there was one smoooooth Latino. George Raft as a gangster and Paul Muni as Scarface were to my young mind the epitome of evil. My Mother would ban me from the cinema when they were on in our town but I used ti get oot the bedroom winder an take empty pop bottles back and get enough money on them tae get intae the flicks, then wen ah got home ah copped a hiding for taking the pop bottles, then the next day ah wud cop another hiding for disobedience.
I asked if I could have both hidings together next time but me Dad sed there won't be a next time cos he wus goin' tae sit an' watch me till the show finished an' the cinema closed. Yea , that's wot ah thought at the time, he wus a bit like Al, a right pillock. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:36 PM

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Time gentleman please....who needs a dram?

by Whisper wiping off the bar......

Is there any last calls???????????????????????

Posted on May 2, 2002, 10:44 PM

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how did it get to be 2:30 a.m.?

by Scout checking the pub for stragglers

Could use a shot of good whiskey to put me to sleep, if you will, Whisper. Don't see you about (is that you I hear snoring from the baack room?)so I'll help my self. See you the morrow.
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 3, 2002, 2:33 AM

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grabbin' scout by the lug ole by the door

by Tam

Oh no yu don't, le'ts be 'avvin' it, TINGGGGGGGGGG,
There, tha's better, nah yu cin nik off. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:52 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

A think yu till needs oilin' lass, either that or it wus Scout screamin' when a took the money fer that last shot o' rot gut? :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 6:41 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

On second thoughts, app'n ah scared the bejabers oot the lass when ah jumped oot at 'er ti grab the munny
hunny. Ach weel Scout, hae the next wan on me. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 6:44 AM

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Scout are ye awe right...twas only Tam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by

......Id say he owes you more than one for dram for that one haha.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:20 AM

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Aye Whisper...Aroond o' drink's fer the hoose!!

by Doc

noooooooo ma tab been settled eh! an keep em coming!!
gie them guid folks whit ivver they want dear lass
Orrabest an Cheers ti yer guid health

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:09 AM

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Auld Yin are ye comming ti the party?????

by Whisper

Willl ye be up on yer feet byt he 23rd?????????

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:38 AM

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Home.....again.

by Auld Yin.

I'll have to read the posts to find out about this party!!
Returned home from the hospital, again, this evening, I sprung a leak where my gall bladder was taken out a couple of days after coming home. this caused peritonitis and caused considerable pain so, I ended back in the emergency room. I had a whole bunch of tests then went to Hershey Medical Centre for a fancy procedure to take care of the leak.
I now have another stent in my bile duct and that will be removed next month. I'll have to tell the story another time, this typing is tiring!!

Posted on May 2, 2002, 7:25 PM

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Glad you are here!!!

by India

this really has been a rough couple of years for you...hope things start to settle down..
see you in here when you feel up to it...Tammy is havin a party soon, so try to rest up for that

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:32 PM

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Acht ma wee hen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper jumping inti gear!

I am so sorry to hear you had complications!!!!!!!! And perontinitis is certainly not something to sneeze at lass....you must have been in dreadful pain! You were a lucky lassie they got to you in time! Im glad there was a wee angel on your shoulder because with something like it you need it! Glad to hear you are with us lady!!!!!!!!!
You take your time, go slow and make sure you do nothing!!
And I mean nothing! Let alone you have to recover from the gall bladder...the added complications DEMANDS rest! Our wee prayers are with you...and I REALLY APPRECIATE the fact that you took the time to let us know what is going on! NOW GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These wishes are extended not only from myself but all the Wheatsheafers Im sure...we need you online with us cause you brighten our day with your humour


Posted on May 2, 2002, 10:50 PM

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I second that! Speedy recovery!!

by Scout

Scary stuff! Good to hear you're on the mend. Rest up for Tam's party. You'll be in our prayers
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 3, 2002, 2:28 AM

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Welcome Back Auld Yin {o.o}

by Doc. gled tae see ye lass

I'm glad to hear your on the mend and hopefully you're not feeling to much discomfort lass. I will be looking for you soon in the main bar...it's the place to be eh! what with all the folks partying the hoose doon
Orrabest and take care Auld Yin.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:05 AM

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Hello, Auld Yin!

by




I am so very sorry to learn that you have been so terribly ill.

My best wishes and prayers are sent to you for your health to return to you as soon as possible.

May God fill your days with many blessings everyday of your life.

Love and hugs,

Eileen

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:11 PM

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Now where is Thomas today?

by Whisper

Bye the way Tam....did I ever tell ye my dad's name is Thomas but he goes by Tommy. I think that you deserve yer full handle today....tis not every day you get to be 82 haha. NOW! Thomas.....what kind of cake do you like I have to send out to the bakers to get it made!!!!! Whats your favourite...spill the neans there Thomas haha

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:36 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Ha ha, Heah ah ias honey, I bet yu bin at the gin fizz aggin. Shoot maam ah aint no wheres near 82 ah ain't 81 ti may 23rd. Y'all wudn't want me tu miss out on me 81st ah hope???
Tell yu wot though it's bin hissin' down again here.
Bloke came tu cut me lawns tuday an' hed ti go back tu his truck tu git the grass catcher.
He smiled and sed "ah see yu bin feedin' yu lawn suh"
Ah sed, "yup, ah done mixed two parts Gin tu every gallon o' watter an' me lawn shud hev cum up aif cut"

But it didn't so ah still 'ad ti pay the man ti cut it. Then ah fun out he kept goats an' was baggin the cut gress tu feed 'is goats so ah charged 'im fer the gress an' we broke even. :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 9:44 AM

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Hahaha......I know its 81.

by Whisper

Just teasing ye! Now about it hissing down there...yup here too. I keep looking out the window and thinking about everything I could be doing outside if IT WOULD ONLY GET WARM AND DRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well...we'll see what transpires. I just hope we are going to have a good summer after our relatively mild winter...be just the thing for it to be a miserable one!

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:49 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

With all this modern "know how" (I didn't know how to spell Technology) I am suprised some bright bugger in the States hasn't developed a cartridge that fits into a littl trapdoor in the down pipe of your house so that every time it rains the the water is purified then turns into Johnny Walker or Five Star Brandy and is collected in a keg at the bottom of the pipe.
Imagine going to the cartridge store and browsing the List. " We stock all cartridges for any house down rainwater pipes" Johnny Walker, Five Star French Cognac, Tammer's Gin, etc. "But we do not stock cartridges to fit dunny or cludgy pipes" :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 11:06 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Ha ha, ah kin see me ending up wi a gigantic cream cake right in the mush, Blink, Blink, :0) I bet India wud luv tu hod ma heed steady while Whisper lines up and takes careful aim then wheeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhaaaaahhhh slosh!!!! right in the gob. Hee hee

Posted on May 3, 2002, 6:49 AM

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Acht naw never lad! We wouldnt do that to ye!

by

Or wid we haha..?????????????????????

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:19 AM

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W

by T

Ha ha ha , I'm not aboot tae stand by and wait fer it!! Now that would really put the cat among the pi pi pi pi--- Black bods, if somebody invented a matter transfer unit as fixes tu yer t/v screen.
All the kids and mam and Dad watching the Simpsons when suddely " WACK" every one in the room is wearing strawberry cream cake, the huge size. If they do invent that while i'm here I must get my order in and also find Al's addy. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:15 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Can you imagine him tryin' tae play the pipes wi a big ripe strawberry stuck in his gob. :0)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:19 AM

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Doc...get oot yer kigool...its bucketing oot there!

by Whisper

Whaur are ye hiding these days?

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:02 AM

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Morning All.............I have applied for a number of jobs

by Whisper

Have to apply for jobs as per UIC instructions...not that they have given me any money but they might haha. Anyway-
the resume is now up to date and had a ball applying for
some great jobs.....Im very picky now!!! SO its a great job or retire haha.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:01 AM

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Whsiper, you go girl!

by Scout

I know what you mean!! I've got a few leads for fall so we'll see. Maybe I'll get the summer off. Got too much debt and responsibilites to retire yet. I wish!! Hava a great day. Did Scooter get the job?
Scout

Posted on May 2, 2002, 8:41 AM

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Not in any hurry at all haha

by Whisper

we'll see what transpires.......I do have a meeting tonight though with three others that I worked with----discussion around setting up our own business....
now theres a thought. But...the one fellow was the president of the 20 year job I had.....I just know he'll want to be that gain haha.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:51 PM

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OOPS SCout....

by Whisper

no SCooter didnt get it but he did get a job shortly thereafter. You know he disappeared off the map and I havent seen or heard from him in years. Pity - I liked him- he was good fun and a good guy.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:53 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Have you seen the price of dolls houses? and kids wooden toys
Set yourself up in an old barn somewhere and make toys for kids, Kids are like food, and you never see a grocer or food shop go broke.
If you are not handy with your hands then employ some one who is. Then watch your wee workshop grow.
Bon Chance mon ami gud luk as well :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 11:18 PM

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Now there is an idea Tam- Scout we have clinched it!

by

Scout......heres THE product. Tam can make them- ship them over here- you can market them and Ill take care o the books- what do you think haha?

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:37 AM

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Puttin the dog out!

by Scout talking to herself cause no one about

Drank all the pitchers of beer waiting for someone to show up. Cujo helped me finish the last one. Not such a bad sort once you've shared a pint with him (or her...I'm not that curious). Where is everyone?
Leaving the latch unlocked in case some Aussie stumbles in during the night.
Night'll,
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 11:36 PM

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Scout

by Tam

Nice one Scout, hope your party is a success. I will raise me glass o' double strength lemonade tae yus aw
and hope we can do it all again next year. Till then take care y'all.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 1:49 AM

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Scout

by Tam

Ha ha, the latch is off an' ah don't even have the address. Bit like the carrot on a stick in front of the donkey :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 1:52 AM

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You made friends with Cujo?????????????

by Whisper

India wont be pleased haha!

Posted on May 2, 2002, 7:57 AM

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Cujo is a boy and

by India

he was VERY happy you gave him a beer..
he is a friendly sort when he gets fed and watered
but, then there are days he has that problem of foaming at the mouth he gets a tad rabid at times!
he has a penchant for feet, so keep yer slippers on!

Posted on May 2, 2002, 3:42 PM

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India

by Tam

If the boody dog has a perchant fer feet,ah'm gonna start wearin' me chain mail under daks.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:57 AM

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Well me owd swamp duck

by Cujo

I kin chaw right thru them thar chain mail!

Posted on May 3, 2002, 8:26 AM

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Tam, you're an Aussie?

by Scout the obtuse

Now it all makes sense!!!LOL!!! Next to the West Coast of Ireland, my favorite place in the world. You know Dubbo and the zoo? I was there during a thunderstorm.
Gives you a clue to my life.
Looking forward to planning your b'day party with Katie.
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 11:27 PM

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Whisper, reporting for duty, Maam

by Scout the redhead barkeep puttin on her apron

My apron says "Highland Blether Bar". Can you afford a new one for me? And thanks for the two Guinness!!! Gave me quite a start! ROTFL!!! And who takes care of that dog??? Not in my contract to walk dogs, especially one named Cujo! Gave me quite a fright while i was checking the basement inventory!!!

Fire is set in fireplace and bar is polished and gleaming. Just waiting for customers. If its too slow I'll be taking my break now!!!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:54 AM

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Spick and Span and glasses gleaiming!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper inspectin t he bar......

hrmmmmm......I always knew I was smart haha! Whatyou up to the day Scout? And when ye get back from yer break...ye need ti plan Tams Birthday party...Ill kist sipaway on my coffee here for now and think up ideas for ye haha. Now- re the apron.......I think that wan should be okay...no use in spending money when that one is still perfect condition

Posted on May 1, 2002, 10:41 AM

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No new apron?

by Scout, pouting

Well then how about T-Shirts with the pub logo? We could sell some to customers to raise money to pay for mine! Got a logo? Now there's more creatin for ya to do! I'm sure the pub patrons will have some ideas!!!! LOL!!!
About that party...I don't know the gentlemen real well yet....would dancin girls popping out of a cake be appropriate, do ya think?
Have a list of chores to attend to if nobody's drinking!!!!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 12:48 PM

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Can I have my old job back, and book the band?

by Battlewood Skye

Don't think that I can get Runrig on this short of a notice, and Ian Benzie has left Old Blind Dogs, but I might have an outside chance at Wolfstone. Wicked Tinkers have adopted the District of Skye tartan for performances... Seolas has released a "classic" CD. Hmm, this party could be the best ever!

Please, pretty please, WHisp? I still have a few things emblazoned with HBB

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:12 PM

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Ye have free reighn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper

hrmmmm.....SCout as my second friend on the HBB...Scooter was the first that resonded to a message...you can do whatever you want haha,



1/ Scooter---message Ill never forget- can I whisper in your ear haha...----------------------met him
2/ Scout/------------------phone from cant remember where
3/ Fireladdie/
4/ Katie- Battlewood etc
5/ Jappie-----------------------------------met her
6/ Twilight
7/ Star----------------------------------------met her
and the tale goes on haha

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:57 PM

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Whisper, you she-devil you!!! LOL!!!

by Scout with a "wee sip" of Guinness to

awaken her memory. You and Jappie were calling from some hotel room or was it your house? I remember you laughing uncontrollably in the background!!! haven't met anyone I've chatted with. Ever. So close and yet so far away. You met Scooter!!! Did he give you a rose first? Heh Heh!! Believe me I was new to chatting, HBB was first site ever and found by Xena who said, "These look like nice folks, Mom. I think you'd like them." Was Shadow and Scooter that showed me how to "Refresh" to get new messages. GAWD that was a long time ago!!!!!
And where's the broom? That Jappie girl run off with it again? LOL Good to share the duties with Battlewood Skye again!!
Remembering old times!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 11:20 PM

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my goodness

by Whisper

twas a lont time ago now....haha. But yes....met Star when she came up to Hamilton to meet Jeff....I took her antiquing for the day to a little town called St jacobs... and no I didnt get a rose from Scooter haha...I was helping him and arranged an interview for a job for him...
and the Sprout you know.... promised Jappettes parents to watch over her when she came here from Belgium as you know. And as for you...oh well one day you'll come to Toronto cause I wont be in the Soo haha.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 7:55 AM

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I laughed out loud at this one----Joke!

by Whisper

Okay so sue me hahahaha!

Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartenders says no.

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''


Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:12 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

I think the only reason ducks get on here is because they have WEB feet. :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 2:57 PM

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Just ducky!!!

by Scout

How about a duck jumping out of your birthday cake? It would be original!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on May 1, 2002, 11:21 PM

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Scout

by Tam

That was quack!!! Waddle yu think of next????? :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 6:52 AM

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A wee joke to start the day haha

by Whisper

Give Me A Double
So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."

The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers."

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, "What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?"

So the man opens his wallet and says, "The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets."


Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:09 AM

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Morning all - anyone about or am I hear myself?

by Whisper

not that I cant talk to myself- Im getting used to it at home and quite enjoying it haha. Hubby is on the afternoons for the next two weeks then thank goodness its back to days and a regular timetable. He gets up at 2 and is out the door at 3 poor devil and doesnt get in till 3 in the morning on this shift......soon be over

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:06 AM

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Happy Birthday to Tammy!!

by Birthday Rememberer

Let us know when the day is..and You will get a CAKE!!

Posted on May 1, 2002, 7:58 AM

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It's May 23rd......I'm plannnig a party!

by WHisper

Invitations in the mail soon! hrmmm...me thinks this is his 82nd????????? Is that right Tam?

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:35 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Nein Liebchen, 82 is falsh! geboren 1921 ich bin 81 am Mai 23.
No luv, 82 is false, born 1921 I am 81 on May the 23.
If I do make it to 82 though you have my permission to put aw the flags oot.
It's three eighteen o' clock in the moning here in West Oz.
It is thundering and lightning, an now the rain is hissing down.
I might build a boat instead of that doll's hoos judging by the sound of aw that heavy rain.
Catch yus aw termorrer, be good an' don't burn the toast wen yus get up in the mawnin' :0)



Posted on May 1, 2002, 3:21 PM

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Jasus Tam Im a year oot......! But guess what........I still LOVE ye ya auld bugger!

by Whisper

Acht whats a year between friends haha!

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:59 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Aw!!! blush, gulp, ah naw !!! aint life grand :0)))))))

Posted on May 1, 2002, 10:32 PM

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Yes, May 23rd!

by Eileen

In fact, this is the same date of my father and brother's birthday!!

So, it is most likely why there's a soft spot in my heart for our sweet Tam! ... aside, of course, from the fact that he's a darlin' of a man!!!.... AND SO GOOD LOOKING, TOO!!!!

Handsome devil, that he is!!!

Have a great day!

Posted on May 2, 2002, 7:03 AM

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Birthday rememberer

by Tam

AaaaWWWWW ain't that nice, but w' 81 caundles on it it'll look like a bleed'n' round o' burnt toast, hee hee. :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 3:03 PM

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81 Darmbuie Shots on the Wall, 81 Drambuie Shots, You take one down

by Battlewood Skye

Hmmm, with that many candles, I think that we may be able to roast a Giant Squid. That should feed everyone. Wahoo! I'm bringing the Calimari to the party!!!! Of course, someone else needs to bring the real cake. Tammer's just torched the prop one

Posted on May 1, 2002, 7:57 PM

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Battlewood

by Tam

Ha ha ha, anyone for toasted teacake.

Posted on May 1, 2002, 10:37 PM

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Cake

by Tam

Ah got enough soap awreddy!!!! :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 10:34 PM

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Snoozin with the cat and watchin the telley

by Scout

Hubby at band practice. Xena on a bus coming home from San Fran. Youngest daughter at play practice. Just me and the cat. Hope you all are well. Pour me a Guinness, would ya, hen? Thanks,
Slante`
Scout

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 8:09 PM

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I've haven't gotten the Shamrock

by Battlewood Skye

in the foam perfected, yet, but here's a Guiness for you. Rest ye weel wi' the cat. I'm going to have to go in the back room and see if WHisp forgot the oranges, again. At least there's a dram of the 'Buie left. However, rimming it with limes just doesn't cut it. And, now, she has this new guard dog, to boot..... Cujo...

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 8:19 PM

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Donna

by Tam

Ah kin remember going to sleep wi' a cat's whisker radio pair o' head phones clamped to my head and recieving one only station and that was weak. That was about 1927. Now we can talk right round the world to each other and send pictures, ruddy marvelous stuff
today ain't it? Fifty years from now you may be looking at the world on a six foot by six foot pic hangin on the wall and operating it with yu wrist watch and you won't need to type, just press a button and think. :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 4:42 AM

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There ye go...two pints awaiting....

by

just in case one isnt enuff haha....hey now that you have all this free time - would you like yer bartender job back! Come in for an interview anytime...but lets no waste time wi too many questions- just let me show you how the till works haha. HIRED!

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:42 AM

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Whisp

by Tam

Ah fervently hope that's no the same till Ronny Barker as Cartright the grocer wus operatin in his wee shop in "Open all Hours"
The ruddy spring clip in that till has taken me me me me a lot of ruddy finger ends off and other things as well if'n yu get mah drift. Speaking o' drift, if yu ever gets tu drift rahn ere thee cin always drop in fer a cuppa. App'n thee an' mah missus kin knit me a pair o' wooly socks ter keep me ears warm on these cer cer cowd neets. :0)

Posted on May 2, 2002, 2:01 AM

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Auld Yin are you doing okay out there?

by Whisper

Know you are not making it in cause yer not feeling well but we are thinking about ye and wishing you a speedy recovery lass:-)

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:11 PM

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Auld Yin

by Tam

We are all tootin' for you over here lass, make a fist an' smack the devil in the gob. Get well soon. :0)

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 9:47 PM

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Evening All- How ye's all doing today!

by Whisper

Had some trouble getting signed on today! Nor sure what the problem was but finally broke through So what is new and what have I missed???????????????????????

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:10 PM

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could have been me at skool

by

The day care teacher held up a picture and asked, "What's this?"
"A horsy." one child answered.

"And this ?" the teacher asked the class.

"A piggy." replied another youngster.

"And now this one ?" asked the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack. There was complete and total silence. "Come on now children." she coaxed, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommie call your Daddie when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"

"I know ! I know !!!" said wee Sanny. "A horny bastard."


Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 11:03 AM

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PS

by Big Sanny

just to sicken youz its the may holiday here tomorrow and ahm enjoying my furst ice cold Becks Beer mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 11:04 AM

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B.s.

by Tam

wha's a luckee lad then ??? :0)

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 11:18 AM

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aye tiz a lot

by Big Sanny

better than american budweiser =;O]

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 11:28 AM

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G'Morning Folks.

by Doc..peep'n thru the door {o.o}

I'm in for a quick lager & lime and to say helloooo
folks. Have yourselves a good one eh!

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 10:05 AM

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Doc

by Tam

Hi Doc, ah wus just away wen ah spotted yer post. Hope you are well now and take care, y'hear. :0)

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 10:33 AM

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Hello and cheerio

by Whisper

all in one sentence--- gto to the top of the class Doc haha

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:17 PM

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Morning everyone!

by Donna (*-*)

I'm getting my self ready for the Thursday visit to the schools with our Miss Merigold. (Grin)We will be holding an assembly and visiting the kindergarden classes to give them the news about the Wild West weekend on May 18th..
I spoke to one principle yesterday who will have his hair dyed Purple by our Wild West barber. It seems that he is losing the Wild West reading challange he made to his elementry school students two months ago and he is now losing it, and is really losing it in a big way!!!!!
He said, they have never had as many students meeting and surpassing the reading goals then they have right now..
This challange has helped the school set a new record and he was as happy as a bloomin' Lark over the news!
Sooo, not only is his hair gonna be purple...the WW barber is gonna add some funky spikes to it too! (Grin)

Have a grand day everyone and enjoy what warm weather comes your way..

Cheers
Donna (*-*)



Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 9:42 AM

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Donna....why dont yo get some purple spikes too!

by WHisper

Come on ...be a sport haha!

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:14 PM

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I just might now that I think about it!!!!

by Donna (*-*)

I kind of like dyeing it shocking red myself..(Grin)

I'll have some pictures for ya in another 17 days..
If I have time I'll do my hair for the event I will.

Cheers
Donna (*-*)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 3:55 PM

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Donna....why dont yo get some purple spikes too!

by WHisper

Come on ...be a sport haha!

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:15 PM

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Battlewood skye

by Tam

http://www.tienhaara.net/gallery.html

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 7:13 AM

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Beautiful!!!!!

by Donna (*-*)

What beautiful pictures!!!! I love the one where he is one year old standing on the shore looking out over the water. Great shots Tam

Cheers
Donna (*-*)


Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 9:27 AM

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Donna

by Tam

Whoa lass, ah didnae take those pics, Ah done jest passed them on tae the folks who like dogs. I came across them on the net and ah knew some of you dog lovers would be interested. TTFN :0)

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 10:31 AM

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That's not from around our parts :-)

by Battlewood Skye

Whoa, an uncropped Dane! Definitely off-continent for us. The last dog that I ever handled professionally, 2 years ago and then I broke the back, was an uncropped Harlequin. Lakota. Magnificent beast. I still have the scar on my left shoulder blade from when she dragged me, all 8 months of her, under a set of bleachers to get a cookie. In ways, I think that the broken back was a nice trade off Thanks for the nice pictures!

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 7:00 PM

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Battlewood

by Tam

Any time lol. :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 4:30 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

MOODY’S NEW MILK MAID
Or permanent aggravation

Old Man Moody the Farmer had got up at six a.m. in the morning to the strident dinging of the old chrome plated alarm clock with two bells vibrating madly on the top.

He was chuffed that he had got rid of that rooster that climbed assisted by madly flapping wings onto the back window sill of his bedroom and tried to imitate Caruso singing, IL Barbiere di Seviglia an hour before the sun began to peek over the far horizon.

The old alarm clock had to be wound up every night but it did have its drawbacks, Moody could forget to wind it, or he would forget to set it for the morning.
But with a boisterous chook which although very reliable, one could not reach out of the window every morning and shove a gag in its gob once one is wide awake.
If Moody weren’t quick enough when the alarm suddenly went berserk the clock would dance across the top of the dressing table at the side of his bed and crash to the floor.
The first time it happened the glass in the face shattered, and the spindle of the escapement wheel snapped now locking up the mechanism.

Cursing, Moody got a brush and dustpan and cleared up the broken glass
and put it in the dust bin
On his return to his bedroom he was aware the familiar ticking of the clock was missing so he picked up the clock and shook it and heard a rattling noise that never had been there before.
Then Moody held the clock close to his ear, but the clock remained mute.
Moody thought “ app’n it’s so full o’ ticks it ‘asn’t got room tu tock”

Moody took the broken clock to the clock mender in the village.
“Don’t bother wi’t gless, just mend it so it tells time an’ wackens me up in’t mawnin’ ” he warbled.

The end came for the rooster one morning when Moody was not in the best of moods because he had had a bad night.

He normally slept with his window open about two inches at the top but because it was such a stuffy evening when he retired he had lifted the bottom half and had forgotten to close it.

Normally he refrained from moving the bottom half of the window.
He could vividly remember the time as a youth when he had boasted to his Mum, “ leave it tu me Mum, ah’ll fix it, ah didn’t go tu that theer Joiners an’ Carpenters neet classes fer nowt”

Having repaired the window but having omitted to refit the sash weights
and Moody invented the first automatic window.

One could open it but on stepping back it fell shut like the blade of a guillotine once the restraining hand was removed.

Moody learned everything the hard way, and about a month later when he came out of the hospital minus his nuts he gave all his wood working tools to a younger and brighter lad in the village.

One night the wind freshened, and the noise of tree branches rubbing together groaning, and the whispering of leaves from Broughton woods, and that glass of port, with a sandwich of cheese and pickles as a chaser for supper all put Moody in a mood for what was to happened next.

He was just opening the beckoning gate to dream land when a sudden flash of lightning lit the darkened bedroom.

Moody who had been awake listening to the wind in the woods saw the image of an ugly hunchback dwarf about two feet away near his wardroom cupboard door.

With the room now again in darkness Moody laid there paralyzed with fear, and with thudding heart strained to hear if the apparition he had lamped in that brief moment of lightning was moving in the darkness and to where.

Suddenly it sounded like the Queen’s birthday as a loud clap of thunder like a twenty one gun salute seemed to make the house shudder and another lighting flash showed that he was not imagining it, there was a ugly hunchback crouching in front of his ward robe.

Under Moody’s bed was a twelve gauge shot gun that was always loaded with the safety catch on.

But Moody lay still, and although perspiring under the blankets he dare not throw them off to present only his flannel nightshirt in an effort to reach his shotgun because the hunchback may have a knife and the heavy blankets would foil a knife thrust.

Now Moody was wet through.
Another lightning flash lit up the room and Moody, who’s eyes were now a dead ringer for a couple of bloodshot organ stops, suddenly realized that it wasn’t a dwarf at all but his own jacket and scarf hanging on the door knob of the bedroom cupboard.

Moody was now wide awake getting over the scare when the rooster flew up to his window ledge to admire itself in the glass of the window pane, but this time with the window being up the rooster desperately spread it’s tail feathers and drooped it’s wings to act as flaps that failed miserably and the bird with outstretched talons ready to grasp the first thing on contact, overshot the window sill and landed suddenly with a heavy thump on Moody’s bed.

The bird was so surprised and the first thing it clocked was Moody face staring back over the top covers and thought it was it’s own reflection and
left a deposit on the top cover.

It never got to the first bars of the Dawn Chorus because Old Moody, still unnerved by the events of the night, suddenly grabbed it by the neck and tying a knot in it he slung it back out of the window, and shut the window with a bang that rattled the glass.

Getting back into bed Moody closed his eyes with a heavy sigh and about an hour later there was a sudden rat a tat at the front door of the house.

Still in his pajamas he went over to the wardrobe and took out a dressing gown and struggled into it as he made his way to the front room where he looked through a side window to see who was knocking at this time in the morning at the main entrance of his humble abode.

Moody never pretended there was no one home to answer the door because he had always thought that somewhere in the world there was another Moody much older and better off than himself who could possibly one day snuff it and leave him a Castle in Scotland or perhaps a diamond mine in South Africa.

“Mind you” thought Moody as he survey the front entrance to his domain, “she don’t even resemble the bloody Postman”

Standing in front of his front door he observed a young woman who moved forward and again Moody heard the rat a tat tat again, then observed the young woman wearing a James Bond type Macintosh step back a pace tapping one toe on the front grass.

“Huh” muttered Moody, “ app’n she’s floggin’ summat?”

In top gear he moved to the front door, but suddenly his left calf muscle seized up with the cramps and he almost fell over.

Five minutes late he was still rubbing the cramped leg when he heard rattle of a bicycle as it sped away down the lane.

“ That’s bloody typical” waffled Moody, “if ah pray fu rain we ‘ave a chuffin’ drought an’ wen a gits a chance o’ knockin’ a knocker me bluddy brain sends aw me blood tu wrong address”

Next day was bright with sunshine and way up in the blue a skylark was pulling out all the stops as if trying to get a double reef knot in its tongue.

Old Moody listened and pondered the beauty of it and thought, “ nah if ah cud cross wun o’ they little buggers wi’ a gob organ, us cud ‘ev sky larks as sings like Andrew Sisters, app’n?”

Later that day Moody was making his way to the milk shed when his eye spotted the bare patch of thigh that kept winking each time the knee came up along with the pedal of the bike.

Cycling up hill does have its advantages, from an observer’s point of view that is.
And in this case Moody was suddenly very observant.

“By eck!” if ah wer twenty years younger ah’d say bugger yer neet woodwork classes, an’ ah buy a pair o’ skates wi a souped up out board motor attached”

With a tight little smile the wench got off the bike and leaned it against the farmhouse wall.
She was well used to the appraising glances of handsome young farm hands in the village, but this crafty old bugger needed handling with a bit of finesse if she was going to wheedle a position out of him.

“Good day to you “ she offered, with a friendly smile.
“ Nah then” returned Moody, “wot yer floggin?”

Ignoring the question, the wench asked, “How many cows do you have on this farm?”
“When yuv gone there’ll be thoteen” said Moody.

Being used to belligerent old men the lass ignored the pun.
“ You do know that thirteen is an unlucky number” said she with a cheeky grin.
“ Ah naw” said Moody, “that’s why me Mam ‘ad me circumcised”

“ Be that as may be” replied the wench now blushing, but with thirteen cows you could do with help and I am used to milking cows”

“I was born and raised on a farm” continued the girl,” but my folks moved to the city and I hate it so I am prepared to live in and be a milk maid”

“ Oh Gawd!” thought Moody, “that’s all ah need” and a picture of the window minus counter weights slamming down again like a guillotine flitted through his mind.
“ Still” he muttered half to himself, “ah cin allus hev bread an’ cheese ageern wi’ me dram fer supper, an’ ah’ll settle fer beatin’ the crap oot o’ that malignant dwarf at midneet”



:0)T































Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 4:44 AM

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Thanks tam......just printed

by Whisper

now ill away and have a wee read!@ Catch ye again!

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:13 PM

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Whisper

by Tam

Naw yer won't, 'cos ah kin run faster than you :0)

Posted on May 1, 2002, 2:38 AM

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Tam.....okey dokey...is she hired??????????????

by

What does he do is the question? haha...Moody two please
enjoyed one!

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:04 AM

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INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Whisper screaming at the top of her lungs!

I'll get you for this one!


Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:24 AM

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hee hee

by India

you like?

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:57 AM

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Unemployment Office wants me today!

by Whisper

I have to report for a workseesion with them...and they are not even paying me haha!

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:18 AM

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Catch ye's all later the day........

by Whisper waving cheerio the noo!

hrmmm this getting organized first thing in the morning is a pain......do I want a job haha!

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:19 AM

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Whisper: They made me go to one of those too.

by Scout

The State of Michigan says I fall into a category of workers who will find it difficult to find employment: a nice way of saying I'm too old!!! Anyone over 45 is considered an OLDER WORKER. Never thought of myself that way until they pointed out! Went out and bought some wrinkle cream. Did it do any good? Of course not!!
So I applied for a job at Trinity College in Dublin. Maybe the Irish won't think I'm too old!!! It's a shot in the dark but what have I got to lose. Nothing according to Michigan!!! Wish me luck!!
Slante~
Scout

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 10:22 AM

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ANother wee joke for the day----Young Love :-)

by Whisper

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding
hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the
boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'......perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek.
Then
he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts,Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'..... perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee
cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then
he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Then after a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts,

Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'..... perhaps it's aboot time you let me
poot ma hand on yer leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he
blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts,Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "My thoughts are a bit
more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye" said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush again, and bit her lip in
anticipation of the ultimate request.

"Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"



Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 6:53 AM

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Whisper

by Tam

Boy is he going to be a millionaire before he's twenty?

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:07 AM

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Haha- I was thinking along those lines myself haha!

by Whisper

Thers a name for that though and its illegal in most countries haha!

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:15 AM

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