I'll pick the pieces up...and put myself back together.
by Katheryn J. Smith
I did okay today
spent it watching the world go by
I did just fine this night
spent it thinking of happy times
I've been doing just fine
dancing on what used to be
I've been surviving
by remembering what there was
Kat sat at her bedroom window watching the rain pour down on the world washing away all the dirt. Rainy days use to make her happy, a new beginning a chance to cleanse yourself. Now they just seemed like another gloomy day to make her feel that much more alone. She tried to be happy but somehow that wasn’t working.
but those are only surface illusions
deep down I'm shattered
wishing, hoping, dreaming of you...
because....
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Its in these tear filled baby blues
Its in the shattering of my heart
Its inside of everything that I am...
the love you left behind.
She felt like she was lying to herself, trying to tell herself that she was going to be all right. She knew that was a false truth. Her heart was broken, and maybe with time she’ll be okay but the way Thomas had hurt her, it just struck to the soul. He didn’t make her feel unloved, no he made her feel worthless. Was it her fault that he just walked away? Was she not good enough for him? A soft sigh left her lips as placed her head against the window.
I did a good job today
I didn't even cry
I made it through the night
I didn't have the dreams
She hadn’t cried in so long, not since she’d run into him. No instead she just bottled herself up, stopped feeling all together. She closed herself up refusing to hurt over such a silly boy. That was a hard thing to do, not hurt over someone she cared about greatly.
but those are only false truths
deep down I'm just dying...
crying, praying, calling out to you
because....
its in these tear filled baby blues
Its in the shattering of my heart
Its inside of everything that I am...
the love you left behind.
The lightening struck outside illuminating her room. Rain poured down and they played another gloomy song to go with the gloomy day that fit with her gloomy life. Michelle Branch’s ‘Are you happy now’…Kat almost laughed at that. How funny that the one song that seemed to reflect her and Thomas’s meeting at TP would be playing on the radio almost non-stop. They are torturing her, that’s all she could come up with. Life was torturing her with this pain.
Its just another rainy day
where I cry away the tears
its just another gloomy morning
where I remember all that we had
all that you walked out on
I know its beyond time
that I pack my bags
walk away just like you
but I suddenly find myself
incapable of saying goodbye...
She wanted to just say fuck it to the whole thing but she couldn’t. She’d fallen to deep into it to climb back out again. So why not just dig deeper and when it rained she could just drowned….that’s what it felt like. It had poured and she couldn’t get herself out of the whole in order to save herself. She was drowning in her own misery and all because of a stupid ass boy. Anger suddenly struck her and she growled at the wall. She picked up the nearest breakable thing to her which were her glass candle holders and tossed them at the wall. They shattered on impact with the whole and as Kat screamed. “Well fuck you too, Thomas!!!!”
She stood up from her window sill and walked down stairs and out the door. She didn’t have a coat or an umbrella. She was too furious to give a care about the rain. She just stormed off down the street in the pouring rain getting soaked from head to foot.